DISTRICT OF CRIMINALS -- CT and MRI and PET scan results from pResident Joker’s first periodic physical exam shockingly revealed the emperor has no brains.
According to Cpt. Jeffrey IGiveObamaGreatHealthCare, MC, FS, USN, physician to the pResident, Obama functions via a bizarre new symbiosis, initially being called Governmentitis, with Joe Biden and Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid, all of whom were previously known to be brainless.
Collectively, the four-headed parasitic beast feeds off the American people, sucking the money and life out of everyone. Rumors persist that the vice president’s head is actually a balloon depicting a finger-painting of what used to be Biden’s real face, and that the pResident's teleprompter has been emailing Obama's BlackBerry with phrases like "we're not campaigning anymore" and "those are all talking points, and they're in this bill."
“It’s a medical marvel,” the pResident’s physician said. “It certainly explains why he's never had a real job.”
For her part, Pelosi giggled upon hearing the news.
“We’re very much like those Nazi tea-bagers because we also don’t have a leader,” she said.
Reid just moaned and hissed what appeared to be the word "braiiiinns."
In other news, the White House released yet another version of the pResident’s health deform bill, this time stunningly brief, the entire contents found in one, simple five-word statement:
“Gimme. It is all mine.”