Obama Will Send Biden to Help Win Afghanistan

Excuse me while I move some files from the Word Press site over here so I can delete that thing forever. If you didn't see this before, now's your chance!

Previously published 12/1/2009

WASHINGTON — Giddy he was finally able to make a decision, pResident Barack Obama couldn’t help but spill his new strategy for Afghanistan today, long before his nationally televised speech scheduled for tonight.

He was walking on the White House South Lawn, proudly surveying the latest evidence of the genius of Obamanomics. Before him were scores of card tables containing national artifacts and state secrets, all for sale for pennies on the dollar at a Treasury flea market raising cash to pay down the national deficit. At one table, the Declaration of Independence could be had for 25 cents. Another offered copies of top secret records from the Los Alamos National Laboratory, the ticketed price a mere $2.

Obama strolled past the tables, gaping in awe at the possibility of reaching his fundraising goal for the day: $40. He stopped at one table, a smile spreading across his lips. “My birth certificate,” he said. “So that’s where it’s been all this time. I’ll give you a penny.”

Your humble narrator had sneaked into the White House with an old press pass from my MSM days, now doctored to look like it was issued by the NY Times. The Secret Service had taken one look and let me through security, apparently the mere mention of the pResident’s most favorite donors being good enough for clearance.

Obama, being uncharacteristically transparent, told me he had decided sometime just before Thanksgiving that he should send Vice President Joe Biden into Afghanistan, instead of filling Gen. Stanley McChrystal’s requestfor 40,000 troops, because Biden is a highly trained weapon proficient in the farcical art of Bullshit.

“Joe will talk so much nonsense, the man-made-disaster-makers will blow themselves up just to get away from him,” Obama said. “After all, it’s not like he does anything around here anyway. Then again, neither do I, really.”

As he walked, Obama said that he would also send Tiger Woods’ wife, Elin Nordegren, along with Biden.

“That babe is deadly with a 9 iron,” Obama said.

He’d considered sending in the Party Crashers, too, but declined because he feared they’d use the assault to get an interview on the Today Show, plus he didn’t want to offend any Palestinian sympathizers.

“I also thought about sending Chris Matthews but then thought better of it, after realizing he’d probably just start humping Osama’s leg,” the pResident said. “We’re pretty sure the Taliban and Al-qaeda prefer goat-sex anyway.”

Via The Nose on Your Face

I heard the pResident’s words but didn’t really listen because each sentence that rolled out of his mouth sounded more preposterous than the one that came before it. I wondered if he had any clue that the more he talks the more he loses support from not only Democrats but also the Arab world.
Instinctively, I blurted out a question that had been nagging me all morning: “In these strange times, when Honduras votes for freedom and the Swiss fight back against Mooslems, don’t you find it highly ironic that the U.S. is marching to the left of Cuba, straight into moonbattery?”
Obama looked at me with his patented arrogance, chin tilted up, eyes looking down his nose, and … strangely … started laughing, just like when Chris Wallace asked him back in March if he were “punch drunk” over his spending policies.
“This is a good photo op, isn’t it? You need a little gallows’ humor in times like this,” he said and walked off, continuing to laugh, Rahm Emanuel and Eric Holder in tow, Emanuel picking lint off Obama’s jacket and eating it, Holder asking the pResident to sign an executive order reestablishing funding for ACORN.
I stood there, staring after Obama, bewildered by his antics. To my left, the sound of sudden cackling caught my attention and, from the corner of my eye, I could see Biden wearing a yellow suit with red underpants and a cape. He pranced drunkenly around the South Lawn, singing, and as I strained to listen, I recognized a couple lines:
“Here I come to save the day/That means that Mighty Joe is on the way!”
I turned and left to look for a nearby bar and a dozen early cocktails to wash away what I’d just witnessed, shaking my head with the sad knowledge that as long as Zero is in charge, everything around us is in terribly serious jeopardy.

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Obama Will Send Biden to Help Win Afghanistan

Project Valour IT -- Give to Those Who Gave For Us

Today's warfare leaves thousands of men and women who serve America seriously wounded for life.

Project Valour IT can provide these troops with voice-activated laptops and other high-tech gear. Please take some time to learn about this project, then make a donation via the widget at the very bottom of the post.

From Villainous Company:

Project Valour-IT began when Captain Charles "Chuck" Ziegenfuss was wounded by an IED while serving as commander of a tank company in Iraq in June 2005.

During his deployment he kept a blog. Captivating writing, insightful stories of his experiences, and his self-deprecating humor won him many loyal readers. After he was wounded, his wife continued his blog, keeping his readers informed of his condition.

As he began to recover, CPT Ziegenfuss wanted to return to writing his blog, but serious hand injuries hampered his typing. When a loyal and generous reader gave him a copy of the Dragon Naturally Speaking Preferred software, other readers began to realize how important such software could be to CPT Ziegenfuss' fellow wounded soldiers and started casting about for a way to get it to them.

A fellow blogger who writes under the pseudonym FbL contacted Captain Ziegenfuss and the two realized they shared a vision of creating libraries of laptops with voice-controlled software that could be brought to the bedsides of wounded soldiers whose injuries prevented them from operating a standard computer. FbL contacted Soldiers' Angels, who offered to help develop the project, and Project Valour-IT was born.

In sharing their thoughts, CPT Ziegenfuss and FbL found that memories of their respective fathers were a motivating factor in their work with the project. Both continue their association with this project in memory of the great men in their lives whose fine examples taught them lasting lessons of courage and generosity.

Here's more of CPT Ziegenfuss' story, reposted from Cao's Blog:



Cao also notes:

Chuck blogs at From My Position on the Way, here.

Read about Chuck and his steadfast and courageous Carren, here and their amazing attitudes while he was recovering from his injuries.

The fundraiser ends Wednesday, November 11th, Veteran's Day. Please donate here:

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Project Valour IT -- Give to Those Who Gave For Us

We're Just Doing What We're Told

The other day, Chairman Zero read an eloquent speech (despite some Ebonics) from TOTUS that labeled the Democratic Party as being something akin to the party of the American Thinker (my extreme apologies to an excellent website for such an odious analogy).

That is, according to the words Zero read from his teleprompter, Democrats are free thinkers, and, as such, their free thinkery is the only reason an overwhelming majority in both parts of the legislative branch of the federal government can’t come to a decision over the brewing health care fuckery. And that doesn't include Dear Leader's inability, after more than 60 days since his top general in Afghanistan asked if he could fucking frag the Taliban, to make up his mind over whether he wants to be a war-monger or a war-dodger.

Republicans, meanwhile, only do what they are told, according to God's gift to political speech reading. Of course! This must explain why regular, and expanding, ragtag bands of American citizens have risen in protest against the federal government for going on 7 months now.

I guess we’re just doing what we’re told … by the Constitution.

Hmmm .... where have I heard of such a thing before?

[Based on a comment I left at this excellent post over at Conservative Hideout 2.0.]

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We're Just Doing What We're Told

“Teachable Moment,” not Victory, America’s Goal in Afghanistan; Harvard Professor Gates Named Special Envoy to Help

Breaking from the long U.S. tradition of putting American lives in harm’s way during foreign wars in the name of freedom and liberty and security, President Barack Obama said yesterday the goal in Afghanistan is no longer victory:

It’s a teachable moment.

To help with these efforts, the president has named long-time friend Harvard University professor Henry Louis Gates as special “politeness” envoy to Afghanistan.

"What I think we know, separate and apart from this war, is that there's a long history in the world of America sending troops to far-reaching places that disproportionately attempts to defend freedom and liberty for everyone else. That's just a fact.

“But I'm always worried about using the word 'victory,' because, you know, it invokes this notion of there being an actual point to us sending Americans to foreign lands to die, since we all know that I think freedom and liberty are a joke. We don’t play it that way anymore, yo," Obama told ABC News.

The enemy facing U.S. and Afghan forces are the president’s friends, he explained.

"We're not dealing with people I consider the enemy at this point. We're concerned with offending Al Qaeda and the Taliban, Al Qaeda's allies," he said. "So when you have my comrades, a worthy operation like Al Qaeda, our goal is to make sure they can be friends with the United States. That’s why Professor Gates is just the man to help bring all of my friends together."

Gates, well known in Cambridge as having a kind demeanor, especially when dealing with police, will help U.S. forces teach the Afghan people how to respectfully and politely accept Al Qaeda and the Taliban among them.

“Skip will do a great job, I think, in teaching the Afghan people how to be respectful in situations where remaining calm and showing politeness to armed authority figures and using a reasonable approach to resolving conflict can go a long way towards repairing the damage that has occurred in that country ever since we invaded,” the president said.

The United States and Afghanistan are struggling to shore up security, amid increasing violence. The Obama administration this year stepped up U.S. military operations in Afghanistan, only to realize the continued fighting flies in the face of the Obama Apology Tour core message that America has wronged every other country and race and creed in the world and just needs to lay down like beaten dogs and let everybody walk all over us.

"We are confident that if Skip is over there assisting the Afghan people and improving how they talk to other people, stabilizing their civility, and lending his expertise in negotiations between people of opposite color and belief systems that we will achieve a teachable moment the world can learn from, while also improving the ability of Al Qaeda to operate. And that is absolutely critical," Obama said.

Obama, meanwhile, was considering conscripting all members of the Fraternal Order of Police into the U.S. Army as punishment for their support of Republican presidential nominee Sen. John McCain during last fall’s election.

“We think police officers, particularly those who are great friends with Skip in Cambridge, will be more than happy to protect him on this dangerous mission,” the president said.

A spokesman for the Cambridge Police Department refused to comment. Sources say Gates and the police department had recently become estranged because Gates had become accustomed to shouting “Don’t you know who I am?” at officers.

Gates could not be reached for comment. He was too busy training for the mission, particularly in learning how to jigger open locked doors without attracting attention while also taking a refresher sensitivity course called “No, Officer: I’m Not a Belligerent Ass.”

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“Teachable Moment,” not Victory, America’s Goal in Afghanistan; Harvard Professor Gates Named Special Envoy to Help