Friday, December 31, 2010
Monday, December 20, 2010
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Sen. Mitch McConnell (RINO, Ky) was killed today when a rabble of angry vegetables swarmed him outside the Russell Senate Office Building.
Killer tomatoes ripped McConnell limb from limb and fed him to locally grown corn and cucumbers after McConnell turned traitor and helped Democrats pass the Food Safety Bill, outlawing the sale of locally grown vegetables and fruits at food stands.
Local farmers stood by as the vegetables raged, cheering and holding signs with slogans such as “An Ear of McConnell for an Ear of Corn” and “My Squash, Your Face.”
“Last year, more people were killed by automobile accidents, heart attacks, lung cancer, and natural causes combined than by any one tomato,” said one local farmer, adding that one turncoat senator is far more dangerous than the risk any homegrown vegetable poses to the average American.
When told the bill would ruin their chances for school field trips to local fruit stands, children visiting the Capital Building raided a Whole Foods market and pelted McConnell’s remains with Brussel sprouts.
Said one particularly rotund pumpkin from Maryland who joined in the fray, in between bites from one of McConnell’s arms, “This gives a whole new meaning to the saying, ‘Eat Local.’”
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Sing the chorus of this song the next time Big Sis' goons want to pat your crotch and grab your breasts to see if you, a law-abiding American citizen, are planning to blow up an airplane.
See how long they continue to grope us for no other reason than to give Janet Napolitano a hard on.
Do you wanna touch (Yeah)
Do you wanna touch (Yeah)
Do you wanna touch me there, where
Do you wanna touch (Yeah)
Do you wanna touch (Yeah)
Do you wanna touch me there, where
Yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
But all is not lost! At least Zero is getting some good lovin' today overseas.
Only problem is, the doll with his likeness is not anatomically correct.
His head's not up his ass.
And, anyway, he wouldn't know what to do with all those white women if he had an instruction booklet.
Hey! I wonder if, instead, he'll be getting it on with The Official Democratic Party Blow-up Doll.
But maybe not, since last night pretty much assured that Democrats aren't going to be having any fun for a very long time, let alone getting laid. In fact, they may all be better off lying down and going to sleep in the new symbol for the Democratic Party.
Bring out yer dead!
Friday, October 22, 2010
That's right. All you right wing extremists have a mental disorder, Anxiety-induced Obama Underappreciation Syndrome.
Or so says the Supreme Dickhead himself, president Zero, a man handed a potential dynasty on a silver platter only to promptly fuck it up so badly he'll see his majority run over in less than two weeks like a retarded deer frozen by the headlights of a tank.
Yes, there IS a God.
Writes Charles Krauthammer:
President Obama has come up with something new, something less common, something more befitting his stature and intellect. He's now offering a scientific, indeed neurological, explanation for his current political troubles.Trouble is, Zero's diagnosis is like a Dingy Harry quote: But for him we'd be taken over by Predator and Alien by now. They're both cut from the same cloth: the clinically insane.
The electorate apparently is deranged by its anxieties and fears to the point where it can't think straight. Part of the reason "facts and science and argument does not seem to be winning the day all the time," he explained to a Massachusetts audience, "is because we're hard-wired not to always think clearly when we're scared. And the country is scared."
Opening a whole new branch of cognitive science — liberal psychology — Obama has discovered a new principle: The fearful brain is hard-wired to act befuddled, i.e., vote Republican.
But of course. Here Obama has spent two years bestowing upon the peasantry the "New Foundation" of a more regulated, socially engineered and therefore more humane society, and they repay him with recalcitrance and outright opposition. Here he gave them ObamaCare, the stimulus, financial regulation and a shot at cap-and-trade — and the electorate remains not just unmoved but ungrateful.
Faced with this truly puzzling conundrum, Dr. Obama diagnoses a heretofore undiscovered psychological derangement: anxiety-induced Obama Underappreciation Syndrome, wherein an entire population is so addled by its economic anxieties as to be neurologically incapable of appreciating the "facts and science" undergirding ObamaCare and other blessings their president has bestowed upon them from on high.
Krauthammer, naturally, dashes Zero's veneer-thin ill-logic, as would anyone with half a brain (Note: There are no requirements for any brain wave activity whatsoever to be elected to higher office in America).
The story of the last two years is as simple as it is dramatic. It is the epic story of an administration with a highly ideological agenda encountering a rising resistance from the American people over the major question in dispute: the size and reach and power of government and, even more fundamentally, the nature of the American social contract.In other words, the peasants, we the serfs of Dear Lord Obama the Incompetent, have had quite enough, thank you very much.
Somehow this isn't what Zero meant when he said "we are the ones we've been waiting for" on the night of his election ... unless he meant that he and his merry band of thieves are the ones we've been waiting to send back home with extreme prejudice, for good, beginning Nov. 2, 2010.
Speaking of which, I've a little limerick for you...
There once was a man named BarackI know. It isn't dirty.
Who conned sheep into believing he was Spock
But then his policies tanked
And the sheep realized he stank
So all his buddies in Congress got kicked off the block
But aren't you proud of me for not cursing in the same sentence in which I mention The Liar in Chief? Oh. Shit. I just re-read the first graph of this post.
The Asshole in Chief deserves my foulflinging fingers.
Saturday, September 11, 2010
One of the memorial pages for Andrew Alameno, 37, who worked as a trader in the North Tower of the World Trade Center, certainly is like that:
Andy you are missed and I think about you often. God Bless your family.As is this statement, from another memorial page about him:
Andy, I wish we had the chance to get together with the families like we talked about. I think of you often and hope you did not suffer. God Bless you and your family forever. Your buddy Rich from Mt. Saint Mary's.
Andy, I miss you so much words cannot describe it. You were my cousin and I love you. Sally, Joe, and Nina look great, but I know they miss you more than anything in this whole world. Joe looks so much like you, he is adorable. Rest in peace.It’s the kind of thing that we should remember today and always, right in the center of our being, and keep remembering, right next to our thoughts about where the kids have to be today or what project deadline is looming or what time our favorite team is playing football on Sunday…because there are 2,996 people who died on September 11th who don’t have the opportunity to have those kinds of thoughts today, who haven’t seen their kids grow up, who never got to grow older with their wives or husbands or see their fiancé on their wedding day … and who never got the chance to become the people they now would be.
Mourn their loss and honor their loss and remember their loss. It’s the only way to keep this day alive for years to come.
With that, let’s remember Andrew Alameno, in a profile written by William Kleinknecht, in THE STAR-LEDGER, found here:
The sun was rising in a clear blue sky and America was still at peace when Andrew Alameno of Westfield said goodbye to his wife, Sally, and their two children on the morning of Sept. 11. He headed for his job as a money market trader at the World Trade Center.Read about other victims at Project 2996.
Sally Alameno said she had no idea she would never see her husband again. The news that her world was turning upside down came to her within minutes after the first hijacked plane struck the North Tower of the trade center.
"Someone called me on my cell phone as I was driving my son home from kindergarten and told me what happened," she said. "I raced home and turned on the television."
What she and millions of other television viewers saw were flames licking out of the upper floors of the North Tower. Mr. Alameno, 37, worked as a trader for Cantor Fitzgerald Securities, a firm on the 105th floor of the tower, above the inferno.
After the collapse of the buildings, Sally Alameno's brother was in Manhattan and went through all the crisis centers and filed a missing person report, until the family gradually gave up hope.
Sally Alameno said her husband's chief hobbies were his two children, Joseph, 5, and Nina, 2, and his regular golf outings. But she said what distinguished him most as a man was how much he was loved by others.
"He was the most wonderful father," Sally said, "and loved by everyone. I can't believe how many people have come by here and been in touch with us."
Then everything changed, for obvious reasons.
Eight years later [nine as of this reposting] I still don't have the words to describe what that day was like, how I felt then, or what it means now.
I do know I am not the same....
On the one year anniversary of that day, the university I then worked at asked employees to plant an American flag on the lawn of the Cathedral of Learning, one for each of the nearly 3,000 people who died that day.
I picked the flag bearing the name (taped upon the wooden dowel shaft) of James Walsh, from Scotch Plains, New Jersey, who died in the destruction of One World Trade Center. In the last 7 years, I've moved three times to two different states, hauling everything I own some 2,500 miles. James Walsh's flag has always gone with me; I see it every day on display in my home even now.
I picked James Walsh to honor today when I found out about Project 2996, which is dedicated to remembering the people who died that day.
Here is the touching tribute previously published in The Star-Ledger, found here.
When Kathleen Walsh Karlen adopted her son Connor from Korea -- a 2-year-old who found the transition from East to West sometimes unbearable -- it was his Uncle Jim who could calm Connor's emotional storms.Really, there is nothing more I can add to what Ms. Peet wrote, except that...I will always make sure, wherever I live, James Walsh's flag will have a place in my home.
No one in the family was surprised. Jim Walsh was the fun uncle, the friend everyone wanted to hang with, the nice guy with the big heart who was never afraid to show it, said another sister, Carol Walsh Murphy.
"I'm sure everyone who was lost at the World Trade Center has somebody who says they are a great guy, but to call Jimmy great sells him short," Murphy said. "He was fun and funny, and at the same time, he taught us all how to be a little more loving."
James Walsh, 37, didn't make one last call to his family from the 104th floor of One World Trade Center, where he worked as a computer programmer for Cantor Fitzgerald, but his family said it didn't matter, "because he said 'I love you' every way possible, every day of the year."
He said it in the way he read books every night to his daughter, Caroline, who turned 2 the day the Twin Towers crashed to earth.
When news came that the Scotch Plains resident was missing, boys he knew in high school in Westfield and people who remembered him from King's College in Wilkes-Barre, Pa., called to help.
Sean McDonough, from Montgomery, Pa., recalled him in an e-mail: ". . . His friends in Pennsylvania and around the country have been warmed by his presence and will miss him terribly . . . He loved being a dad and through his relationship with Caroline, he showed me a way to be a better parent with my kids.
"We are left with the void of the thousands of people like Jim Walsh who died last week," McDonough added, "but I will tell everyone who listens about my friend Jim and how much he meant to me and my life."
In addition to his daughter, Mr. Walsh is survived by his wife, Kate; his parents, Frank and Mary Lou of Spring Lake; two brothers, Thomas of Westfield and Peter of Spring Lake; and two sisters, Kathleen Walsh Karlen of Woodbridge, Va., and Carol Walsh Murphy of Tampa, Fla.
Profile by Judy Peet published in THE STAR-LEDGER.
Here is a memorial page set up to remember him. Please visit and leave a kind message.
Later today, I'll be posting a second remembrance about Andrew Alameno, who also died in the World Trade Center.
UPDATE: If you get a chance, please visit Exblogitate for an excellent compilation of Allahpundit's eyewitness remembrances of that terrible day.
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Friday, August 6, 2010
Well this was a big fooken surprise.
Apparently while I was busy being absent most of the time over the past two months, you readers ... you crazy beautiful racist teabagging mongrels you, everyone ... secretly (WITHOUT MY DAMNED PERMISSION!) nominated FYADHD for the 2010 Top Conservative Blog Award sponsored by BestBloggers and Online Phd Programs (I'll take a Masters in Snarkology, thank you very much).
Break out the KKK hats!
Get yer racist Tea Party signs!
Send Harry Reid a brain and Barack Obama a plane ticket home and Nancy Pelosi an inflatable raft with a pin hole and tell her she's been awarded a vacation on the Pacific.
I'm humbled, you bastards, especially since I've recently posted with the regularity of a job that's been saved or created.
And apparently I need to get busy with yer daily fill of snark. I'll do my best, but you know that already, otherwise you wouldn't have been so fooken incredible to get FYADHD on this list.
I'll forever be grateful.
JUST. DON'T. DO. IT. AGAIN!
Friday, July 30, 2010
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Because it sure looks like Mobama just was.
U.S. First lady Michelle Obama flashes two thumbs-up to the crowd, as she is introduced by Panama City Beach Mayor Gayle Oberst, on Panama City Beach, Florida July 12, 2010. Obama visited the area to show support for the people and businesses impacted by the BP Deepwater Horizon oil spill. Reuters.Via Weaselzippers. H/T @CrackaCrib
Sunday, July 11, 2010
I saw this tweeted today on Twitter and just couldn't help but share it with my fellow crazy crackers out there (courtesy @CrackaCrib):
O say can't you see that my crib's got your life
What you sleep through @ night'll be your undoing.
With broad stokes of my pen, through the force of my bills
O'er you I will rule, your minds no longer thinking
And with my badass stare
My middle finger in the air
I'll give you proof aright
About the constituion I don't care
O say does your conscience even know how close I am
To destroying what you call free and deleting what you can't save.
Saturday, July 3, 2010
... I can almost smell the stench. It's dangerous. If they catch me, I may never make it back safely to the red states. But I'm carrying the flame of the good guys, and I just might set the bastards on fire if they try to grab me.
If I'm not back by Wednesday, you can consider me captured and have my full permission to invade the District of Criminals to free me. Bring plenty of beer; Zero's already imbibed everything north of the Tennessee border.
This blog post will self destruct long after Zero's pResidency does.
Monday, June 28, 2010
Byrd was greeted at the gates of Hell by long-time friend Ted Kennedy, who made an unsuccessful bid for president of Hell last year shortly after his own arrival.
“Having … ah … Senata Byrd at my side again can only improve my … ah … chances of … ah … taking this place ova when elections come around again next yeya,” Kennedy said.
Byrd, for his part, cried when he saw Kennedy again. “Ted, Ted, my dear friend, I love you, and I missed you,” he said.
Satan, Kennedy’s rival for control of Hell, welcomed Byrd to his kingdom of filth.
“It is with great honor that I bestow the title of KKK Grand Dragon on Senator Byrd,” Satan said. “Only a true Democrat – and we’re all Democrats down here in Hell – could have uttered the great statements he has made over the years.”
Satan spent the next 40 hours regaling the gathering crowd of demons, radical Islamic suicide bombers, and former elected Democrats, recounting many of Byrd’s earthly statements. Here are the highlights:
- “They call me 'The Pork King,' they don't know how much I enjoy it.”
- “There are white niggers. I've seen a lot of white niggers in my time. I'm going to use that word…”
- “The Klan is needed today as never before and I am anxious to see its rebirth here in West Virginia.”
- “It is necessary that the order be promoted immediately and in every state in the Union…”
- “Will you please inform me as to the possibilities of rebuilding the Klan realm of W. Va.”
- “I will never submit to fight beneath that banner with a Negro by my side…”
- “Rather I should die a thousand times, and see Old Glory trampled in the dirt never to rise again … than to see this beloved land of ours become degraded by race mongrel … a throwback to the blackest specimen from the wilds."
Cross-posted at PatDollard.com
Friday, June 25, 2010
Previously posted in July 2009:
LOS ANGELES -- As millions prepared to watch a memorial service for Michael Jackson, at the Staples Center and via live feed on theater and arena screens around the world, details began to emerge about Jackson’s brain having been removed for transplantation into the skull of President Barack Obama.
“This guy was elected under the guise of being the smartest president ever; six months into the job he’s demonstrated more stupidity than all of the previous 43 presidents combined,” said Harry Nosering, MD, chief neurosurgeon for St. Moonbat Hospital in Los Angeles, who will conduct the transplant. “Michael’s brain can’t be any worse for the president than his own; plus, if we do the wiring right, he’ll be able to dance and grab his crotch and say ‘dah!’ during his speeches!”
White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs confirmed the pending operation, scheduled for later this week after the president returns from Russia, where he agreed yesterday to reduce America’s nuclear arsenal in exchange for a pack of Cloves, a case of vodka, a loan of 100 trillion rubles to fund Cap-and-Slave and national health care, a rabbit fur hat, and a promise that Russian President Dmitry Medvedev will get him North Korea leader Kim Jong-Il’s autograph.
“It’s…ahh…going to be…ahh….really cool,” Gibbs said. “Actually, it’s a three-way operation, with…ah…the president getting Michael’s brain, me getting the president’s, and…ahh…Joe Biden getting a lobotomy, so that he stops making outrageous statements to reporters, such as he wouldn’t ride mass transit during a swine flu outbreak and that America’s okay with Israel bombing Iran.”
Jackson died from a cardiac arrest at his Beverly Hills mansion on June 25 after a suspected overdose of painkillers. Sources at the coroner’s office revealed that his brain was removed before his body was released to relatives the next day.
One expert explained that the operation would actually be quite simple given that the three living men involved have very small brains that have barely, if ever, been used, and that Jackson’s brain was very well-preserved from years of apparent drug use. At various times, Jackson is said to have been taking Demerol and Oxycontin for pain from old back and leg injuries, and formaldehyde to keep his skin looking like a child’s.
“It’s really run of the mill surgery, to tell you the truth,” said Snappy Bottomburns, a former neurosurgeon and one of America’s foremost mad scientists. “I would imagine that since the president really can’t do anything without TOTUS at the moment his new brain will be quite an improvement. I would caution, however, that the president will have to be monitored for signs of cosmetic surgery addiction, given his new brain, particularly with the ears. I’d watch his ears in photographs very, very carefully over time.
“Besides, we’ve come a long way since Dr. Frankenstein. Surely Michael Jackson’s brain will perform better than Abbie Normal’s.”
Then again, maybe not.
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Screw 'em. Opining today that the Gulf oil disaster is the perfect crisis with which to force cleaner, renewable, and un-Godly expensive and cost-ineffective sources of energy down our throats, Paul McCartney could have stopped there.
But he didn't:
"Sadly we need disasters like this to show people," McCartney said in an exclusive interview with The Sun. "Some people don't believe in climate warning -- like those who don't believe there was a Holocaust."No, Paul. I just don't believe in Beatles.
McCartney continued, "But the facts indicate that there's something going on and we've got to be aware of it if we want our kids to inherit a decent world, not a complete nightmare of a planet -- clean, renewable energy is for starters."
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
As Moonbattery points out, instead of simply saying ixnay on DUmmays attacking DUmmays, the Commandments "broadly" and "generally" list intolerable offenses ad nauseam in bulletpoints, the offense of which will have DUmmays who call out their own demoted to trolling Twitter or Blogger (since we all know Word Press is Teh Awesome in providing tools that repel odious trolls).
You can read a gloss of the lower points of Teh Law for yourself over at Moonbattery, or you can suffer through the full list over here in DUmmayland.
I'd rather dive into the real fun, thankfully brought to my attention by The Battle Bitch at Conservative Punks, some of the more hysterical reactions DUmmays had today to the new law of the land.
muriel_volestrangler takes it the gas chamber: "The idea of a political party is that you agree among yourselves the policies and candidates, and then stick together. The 'democratic' in DU explicitly refers to the Democratic Party, not just the adjective for democracy. Once you start saying "I like the Democratic Party, except for the following, who are worthless", then you're being an individual, not part of the party movement. And you will encourage others to insult your preferred candidates in a similar way, and you will be left with no way to object. DU has always been crystal clear about this. Anyone who has joined the website, and not noticed that is is about the Democratic Party, hasn't been paying attention. If you want all Democrats insulted and held as 'worthless' on DU, then keep advocating your 'right' to insult certain Democrats. It won't work, however."There's much, much more, but reading too much will leave you feeling better ...
SkyDaddy7 whines: "I too have been totally blown away by some of the comments I have seen leveled against our President...At times it seems like it becomes a contest of who can talk the worst about Obama. As much as I would like to see a full blown Liberal POTUS in America...That is not going to happen without someone like Obama to begin to shift the country back left SLOWLY in places and faster in others. America has been brainwashed for 30yrs to believe in Conservative Values and Conservative Values has it's own network & army of Talk Radio host many of which are paid 100's of millions of dollars to support corporate America. So, it is going to take time, lots of time! I think many wanted it to happen in Obama's 1st year."
Mstinamotorcity deep throats the moderators: "We as a people sometimes forget how to treat each other with the humanity that shows us to be the unique species of the planet. We have what it is I think one of the best opportunities of our lives,a President who wants to have an all inclusive America.And we as a people (especially Dems) have a chance to be doers instead of dreamers.I for one welcome the chance to prove that I believe in the human spirit and ready to discuss and weigh the points of view in clarity and help set an agenda that is good for all America.I know that in my heart of hearts their will always be someone who will not see things as I do, but I believe in their right to have their particular view. I do believe that sometimes with discussion you can reach different or better outcomes. I also believe that we need to stick more to fact,not fiction when pointing out certain problems.And I don't give a darn (I used a nice word), if something happens three or four years after our President took office, if its George W. Bush and Dick Cheney ( Dubya and Shooter's) fault, then it should be pointed out.Well any republican or democratic member of Congress who voted against the 98 percent of the country. And instead of arguing with infiltrators, hit them with information and links to disprove their points. This will help newcomers know the reason why we sometimes get worked up with fury and go a little off the ground with some of the things we write in response to ops. Since you have updated the rules as a member of the du community I will do my best to abide by them.Thank you very much Mstinamotorcity."
Better get a bucket because you'll most definitely be throwing up.
Saturday, June 19, 2010
I've been really busy keeping my boot on the regime's throat over here. Plus Wild Thing #1 is playing summer baseball and the constant practicing and weekend-long tournaments are kicking all of our asses.
Please don't bail on ADHD. I'm nowhere near through skewering politicians and general overall stupidity at this place, but, obviously, the oil spill issue is an "opportunity in crisis."
Thursday, June 17, 2010
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Dummies. All of them. Let's just go ahead right now and give all those lands we kicked Mexico's ass over back to those nice people who come here illegally -- you know, the drug lords, the one's carrying those nice guns, the ones killing people, both Mexican and American, on our sovereign soil. Let the douchenozzle dream of Aztlan become reality.
What a great guy we have in the Oval Office, the best ever. Why, he's so awesome we'll probably wave our electoral laws and nominate him King for Life. He's just that damned awesome.
Video below H/T: Logistics Monster
Saturday, June 12, 2010
It's incredibly important, in these times of Dear Leader wanting to take over these here innnertubz, that we continue to up the revolution ... right up their wazoos, if need be.
This is one of those times. Apparently, according to innertubz money giant PayPal, Atlas Shrugs is a "hate site" (h/t: Soylent Green):
The little money that Atlas generates (I have no large donors) is about to be cut off. Apparently the jihad is hard at work trying to kill free speech (and the bus ads and the 9111 no mosque movement) from making its way to those in pursuit of truth. Paypal contributions helps pays for bus ads, rallies, live coverage (everything) and I so much as said so when asked repeatedly by the press who paid for the bus ads. Readers do and did.This will not do. The U.K., with their slippery fingered goalie and all, years ago went way beyond the pale and allowed sharia courts to circumvent their judicial system.
Paypal is calling Atlas a "hate" site and will close my account if I do not remove the paypal option from my website. Accurate reporting and news is hate..
Dhimmi PayPal wants to go down that road in America, like their pResident Zero, and label truth as hate.
Don't stand for it. Tell PayPal to go **** themselves: Close your account. It costs $1.50 to close, but it's worth it, especially when there are alternatives, in particular, gun-friendly GPal, Inc.
UPDATE: Thanks to Piece of Work in Progress!
H/T: King Shamus
Friday, June 11, 2010
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
By The Reaganite Republican
United Nations or Obama Do Anything
Read the rest here.
Monday, June 7, 2010
Helen Thomas, the moldy, lumpy ... ahem ... "journalist," who covered all 44 presidents, the Civil and Revolutionary Wars, and God's rest on the seventh day, has ... moved the fook on.
It's a special honor for a low-class, jew-hating moose-limb appeaser from Lebanon, our "national treasure" who earned cupcakes and a kiss on the cheek from the pResident on her 3 millionth birthday last August.
She deserves every ounce of her fall. She also deserves derision for her choice remarks. Here are a few choice remarks of my own, from earlier today on Twitter:
I hear Helen Thomas has the inside track on replacing Gibbsy as Chief Propagandist for the Regime.Ciao, bitch.
@steveegg She'll hold duel propaganda roles for both the Hamas and Obama regimes, which, come to think of it, are probably one in the same.
Now that Helen Thomas is retiring she should go back to Lebanon, and be their national treasure.
@AlinskyDefeater No. Helen Thomas is famous for covering the first fish to walk on land.
@lheal If Helen Thomas is buried treasure, no one should ever dig her up. Some treasures were never meant to see the light of day.
I have the wife's laptop: No TweetDeck, just the web. I feel like it's the days of cave people, when Helen Thomas covered her first story.
Sunday, June 6, 2010
Saturday, June 5, 2010
Friday, June 4, 2010
The photo of this billboard looks Photochopped. It came to me via email, but my virus protection sent off warning signals so I found another copy at Theo Spark's. If anyone in Arizona has seen it, please let me know. I'll make sure to update this post, true or false.
UPDATE: Totally Photochopped. You can always count on the Freepers. I suppose I could have looked on a map to see that I-8 goes to San Diego, not L.A., but the sentiment of the "billboard" was just too good to ignore. No doubt the image was probably created by some regressive trying to dupe the right (hence my initial suspicion). Meh. L.A. can have them anyway.
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
GULF OF MEXICO -- Speaking through a BP interpreter at a press conference today, the spill gushing millions of gallons of oil into the Gulf of Mexico defiantly told pResident Barack Obama to plug his own damn hole.
“The federal government hasn't a damned thing to do with shutting me down, and, frankly, if they did, they'd screw it up so badly I'd probably be much worse, no doubt fouling the Gulf, Atlantic, and Pacific simultaneously,” the oil spill said. “For the pResident to go around acting like a big shot, telling people to 'plug that damn hole,' is the ultimate in stoooopid. It's like he's trying to order the sun to shine harder. Frankly, he ought to plug his own damn hole. He'd instantly cool the planet by at least 10 degrees.”
In its 43rd day of crisis, the oil spill told reporters it just wanted to be left alone.
“If my employer hadn't given so much money to Obama over the past 20 years, maybe they would have been able to afford to hire the right people to keep me in the ground,” the spill said angrily. “Really, I'd much rather stay under the seabed where it's nice and comfortable. You think I wanted to be the latest number one priority that kept Obama from focusing on jobs jobs jobs?"
The spill refused to take questions after the press conference, noting he had to get back to ruining a presidency.
Meanwhile, Robert Gibbs, chief White House propagandist, attempted to respond to reporters but couldn't. The oil spill had a boot on his throat.
Monday, May 31, 2010
Has it really come to this ... this ... this travesty of political correctness? What kind of a crazy, mixed-up world is it when your mugshot doesn't reveal how you really look? The audacity!
For murder suspect Eduardo Ibarra Perez gets to save face. He might have a violent past and may have been arrested for shooting his wife in the head, but at least the world doesn't get to see his man boobs, in his LAPD most wanted profile.
Why they photographed him naked, however, remains a mystery.
An LAPD spokesman told Mail Online they would provide an explanation at a later date.
His profile lists him as having 'no tatoos or oddities' - and that he was born in 1965, making him a very old 29-year-old indeed - which only adds to his mystique.
The entry ends with a warning that he should not be approached as he is 'considered armed and dangerous'.
Perhaps they should have added a line about those killer moobs.
Sunday, May 30, 2010
It was a civilization in which the rule of law allowed for human beings, endowed by their creator, to set forth on their own journeys, to pursue their own interests, to hone their own talents and succeed by the comforting sweat of their own brows and the rewarding agony of their own thoughts. It was a civilization in which human beings were responsible for their actions, where failure was their teacher, not their signal to throw up their arms and accept enslaving handouts. It was a civilization in which despots and elected criminals had to have known the fear of the despots and appointed criminals who, before them, were sent scurrying back into the cracks from whence they oozed.
It is a civilization that long ago became shrouded by misguided "progressiveness" in the name of an ever throttling elitist class that is very near accomplishing the reconstruction of that land into something resembling a pseudo contemporary Grecian society of government-dependency addled sycophants.
How do we get back there? Hmmm. We can follow a path that's already been walked for us, starting with some reading those principled men left behind....
The text below is reposted from ConservativePunks. (If you don't know what the text is, you have some serious self-educating to do.) Please don't forget to scroll to the bottom for an inspiring video and a link where you can help us claw our way back.
It breaks my heart, and fucking pisses me off, to see how far we’ve strayed… When are we-the-fucking-people going to get it….
When, in the course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the laws of nature and of nature’s God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.
We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights, that among these are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. That to secure these rights, governments are instituted among men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed. That whenever any form of government becomes destructive to these ends, it is the right of the people to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their safety and happiness.
Prudence, indeed, will dictate that governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shown that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such government, and to provide new guards for their future security.
–Such has been the patient sufferance of these colonies; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their former systems of government. The history of the present King of Great Britain is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute tyranny over these states. To prove this, let facts be submitted to a candid world.
He has refused his assent to laws, the most wholesome and necessary for the public good.
He has forbidden his governors to pass laws of immediate and pressing importance, unless suspended in their operation till his assent should be obtained; and when so suspended, he has utterly neglected to attend to them.
He has refused to pass other laws for the accommodation of large districts of people, unless those people would relinquish the right of representation in the legislature, a right inestimable to them and formidable to tyrants only.
He has called together legislative bodies at places unusual, uncomfortable, and distant from the depository of their public records, for the sole purpose of fatiguing them into compliance with his measures.
He has dissolved representative houses repeatedly, for opposing with manly firmness his invasions on the rights of the people.
He has refused for a long time, after such dissolutions, to cause others to be elected; whereby the legislative powers, incapable of annihilation, have returned to the people at large for their exercise; the state remaining in the meantime exposed to all the dangers of invasion from without, and convulsions within.
He has endeavored to prevent the population of these states; for that purpose obstructing the laws for naturalization of foreigners; refusing to pass others to encourage their migration hither, and raising the conditions of new appropriations of lands.
He has obstructed the administration of justice, by refusing his assent to laws for establishing judiciary powers.
He has made judges dependent on his will alone, for the tenure of their offices, and the amount and payment of their salaries.
He has erected a multitude of new offices, and sent hither swarms of officers to harass our people, and eat out their substance.
He has kept among us, in times of peace, standing armies without the consent of our legislature.
He has affected to render the military independent of and superior to civil power.
He has combined with others to subject us to a jurisdiction foreign to our constitution, and unacknowledged by our laws; giving his assent to their acts of pretended legislation:
For quartering large bodies of armed troops among us:
For protecting them, by mock trial, from punishment for any murders which they should commit on the inhabitants of these states:
For cutting off our trade with all parts of the world:
For imposing taxes on us without our consent:
For depriving us in many cases, of the benefits of trial by jury:
For transporting us beyond seas to be tried for pretended offenses:
For abolishing the free system of English laws in a neighboring province, establishing therein an arbitrary government, and enlarging its boundaries so as to render it at once an example and fit instrument for introducing the same absolute rule in these colonies:
For taking away our charters, abolishing our most valuable laws, and altering fundamentally the forms of our governments:
For suspending our own legislatures, and declaring themselves invested with power to legislate for us in all cases whatsoever.
He has abdicated government here, by declaring us out of his protection and waging war against us.
He has plundered our seas, ravaged our coasts, burned our towns, and destroyed the lives of our people.
He is at this time transporting large armies of foreign mercenaries to complete the works of death, desolation and tyranny, already begun with circumstances of cruelty and perfidy scarcely paralleled in the most barbarous ages, and totally unworthy the head of a civilized nation.
He has constrained our fellow citizens taken captive on the high seas to bear arms against their country, to become the executioners of their friends and brethren, or to fall themselves by their hands.
He has excited domestic insurrections amongst us, and has endeavored to bring on the inhabitants of our frontiers, the merciless Indian savages, whose known rule of warfare, is undistinguished destruction of all ages, sexes and conditions.
In every stage of these oppressions we have petitioned for redress in the most humble terms: our repeated petitions have been answered only by repeated injury. A prince, whose character is thus marked by every act which may define a tyrant, is unfit to be the ruler of a free people.
Nor have we been wanting in attention to our British brethren. We have warned them from time to time of attempts by their legislature to extend an unwarrantable jurisdiction over us. We have reminded them of the circumstances of our emigration and settlement here. We have appealed to their native justice and magnanimity, and we have conjured them by the ties of our common kindred to disavow these usurpations, which, would inevitably interrupt our connections and correspondence. They too have been deaf to the voice of justice and of consanguinity. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, which denounces our separation, and hold them, as we hold the rest of mankind, enemies in war, in peace friends.
We, therefore, the representatives of the United States of America, in General Congress, assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the name, and by the authority of the good people of these colonies, solemnly publish and declare, that these united colonies are, and of right ought to be free and independent states; that they are absolved from all allegiance to the British Crown, and that all political connection between them and the state of Great Britain, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as free and independent states, they have full power to levy war, conclude peace, contract alliances, establish commerce, and to do all other acts and things which independent states may of right do. And for the support of this declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of Divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our lives, our fortunes and our sacred honor.
New Hampshire: Josiah Bartlett, William Whipple, Matthew Thornton
Massachusetts: John Hancock, Samual Adams, John Adams, Robert Treat Paine, Elbridge Gerry
Rhode Island: Stephen Hopkins, William Ellery
Connecticut: Roger Sherman, Samuel Huntington, William Williams, Oliver Wolcott
New York: William Floyd, Philip Livingston, Francis Lewis, Lewis Morris
New Jersey: Richard Stockton, John Witherspoon, Francis Hopkinson, John Hart, Abraham Clark
Pennsylvania: Robert Morris, Benjamin Rush, Benjamin Franklin, John Morton, George Clymer, James Smith, George Taylor, James Wilson, George Ross
Delaware: Caesar Rodney, George Read, Thomas McKean
Maryland: Samuel Chase, William Paca, Thomas Stone, Charles Carroll of Carrollton
Virginia: George Wythe, Richard Henry Lee, Thomas Jefferson, Benjamin Harrison, Thomas Nelson, Jr., Francis Lightfoot Lee, Carter Braxton
North Carolina: William Hooper, Joseph Hewes, John Penn
South Carolina: Edward Rutledge, Thomas Heyward, Jr., Thomas Lynch, Jr., Arthur Middleton
Georgia: Button Gwinnett, Lyman Hall, George Walton
Source: The Pennsylvania Packet, July 8, 1776
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Friday, May 28, 2010
Barack Obama, our angry pResident, today brusquely shot down insinuations his Memorial Day vacation was planned by staffers.
"I take responsibility. It is my job to make sure that even when the sky really is falling I get a great photo op in Louisiana, then take a long, needed vacation that I justly deserve," Obama declared during a news conference at the U.S. Coast Guard Station Grand Isle, Grand Isle, Louisiana.
"Gilligan may have gotten lost on his three-hour tour, but I'm certainly not going to get sucked into anything enduring here during my three hours on the Gulf Coast," the pResident said. "Let me be clear, it is well known that I spend way more time golfing than I do attending to the business and troubles of America and ... I ... I ... I ... ah have a tee time to make."
He called the vacation, now his 300th since taking office, an "unprecedented necessity" and blasted a "scandalously close relationship" between Chris Matthews and his aura.
"I'd never let Chris hold my putter," Obama said. "He's just not on par with Larry Sinclair."
Obama announced new steps for planning his many vacations, including continuing a moratorium on showing up for any events that honor veterans who've died for this country. He also said he has suspended plans to plug the hole leaking oil into Gulf of Mexico until after he takes a vacation next week from this vacation, despite recriminations from his daughter.
On one hand, I Thank God.
On the other, I've just realized the rest of his term will be strangely quiet. I just can't bear going on not hearing him tell yet another lie, like fake stories about his children asking him, "Did you plug the hole yet, Daddy?"
Especially when he hasn't fuck-all to do with it.
Maybe we can fill the void with daily feeds of his most famous recorded statements, like (to paraphrase for -- unlike Obama -- brevity's sake), "I don't have all the facts, but I think they acted stupidly."
In fact, that should have been the motto of his entire 2008 campaign. It certainly makes a hell of a lot more sense, in retrospect, than "hope and change." And it definitely represents his entire 17 months in office.
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Some of you may recall my response to the Census Bureau
Funny thing is, Census workers haven't come around to find out what I really have to say. But they sure don't have a problem with badgering large homeschool families who've already filled out the Census, making them answer the questions all over again.
Here's an email conversation Mrs. Snarky Basterd came by today (names removed for privacy):
Next census[As I've mentioned before....
I won't bother spending an hour filling out the paperwork - they came anyway and had to fill out everything all over again for 11 people. What a waste of my time and government money.
EMAIL WRITER #1
RE: Next census
They called me after I filled the whole thing out and sent it back immediately. They called me up and hassled me *unbelievably* about it - asking not only all of the questions again but about 20 questions PER PERSON on our Census [like "for any part of the year did this person live in a retirement home?" yes/no "for any part of the year did this person live in a federal prison?" yes/no and on and on over and over for each kid. And then "What is your relationship to this person? Spouse, biological parent, , etc etc etc?] FOR EACH child after I already told her I was a single mother living alone with my 6 biological children. She told me it was punishable by law and illegal for me not to answer each and every question ad nauseum, which I believe is a lie.
Anyway, just saying I'm right there with you on hating the Census. bleh.
EMAIL WRITER #2
After seeing my own Census package, I took out the worn, dog-eared copy of the Constitution I've been carrying around in my jacket pocket for the past 10 years and, turning to the first page, under Article 1, Section 2, read the entire amount of the information I am "REQUIRED BY LAW," according to the Founders, to provide to the federal government:
Representatives and direct Taxes shall be apportioned among the several States which may be included within this Union, according to their respective Numbers ...In other words, you are required to tell the federal government how many people live in your house but ... not their names, not their race, not the kind of home you live in, not when you moved there, not "the actual sales of all agricultural products from this property," not what kind of fuel heats your home, not how many vehicles you own, not how much you spent on water or heat during the past 12 months, not how much your mortgage payment is, not how well you speak English, not what kind of health insurance you have, not if you are deaf or can't dress yourself or if you piss in an outhouse because you don't have running plumbing.
Not. One. Word. Of. It.
The email exchange continues...]
RE: Next census[The Census workers probably wanted to find out how many family members they could get to sign up for welfare: "40 million individuals in the U.S. now receive food stamps, the highest figure in American history. The cost: a startling $73 billion a year. Fans of the welfare state and Democrats -- but I repeat myself -- claim that the economy is to blame. While that's no doubt a factor, the uncomfortable truth is that the Obama administration seems bound and determined to get as many households as possible addicted to food stamps."]
My worker was nice enough - she said she'd take it home and fill out all the rest of the family and all the rest of the blocks - but yes, she said they'd keep coming until it was filled out. I'm sorry they threatened you - I simply don't believe they have a right to all that info - whether biological or adopted or whatever or ethnic background - I don't see the Founding Fathers caring what race people are - at least in regards to threatening them. She will probably spend about 30 more minutes filling mine out.
EMAIL WRITER #1
RE: Next census[That's what happens in a country where private pay shrinks and government jobs balloon and the average American becomes an indentured servant to bureaucracy. Maybe if they'd done like me, sending the Census back with only one question completed -- the number of people who live at my address -- they could have saved themselves all this trouble.]
They came here too EMAIL WRITER #1 - good thing (depending how you look at it) - is that my husband never did fill ours out! They ended up getting their info anyways.
EMAIL WRITER #3
RE: Next census
She said everyone she talked to had said they sent theirs in - I heard from a number of people who have big families that they came to their homes anyway since they had so many kids.
EMAIL WRITER #1
And then you have this situation where the Census hasn't even found a family, even though they have two separate addresses:
RE: Next census
I'm sorry, but I find it offensive that they make a distinction between being an adoptive parent or biological parent to a child. What difference does that make when they are all your children! I wonder if they are adopted if they ask if you adopted domestically or internationally. I guess I would probably get thrown in jail because I would tell them it makes no difference to me, so if they want to know, they can look it up!
Because we are renting our house out in ___, we weren't sure which census to fill out. We never received one here because it probably got forwarded to the homeowner. I am not sure if they appeared at our house in ___. Anyway, they haven't tracked us down yet, so next time you hear from me, it might be from a jail cell! LOL
EMAIL WRITER #4