What Veteran Can't Get Behind This?

As a proud veteran, I have one requirement to complete before the U.S. Army sends my honorary badge of courage, and that is the purchase of my first Harley-Davidson. My dad's owned them since I was a tyke (and I'm grateful for all of the magazines that featured Harley-Davidson and its models long enough to shape my childhood and my absurd expectations for the women I'd be pursing during my young adulthood). My brother just drove away from an unnamed Harley dealer with his first bike. So, I guess I'm next.

I'll leave it to Marisa Miller to explain why it's so important to have a Harley and in the same breath honor our courageous veterans of the Marines, Army, Navy, and Air Force ... as if words could explain this sort of thing ....

Via Iowahawk

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What Veteran Can't Get Behind This?

Iowahawk for Car Czar

Like this doesn't come as a surprise, FFS. Rattner's toast; Iowahawk's stock has never been higher. Obugger, you listening? Do something smart for a change.

I nominate Iowahawk for Car Czar.

Start the Groundswell

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Iowahawk for Car Czar

I Pledge...To Laugh a HELL of a Lot at This

Celebutante glitterati and their love for Democratic presidents are nothing new. But Iowahawk's Pledge of Obama Allegiance feels so much more satisfying than any ole thrill going up my leg:

Some guy with baseball cap that I guess I'm supposed to know: I pledge.

Stringy-haired Manson girl with creepy gray eyes: I pledge.

Demi Moore: Too-ooo-oo smile more.

Eva Longoria: To laugh more!

Can't quite place her, but think I maybe saw her on a cosmetics commercial once: [intense glare] to LOVE more.

Black Eyed Peas guy: I pledge.

Evita Lopez or Chiquita Gonzalez or something like that: To help children battle with serious illnesses -- by standing here on the far right side of the frame.

Beats the hell outta me: Or here, on the left side of the frame.

Cameron Diaz: Me plemdge.

Nicole Richie: To give up food all together.

Possibly that red-haired chick from Spiderman: To be a great mother.

Some d-bag from that emo band, "Fallout Charlotte" or something, that my daughter was into when she was 11: To be a great father.

Demi Moore: To hire only the best nannies... because all of our children deserve a good nanny.

Lucy Liu: To continue working to support raising awareness as a voice for UNICEF and their international nanny awareness programs.

That witch show chick that used to be on the Tony Danza sitcom: To volunteer my voice coach to give a voice to those who have no voice, so they can have a voice.

I pledge...to eat bullets and glass for the next 4 years...so I can toughen up to pay this lady's mortgage:

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I Pledge...To Laugh a HELL of a Lot at This

Iowahawk…Where The Hell Have I Been?

I guess I’ve been stuck inside the government’s ass for 5 years and just fell out because, before today, I’d never heard of Iowahawk. Then this popped into my e-mail inbox (without attribution, of course):

It's in the way you dress. The way you boogie down. The way you sign your unemployment check. You're a man who likes to do things your own way. And on those special odd-numbered Saturdays when driving is permitted, you want it in your car. It's that special feeling of a zero-emissions wind at your back and a road ahead meandering with possibilities. The kind of feeling you get behind the wheel of the Pelosi GTxi SS/Rt Sport Edition from Congressional Motors.

All new for 2012, the Pelosi GTxi SS/Rt Sport Edition is the mandatory American car so advanced it took $100 billion and an entire Congress to design it. We started with same reliable 7-way hybrid ethanol-biodeisel-electric-clean coal-wind-solar-pedal power plant behind the base model Pelosi, but packed it with extra oomph and the sassy styling pizazz that tells the world that 1974 Detroit is back again -- with a vengeance.

We've subsidized the features you want and taxed away the rest. With its advanced Al Gore-designed V-3 under the hood pumping out 22.5 thumping, carbon-neutral ponies of Detroit muscle, you'll never be late for the Disco or the Day Labor Shelter. Engage the pedal drive or strap on the optional jumbo mizzenmast, and the GTxi SS/Rt Sport Edition easily exceeds 2016 CAFE mileage standards. At an estimated 268 MPG, that's a savings of nearly $1800 per week in fuel cost over the 2011 Pelosi.

Even with increased performance we didn't skimp on safety. With 11-point passenger racing harnesses, 15-way airbags, and mandatory hockey helmet, you'll have the security knowing that you could survive a 45 MPH collision even if the GTxi SS/Rt were capable of that kind of illegal speed.

A quick Google search brought me to this post on his site. I’m forever changed. Not like Obama change, not perceived change, nor implied change, or, more correctly, deceived change.

Up until today, I was enjoying my novice blogging over the past 2 months as a refreshing distraction from life, work, and the pursuit of … a mortgage payment? I thought I was a little bit funny and was certainly laughing to myself as I wrote little digs about entertainers, politicians, and failed business leaders.

But after spending 5 minutes on Iowahawk’s site today…and then a few more hours this evening, I am…simply…changed. His site is the funniest thing I have ever read, from his posts to his artwork to his section tags to his self-deprecation.

He’s the whole package; I’m a five-year-old just learning how to tell a joke. And for the rest of my life, now, I can’t help but imitate his work.

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Iowahawk…Where The Hell Have I Been?