UPDATE: Al Gore's New Home

With all the global warming burying the District of Criminals, what's there to do? Build monuments to Al Gore. And that's just what Republican Senator Jim Inhofe's family did: They built this 6-foot-tall igloo on Capitol Hill.

So THAT'S where Al Gore is.



UPDATE: Doug Powers awesomely tweets us!


UPDATE II: Keith Olbermann doubles down and strikes the fuck out. Earth to fucking Olberfuckhead: It's NOT supposed to get COLDER in DC and it's NOT supposed to get COLDER in San Diego and we're NOT supposed to get snow on Feb. 12 in Atlanta (just to be sure, check the snow tracking on this storm headed from, Dallas, which is south of Atlanta and where they just got 4 - 6 inches of snow, that's bearing down on me right now ... and my goshdarn snow boots are ready, bro). I just wanted to make sure your dimwitted ass understands that.

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UPDATE: Al Gore's New Home

Snarky Tips For How Obama Could Win Re-Election in 2012

It’s looking like 2012 will be an uphill battle for pResident Barack Obama. There’s even supposition that his own secretary of state may beat his ass for the nomination; hey, may the best man win.

I’m just here to help.

And Zero needs it.

After all, Scott Brown likely gets sworn in today, essentially derailing the pResident’s entire agenda … if 41 Republicans in the Senate can stick together. And I know millions of fed-up Americans who are willing to ruin any Republican’s political future if any one of them gets stupid and goes maverick.

The nature of politics in Washington that Obama swore he would change … changes … because of him … today. Just to give him a hand, because he looks like a good father and has been, now and then, known to throw a beer fest (one of my favorite daily events), I thought I’d give him some advice. Here are my ironclad recommendations that will guarantee that you, Mr. pResident, will win re-election in 2012:

Fire Rahm Emanuel as chief of staff and replace him with Sarah Palin’s Facebook page, since it has far more influence on the country.

Give the 56 percent of Americans who pay all of the income tax in this country tax amnesty through the end of 2012, while taxing all members of Congress and Obama cabinet members (including czars) 450 percent of their net worth over the same time period.

Issue an Executive Order to make the Wicked Witch of Congress and Harry Reid go skydiving without parachutes.

Donate your brain to science, so that we can once and for all find out just why liberals are born without brain cells. You’re not using it anyway.

Require Henry Waxman to wear a plastic bag over his head, duct tape over his mouth and nostrils, and have one strychnine martini via IV each day for 6 months … just to be sure.

Enroll Mobama as a contestant in Extreme Makeovers, where she’ll undergo liposuction around her ample midsection, arm reduction surgery, a Halle Berry face transplant, and a fashion sense brain implant. She’ll also need to donate all of her boob belts to the cattle industry in order to improve milking science.

Stop the order to close Gitmo and round up George Soros and Andrew Stern and Chris Matthews and Keith Olberman and throw them in a cell with KSM. Have KSM teach them what Muslim men like to do with goats.

Reinstitute the space program and strap Barbara Boxer and Dianne Feinstein and Alan Grayson into a rocket with a monkey and shoot them into space on a secret mission. Soon after, have the monkey jettison Boxer and Feinstein and Grayson as junk and report back to Houston that there is no sign of intelligent life in space.

Send Joe Biden to Vegas and have him bet 10 Scooby Snacks he can’t slop whiteout over every line of information on his birth certificate, then challenge him to double down and fill in the birth certificate as if it were your own. … Then steal the document and introduce it before a Senate hearing as proof, once and for all, of your citizenship and claim to have caught Biden doctoring your birth certificate. To top it off, deport Biden and Al Gore (as Biden’s handler) to the North Pole, on an ice floe floating toward a hungry mother polar bear and her two cubs.

Fire David Plouffe as your chief bitch in charge of fixing everything you screwed up and replace him with Mickey Rourke and shoot him up with steroids and have him drop a Ram Jam on every Republican who gets in your way.

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Snarky Tips For How Obama Could Win Re-Election in 2012

Limbaugh Dropped from Rams Group; Will Run for President Instead; Letterman, Meanwhile, Apologizes for Olbermann Rape Comments

ST. LOUIS -- Conservative radio talk show host Rush Limbaugh today was booted from a group seeking to buy the St. Louis Rams because fabricated Wikiquotes now constitute rock solid evidence on which the MSM can base race card smear campaigns.

Limbaugh, meanwhile, said on his radio show that he'll take his $450 billion personal war chest -- earned exclusively by the increasingly anachronistic expression "sweat of his own brow" -- and launch a bid for the Republican presidential nomination against Democrat pResident Barack Obama in 2012.

"Folks, I don't even know if he plans to run for a second term; I don't even know if he cares. But I assure you, it would be impossible for a man of such hubris, such incredible narcissism, to park his Cadillac and avoid being president for 4 more years and not make even worse mistakes than he's done during his first year. Folks, I'm here to tell you that, no matter what, ElRusshhhbo is going to put a stop to him, once and for all."

CBS' David Letterman, meanwhile, applauded Limbaugh for his fortitude.

"He's the only man I know who can lose 90 pounds in 5 months and still carry enough ghostly weight to terrify the begeezus out of people. I mean, it's been said that slavery has its merit."

Letterman's monologue, which has taken on a tone of extreme seriousness since he embarrassed his wife by admitting to having affairs with young female staffers, tonight got even more bizarre.

"You know, I've had my share of troubles recently, and I've made some incredible apologies, but I have to say that apologizing for MSNBC's Keith Olbermann has to be one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. I'm talking about Olbermann's recent comments about Roman Polanski. Here, why don't you listen to this, and you'll know what I mean.

"The exact quote is as follows:

Roman Polanski is being hung in effigy by the fascist Christian right, who claim he is the posterboy for what is wrong with the American left. Polanski's crime was no biggie, and if I were in his shoes, I'd hit that, too. Without hesitation. She looked older and was asking for it.

"If you could hear the rest of the report, folks, you'd not even worry about a source. You don't need one. It sounds like something a cartoonish caricature of Olbermann would say, so he therefore said it.

"And I won't even get into why I think LGF's Charles Johnson hates the Easter Bunny."

P.S. But we can get into totally real and not fake stupid quotes made by Democrats.

P.P.S. And where there are some, there are always more great momments in race relations ... by Democrats.

P.P.P.S. Of course, it would help if anyone could even prove Rush's RACIST! statements were real. Maybe it's because CNN and the rest of the MSM are too busy fact-checking anti-Obama jokes to fact-check their own reporting.

P.P.P.P.S. So let's get down to brass tacks: If Limbaugh is such a racist, why does the MSM need fabricated quotes to prove it?

P.P.P.P.P.S. It figures that a bunch of lawyers probably made up the fake quotes. More here.

P.P.P.P.P.P. S. And then Rush Limbaugh spoke.

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Limbaugh Dropped from Rams Group; Will Run for President Instead; Letterman, Meanwhile, Apologizes for Olbermann Rape Comments

Obama Initiates Cash for Czars Program

WASHINGTON -- In a striking move aimed at both shoring up his failing agenda and hoping to stop his administration from hemorrhaging into the worst since Jimmy Peanut-brained Carter’s, pResident Barack Obama today unveiled a bold new Cash for Czars program.

“Van Jones was an environmentally-conscious Communist dedicated to outlandish statements, un-concealable past indiscretions, and irrepressible acts of irresponsibility,” Obama said during an impromptu news conference in the Rose Garden Sunday, attended by only a few remaining media friends, in particular Chris Matthews. “We admit to incredible breaches in our czar evaluation system. As a result, by the executive order I signed this morning, I’ve introduced a plan to weed out czars -- who report to no one but me -- with an incentive program.

“The Cash for Czars program will ask our currently estimated three dozen czars -- hell, I don’t even know how many toes I have at any given moment, so how can I be expected to know how many czars report to me,” Obama asked, looking away from his teleprompter to bask in a moment of infatuation with what’s left of his beloved press, in particular Keith Olbermann, “-- to answer three basic questions. One: 'What... is your name?' Two: 'What... is your quest?' Three: 'What... is the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow? '

“He who shall answer these questions three shall be allowed to cross the Bridge of Czars, but, yea, he who shall miss any of these questions three shall be given a lump sum severance package amounting to a half-million dollars or their expected salary over the next 3.4 years, whichever comes out higher.”

However, in tough questioning immediately after his remarks, ABC’s Jake Tapper put the pResident on the spot: “When you say ‘unladen swallow’; what do you mean: African or European?”

Obama slyly deferred to his behind-the-scenes mastermind, Valerie Jarrett, who had hand-picked Jones for Green Jobs czar and fortunately replied: “I…I…I don’t know that.”

And with that, Jarrett was unsuspectingly cast not into the Gorge of Eternal Severance but, amazingly, into the Gorge of Eternal Peril, and Obama subsequently announced an alternative three-point plan for restoring The Republic to its natural order:

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Obama Initiates Cash for Czars Program

Keith Olbermann Is Brilliant

Last night, we were blessed with more gifted use of language by MSNBC's chief ranter (oh, I know Chris Matthews is famous for talking about having that thrill up his leg and all, but, really, he doesn't hold a candle to the master).

Here, the Great One professes how much he loves former VEEP Dick Cheney, following Cheney's prodigious speech yesterday, which in turn followed a few words by some other guy about some place in Cuba that ain't getting shut any time soon:

Neurotic, paranoid, false to fact and false to reason, forever self-rationalizing his inner rage at his own impotence, and failure dripping from every word, and as irrational, as separated from the real world, as dishonest, as insane as any terrorist; the former vice president has today humiliated himself beyond redemption.

That's some pretty use of the English language there, Keith. It's almost as if you spent the day between Cheney's noonish speech and your evening broadcast (to all 4 or 5 viewers) reading Merriam Webster's.

Too bad you don't have much sense of how to use all them fancy words. Speaking of humiliation:

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Keith Olbermann Is Brilliant

Hey, Keith Olbermann: I'll Raise Your Challenge

Sean Hannity, who (like me) thinks waterboarding helped our intelligence thwart a September 11th style attack on Los Angeles, said on his show the other night that he would subject himself to waterboarding and donate the proceeds to the families of soldiers. MSNBC gas bag Keith Olbermann has challenged Hannity to do it for cash. I have a challenge of my own for Olbermann.

Herr Foulwind claims he'll pay $1,000 to Hannity's charity for every second Hannity gets waterboarded. I don't have the stomach to post his stupid rant on these precious pages, neat and clean and family oriented as they are, but if you want to listen to him whine, be my guest.

I'd like to up the challenge. Olbermann, I'll get waterboarded, and you can donate the proceeds to my favorite cause: Tie Keith Olbermann Down Among Mexican Pigs With Swine Flu.

But I have one condition: While I do it, you have to sit in the window of a building, strapped to a chair, while Khalid Sheikh Mohammed flies an airplane at you.

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Hey, Keith Olbermann: I'll Raise Your Challenge