Showing posts with label Government Waste of Our Friggin' Time. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Government Waste of Our Friggin' Time. Show all posts

Monday, December 20, 2010

McConnell Killed by Rogue Vegetables


WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Sen. Mitch McConnell (RINO, Ky) was killed today when a rabble of angry vegetables swarmed him outside the Russell Senate Office Building.

Killer tomatoes ripped McConnell limb from limb and fed him to locally grown corn and cucumbers after McConnell turned traitor and helped Democrats pass the Food Safety Bill, outlawing the sale of locally grown vegetables and fruits at food stands.

Local farmers stood by as the vegetables raged, cheering and holding signs with slogans such as “An Ear of McConnell for an Ear of Corn” and “My Squash, Your Face.”

Last year, more people were killed by automobile accidents, heart attacks, lung cancer, and natural causes combined than by any one tomato,” said one local farmer, adding that one turncoat senator is far more dangerous than the risk any homegrown vegetable poses to the average American.

When told the bill would ruin their chances for school field trips to local fruit stands, children visiting the Capital Building raided a Whole Foods market and pelted McConnell’s remains with Brussel sprouts.

Said one particularly rotund pumpkin from Maryland who joined in the fray, in between bites from one of McConnell’s arms, “This gives a whole new meaning to the saying, ‘Eat Local.’”
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Thursday, May 27, 2010

Good News: Census Bureau Hassles Homeschool Families


Some of you may recall my response to the Census Bureau selecting, ordering me to participate in the American Community Survey and the 2010 Census (so that, IMAO, pResident Zero can find out just how many of us teabaggers out here he really has to conquer and divide).

Funny thing is, Census workers haven't come around to find out what I really have to say. But they sure don't have a problem with badgering large homeschool families who've already filled out the Census, making them answer the questions all over again.

Here's an email conversation Mrs. Snarky Basterd came by today (names removed for privacy):
Next census

I won't bother spending an hour filling out the paperwork - they came anyway and had to fill out everything all over again for 11 people. What a waste of my time and government money.

EMAIL WRITER #1


RE: Next census

They called me after I filled the whole thing out and sent it back immediately. They called me up and hassled me *unbelievably* about it - asking not only all of the questions again but about 20 questions PER PERSON on our Census [like "for any part of the year did this person live in a retirement home?" yes/no "for any part of the year did this person live in a federal prison?" yes/no and on and on over and over for each kid. And then "What is your relationship to this person? Spouse, biological parent, adoptive parent, etc etc etc?] FOR EACH child after I already told her I was a single mother living alone with my 6 biological children. She told me it was punishable by law and illegal for me not to answer each and every question ad nauseum, which I believe is a lie.

Anyway, just saying I'm right there with you on hating the Census. bleh.

EMAIL WRITER #2
[As I've mentioned before....

After seeing my own Census package, I took out the worn, dog-eared copy of the Constitution I've been carrying around in my jacket pocket for the past 10 years and, turning to the first page, under Article 1, Section 2, read the entire amount of the information I am "REQUIRED BY LAW," according to the Founders, to provide to the federal government:
Representatives and direct Taxes shall be apportioned among the several States which may be included within this Union, according to their respective Numbers ...
In other words, you are required to tell the federal government how many people live in your house but ... not their names, not their race, not the kind of home you live in, not when you moved there, not "the actual sales of all agricultural products from this property," not what kind of fuel heats your home, not how many vehicles you own, not how much you spent on water or heat during the past 12 months, not how much your mortgage payment is, not how well you speak English, not what kind of health insurance you have, not if you are deaf or can't dress yourself or if you piss in an outhouse because you don't have running plumbing.

Not. One. Word. Of. It.

The email exchange continues...]
RE: Next census

My worker was nice enough - she said she'd take it home and fill out all the rest of the family and all the rest of the blocks - but yes, she said they'd keep coming until it was filled out. I'm sorry they threatened you - I simply don't believe they have a right to all that info - whether biological or adopted or whatever or ethnic background - I don't see the Founding Fathers caring what race people are - at least in regards to threatening them. She will probably spend about 30 more minutes filling mine out.

EMAIL WRITER #1
[The Census workers probably wanted to find out how many family members they could get to sign up for welfare: "40 million individuals in the U.S. now receive food stamps, the highest figure in American history. The cost: a startling $73 billion a year. Fans of the welfare state and Democrats -- but I repeat myself -- claim that the economy is to blame. While that's no doubt a factor, the uncomfortable truth is that the Obama administration seems bound and determined to get as many households as possible addicted to food stamps."]
RE: Next census

They came here too EMAIL WRITER #1 - good thing (depending how you look at it) - is that my husband never did fill ours out! They ended up getting their info anyways.

EMAIL WRITER #3


RE: Next census

She said everyone she talked to had said they sent theirs in - I heard from a number of people who have big families that they came to their homes anyway since they had so many kids.

EMAIL WRITER #1

And then you have this situation where the Census hasn't even found a family, even though they have two separate addresses:

RE: Next census

I'm sorry, but I find it offensive that they make a distinction between being an adoptive parent or biological parent to a child. What difference does that make when they are all your children! I wonder if they are adopted if they ask if you adopted domestically or internationally. I guess I would probably get thrown in jail because I would tell them it makes no difference to me, so if they want to know, they can look it up!

Because we are renting our house out in ___, we weren't sure which census to fill out. We never received one here because it probably got forwarded to the homeowner. I am not sure if they appeared at our house in ___. Anyway, they haven't tracked us down yet, so next time you hear from me, it might be from a jail cell! LOL

EMAIL WRITER #4
[That's what happens in a country where private pay shrinks and government jobs balloon and the average American becomes an indentured servant to bureaucracy. Maybe if they'd done like me, sending the Census back with only one question completed -- the number of people who live at my address -- they could have saved themselves all this trouble.]
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Tuesday, April 6, 2010

UPDATE+ Please Nuke Me


With apologies to Peter Gabriel...

Please nuke me
Help me remake my country
Putting teabagging to an end
I want to be your friend

Please nuke me
We need to be like Mao you see
I only have until two-thousand ten
I want to be your friend

Please nuke me (pretty please?)
I’m pushing for the new malaise
Tearing down the rich again
I want to be your friend

You got the rogue state, that's okay
Who needs security anyway
I got no common sense, bow down to your might
Call me in the White House if it all turns out right (Allright)

Please nuke me (please?)
Otherwise they’ll be coming for me
Stealing back majority again
I want to be your friend

Be-ee my friend, I wanna be your friend... [repeated several times]

You got the rogue state, that's okay
Who needs security anyway
I got no common sense, bow down to your might
Call me in the White House if it all turns out right (Allright)


A PhotoChop by Jamie

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Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Return to Community Organizer in Chief, Part 2


The other day I mentioned the Obama administration had a special duty for me:
I was selected ordered to participate in the American Community Survey (ACS). Never heard of it? Neither did I, until the edict arrived in the mail from the Community Organizer in Chief, via one of his many bootlicking lackeys, Robert M. Groves, director of the United States Department of Commerce.
I'll receive the survey in a few days, the edict tells me. The 28-page questionnaire [download a pdf here] is separate from the Census. My response to both (emphasis theirs) documents is “required by U.S. Law.”
As promised, the survey came today, in a thick envolope with these bold letters stamped on the front: YOUR RESPONSE IS REQUIRED BY LAW. As I mentioned the other day, this isn't your run of the mill government survey, not when I'm being expected to answer questions like this (emphasis mine):
  • What is your name, address, and date of birth?
  • What is your race?
  • Are you Hispanic, Latino, or Spanish origin?
  • Where were you born?
  • What is your ancestry or ethnic origin?
  • How many cars do you have at your house?
  • Do you have a flush toilet?
  • Do you have a sink with a faucet?
  • How much is your rent/mortgage?
  • Do you have a second mortgage? How much is it?
  • Are you covered by a health insurance plan? Which type?
  • Do you have serious difficulty hearing? Seeing? Concentrating, remembering, or making decisions?
  • Do you have difficulty dressing or bathing?
  • How many times have you been married?
  • When did you last get married?
  • Where did you work last? What’s the address?
  • What time do you leave home to go to work?
  • What is your income?
  • What is your retirement/pension?
  • Do you have a VA disability rating?
  • What’s the most important thing you do at work?
And I'm not your run of the mill American sheeple.

After seeing the package, I took out the worn, dog-eared copy of the Constitution I've been carrying around in my jacket pocket for the past 10 years and, turning to the first page, under Article 1, Section 2, read the entire amount of the information I am "REQUIRED BY LAW," according to the Founders, to provide to the federal government:
Representatives and direct Taxes shall be apportioned among the several States which may be included within this Union, according to their respective Numbers ...
In other words, I'm required to tell the federal government how many people live in my house but ... not their names, not their race, not the kind of home I live in, not when I moved here, not "the actual sales of all agricultural products from this property" (it's too damned cold to grow weed in the winter, dummies), not what kind of fuel heats my home, not how many vehicles I own, not how much I spent on water or heat during the past 12 months, not how much my mortgage payment is, not how well I speak English, not what kind of health insurance I have, not if I'm deaf or can't dress myself or if I piss in an outhouse because I don't have running plumbing.

Not. One. Word. Of. It.

Which is why, once again, this piece of shit questionnaire is going back to the District of Criminals marked "Return to Community Organizer and Chief," like the letter notifying me I had been selected ordered to participate in the ACS, with only one question completed -- the number of people who live at my address -- along with a copy of the Constitution:

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Saturday, February 20, 2010

Return to the Community Organizer in Chief


Today I was selected ordered to participate in the American Community Survey (ACS). Never heard of it? Neither did I, until the edict arrived in the mail from the Community Organizer in Chief, via one of his many bootlicking lackeys, Robert M. Groves, director of the United States Department of Commerce.

I'll receive the survey in a few days, the edict tells me. The 28-page questoinaire [download a pdf here] is separate from the Census. My response to both (emphasis theirs) documents is “required by U.S. Law.”

That's an interesting statement, considering that I have been on this earth for nearly 43 years and this is the first time I've ever been selected ordered to complete even the Census.

The survey goes far beyond the 10 basic (but unnerving) questions the Census will posit, which will inquire about such information as who lives under my roof, their names, dates of birth, and race, questions I would be uncomfortable answering for a marketing company let alone our leviathan federal government -- the nation's top employer and most oppressive engine.

No, the getting to know you phase of the questionnaire, the edict tells me, that will “show not only the number of people who live here [in America], but how (again, emphasis theirs) we live as a Nation” goes much, much deeper. Some of the ice-breaker questions, lifted for convenience from Big Government's Bob Hamer, include everything from the intrusive to the downright inane (any emphasis from here on out is mine):
  • What is your name, address, and date of birth?
  • What is your race?
  • Are you Hispanic, Latino, or Spanish origin?
  • Where were you born?
  • What is your ancestry or ethnic origin?
  • How many cars do you have at your house?
  • Do you have a flush toilet?
  • Do you have a sink with a faucet?
  • How much is your rent/mortgage?
  • Do you have a second mortgage? How much is it?
  • Are you covered by a health insurance plan? Which type?
  • Do you have serious difficulty hearing? Seeing? Concentrating, remembering, or making decisions?
  • Do you have difficulty dressing or bathing?
  • How many times have you been married?
  • When did you last get married?
  • Where did you work last? What’s the address?
  • What time do you leave home to go to work?
  • What is your income?
  • What is your retirement/pension?
  • Do you have a VA disability rating?
  • What’s the most important thing you do at work?
I'd like to know what the federal government intends to do with such information. You can imagine my skepticism about giving up such private information, when a clearly defeated pResident still plans to use his Congresscriminal henchweasels to shove health care deform down our throats through reconciliation, presumably, because “he hasn't explained it well enough” to us woeful simpletons.

You can also imagine that I'd want to know why the government needs to ask me how much money I make … when I'll already be answering that question for the IRS come April 15. They certainly don't need to know my flushing habits, unless it's their edicts that I'm flushing. They don't really need to know “the most important thing I do at work.” After all, I don't work for the federal government. That's information to be kept between my employer and I … because I don't even work for any of the industries the pResident has nationalized.

I think I'll pass on this order, thank you very much.

Naturally, that decision will not sit well with the federal government:
The American Community Survey is conducted under the authority of Title 13, United States Code, Sections 141 and 193, and response is mandatory. According to Section 221, persons who do not respond shall be fined not more than $100. Title 18 U.S.C. Section 3571 and Section 3559, in effect amends Title 13 U.S.C. Section 221 by changing the fine for anyone over 18 years old who refuses or willfully neglects to complete the questionnaire or answer questions posed by census takers from a fine of not more than $100 to not more than $5,000.
I don't care.

First I'll be sending the notification letter back marked, as you saw in the image above, “Return to Community Organizer in Chief.” Next, I'll send the ACS back, and finally the Census, marked the same way. I want to see just how far the federal government is willing to go with this mandate.

Before I'm fined, apparently I'll receive visitation from Census Bureau employees: The ghost of ACORN past, the ghost of ACORN present, and the ghost of ACORN future. (I'm still not convinced the Census Bureau has cut ties with ACORN, and they certainly haven't cut ties with SEIU).

I'm their huckleberry -- although I don't think they'll appreciate climbing my front steps to find me sitting on a bench, holding a loaded AK-47 across my knees, and my subsequent demand that they leave my proprety by their own means ... or mine.

I'm pushing back not because I'm not willing to follow the Framers intent for the Census -- I'm not looking to deliberately scuttle the attempt to apportion the number of seats in the House of Representatives. I'm standing up because this survey is a direct intrusion into my private life, and it's none of the federal government's goddamned business how long my drive is to work or whether I have working plumbing or whether or not I can dress myself.

You should follow the same path. Don't be intimidated by their false threats, by their corny marketing language about wanting to know “how we live as a nation.” It's all bullshit; they want to know who is a productive member of their socialist utopia … and who they can leave behind to rot as useless detritus, unworthy for inclusion in the People's Worker Collective.

Send a message: This pResident needs to learn that he works for you, not the other way around. Tell him he can keep his asinine “community” survey.

Oh, and one more thing: Tell him he can kiss your radical rightwing teabagging mobster racist evil-monger flyover country ass.

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Friday, February 12, 2010

Obama's Hopey, Change Circus

Upon his capture, the most beautiful words a terrorist can hear are the following:

“You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to an attorney. If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be provided for you. Do you understand the rights I have just read to you? With these rights in mind, do you wish to speak to me?”

If you read the above paragraph, you have just been "Mirandized." That is the Miranda Warning that law enforcement officers must recite to every criminal suspect they question -- if they want to introduce something as evidence in any criminal proceeding.

The ringleaders for Obama's Hopey Change Circus, Mssrs. Holder and Gibbs, maintain that the proper procedure for bringing terrorists to justice is arrest them and give them full Constitutional protection as afforded to every American citizen. From the Weekly Standard, Thomas Joscelyn writes:

During an interview on MSNBC Thursday morning, White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs defended the Obama administration’s handling of Christmas Day bomber Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab. Gibbs argued that the administration was right to treat Abdulmutallab as a criminal defendant, instead of as an enemy combatant. “Just because you make somebody an enemy combatant [it] doesn’t make them talk,” Gibbs argued. He then pointed to an example from the Bush years to supposedly support his point.

“Jose Padilla was made an enemy combatant so that we could get him to talk,” Gibbs said. “And guess what happened when we made him an enemy combatant, he didn't talk. He did talk when he was transferred back into a civilian court.”

President Obama’s top counterterrorism adviser, John Brennan, made the same point on Tuesday in an op-ed for USA Today. Brennan argued: “Terrorists such as Jose Padilla and Saleh al-Mari did not cooperate when transferred to military custody, which can harden one's determination to resist cooperation.”

Brennan and Gibbs are wrong. In fact, Jose Padilla only started cooperating once he was transferred into the military’s custody and interrogated.

Joscelyn also calls their bluff:

Thus, when Padilla was initially detained by the FBI in May 2002 authorities knew he was up to no good. The FBI questioned Padilla for several hours but got nowhere. A copy of the FBI’s 302 memo written after the initial questioning of Padilla shows that al Qaeda’s man gave the bureau nothing. Padilla talked about his personal history but said nothing about his real intentions or his nefarious friends.

So a month later, in June 2002, Padilla was transferred back into military custody. Things changed in a hurry. Waterboarding is my friend.

The memo then reads: “Since that time [June 9, 2002], additional and more detailed intelligence information about Jose Padilla has been developed and made available in unclassified form.”

As a retired LEO, I have had to deal with the consequences of Miranda v. Arizona. In NYS the restrictions are even greater. If a suspect is already in criminal proceedings from a prior arrest, the right to counsel automatically attaches and you cannot interrogate him under any circumstances unless he first confers with his lawyer. This means that even if the suspect wants to confess and voluntarily waives his right to counsel, he cannot and you cannot until he talks with his lawyer,

Obama, Brennan, Holder and Gibbs want to reduce terrorism to the level of a convenience store robbery.

They want to turn this:



USS ARIZONA







Into This:


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Sunday, October 25, 2009

We're Just Doing What We're Told

The other day, Chairman Zero read an eloquent speech (despite some Ebonics) from TOTUS that labeled the Democratic Party as being something akin to the party of the American Thinker (my extreme apologies to an excellent website for such an odious analogy).

That is, according to the words Zero read from his teleprompter, Democrats are free thinkers, and, as such, their free thinkery is the only reason an overwhelming majority in both parts of the legislative branch of the federal government can’t come to a decision over the brewing health care fuckery. And that doesn't include Dear Leader's inability, after more than 60 days since his top general in Afghanistan asked if he could fucking frag the Taliban, to make up his mind over whether he wants to be a war-monger or a war-dodger.

Republicans, meanwhile, only do what they are told, according to God's gift to political speech reading. Of course! This must explain why regular, and expanding, ragtag bands of American citizens have risen in protest against the federal government for going on 7 months now.

I guess we’re just doing what we’re told … by the Constitution.

Hmmm .... where have I heard of such a thing before?

[Based on a comment I left at this excellent post over at Conservative Hideout 2.0.]

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Thursday, October 15, 2009

$71,500 to Create ONE Stimulus Job

Now that's OUTSTANDING ROI!

More proof that Obama and his clowns really are morons.
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Thursday, October 1, 2009

Obama’s Olympic Pitch Falls Flat

More stupidity from the vacuous mind of Dr. Drama…

COPENHAGEN – In an attempt to bring home the 2016 Olympics to Chicago, pResident Barack Obama today unveiled his vision of the Games to the International Olympic Committee, complete with recommendations for new Chicago-style competitions he plans to enter.

But events following his pitch indicate the pResident’s meddling has once again caused a direct opposite of his intent.

“The time has come for America to open its arms to the world, after all of the shame it has caused over the past 233 years,” Obama said, tying to use his lagging powers of persuasion to convince the IOC that bad-mouthing America should be enough for members to award the Olympics to Chicago tomorrow over the other finalist cities of Rio de Janeiro, Tokyo, and Madrid. “What better way to renew our global bonds than by hosting the world at the 2016 Olympics in Chicago? Not only that, but I also propose that the IOC see fit to add special events to mark the occasion, including gangland death beatings, shootings near my neighborhood, and our time-honored Chicago specialty, graft.”

Obama said he would personally attempt to medal five times in other competitions he proposed, including voter mind control, if you can’t sell your story change it, make it up as you go along, blame Bush, and, his most successful event to date, hopeless change.

“Let me be clear, I’m the first American president ever to lobby this committee because this … is all about me … and … I needed an excuse not to go to work today, anyway,” he said to stunned committee members, some of whom -- not accustomed to such hubris -- looked as if Michelle Obama had just put their cullions in a vice grip.

Immediately after the speech, Vegas was giving Obama 2 - 1 odds for achieving 5 gold medals if the Games were awarded to Chicago, but a Rasmussen poll revealed that 95 percent of IOC members said The Windy City would have stood a better chance if Obama had stayed home and kept his mouth shut and tended to more important matters, such as the disintegrating war in Afghanistan and the giant middle finger Iran is building atop its newly revealed nuclear facility.

Obama’s speech apparently turned off the IOC so badly that members were leaning toward awarding the 2016 games to either Tokyo or Rio de Janeiro.

“I don’t know what it is about that guy Obama, but when he opens his mouth, it’s almost as if he emits a foul stench so disgusting it immediately turns the stomachs of everyone, even people watching him on TV,” said one committee member, who chose to remain anonymous. “He has an awfully delusional opinion of his powers of persuasion. Frankly, they’re rot, and so is he, if you ask me.”

One theory is that Tokyo is now the odds on favorite because Tokyo governor Shintaro Ishihara warned the IOC that Godzilla is someday going to destroy Japan, and 2016 would likely be the last chance Tokyo would have to host the Games.

However, Brazilian President Luiz Inacio Lula da Silva is said to have promised the notoriously corrupt IOC lifetime passes to any of the country’s nude beaches in exchange for the 2016 Olympics, so Rio de Janeiro can’t be ruled out.

Sources close to Obama indicate the pResident is now prepared to reverse his “war of necessity” to bring the Olympics to Chicago and, instead, follow a policy of appeasement, if the leader of the winning country would only be his friend.

UPDATE: A satirist AND a friggin' prophet:

The shock of Chicago's elimination was greater for the fact that it came in the first round. And greater for the fact that President Obama had taken valuable hours from his packed and tense political schedule to travel to Copenhagen. His legendary powers of persuasion will be said to have failed him, though in reality it will be Chicago's bid that failed him. Nonetheless, this is a moment which allows the president's detractors to allege waning prestige on the part of his presidency. And it will raise questions about the political advice that he is receiving.
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Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Cool Words You Can Use in the House of NON-Representatives

pResident Barack Obama is something hated, something oppressive, who runs a bunch of thugs who pass themselves off as our half-baked nitwits handling foreign affairs, using legislative or judicial pork to become a disgrace to the country.

Really. It says so right here.

Sounds about right to me.

h/t: Solomon
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Monday, September 7, 2009

All Your Hand Washes Are Belong to Us


Image via JEFFHEAD.COM

"Kids, wash your hands." More great expert advice from the king of the moonbat zombies.

Should they also stop breathing, Dr. Evil? I'm betting that would be great for your spiraling deficit and your need to have national health care passed.

UPDATE: And will Democrats investigate the production of Obugger's speech to the kiddies... like they did when HW talked to kiddies in 1991?

Probably not; they're too busy fighting amongst themselves... exactly the place we need them to be. While they're at it, maybe they can do us all a favor and cough on each other and shake hands without washing.
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Friday, August 21, 2009

Nah...There Ain't No Death Panels Here

From the lips of Obugger to Jewish rabbis, says Klavan:
According to Ben Smith over at Politico, President Barack Obama gave some theological weight to his health care plan during a phone call to a group of Rabbis the other day. Referring to the belief that God decides during the Jewish New Year “who shall live and who shall die,” Obama told the rebs, “We are God’s partners in matters of life and death.”
Take note, ladies and gentlemen. A sitting U.S. pResident, who denies his health care bill provides death counseling, just said to Jewish people (who, perhaps more than anyone else, know a little bit about death at the hands of government) that:

"[Elected officials of the U.S. Federal Government] are God’s partners in matters of life and death.”

Are you getting what he means? Because, and I'm just typing off the top of my head here, apparently the rest of us who latched on to this "death panel" thing, long before Sarah Palin did, are apparently ... just ... making ... things ... up ... out ... of ... thin ... air.

h/t: Cold Fury
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Thursday, July 9, 2009

Obugger's ADHD, Wandering Eyes, Polls, and Kim Jong Il


Umm....McFly...HELLO?!

I know you have absolutely no attention span at all, but perhaps you should be keeping your eye on this instead:




On second thought, keep your eyes right where they are. I rather like the direction of that red line.

Except that...DOH!...she's only 17!

Or...in the very...very...least...maybe you should be paying attention to this, perhaps? Hmmm?

Obugger? Obugger? Obugger? Anyone? Anyone?

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Sunday, June 21, 2009

ABC Strokes the Mighty One’s Ego


I have a confession to make…i always wanted to be a journalist. I actually went to school to learn the profession, sitting through hours of riveting classes like Bias 101 and 202 and 303; Republicans Bad, Democrats Good; and Fundamentals for the Party Mouthpiece. It was a swell time.

As a working journalist, I immediately recognized that for some of my peers it didn’t matter who was right or wrong, just as long as they managed to make one side look pitiful. To accomplish this it was particularly important to develop the innate sense of finding absolutely the worst person possible to represent the standard bearer of an argument, and in the case of the “conservative” argument, well, one could never find anyone even remotely worse than Sen. Arlen Specter (D, then R, now D -- Pennsylvania).

Needless to say I enjoyed journalism so much that after 5 years I scurried off to hide in the equally odious profession of public relations for a short spell before landing in an even more exciting and controversial career, health care (as a Doctor of Editorialness).

Given my experience, you can naturally conclude that I’m looking forward to June 24, when ABC spends the day examining health care from the bowels of the Obama administration’s point of view, about as much as I’m looking forward to a cell in Gitmo for my low-level domestic terrorism activities, like blogging and hanging out at Tea Parties.

This all coming when the president’s poll numbers have come down to earth and support for Obamacare seems to be coming unglued.

Should we really expect anything less from the Fourth (Branch of Government) Estate?

We (that is, those of us with at least half a brain…meaning those of us who aren’t liberals) know the litany. The media’s allure for Democrats, not withstanding this Democrat, has always been overwhelmingly obvious. Over the past 44 years, journalists have voted Democratic in national elections by vast margins that go far beyond the relative plurality of the general vote in most national elections (even the great Barack Hussein Obama, for instance, captured only 52.7% of the popular vote). The history of reportage itself is fraught with incredible bias against conservative candidates, perhaps none more recently infamous than admitted liberal Dan Rather’s “myopic zeal” to have CBS become the first news organization to make a false and derogatory report about former President George W. Bush’s National Guard service…on the eve of the 2004 election.

And media love for Obama (captured by Bernard Goldberg’s excellent book, “A Slobbering Love Affair,” really can’t be demonstrated any better than the recent bow of NBC’s Brian Williams. (Um, Brian…here’s a little secret: He’s not royalty; it’s hyperbolic to bow to an elected official, and at best such stupidity reveals the moronic sycophant you truly are.)

Of course, this isn’t the first time a network became the mouthpiece for an administration pushing national health care. NBC aired a two-hour commercial-free special in 1994, after accepting $3.5 million from the Robert Wood Johnson Foundation, which had five fellows serving on then-First Lady Hillary Clinton’s secret health care task force. As NewsBusters’ Tim Graham points out, “this year, the Robert Wood Johnson Foundation can he heard in the underwriting announcements on [the partially federal-funded] National Public Radio -- still plugging the need for health ‘reform.’”

ABC’s breech of trust with the American people is equally as disturbing. You need not look much further than three curious facts:
  • A former ABC staffer runs Obama’s health communications department.
  • ABC employees gave $160,000 to then-candidate Obama during the election, with additional money going into the coffers of now-White House Chief of Staff Rham Emanuel and his PAC.
  • ABC refuses to accept any paid spots during its health care presentation, “Prescription for America,” from outside interests with viewpoints alternative to the national health care platform the president and the Democrats in Congress are trying to muzzle us with.
ABC, naturally, defends its plan Wednesday to interview both Obamas on “Good Morning America” and have lethargic anchor Charles Gibson broadcast the weakly-rated “World News” from the White House and then air a prime-time, hour-long townhall special from the Blue Room, with the president fielding questions from Gibson, Diane Sawyer, a panel of guests, and audience members chosen by ABC:
ABC News prides itself on covering all sides of important issues and asking direct questions of all newsmakers -- of all political persuasions -- even when others have taken a more partisan approach and even in the face of criticism from extremes on both ends of the political spectrum. ABC News is looking for the most thoughtful and diverse voices on this issue.
You can trust us, ABC says. We’ll be fair, ABC says. We wouldn’t let you down, would we? ABC says.

Besides, like Obama says himself, with the Fox News Channel around, he needs allies: “I've got one television station entirely devoted to attacking my administration….That's a pretty big megaphone. You'd be hard pressed if you watched the entire day to find a positive story about me on that front.”

Awwwwww. It always comes down to who’s stroking the Turtle Tunnel President’s ego, and who’s not...doesn’t it?

What will ABC do next, change its name to OBAMATV and start airing a full line-up of programming to massage the president’s fragile psyche? Imagine the possibilities! Why, wouldn’t we all enjoy such great reality shows as “The Next Big Takeover” and “Obama Eye for the Conservative” and “Gardening Tips from the First Lady”?

I can hardly wait.

In the meantime, we have Wednesday’s GLORIOUS OFFERING, ALLAH AKHBAR! to the president and his plans for borrowing more than a trillion (despite what he may be saying about “found” money in the budget) for a train-wreck national health care program that will send the average American household’s share of the national debt careening from a staggering $547,000 toward an inevitable outcome. If it happens, no matter what form national health care takes, the end result will be health rationing, a lower standard of care, and the destruction of the American economy as we know it…with ABC profusely groveling at the feet of The One, lovingly helping the federal government make the biggest power grab of individual liberty in our history.

This snark is also posted at Smart Girl Nation.
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Friday, June 19, 2009

A Letter to Barbara Boxer

A friend from Pittsburgh wrote this letter today and sent it to the ma'am (I won't even give the conniving little weasel the pleasure of me calling her "senator"), while also emailing me with permission to print it here:
Dear Barbara,

You have no right to criticize a distinguished member of our military, a man who has put his life on the line for you and for me (which, I dare say, you haven't), simply because he used one honorific instead of another for you. Furthermore, you have not *earned* the title senator; simply because you have enough money to buy an election does not mean that you've earned anything. You have very little respect outside of your incredibly liberal constituency; please do not assume otherwise.

You would do well to remember that you work for us, not the other way around. It is you who should be showing the utmost respect to your employers, especially those in uniform.

I look forward to the day when someone worthy of representing the people of California is elected in your place.
This is, of course, in response to Boxer's putdown of U.S. Army Brigadier General Michael Walsh for calling her the most awful name in the book...ma'am...during testimony before a Senate committee Wednesday:

Sen. BARBARA BOXER: Do me a favor. Could you say, "Senator," instead of "Ma'am"? It's just a thing. I worked so hard to get that title. So I'd appreciate it. Yes, thank you.

Brig. Gen. WALSH: Yes, Senator.

MSNBC's Chris Matthews, as only Matthews can, interpreted the salvo as the general "learning his lesson the hard way" not to cross the Wicked Witch of the Congress' step-cousin (once removed, fathered, my sources tell me, by the Witch's uncle-brother and cousin-sister), but then the head goon for the last-place cable network at least didn't get a thrill up his leg over the affair.

Thankfully, conservative talk show guru Mark Levin balanced Matthews' stupidity by calling Boxer "an ass."

Along those lines, Babs, here's another fitting little honorific to go before your first name: Obnoxious Feminazi Pompous Ass...

Ma'am.


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Sunday, May 24, 2009

Delusional Dream Sequence Post: “We’re Out Of Socialists”


Sun May 24 2009 8:32:18 ET

In a stunning holiday interview with G-SPAN, President b. Hussein dejectedly told Americans: "We are out of socialists."

G-SPAN host Steve Scully broke from a meager Washington press corps (only 4 reporters showed up, what with all media but Fox News and the Government-Satellite Public Affairs Network having gone out of business) with less than probing questions for the tired president.

SCULLY: You know the state of affairs: the automakers have stopped production in the U.S., all banking concerns have moved to Ireland to take advantage of the lack of corporate tax there, the Depression is going into its third year now. At what point do you run out of socialists, so it can get better?

OBAMA: Well, we are out of socialists now. We’ve been beating down doors in even the most elite neighborhoods, but all of our former supporters seem to have turned their backs on us, even George Soros. Of course this was not caused by any decisions we've made. This is a consequence of the crisis that we inherited and in fact the Bush administration’s failure to make some good decisions on everything from health care to who cleans the White House toilets.

Well, maybe it really is our fault. See we've had a short-term problem, which is we used up all of our allotted socialists to completely rewrite our governing system, we had to deal with the auto companies (and they said, screw this, we’re moving to another country) and a huge recession that turned into a Depression because of incredible deficits we were never able to get our arms around (‘cause we spent like a college freshman with his first 50 credit cards) and cap and trade taxes and bailouts for the banking and media and minority radio station and taxi cab and trucking and railroad and airline and shipping and cable and satellite TV and department and grocery store industries. Not to mention half of the country unemployed and massive inflation (Did you see the price of bread today? $100,000 a loaf…wow!) and interest rates creeping up around 40 percent.

So we have a short-term problem and we also have a long-term problem. The short-term problem is dwarfed by the long-term problem. And the long-term problem is we’ve got an election around the corner and no one to vote for us. If we don't start drugging the homeless with mind-numbing Kool-Aid to substantially vote for us, we can't stay in power to complete the remaking of America.

So, one option is just to do nothing, which is what we should have done when we came into power and just let the market and the economy correct itself. But at this point, we’ve intervened so badly and created so many unintended consequences (such as the unemployed taking their government cheese and selling it in Canada in exchange for health care…how does that happen?), that it's too expensive for us to make some short-term investments in anything, well except for maybe bread. Bread, these days, appears to be a great short-term investment. We can't afford it. We've got this incredible deficit and a subpar bond rating and not even Cuba wants to loan us money anymore.

Along that trajectory, I just don’t see us scaring up any more socialists unless we start cloning members of the administration, but even that’s a long-term goal since our science policies were way off the mark, particularly after we discovered that using embryonic stem cells to treat disease leads to incredible cascades of cancer-cell generation, wiping out 100 percent of the human beings who were volunteered for clinical trials. But at least we put a dent in the rightwing extremist population…well, for a while, anyway.

SCULLY: When you see GM though as “Government Motors,” your reaction?

OBAMA: Well, you know -- it was a great idea on paper, but now that the puppet CEO came to his senses and moved the entire company to Taiwan overnight (kinda like when Robert Irsay moved the Colts to Indianapolis without telling anyone), it’s really only a shell company now. We do make great motors for electric toy cars. Too bad the kids can’t afford to buy them. Did you see what it costs to buy a 2.5-pound tricked-out remote control Meeko Nissan Lessthanimpressiva at Government Toys ‘B Us? $50,000, what it used to cost me to buy a slightly pre-owned Escalade before I was elected. On the positive side, just think of the kind of revenue stream we can tap into if it ever takes off with the consumer!

SCULLY: States like California are now so bad off, they’re trying to secede and form mini republics with neighboring states, will you be forced to send in the military to keep those states in line?

OBAMA: No. Unfortunately, most of the members of the military have gone AWOL and we’ve only got about 1,000 troops left (especially since we sacrificed most of them who were stationed in Iraq and Afghanistan in order to partner with Iran to destroy Israel), although we do have confidence that the vice president’s son, General Joseph Robinette “Beau” Biden III, can put a retention plan together by the year 2050.

SCULLY: William Howard Taft served on the court after his presidency, would you have any interest in being on the Supreme Court?

OBAMA: You know, I am not even sure there’s going to be a Supreme Court left once I get through, so there’s that problem too....

Developing...
Oh…damn…I’ve been sleep posting again. For a minute there I thought it was 2012, and b. Hussein had bankrupt the country, taken over too many private businesses, and stolen so much wealth that he was worried the voters were going to kick him out of office in a few months. Alas, half-lucid from insomnia, I was only twisting Drudge’s report from yesterday.

Well…at least there's still time…for real change we can believe in.
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Thursday, May 21, 2009

The Obamapranos: Eh Joey!


Chapter 2: “Eh Joey”


(Previously on The Obamapranos)

In the Oval Office, President b. Hussein leans back in his chair, characteristically propping his feet on the great English Resolute desk used by all but three presidents dating back to 1880, his eyes leveled at the pages of Open Veins of Latin America: Five Centuries of the Pillage of a Continent, the book, a present from Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez, in his left hand. A Marlboro dangles from his lips, despite White House rules against indoor smoking. He plucks the butt from his mouth with his other hand and flicks the ashes, sprinkling a few on the heirloom desktop as they tumble toward a chrome ashtray. The president frowns, brushing the ashes to the carpet with indifference, as if they were a petition from Republicans to reach across the aisle to keep the American taxpayers from having to fork over more of their earnings for social programs.

A knock sounds at the door.

“Yeah. Comin,” the president barks.

The door opens, and the vice president, one Joe Biden, walks into the room. He ambles in like an orangutan, slovenly and haphazard, incongruous to his station and his surroundings. He stops in front of the desk and waits. The president does not look up.

After nearly 10 seconds, Biden breaks the silence. “You sent for me, chief?”

“I did.” The president turns a page in his book. He does not look up.

“So…what…um…ya gonna spank me or somethin’? You’re actin’ all medieval.”

b. Hussein closes the book and takes his feet down and sets the book on the edge of the desk, swiveling his chair to face the vice president. He looks up and glares.

“Joey. You’ve become a distraction. Whahmigonnadowitchu?”

Biden raises his eyebrows and grins. “Whatsamatter now, chief. You’re still not sore about that swine flu business from a couple weeks ago, areya?”

The president tilts his head to the left and rolls his eyes and squeezes them shut and sighs. “No, Joey. Itsa little more recent den dat. Memba your speech da other day, when ya spoke for me at da Gridiron Club dinner, so I could be da first president since Grover Cleveland not ta show up? Memba whatchu said?”

Biden stares blankly at the president and then, as if a little caretaker inside his brain has turned on a processor, seems to come online and snaps his head back and says: “Oh, yeah! That was a hoot.”

“A ‘hoot?’” the president says, mockingly, looking at Biden as if he were a stumblebum who just came in from Lafayette Park for a free nip and a five-spot. “Let me quote you.”
A young naval officer giving me a tour of the Naval Observatory showed me the secret underground bunker where Cheney hid during 9/11. It’s behind this massive steel door. It’s got an elaborate lock with a narrow connecting hallway lined with shelves filled with communications equipment.

The officer told me that when Cheney was in lock down, this was where his most trusted aides were stationed.
“Sound remotely familiar, Joey?”

“Um. Yeah. I’m beginning to remember saying something like that.” The vice president looks down at his shoes for a moment, then back at the president and holds up his hands. “But…hey…ya gotta remember. It was, like, the heat of the moment. I was just warming the crowd up. They had this guy speak before me, I think his name was Bob Schieffer, who was all boring and stuff, kept talking about how CBS News sets the industry standard for journalistic fairness.” Biden slaps his thigh and opens his mouth and lets out a booming laugh. “We all know they’re so far up your cornhole they’ll have an exclusive if you ever grow polyps.”

“ENOUGH,” the president screams, standing up behind his desk. “I picked you to be vice president for your experience, but you keep acting like a two year old. I have enough problems with Nancy Pelosi and her expanding and ever-changing tale of when she knew about waterboarding. I have Dick Cheney gaining popularity on me in the polls. Dick…FRIGGIN’…Cheney! I’ve gotta get the Waxman-Markey bill and backdoor national health care through Congress these next few months. I can’t have a vice president running around, dropping mouth bombs like Don Imus every 5 seconds.”

The president turns away and shakes his head and stares out at the South Lawn. “Don’t make me do something I’ll regret, Joey.”

Biden lowers his eyes as if ashamed but…then…can’t help himself…and tries to break the ice:

“Well, look at it this way, chief. If Nancy’s next in line after me for your job, you’d better plan on sticking around for a while.”

The president sits down hard in his chair and leans forward and puts his head in his hands.

“Joey. I sweartagod…oh…crap…I keep forgetting we don’t say that here anymore.” He looks up at Biden, his eyes as hot as Bill Clinton’s libido if he were forced to stay in the same room overnight with a drunken college co-ed. “Don’t push me, Joey.…I don't wanna have ta make ya an offer ya can’t refuse. Ya don’t wanna know dat side a me.”

Biden, thinking the president is joking, throws his head back and laughs and laughs and laughs. "That's a good one, sir. Who says you're not funny?" And he laughs and laughs and laughs.

The lights go out.

And Biden screams.

Cross-posted at The American TEA Party.
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Wednesday, May 20, 2009

"For Political Gain, People Are Making Headlines"

...so says the nitwit making lots of headlines for political gain this year: Arlen Sphincter.

First it was his voting for GoFrigYourselfus because...well..."somebody has to do something."

Then it was his shedding of the elephant trunk (which was really just a strap-on anyway) to reveal himself as the jackass we already knew was underneath because...well...he didn't think he could win re-election as a Republican.

Then, today, in typical Sphincter fashion, he came out and snuggled up with his new Zombiecrat buddy, The Wicked Witch of Congress, defending her lying ass (and a very hideous one at that), therefore placing himself squarely amid the asinine politicization of our national security:
"The current controversy involving Speaker Pelosi and the CIA is very unfortunate, in my opinion, because it politicizes the issue and it takes away attention from ... how does the Congress get accurate information from the CIA?" Specter said. "For political gain, people are making headlines."
I wonder when these yo-yos are going to figure out that the longer they keep Nancy Pelosi's transgressions in the news, the more chance we have to educate people about the truly oppressive "cap and tax" insanity and the ridiculous national health care taxes b. Hussein is lining up.

Just keep talking, you knuckledraggers. I'm beginning to think the new "missing link" had more brains than all of you combined.

Cross-posted here and here.
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