Monday, March 8, 2010

Obama Heads to Gropenhagen for the "Free Sex"

Excuse me while I move some files from the Word Press site over here so I can delete that thing forever. If you didn't see this before, now's your chance!

Previously published 12/7/2009

WASHINGTON – Air Force One took off today ahead of an early arctic blast bound for Gropenhagen, site of the troubled conference on climate change.

But pResident Barack Obama isn’t making an appearance to, as some in the media have suggested, save the world from global warming as he’s saved the world from capitalist racist war-mongering America.

“The pResident is really just going over for the free sex,” according to Red House spokesman Robert Ahhhhhhh Gibbs.

Dogged by accusations of data fraud, mired by the cancellation of a planned speech by global warming alarmist Al Whore, reduced to a meeting to plan for the next international meeting on climate change, the climate conference had the potential to be a stage for Obama to heal the world, just as he’s healed the American economy.

But Gibbs said all that talk of potential had nothing to do with Obama’s need to visit Gropenhagen, since the administration has already ordered the Environmental Protection Agency to round up all Conservatives and Libertarians and tie plastic bags over their heads in order to curb greenhouse gases.

EPA and CO2

A PhotoChop by Jamie

“Who needs an international climate treaty now?” said Gibbs. “We know the globe is cooling. Who cares about facts? Besides, what’s really cooling is the presidential couple’s bedroom, and the pResident just felt it was best to take up the offer by Gropenhagen’s prostitutes of free sex for climate conference attendees.”

Despite this recent publicity shot for Thief Quarterly, Obama is not known as a ladies man, so the statements by Gibbs come as relatively shocking.

Obama, an obvious metrosexual, has never been known to be a womanizer. In fact, all queries into his past relationships with women … any women at all … have come up, strangely, empty. All except for his marriage to Michelle Obama.

Making matters worse were eye-witness accounts reporting that Obama walked onto Air Force One holding hands with unsafe schools/fisting czar Kevin Jennings.

In fact, a recent photograph of the Worst Family has fueled wild speculation that Mrs. Obama may not even be a woman at all.


Via The Big Feed

Finally, noted gay gossip columnist Perez Hilton, when asked to shed light on speculation about the pResident’s sexual orientation, since Gropehagen is also known for it’s gay Twink Light district, was uncharacteristically quiet, instead walking away from this reporter, singing under his breath: “Mmmm mmmm mmmm.”

All of which begs the question: “Is Barack Obama gay?”

Meanwhile, in other climate news, a new explanation of the so-called “hockey stick effect” was unveiled today:

hockeystickgraphVia S. Weasel


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