The New TSA Theme Song

Try it.

Sing the chorus of this song the next time Big Sis' goons want to pat your crotch and grab your breasts to see if you, a law-abiding American citizen, are planning to blow up an airplane.

See how long they continue to grope us for no other reason than to give Janet Napolitano a hard on.



Do you wanna touch (Yeah)
Do you wanna touch (Yeah)
Do you wanna touch me there, where
Do you wanna touch (Yeah)
Do you wanna touch (Yeah)
Do you wanna touch me there, where
There, yeah

Yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah

*

The New TSA Theme Song

That's Right, China, America Does Have a Discrimination Problem

While the Apology Tour continues to circumnavigate the world, spreading a volcanic cloud of toxic Obama Regime propaganda, the latest incident an admission to the shining example of human dignity China of our “discrimination” problem here at home, I'd like to take a moment to bring up, “early and often,” the real “troubling trend in our society.”

It is true that America has a discrimination problem, an incredibly dangerous and insidious and, frankly, “transparent” discrimination problem. America (or rather, the Regime running America) has a problem of discrimination against anyone who disagrees with the Regime, its agenda, or its blatant attempt to tear America down and reconstruct it into something resembling a pseudo contemporary Grecian society of government-dependency addled sycophants.

America has a discrimination problem when a candidate for the U.S. Senate flat out says the American people aren't, “let me be clear,” smart enough to understand legislation that has removed their ability to make their own health care decisions, especially since we read every page of all 7 competing bills long before she opened her fork-tongued mouth.

America has a discrimination problem when freshman (and soon to be unemployed) Congresscriminal Alan Grayson stands in the middle of a family restaurant and screams at his constituents simply because they don't agree with him.

America has a discrimination problem when Senate majority leader Harry Reid (Dickhead, Nevada – but not for long!) refers to peaceful American citizens exercising their Constitutional right to free speech as “'evil-mongers' using 'lies, innuendo and rumor,' to drown out rational debate.”

America has a discrimination problem when the Wicked Witch of Congress calls these same people Nazis and later admits that she would have no pangs of regret about arresting any one of them who refuses to buy health insurance.

America has a discrimination problem when the men and women who shed blood and relinquish their personal freedom in the service and defense of this country are considered potential “right-wing extremists” and enemies of the Regime.

America has a discrimination problem when an American citizen supports the head of an Islamic terrorism organization that would prefer that all Jews gather in Israel so he and others don't have to hunt them down to complete a second Holocaust.

America has a discrimination problem when Attorney General Eric Holder and Homeland Security chief Janet Napolitano say on camera they haven't read a bill that enforces their own immigration laws, while endlessly bullying a governor who has decided that if they won't do their jobs she will, while a public school teacher openly advocates revolution against the United States of America and the leftwing media and federal government (I know: there's a difference?) stand by, quiet as church mice.

America has a discrimination problem when the pResident of the United States dismisses a powerful movement of fed up people, who are black and white and young and old and liberal and independent and libertarian and conservative and rich and poor and all persuasions in between, as “folks waving tea bags around," or, even more representative of the Liar in Chief's “civility,” lovingly demonizes us as “that wing" of the Republican Party, the “tea-baggers.”

America has a discrimination problem when the threat of a boot on the throat is the perfect phrase to describe the people who dangle our nation's future for ransom over a cliff overlooking an abyss.

And somewhere in China, the party leaders bathe in our debt and smile.

Cross-posted at Red State.

*

That's Right, China, America Does Have a Discrimination Problem

The Short List of Candidates to Replace Justice Stevens

Image by iOwnTheWorld.com

Justice John Paul Stevens, the longest-serving member of SCOTUS, is retiring to the old-old folks home. It's probably about time he hangs up his robe anyway, if he can still remember where to find it. George Burns said sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope; I would imagine that interpreting the Constitution at age 90 is like trying to throw a baseball when you're the wrong president.

It's a tough age. My grandma's 90, and her biggest obsession is worrying about how much nothing works as well as it used to. (Hell, I'm in my 40s and I know that already.) Then again, my Dad's dad was still delivering the mail at 90 -- driving down the road at 15 mph and pissing off every person in upstate New York, all of them getting stuck behind his stationwagon, the line of cars sometimes seeming to back all the way up to the Tapanzee.

It's probably good timing for Justice Stevens to step down, anyway. It will give the ADHD-addled Liar in Chief something else to do, since he seems to hop from issue to issue to issue like a rabbit with a harem. It'll also give the talking heads something to talk about, who pResident Barack Obama will probably nominate. Allow me to jump the gun, and give you the likely short list of candidates.

1. Oprah. She doesn't have a law license, but in the Obama Regime, why let qualifications get in the way? The Puffer in Chief owes her. She coined the term "The One." She's probably half the reason he's in office right now, well maybe only 10 percent if you remember the MSM inserted their heads so firmly inside Obama's colon they extracted enough Obamalove to smear on the voters. Still, Oprah could be Zero's one. She's retiring from TV, needs something to do, and has a marker to call in. Besides, I hear Obama needs to find a place for her since her tryst with him and Mobama isn't working out.

2. Janet Napolitano may be among the list of candidates, but then again I hear Obama wants to nominate a woman.

3. Joe Biden. If Zero doesn't go the route of nominating a woman to the bench, where else could Joey Mumbles do more harm? Also, Joey's twice been under the knife for brain aneurysms, and the last time the doctor accidentally cut the nerve leading to Joey's manhood, effectively rendering him a woman. Furthermore, the Obama Regime won't be complete until a Supreme Court justice mentions the words "This is a big fuckin' deal" on camera. And finally, after Zero's healthcare "victory," Obama certainly has been throwing his weight around like someone who doesn't need an insurance policy.

4. Michelle Obama. Sources say RuPaul would top this list, because Obama really wants to appoint a transgender justice, but shehe doesn't have a law license. Then again, neither does Mobama since she "voluntarily" surrendered her law license in 1993. But she does have experience denying people healthcare, a big bonus since Obama may have to fight an eventual challenge to Obamacare in the Supreme Court. She may also fit the transgender prerequisite.

5. Barack Obama. Is it any surprise? Last time I looked, Barack Obama was an expert on everything. Already the CEO of GM, the nation's chief nuclear expert, our Physician in Chief, top insurance expert, head apologist, and top economist (no doubt I'm leaving out many of his other areas of expertise), the pResident has to occupy his time with something other than ... being president.

A PhotoChop by Jamie

*

The Short List of Candidates to Replace Justice Stevens

Obama Replaces Naplolitano with Gunsling Gilbert Arenas

Excuse me while I move some files from the Word Press site over here so I can delete that thing forever. If you didn't see this before, now's your chance!

Previously published 1/5/2010

WASHINGTON – As part of a slew of new and drastic airport security measures unveiled today, pResident Barack Obama made the swift move of replacing Janet Naplolitano as head of Homeland Security with the NBA’s empty pistol packing Gilbert Arenas.

“When a suspected terrorist is able to board a plane with explosives on Christmas Day, the system has failed in a potentially disastrous way,” the pResident said, “and that is why I have decided to take bold action and replace Mr. … I mean … Ms. Napolitano with Gilbert Arenas.”

Arenas, the deft and dumb point guard for the Capitol’s Washington Wizards, had been under investigation for storing an empty handgun in his locker, after sources revealed he and teammate Javaris Crittenton pulled guns on each other Christmas Eve during an argument over a gambling debt.

But that’s all in the past now, the pResident said.

“We don’t have all the facts here, but what we do know is that Arenas acted stupidly, a quality I pride in every member of my administration,” Obama said. “If he’d been in charge of Homeland Security on Christmas Day, the public never would have heard of Umar Farouk Abdul Mutallab because Arenas would have jumped on an airplane Christmas Eve and flown to Holland and pulled an empty pistol and pretended to shoot the man, scaring him right out of those underpants. Case closed.”

The pResident said Arenas’ first mission will be to recruit the three crashers of Obama’s November state dinner party to infiltrate Al Qaeda in Yemen.

“If they can get past my crack security detail, they can help us find the next waive of underwear bombers, since it’s well-known that most terrorists don’t even wear underwear, for it interferes with their man-goat love,” Obama said, adding he was making the project known to the public in order to “project my calm on the American people.”

Obama announced other security measures, all suggested by Arenas, that will take effect immediately, including requiring all U.S.-bound passengers to wear see-through clothing made of plastic wrap.

Anyone suspected of terrorism will be hauled off the airplane prior to takeoff and forced into stupid handgun games you would only ask a Democrat to play, such as Russian roulette, putting on a flak jacket and having someone shoot you at point blank range, and trying to catch a bullet with your teeth.

“That ought to improve our chances of catching more than 1 in 4 people who would like to affect a man-caused disaster while flying to this sorry ass nation that everybody outside our borders hates, and for good reason, since we suck,” Obama said.

*

Obama Replaces Naplolitano with Gunsling Gilbert Arenas

Terrorism in 1776

Hey, Janet. Ever heard of The Founders?

They were terrorists, too:

*

Terrorism in 1776

Domestic Extremism Lexicon

I swear, Janet Napolitano's either retarded or brain-dead. Does she think we wouldn't get hold of these silly little federal reports?

Get your copy here. The report previously defined several classifications of domestic terrorists, including tax haters, before being pulled by the Homeland Security Department, just in time for Napolitano to release the now-famous right-wing extremist document that paints veterans as potential terrorists.

Great job once again, Napolitano...you friggin' idiot.

*

Domestic Extremism Lexicon

DUELING AHHHHS! Napolitano vs. Gibbs

Janet and Gibbsy. LIVE! In Concert!

Earlier, Hannity played these press briefings from today over top of one another, and the results were hysterical (in a sad kind of way), so many ahhhs together it sounded almost like a duet, a dummy duet.

I can't do it any justice, and I don't have the shorter clips, but you'll get the gist from watching these videos.

Our brightest and finest in action, once again....

First, Janet:



And now...the master....Gibbsy:

*

DUELING AHHHHS! Napolitano vs. Gibbs

The Weekly WTF?!: Janet Napolitano Blames Canada for 9-11

A slightly tamer version of my post from earlier this week on Janet "I Need Tape Over My Mouth" Napolitano, spewed over here at 1,461 Days: The Story of the Obama Administration.

*

The Weekly WTF?!: Janet Napolitano Blames Canada for 9-11

THE SHUT YOUR FRIGGIN’ YAP OF THE DAY: “Blame Canada for September 11, 2001”

Yes, I DO have a penis, but it's really, really small.

A series on stupid things people say that clearly show they have no friggin' clue:

Of all the stupid things for a member of b. Hussein’s administration to say. Then again, stupid statements from these incompetents seem to come flying at us daily, so who the hell am I kidding?

Still…this one may be the dumbest of them all…Janet Napolitano, the latest Obama administration figure in need of a teleprompter, said this outrageousness Monday in an interview with CBC of Canada:

NM: I'm going to quote you here. A couple of weeks ago, you said that, you cited a feeling in the United States that if things — this is a quote — "are being done on the Mexican border, they should also be done on the Canadian border. We shouldn't go light on one border and not on the other."

You know 6,000 civilians were killed in drug violence in Mexico last year. They export kidnappings. I think we can all agree that's not happening in Saskatchewan. Why the need for same level of security on the Canadian border as on the Mexican border given two drastically different realities?

JN: Look, the comment you read of course was taken out of context. The law doesn't differentiate. The law says the borders are the borders and these are the kind of things that have to be done at the borders.

Secondly, yes, Canada is not Mexico, it doesn't have a drug war going on, it didn't have 6,000 homicides that were drug-related last year. Nonetheless, to the extent that terrorists have come into our country or suspected or known terrorists have entered our country across a border, it's been across the Canadian border. There are real issues there.

NM: Are you talking about the 9/11 perpetrators?

JN: Not just those but others as well. So again, every country is entitled to have a border. It's part of sovereignty. It's part of knowing who's in the country.

Wonders never cease. It’s inconceivable that the head of Homeland Security could be so ill-advised as to quote a rumor from 8 years ago as fact today, not to mention touch off a border dispute with a friendly neighbor with more than a few conservatives…then again, with these buffoons in charge, maybe it does make sense.

One thing I do know: This is not what South Park was aiming for with "Blame Canada":



Listen, we all know Napolitano’s still suffering from losing her promised sexual reorientation surgery from b. Hussein’s 2010 budget after yesterday’s $100 million in cuts (that will take years to go into effect) in an effort to appease the 1 million-plus who attended last week’s tea parties. Oh, I’m just kidding…she’s already really a man.

But, really, Janet, if you’re going to be trusted to handle security in this country -- granted, your boss isn’t doing you any favors with his French-kissing of Hugo Chavez and playing footsy with Daniel Ortega and sending love letters and videos to Hamas and Mahmoud Ahmadinejad -- you really need to read the 9-11 Commission Report.

Maybe you're just trying to deflect attention from your other idiocy of the month.

Don’t count on it. We already know you need to read The Border for Dummies.

SHUT YOUR FRIGGIN’ YAP!

*

THE SHUT YOUR FRIGGIN’ YAP OF THE DAY: “Blame Canada for September 11, 2001”