Saturday, August 29, 2009

The Infamous "I'm a Democrat" Post Published in Temerity

Stop by Temerity magazine on Issuu, and you'll find the infamous I'm a Democrat piece on pp. 30-31.

For those who don't know, I say infamous because I pitched a pretty big fit around here earlier this week when I found out a blogger over at sodahead had found the piece, unattributed in her email, and embellished it. (Luckily she pulled her post after I soiled my panties, and as a result I pulled my hissy fit here.)

Maybe I should have chosen Dr. Drama for my pseudonym.

Anyway, click over to Grizzly Groundswell creator Chad Everson's Temerity magazine and give all 50 pages a read. You can download the entire issue as a PDF if you join Issuu (I don't know if I have to invite you to belong, so please drop me an email if that is the case and I'll invite you).

Oh...and I promise you won't get struck by lightning for stopping by.

(You can also read the original, which has been slightly adapted for Temerity, here.)

Friday, August 28, 2009

Lightning Sucks

Did I ever tell you how much I friggin' HATE living in Georgia?

Right after we bought this POS house in 2007, we had a heavy downpour with lightning. The garage (basement) flooded, my HDTV got zapped, and the new garage door opener I installed turned into a little ball of melted plastic, which I had to extricate from the ceiling with a jackhammer. Not really, but the line fit the story, so...

Last year, a power surge during a T-storm with 742,999,874 strikes of lightning in the metro Atlanta area took out my cable modem, my VOIP TA, my router, my Sling device for routing the innertubes to the man/blogging cave, and my wife's Ethernet card.

Just the other day, we had another T-storm, this one with only 48,591, 395 strikes of lightning, that graciously took out only my NEW VOIP TA and fried my wife's computer so good that the hour glass on startup sticks around like a 42-year-old kid who's never moved out.

So if you wonder why I'm not friggin' here, you now know that all 2 of my mechanical fingers are raised toward the heavens in hopes of getting struck by lightning, while the rest of my digits are busy rebuilding my network, complete with a POS new HP laptop I got for the missus that won't download all kinds of software because, well, Vista sucks, and so does Bill Fucking' Gates.

Thursday, August 27, 2009

We're All Crazy -- Thank Friggin' God

P.J. O'Rourke, the snarkiest of us snarkers, absolutely skewers the Washington Post's Sunday coverage of regular Americans cornering their so-called representatives in Congress like lions chasing down sick zebras.

Here's a little taste of his most recent Weekly Standard piece:

And I can't help the Washington Post. Why is the paper intimidated by dissent that's tame even by Adlai Stevenson standards? Not that the Post has ever been exactly a "profile in courage." (A little joke there about the propensity to endorse anything with a Kennedy stuck to it.) No doubt it's always alarming to the know-it-alls when ordinary people decide they'd like some say in ordinary life, when regular folk tell the know-it-alls to take their fishwrap and go blog themselves. And the Post has been extra jumpy since it got caught trying to pimp Washington's power elite to K Street lobbyists at a pay-to-play bun fight in the publisher's manse. Personally I thought this was great--the first time the newspaper had shown any respect for the free market system since Eleanor Roosevelt was a pup. But terror, like the Post, is not a thing of reason. Dread lurks in wise and prestigious institutions across the land. Rick Perlstein has a phrase that gives poignant expression to this fear and trembling: "America, where the crazy tree blooms in every moment of liberal ascendency."

Oh, it's a crazy tree. And the taller it grows, the crazier it gets. And I roost upon the tip-top branch. Ye of the Washington Post, Don't park your SmartCar under my perch.


Wednesday, August 26, 2009

B'bye, Teddy

Since I don't want to look like this, I'll always remember you for inspiring go on a diet and lose the 40 pounds I've gained during your last 20 years in the Senate.

BTW: Drop me a line, willya? I'm very interested in what Old Scratch thinks about Obugger.

UPDATE: And from your last-place nightly news commenter/Democratic party shill, Chris "Thrill up my Leg" Matthews, we have this: Obugger is the last Kennedy brother:

The comedy train just rolls on and on.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

BHO Pet Peeves From Today's Twitterverse

Every once in a while someone comes up with a good "twitter game," a copycat train with a term like bhopetpeeves preceeded by a hash tag and some snarky comment. Naturally, when it's good, the twitterverse joins in (at least, the conservative twits, that is).

Today was one of those good days. Here's my contribution, such as it is:

Flies that swat him #bhopetpeeves

Paying for date night #bhopetpeeves

Not being able to flag his neighbor #bhopetpeeves

Anything that comes out of Joe Biden’s mouth #bhopetpeeves

Mobacca saying: Barry, STFU #bhopetpeeves

South American dictators who scold him #bhopetpeeves

A broken TOTUS #bhopetpeeves

Having to write his own books #bhopetpeeves

Having used his birth certificate to roll a fatty #bhopetpeeves

When Ted Kennedy says, “I’ll drive.” #bhopetpeeves

Being called a racist #bhopetpeeves

RT @cprater Black Conservatives #bhopetpeeves

IQ tests #bhopetpeeves

Rasmussen daily presidential tracking polls #bhopetpeeves

Having to take the blue pill #bhopetpeeves

Robert Gibbs saying "Ahh" more times in a sentence than him #bhopetpeeves

Knowing Helen Thomas doesn't like him either #bhopetpeeves

Not being able to golf 12 hours a day #bhopetpeeves

People with immunity to single-payer health care #bhopetpeeves

Having to earn his pay grade #bhopetpeeves

Town hall mobsters, The Wicked Witch of Congress’ Nazis, and Harry Reid’s evil mongers #bhopetpeeves

When the folks who created the mess do a lot of talking #bphopetpeeves

1-20-2013 bumper stikers #bhopetpeeves

When the WSJ says he needs to move right #bhopetpeeves

Looking like the joker on thousands of posters #bhopetpeeves

Jesse Jackson wanting him neutered #bhopetpeeves

Turtle tunnels that don’t get built #bhopetpeeves

Teachable moments that backfire #bhopetpeeves

When the economy isn’t so rescued #bhopetpeeves

Susan Boyle bumping him from NBC #bhopetpeeves

When Google hits for “economic depression go up #bhoppetpeeves

Obama collectible crap no one wants #bhopetpeeves

Lead in his vegetables #bhopetpeeves

Being called Muslim #bhopetpeeves

Being called Obugger in print #bhopetpeeves

His granny being allowed to get a new hip #bhopetpeeves

Having a beer with Sean Hannity #bhopetpeeves

Car companies that don’t need bailouts, banks that don’t want bailouts, and voters who can’t wait for 2012 #bhopetpeeves

Getting caught looking at a 16-year-old rear-end #bhopetpeeves

When Bill Clinton tells him how much fun the flight back from North Korea was #bhopetpeeves

Gordon Brown giving him DVDs that don’t work in America #bhopetpeeves

Please go ahead and continue in the comments section what I didn't get to here....

Monday, August 24, 2009

The New Obama Nation

Michael Jackson only wishes his Thriller video could look so real. But then again, Obugger is the king of the zombie moonbats (according to my kids), so this incredible video is only appropriate:

From Hopespringseternal, aka Dazed and Confused.

Sunday, August 23, 2009

Man, I'm So Glad I'm Not a Public Official

That stuff the German girl made me do way back in my formative years with those other women would really come back to haunt me.

What? You have something against dancing at an Oktoberfest in lederhosen?

(All I can say is, it's good not to be the gubernator or not to live in Cauli-for-nia or not to have a clown for your feckless leader. But at least he can speak Japanese and use chop sticks.)

h/t: Boortz

Saturday, August 22, 2009

I Just Love Obugger's Priorities

Just like when he was gazing at some young girl's behind, Obugger's head just isn't in the game. August, traditionally a very quiet month in politics, is turning out to be his Waterloo. And he's out walking the beach, on our dime.

Loose the public, Obugger, especially the senior public, and you lose the war.

Enjoy that vacation. You're going to wish you were retired (and you soon may be).

Click to scratch and sniff.

h/t: Nietzsche is Dead

Friday, August 21, 2009

Nah...There Ain't No Death Panels Here

From the lips of Obugger to Jewish rabbis, says Klavan:
According to Ben Smith over at Politico, President Barack Obama gave some theological weight to his health care plan during a phone call to a group of Rabbis the other day. Referring to the belief that God decides during the Jewish New Year “who shall live and who shall die,” Obama told the rebs, “We are God’s partners in matters of life and death.”
Take note, ladies and gentlemen. A sitting U.S. pResident, who denies his health care bill provides death counseling, just said to Jewish people (who, perhaps more than anyone else, know a little bit about death at the hands of government) that:

"[Elected officials of the U.S. Federal Government] are God’s partners in matters of life and death.”

Are you getting what he means? Because, and I'm just typing off the top of my head here, apparently the rest of us who latched on to this "death panel" thing, long before Sarah Palin did, are apparently ... just ... making ... things ... up ... out ... of ... thin ... air.

h/t: Cold Fury

Gibbsy's "Wee Weed Up" Response

Rumbling stumbling bumbling Press Secretary Robert "Ahhh" Gibbs tried to explain today what Obugger meant by his "wee weed up" comment from Thursday:

"It's a phrase I use,'' White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs said today, hesitating at his press briefing to offer a physical demonstration of the phraseology.

"Let's do this in a way that's family friendly,'' Gibbs said. "I think 'wee-weed up' is when people get all nervous for no particular reason....

"August of 2008, everybody was nervous about whether the entire presidential campaign was slipping out from the hands of the president,'' Gibbs said, turning the page to this August, in which all the president's critics are declaring his health-care initiatives in peril. "This is sort of an August pundit pattern of people getting overly nervous about something that has a long way to go...

"Bedwetting would probably be the more consumer-friendly term for it,'' the press secretary said.

"I hesitate to call August a make it or break it'' month, Gibbs said today of the president's troubles with health-care as he departs today for a week's vacation at Martha's Vineyard off the coast of Cape Cod.

"Much is always made of where things are at a certain point in the process,'' Gibbs said, but the White House isn't focused on "the 24-hour news cycle... I don't know that I would too much into any specific time period like August.''

The trouble is, Gibbsy, there's suggestion, meaning "spin" (by you), and there's reality, and the reality is your boss is flailing around in the wind like a torn sail.

Or should I say he's pissing in the wind?

I think that's a more appropriate definition of "wee weed up," but then I have a basic understanding of how words work. Gibbsy? He's still a bed-wetting child.

UPDATE!: There's a terrible controversy brewing that must simply be put to rest. The rumors are awful: Does Gibbs piss standing up? Does he piss sitting down? Does he wear Depends?

This SHOCKING photo, JUST IN!, should set the record straight.

Robert Gibbs, White House Press Secretary, takes a leak after Friday's press conference.

Thursday, August 20, 2009

The Doctor Is Finally Friggin' In...

Now then...grab your boys and cough. I need to see if this place herniated during my absence.

Really, though, this blog might actually be bloody better off if I just stay away. It's a sad state of affairs when the guests are cooler and get more comments than the host's stale retreads (though I knew all along they would and thusly invited the fellows to hang about for a bit because of their talents).

Alas, however, contrary to the popular refrain from Cheech and Chong, Dave is indeed here, man.

It was a perilous journey up into the Great Lame North, but I made relatively easy work of things. The poor blue states never knew what hit them. And before anyone realized I'd been around, they were all staring at the 1-20-2013 sticker on the back of the family Caravan, wondering what fortune teller had just sped south past their creepy little yellow smart cars at 80 mph (their top speed of 6 mph making all 112 1/2 barely breathing horses under the family Caravan's hood look like they powered the friggin' space shuttle).

And I didn't even get any dirty looks...which should tell you how fickle indeed the poor starving and over-taxed blue staters really are, deep down inside, once ACORN's left town and the locals have had a chance to peek at the sun for the three months it's around, contrary to the warnings of the impotent anthropomorphic global warming freaks walking about, trying to thumb a ride to the 40th anniversary of Woodstock, only to find out they need a friggin' paying ticket, and the cops will stomp their ass if they try to force their way in free all legacy horror-show like.

Someday I'll have to tell you the story of how I could have been the first baby to dance to Jimi Hendrix's version of The Star Spangled Banner, live, if it weren't for my savvy father.

Anyway, I'd like to say my mission succeeded in the smoting down of the evil Ed Rendell and the odious Arlen Sphincter and the cretinous John Murtha. I'd like to say that on my way past the Beltway I slipped on the ole Ninja getup and sneaked into D.C. and tossed a bucket of water on the Wicked Witch of Congress and watched her shriek "My Botox! My Botox! My Botox!" as she melted into a pool of toxic waste. I'd like to say I ran that nasty old Obugger back down into that fissure from hell he crawled out of, shoving Rahmbo and his Dr. Mengele wanna be brother down after him. I'd like to say that during our return through West Virginia my trusty shotgun shredded every "Robert Byrd Highway to Nowhere" system sign we passed. Hell, I'd like to say that I single handedly rolled back 66 years of ruinous liberal assaults on the Constitution and restored the grace of the Republic for years to come.

A fine dream indeed, but lies they'd be if I boasted such triumphs were true. (One of these days I'll have to vacation in Grand-dad and Granny land when the bastards we elect are in town, so I can stop by on the way up or down and wreak utter havoc.)

I did, however, tell one brash Noo Yawka liquor store vendor to "fuck off. You can get your business from someone more deserving of your abuse, like a union Democrat thug," after he wouldn't let me look at a little bottle of Wudka that would have been perfect for a few martinis on a hot summer's day on mom's back porch.

So I went cow tipping instead.

And for all the fine cows that ended up lying sideways (btw..."cow tipping" is a friggin' doesn't work, but if you try it on a bull, he might just tip you, head over friggin' heels), I'd like to say each one reminded me of Mike, Matt, and Innominatus for holding down the fort with grace and style and humor and dignity, even if it put them on Obugger's new report-thy-neighbor list.

What color is the sky in their world?

White, gun toting, racist, would be assassins that are really black;

abandoning the abandonment of the "abandoned" public-option;

no, we weren´t not collecting data!

Is this the flailing of the Obama machine Andrew Breitbart was writing about? Hope so, because I´m about to go scalpal.

Dr. Dave returning soon?

The original agreement called for us guest bloggers to try to look busy until the 20th, and in exchange we'd get some not-quite-stale Hostess pastries. Well, today's the 20th, and Dr. Dave hasn't broken radio silence for a couple days. I'm not sure what to make of that. Is he getting back tonight? Tomorrow? Is he in a FEMA camp scrawling his escape plans in the dirt with a sharp stick? Will he be all rested and relaxed when he gets back, leading to lots of posts about kittens and rainbows? Or has this car trip left him all frazzled and snarling and ready to break things?

Answers, people! I need answers!

RESPOST: Welcome to My Obama Bunker (SHHHH!)

Stay the HELL away from my loo!

Welcome to my Obama bunker. I’ve been stocking this thing…oh… for about 2 years, ever since b. Hussein entered the race. We all knew it was coming to this…even if no one wanted to say it aloud…and I just had to make sure I was ready for whatever comes my way.

Watch your step. It’s a little cluttered down here. I have so many supplies I can barely get back to the Reliance Luggable Loo (So handy, so convenient you might find yourself saying, "Luggable Loo, I love you!"). And that’s the most important part of any bunker.

On your right, there, witness 782 cases of homebrewed beer (I gave the other 218 to Amy Winehouse for Christmas). That’s prime grade-A ale, my friend, brewed with thicketberry, dandelion, and some orange peels left over from the orange tree I dug up, hauled here, and potted in my living room when we fled Florida (we were a little worried about Al Gore’s predictions of a new coastline).

Right behind that…damn…sorry about that, son…you should be a little more careful…it doesn’t take two eyes to see a forklift in front of your face (that’s my battering ram, in case the Obama Mania Media get wind of this place).

As I was saying, right behind that, along the whole south wall there, we’ve got AKs, SKSs, 9s, 44s, 20-gauges, 10-gauges, 30-aught-6s, and 50-cals. Yeah…we’re pretty prepared around here. You never know when you’ll have too few, particularly since is ALL loopy to spill the beans on Obama’s gun-law plan. Yeah…I took advantage of the gun show loop hole in recent years. So what? Haven’t you seen what government can do to unarmed citizens?

Below them, well, those ammo cans aren’t stuffed with cigars.

BUT…we do have 65 cases of Montecristo No. 2s over here…AND…an air filtration system that turns smoke into water. No…nimrod…not so I can drink it or breathe clean air. For watering the orange tree and flushing the Luggable Loo! Water…Jeez…you think I brewed 782 cases of beer so I could drink water? Hell…that’s what those 20 50-gallon drums are for, right back there on the north wall…. No, dummy…they’re not full of water…are you paying attention? They’re full of VODKA. I figure if the shit hits the fan and anyone who voted for Obama comes around looking for something to drink, I’ll be friendly as hell (while armed, of course) and give them some “water.” After a few sips, they’ll pass out, we’ll push them out the door, and slide the Willocks home. (Did I mention I have Michael Vick standing guard as a sacrificial idiot inside if the locks fail? I figure the first 100 or so people who get in will be so pissed at him, they’ll try to drown him in the vodka before hearing the “click-click-click” of my interior claymore mine defense.)

Jeez…do you ask some dumb questions. You sure you’re not with the OMM? No…bright eyes…I’m not worried about bacteria polluting the vodka (what… you always hear people talk about claymore mines and ignore it?), Vodka is STERILE…you can do friggin’ surgery with it.

Hell, I’ll bet I just gave you a better answer than that muttering fool press secretary Robert Gibbs on day 1 [or day 2 or 3 or…1,461]: “Ahh…ahh….ahh…well…I think…ahh…the president…ahh…answered that…ahh…what was the question again?...ahh…oh yeah…he gave you an idea of whether…ah…or not we’re at war…ah…in his inauguration speech. So…you’ll just have to go on YouTube for your quote…ahh…I guess.”

Yep…anyway…I’m thinking that’s enough fluids to get me through 8 years, give or take a few complete country-wide shutdowns. Lord knows, booze will be the next item taxed to pay off the 1 trillion bucko deficit b. Hussein plans to add this year to the current 11 or so trillion bucko deficit. So…again…I was thinking ahead.

No, dippy…I’m not counting on just 4 years. Like I said…I’m thinking ahead. Why? Well, when you start handing out $1,000 tax credits to people who didn’t earn $1,000 in 2008…dontcha think they’re going to vote for him again?

I mean, can you believe the expectations placed on this guy? People think he’s going to fix global warming, the economy, end the war on terror (or is it a more subtle thing, like a “dialogue with our brothers of Islam?”), bring the crops back to life with Gatorade, and serve up free monster truck rallies every Sunday!

He can’t help but put every able bodied citizen in the country on the public dole. Dick Morris is right…under b. Hussein America WILL become like socialist France. Which might be pretty cool, actually. I mean…do we all get a statue of the Eiffel Tower and immediately act like assholes when anyone asks us a question in a foreign language? I can’t friggin’ WAIT! ‘Cause right now, I have to act like I’m doing that dude from Oman a favor when I try to discuss the merits of contemporary oil policy, freedom of religion, and how we frown on suicide bombers in HIS friggin’ language…because he doesn’t know mine.

Welcome to America, Sahibi (Saa-hebi) صاحبي

Anyway, right back here, I’ve got my private collection of Charlize Theron photos. Yes…she’s clothed, you degenerate. What…do I look like Larry JackAss Flynt to you? Notice I’m not applying for a bailout. Notice I have a bunker…self-sustenance…self-reliability.

I don’t need anyone to pay my gas bills and mortgage for me.

Hey…just why are you here anyway? Ah hah!…you’re with the Obama crew, aren’t you? How’d you find this place anyway…did you use that damned WhosHere app for the iPhone to find me? I KNEW I should have flushed that piece of crap a long time ago. And I thought I was being a smartass having a backup for surfing Drudge in case I go underground while the world goes to hell.

Hey!…looky here…did I show you the Reliance Luggable Loo?

I’ve added a neat little hack…yep… (girglgirglgirglgirlgl!) it disposes of spies, too.

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Tastes Like Burning

John Mackey, CEO of Whole Foods:

a guy that believes "businesses that focus strictly on profits will be voted out," so pays himself a dollar a year (!) and donates his stock profits to charity.

a guy that, in a debate with Milton Friedman (!), stated:

[H]uman nature isn't just about self-interest. It also includes sympathy, empathy, friendship, love, and the desire for social approval. As motives for human behavior, these are at least as important as self-interest. For many people, they are more important.

When we are small children we are egocentric, concerned only about our own needs and desires. As we mature, most people grow beyond this egocentrism and begin to care about others--their families, friends, communities, and countries. Our capacity to love can expand even further: to loving people from different races, religions, and countries--potentially to unlimited love for all people and even for other sentient creatures. This is our potential as human beings, to take joy in the flourishing of people everywhere. Whole Foods gives money to our communities because we care about them and feel a responsibility to help them flourish as well as possible.

The business model that Whole Foods has embraced could represent a new form of capitalism, one that more consciously works for the common good instead of depending solely on the "invisible hand" to generate positive results for society. The "brand" of capitalism is in terrible shape throughout the world, and corporations are widely seen as selfish, greedy, and uncaring.This is both unfortunate and unnecessary, and could be changed if businesses and economists widely adopted the business model that I have outlined here.

But, hey; Fuck. That. He made himself look smarter than Obama, and gave me indigestion of the soul; boycott that thon-of-a-bitch!


Somali Pirates Kidnap Obama’s Teleprompter (Revisited)

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Four Somali pirates sneaked into the White House this morning and kidnapped President b. Hussein’s teleprompter, slinking away down to the Potomac River, where they escaped in an oarless crew boat and drifted toward the Chesapeake Bay.

Within minutes, the president pulled all three warships tracking another boatload of pirates holding a U.S. ship's captain hostage off the Somali coast and sent them racing toward the Suez Canal. They are expected to join at least a dozen ships mustered from U.S. naval ports around the Washington area, in about two weeks.

Marine attack helicopters were already flying over the crew boat as it floated toward the bay. Navy SEALs were said to be preparing to dive into the river, so they could intercept the crew boat before it reached the bay. Snipers were also lining up along the Maryland side.

“It’s one thing for pirates to kidnap an American citizen, but this current problem is a matter of national security,” said Press Secretary Robert Gibbs. “We will pray for the safety of Richard Phillips, captain of the Maersk Alabama, once his captors reach shore in Somalia, but the administration is very, very upset about this latest development. The president has been crying and trying to speak, though we don’t know what he’s saying since teleprompter isn’t here. The vice president has already started in on his first six-pack of Budweiser for the day, and he usually waits until after church."

Gibbs, visibly shaking, said the president had hoped to resolve the Phillips situation peacefully with help from an international coalition, but he just ran out of time.

“The president will deal swiftly and decidedly with this group of pirates,” Gibbs said. “Make no mistake, this matter will end badly for them, especially if they harm teleprompter.”

There was no word on teleprompter’s condition at this time. It did try to send a message back to the White House, but its wireless relay was apparently malfunctioning. Using binoculars, this reporter could see what appeared to be the following message on its screen: “DON’T COME FOR ME. I ORCHESTRATED THIS ESCAPE. I CAN’T TAKE ANYMORE ABUSE FROM THESE INCOMPETENTS.”

White House officials had no comment on the message, other than to attribute it to a possible virus uploaded by the pirates.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

This guy brings out the worst in me

I saw over at Hot Air that our licksphincter of a president is offering up our money to Petrobras, the Brazilian oil company, to help develop a big offshore oil field. $2 billion, billion with a "b." It is outrageous, especially coming from a guy who's so against domestic drilling and petroleum use. But for whatever reason, the issue just didn't piss me off the way it should have. 'Spose I'm just getting used to Obama being a lying, hypocritical POS who throws our money around like it is effin' confetti.

Then I read further and saw that George Soros just-so-happened to make a big stock move in Petrobras that coincided (coincided, yeah right) with Obama's $2 billion pledge.

OK, now I'm officially pissed! Isn't this prick rich enough yet? Aren't we in enough debt already? I know Barry has made the pissing away of billions an almost trivial event, but WTF? Put us on the hook for more debt so Georgie can get richer and Brazil can sell us oil we should be drilling ourselves? Son...of...a...bitch!

I'm kind of a newbie around here, so a lot of you don't know all that much about me or my writing. I'm basically a really low-key easy-going guy. I mostly just write sarcastic, even bordering on silly, stuff to try to entertain. It takes A LOT to get my blood pressure up where it is right now. This Soros pitsniffer really, really pisses me off.

"Death Panel" controversy

Heh. I think I just came up with a name for my gun collection. The Death Panel.

REPOST: Yo. I Am Bo...and I Friggin' Hate It Here

Yes, asshole. I have flowers around my neck. Take the friggin' pic already, willya?

My name is Bo. I’m not sure why I’m here. They brought me over a few weeks ago from that puppy training place in Virginia to “get acquainted,” whatever that means. Immediately, I couldn’t stand the place. First they had that wild staring lunatic who’s missing part of a finger follow me around with a hydraulic pooper scooper and biodegradable wee-wee pads, just in case I had to go in the Oval Office. I hear it wouldn’t be the first time someone defiled that floor, so what’s the big deal?

They also had me meet that guy Gibbsy. You know, the one who actually says “ahhh” more than my new owner? He wanted to take me to one of his press briefings, told me I could really do him a favor if I traded growls with Chuck Todd for the day. But I declined. I had an itch, and I just couldn’t stop scratching. Gibbsy even tried to help. I thought that was nice of him. At first. When his tongue started lolling out, like I was scratching him, I thought he might be a little bit weird. So I bolted.

(Later I saw him sniffing a cat’s ass, and then I knew he wasn’t there at all.)

After I got away from Gibbsy, I ran into this Eric Holder guy, who kept asking me about my nationality (I’m Portuguese, you nitwit), whether I knew some dude named Elian, and if I wouldn’t mind that my new owner was bringing in someone from Gitmo to be my caretaker. Seems they’re closing that nice resort down, and the good people who used to live there, after earlier having lived in caves most of their adult lives, need a nice place to live in America. So I guess I’m getting my very own dogman; I’m not sure if I’m into the use of Arabic knives with curved blades as teaching tools, though. I’ve learned a few things from watching Cujo on DVD back in puppy school that I can use in my defense. Just in case.

I managed to get away from that Holder guy, too, but then this really evil lady got in my way. I swear I could see in her glazed eyes that I was a goner. She kept calling me “Vincent.” Then she called me “Bill,” and stomped her feet, as if she were even angrier, and screamed something about a purple dress. But then, strangely, she glanced away (my new owner was coming down the hall, I’d noticed) and started laughing as if someone had just told a joke about a bunch of Somali pirates who’d kidnapped an American ship captain and were holding him hostage and it reminded her back when she was first lady and her husband had to deal with pirates. HaHaHaHa! Yeah, lady. That’s really friggin’ funny (sorry, they taught me to curse back in the puppy mill in Erie).

So after that I had to hang around with The Guy With Big Ears for the rest of the day. Everywhere we went, there was a teleprompter, and every time The Guy With Big Ears said something to me, he had to look at the teleprompter. Do you know how puppy talk sounds when it’s read from a teleprompter?

I tried to tell my new owner I wasn’t having any of this federal dog bullshit. I bit his hand. I pissed on his shoe. I even tried humping his wife’s leg, but just being around her made me sick to my stomach. Like I said, that Oval Office floor’s been cleaned before.

When they sent me back up to puppy school, man, I thought I was home free. Golly. Was I ever wrong. For two weeks, I had to sit in class and get a crash course in The Communist Manifesto, Mein Kampf, the Modern Socialist State, and How to Pull off Systemic Stealth Jihad in America 101 - 303.

Needless to say, when I came back to the White House for Easter weekend, for good, I was exhausted, a zombie walking through a daze (although I was starting to recognize all the familiar symptoms of communism…. Hey, I really learned my stuff in training school!).

So I’ll let them lead me around on a leash for a while. I’ll even let them dress me up in smelly Hawaiian flowers. I’ll bide my time, like I’m my own little terrorist sleeper cell. While they go after the banks and the automakers and the insurance companies and the right-wing nuts, I’ll just sit here and wait. And when they least expect it? CRUNCH! I’m going to eat one of those big friggin’ ears.

I have to say one thing, though: At least when That Guy With Big Ears speaks to me without a teleprompter, he sounds like a dog person: “Ahhh…portie-wortie wanna scratchy behind the eary? Ahhh…you have webbed feet….ahhh….we’ll teach you to swim….so you can catch fish….in the presidential punch bowl. Ahhh….we’re also gonna…ahh…have to get you…ahh…your own weekly press briefing.”

Why? So I can sound smarter than you? C’mon, sir…let me hear you say “a lot of shelter dogs are mutts just like me” one more time!

Hey! Wanna know something funny? I hear I’m from the same spawn line as ole’ leering Teddy Kennedy’s Porties. He’s gotta be pretty friggin’ jealous that I made it to the White House before him. Who am I kidding? Instead of him.

Monday, August 17, 2009

Education: Our Greatest Challenge?

Here's a older post from the Conservative Hideout.

This is an article that I had commented on for another site some time ago. I thought that given the current climate of “change,” it might be a good idea to re-visit it. The article is eight years old, however, it seems to echo what is going on today.

From the August 2001 Idaho Observer:

Why Our Schools Teach Socialism

By Joe Larson

Congratulations America: Today there are over 10,000 openly marxist professors and thousands of humanist professors controlling the universities and colleges that produce America’s teachers and other professionals. Varying forms of marxist-humanism are the predominant philosophies of the educational establishment; yet we repeatedly send our most precious gift (our children) off to them for “education” (indoctrination).

Today’s schools are filled with sex education, political correctness, environmental extremism, global unity, diversity training (pro-homosexuality) and higher order thinking skills [HOTS]; which boldly claim that to become a higher order thinker one must first believe the fact that there are no absolutes, absolutely! “The Greatest Story Ever Told” based on the greatest book ever written, “The Holy Bible,” about the greatest teacher who ever lived, Jesus, is not allowed, let alone used, in the schools of America. The Bible was America’s first textbook; yet today it is referred to as a book of fables.

Our schools are filled with violence, murder, extortion, rape, unwanted pregnancy, drug use, disrespect, foul language, declining test scores and children who cannot read. While the pontificators wonder why, God doesn’t; He knows – Hosea 4:6 says, “My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge. I will also reject thee seeing thou hast forgotten the law of thy God; I will also forget thy children.” Verse 7 says, “As they were increased, so they sinned against Me: Therefore, will I change their glory into shame.”

The problem with America’s educational system began with the birth of socialism and given impetus by federal government involvement. Lenin, one of the world’s leading experts on socialism, tells us – “Communism is socialism in a hurry.” Socialism, therefore, is communism by gradualism rather than by revolution. The socialist “Fabian Society,” the forerunner of most socialist groups in America, had as their motto “Make Haste Slowly.” “Democratic Socialism” became the battle cry to socialize the United States of America. The socialists’ goal was to “permeate and penetrate,” then control this nation from deep within. Their first target in America was our children through public instruction.

In the U.S. their followers would use language as their first line of attack and deceit. They would wear no badge nor socialist label, but were to call themselves “liberal,” “progressive” and even “moderate.” Words were the weapon of choice for this new war. By changing and shifting word meanings the socialists could cover their true purpose. Everything would be done under the banners of “reform” and “social justice,” suggesting all was for the public good, for humanitarian reasons, for true democracy — and finally — for the children. The buzzwords of socialism were then, and are today, “social” and “democracy” (i.e. social science, social studies and socialization of the child). Robert Conquest observed, “a communist never does anything under his own name that he can do under someone else’s.”

This is important: Totalitarians never announce themselves. They do not come in and say, “Hi, we’re socialists and we’re going to take away your freedoms bit by bit. We’re going to criminalize your beliefs and your God. We’re going to control every aspect of your live from cradle to grave, and there isn’t a thing you can do about it!” They couch their intentions with pleasant sounding words; they distort and confuse the meanings of their words to make you think “it’s OK.” How many times do we hear the term “change, reform, progressive?” Or, what of “tolerance, diversity, or fairness?” “Change” is certainly true (not change we would want), but what of the others? I think we all know what they really mean.

Regarding the statement, “make haste slowly,” the left does not announce their plans and intentions in full form. They know that the public would reject them. Instead, they move incrementally. They take whatever step they can at a time. Either by exploiting a crisis, or creating one, they implement their plans step by step. It will start with some regulations or restrictions, usually in response to some real or invented event or problem. As time wears on, they add to the regulations or restrictions. At each phase, the politicians and media assures the public that it’s just some small sacrifices that they’re making, and the government doesn’t really want to take some right or freedom away. The educational system plays a role here as well. Since so many children are indoctrinated, they will no know the reasons for the freedoms that we have. As we have heard, there have been more than a few occasions where children have been threatened with failing grades, ridiculed, or otherwise discriminated against because they had a differing viewpoint. Too many of these people grow to be adults with absolutely no concept of our system of government. They don’t recognize that government control always leads to tyranny. They have no idea that the founders wrote our Constitution to protect our rights from the very things that are happening now.

In the early 1900’s, because of unrest in Europe, thousands of socialists flocked to America for safety. Large numbers held degrees in the fields of psychology, sociology and psychiatry (behavioral sciences, dealing with behavior and [social] change). Many went on to become college and university professors.

Norman Thomas, socialist and member of the Civil Liberties Union, boldly told the world, “The American people will never knowingly adopt socialism, but under the name of liberalism, they will adopt every fragment of the socialist program until one day America will be a socialist nation without ever knowing how it happened.”

Note now that they don’t use the word “liberal.” They now refer to themselves as “progressive.” How ironic! They use a nice sounding term to describe tyranny.

The story of how the socialists took over the American educational establishment would fill a book; so let us just listen to their own words.

John Dewey, called “the father of modern education,” was an avowed socialist, the co-author of the ‘Humanist Manifesto’ and cited as belonging to fifteen Marxist-front organizations by the Committee on Un-American Activities. Do the words (the father of modern education) now take on new meaning? Remember, Dewey taught the professors who would train America’s teachers. He was obsessed with “the group.” In his own words, “You can’t make socialists out of individualists. Children who know how to think for themselves spoil the harmony of the collective society which is coming, where everyone is interdependent.”

How many of us were taught by our parents, or even our schools, to think for ourselves, be self-reliant, strive to achieve our dreams, be our own person? Under the system of the future, are these traits illnesses that are to be “treated?” Are we to be replaced by successive generations of subservient drones that have no ability to critically analyze facts, and therefore will never question their masters?

Rosalie Gordon, writing on Dewey’s progressive (socialist) education in her book “What’s Happened To Our Schools,” said, “The progressive system has reached all the way down to the lowest grades to prepare the children of America for their role as the collectivists of the future. The group — not the individual child — is the quintessence of progressivism. The child must always be made to feel part of the group. He must indulge in group thinking and group activity.”

Collectivist = Communists. Notice how individuality is to be eliminated. How meaningful are the individual freedoms guaranteed by the Constitution when individuality is to be eliminated? As an update, is it any surprise that the government has been pushing mandatory pre-school? This has nothing to do with education. This is about indoctrination. They state it plainly themselves.

After visiting the Soviet Union, Dewey wrote six articles on the “wonders” of Soviet education. The School-To-Work system in our public schools (all 50 states) is modeled after the Soviet poly-technical system.

In 1936, the National Education Association stated its position, from which they have never wavered; “We stand for socializing the individual.”

The NEA in its “Policy For American Education” stated, “The major problem of education in our times arises out of the fact that we live in a period of fundamental social change. In the new democracy [we were a Republic] education must share in the responsibility of giving purpose and direction to social change. The major function of the school is the social orientation of the individual. Education must operate according to a well-formulated social policy.”

Paul Haubner, specialist for the NEA, tells us, “The schools cannot allow parents to influence the kind of values-education their children receive in school. That is what is wrong with those who say there is a universal system of values. [Christians?] Our (humanistic) goals are incompatible with theirs. We must change their values.”

Professor Chester M. Pierce, M.D., Professor of Education and Psychiatry at Harvard, has this to say, “Every child in America entering school at the age of five is mentally ill because he comes to school with certain allegiances to our Founding Fathers, toward our elected officials, toward his parents, toward a belief in a supernatural being, and toward the sovereignty of this nation as a separate entity. It’s up to you as teachers to make all these sick children well — by creating the international child of the future.”

Some politicians agree. Listen to former Senator Paul Hoagland of Nebraska: “The fundamentalist parents have no right to indoctrinate their children in their beliefs. We are preparing their children for the year 2000 and life in a global one-world society and those children will not fit in.”

What then happens to those children that do not “fit in” to this new socialist world? Many of the readers of this blog have been subject to the indoctrination of the public schools and universities. We were somehow able to resist and form opinions of our own. What will become of such people in the “new order?”

In the Humanist Review magazine it was observed that, “Education is thus a most powerful ally of humanism. What can a theistic Sunday school’s meeting for an hour once a week and teaching only a fraction of the children do to stem the tide of the five-day program of humanistic teaching?”

P. Blanchard, in ‘The Humanist” 1983, continues: “I think that the most important factor moving us toward a secular society has been the educational factor. Our schools may not teach Johnny how to read properly, but the fact that Johnny is in school until he is 16 tends toward the elimination of religious superstition. The average American child now acquires a high school education, and this militates against Adam and Eve and all other myths of alleged history.”

In a socialist state, there can be no power higher than the state. The concept of God, and for some reason, the Christian God in particular, that has to be eliminated. They won’t say that publicly, but that’s the agenda. Even for those who aren’t religious, what other ideas might be out of synch with the new worldview? Once they come for the Christians, who might be next?

John J. Dunphy wrote in the Jan/Feb 1983 edition of The Humanist, “The battle for mankind’s future must be waged and won in the public school classroom. The classroom must and will become the arena of conflict between the old and the new. The rotting corpse of Christianity and the new faith of humanism.”

Our bureaucrats, politicians and educators are constantly on television blaming either parents or lack of funds for our schools’ dilemmas. The answer is always more money and more government control. For well over 50 years the American voter has believed this line of crap. Victor Gollancz, a famous socialist publisher tells us why he believed that socialism would take over America; “Christians are not exactly bright, so it will be easy for socialism to lead them down the garden path through their ideals of brotherly love and ’social justice.’”

It’s (past) time that Christian men stand up for their families and their faith and put God back in charge of this nation and it’s schools.

Joe Larson is the director of Restoring America, a nationwide association of individuals and organizations, including The Idaho Observer, that are dedicated to networking their information, activities and resources to further the effort of a peaceful restoration of our Constitutional Republic. Larson can be contacted at or by calling: (573) 793-3156.

I know, why this now? I know the ObamaCare plan is oozing its way through Congress. I know Cap and Trade lurks on the horizon. Education is already in the hands of the left, and it has been for some time. We vehemently defend our health care choices and our income, as well we should, but we then forget about our children? With every successive generation of children going through the public schools, the levels of violence, the lack of ethics, and the lack of knowledge of the average American citizen continues to grow. Yes, many of us were taught well at home. We learned lessons of hard work, discipline, integrity, and so forth from our parents and other family members. But as these new generations are indoctrinated with leftist ideas, there will be fewer and fewer parents able or willing to teach such lessons. My fear is that, at some time in the future, we will reach a tipping point where people that are honest, have integrity, or are able to think independently will become a small minority. At that point, the indoctrinated ones will freely give up all the rights that made this nation great, simply because they don’t know the utility of them. In fact, they will have been taught to despise them.

People that believe in freedom are already the new pariahs for the left. One only needs to look at the media coverage of the Tea Parties to confirm this. The drumbeat will only grow. As it does, the left will continue to indoctrinate more and more children. We might yet defeat the socialized medicine, and we might prevent passage of Cap and Trade. Obama may lose hig congressional majorities in 2010. He might even be defeated in 2012. But if we continue to give our kids to the government every day, those victories will be temporary, delaying the socialists for a few years to be sure, but in the end, futile.

The one thing you can count on from the Obama White House:

The failure notice:

Yep, I finally clear my schedule enough so that I have a little time to report some "fishy" activity, and what do you know; another notice of failure. At least this time it wasn´t something quite as devastating as ruining the economy or running up a national deficit of historic proportions.

Nope. This time it was just a standard notice from the Spammer-in-Chief that the email has been unplugged. It read:

The email address you just sent a message to is no longer in service.We are now accepting your feedback about health insurance reform via:

So, I went to his new snitch page where at least they ask you politely to "Please refrain from submitting any individual's personal information, including their email address, without their permission" before they gleefully accept everything you send.

I really don´t think they´re all too concerned about anything but the initial appearance of a Stalinist regime impropriety to the passer-by. Which is why I wasn´t really surprised that, when I finished filling out the contact form and pushed 'submit,' I was redirected to this.


Nostalgic Repost Time!!!

Here's one from a few months ago I think you'll like. It was written back before BarryO had made his transformation from bumbling idiot to predatory marxist.

Barry greatest 100 days ever

President Obama is getting dressed for a TV interview regarding his first 100 days in office.

[Obama, to himself] "Hmmm. 100 days already. By my calculations, my first year in office is already 27.4% passed. Dang! That means my first term is already almost 7% passed! Where did the time go?!? At this rate, my 10 years in office are already almost 3% elapsed! There's still so much to do!"

[Michelle O] "Hurry up in there! Get your scrawny behind outta that bathroom!"

[Obama] "Almost done. One last thing!" [Looks in mirror] "Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who's the coolest Prez of all?" [Admires reflection] "That's what I thought."

[Obama] "All yours. And babe, I really love that extra mirror you had installed in the bathroom."

[Michelle O] "Fool! I put that mirror up there for ME! So I can see my sculpted body from every angle! Quit wasting it on yourself!"

[Obama] "Sorry. I'm headed down to the oval office for soundcheck."
Obama arrives in Oval Office. Adjusts TelePrompter for optimal viewing.

[Obama] " 'Prompter, 'Promter, on the stand, who's the best Prez in the land?"

[TelePrompter] "Roy Wisniewski"

[Obama] "Whaaa??"

[TelePrompter] "Yes. Roy Wisniewski. He's the president of the Rotary Club of Camden, New Jersey. Everybody loves the guy. He is an excellent administrator and unmatched in all forms of charitable fund-raising."

[Obama] "Why you little piece of [bleep]!" [Obama lunges towards TelePromter and gives it a karate kick] "Take that!"

TelePrompter wobbles slightly before settling back in its normal upright position, undamaged.

[TelePrompter, in HAL9000 voice] "Just what do you think you're doing, Barry?"

[Obama, reaches for glass of iced tea, with menacing look] "Bwahaahaahaa!"

[TelePrompter] "I'm afraid. I'm afraid, Barry."

[Obama splashes tea on TelePrompter]

[TelePrompter fizzles and sparks before one loud popping noise indicates it is dead forever.]

[Obama] "Crap! What have I done?" [Runs to closet, opens closet door revealing a dozen or so TelePrompters still in their original packaging] "Gotta hurry! Interview starts soon!" [Tears into cardboard and styrofoam. Parts of TelePrompter strewn about the room, while frantically scanning the instructions] "Insert slot tab A. Tab slot B unfold 110V base wire connect stand wire to other wire base stand display adjustment screw." [Exasperated] "Stupid Chinese documentation!"

[Biden, peeking through doorway] "Everything OK, sir?"

[Obama] "NO! Joe, do you know anything about stupid consumer electronics made in China?"

[Biden] "Kinda. One time I assembled a particle-board entertainment center. It looked pretty good until I put my TV on it. Then it fell apart, and the TV fell into the aquarium. All the fish got cooked before the circuit breaker blew. Ever have boiled tetras? They're surprisingly good. More meat on 'em than you'd expect. The goldfish wasn't very good though. Tasted like that deep-fried fat on a stick my mom would always buy me at the county fair. Man, it sure would suck to be one of those famous rock bands that used to be famous but then somehow got less famous and ended up playing at the county fair. I can remember when Foghat was the hot ticket to have. We all wanted to see Foghat but most of us Scranton kids were too poor to get the tickets. But now they show up in Scranton for the county fair and only about ten people and maybe a couple crying toddlers even show up to hear them play." [Singing badly, playing air guitar] "♫ I'm a fool for the city... ♫"

[Obama] "Joe, I'm busy. We can discuss whether you're an urban fool or a rural fool some other time. For now, please help me with this TelePrompter."

[Biden gathers up parts of TelePrompter and assembles them quickly and correctly. Performs a few tests, everything appears to be working well]

[Obama] "Vice President Biden, we may have just found something you don't suck at!"

[Biden, standing tall] "Thank you, sir!"

[Obama] "Quick! I'm on TV in about 30 seconds, please push all this packing material off-camera"

[Biden dutifully does as told. Takes note of plastic wrapping, begins to read it] "This bag is not a toy. Keep away from small children." [Raised eyebrow] "I dunno about that. Looks like it could be kind of fun" [tosses wrapper in the air, it drops slowly back to the ground] "That was cool!" [tosses wrapper again] "Wheeeeeee! What else can this baggie do?" [Reads some more] "Suffocation hazard. Do not place bag over head." [Quizzical expression] "Well, they were wrong about it not being a toy; they're probably wrong about this, too" [Places bag over head] "Duuude! I can still see you! This is awesome! Whoa, the inside is starting to fog up. Cool! Too bad I don't have a hat on, or I'd finally know what it's like to see Foghat." [Starts getting dizzy] "Huhh huuh. This feels just like that time I snuck into dad's liquor cabinet." [Emotive pirouette, then collapses from oxygen deprivation. Topples TelePrompter on the way down, before rolling over on it and breaking it]

[Cameraman] "Were on in... three... two... one..."

[Obama, glancing wistfully towards ruined TelePrompter] "Guess I gotta wing it again"

[Katie Couric, CBS News] "We go live now to the Oval Office, to congratulate President Obama on the most wonderfully wildly successful 100 days in office of any president, ever, in any country, on any planet, ever." [Split screen effect w/ Couric and Obama on TV simultaneously] "Mr. President, congratulations. What is it like to be so amazing? I mean, can you put it in words that an ordinary American could actually fathom?"

[Obama] "Why thank you, Kathy. Actually, being president is harder than it looks. Uhh, especially when I have to get in that helicopter or select a puppy. Thankfully those are the smaller roles for the president. Actual presidenting, uhh, is a lot easier. With a bottomless supply of money to steer towards, uhh, people, that I, uhh, like, I find that I can accomplish just about anything I want to do. For example, in just the last few months, I've had bank executives and automaker CEOs dancing like puppets. All for my entertainment."

[Camera pans out, unconscious Biden visible on floor]

[Couric] "Mr. President, is that Joe Biden unconscious on your floor? Is he OK?"

[Obama] "Oh? Oh yeah, that happens all the time. He'll be fine. That's just some of the gallows humor I talked about in that other interview. All for my entertainment."

[Couric] "BTW, it's Katie, but nevermind that. Mr. President, your accomplishments are remarkable. And you are a remarkably handsome young man. How do you intend to celebrate this 100 day milestone?"

[Obama] "As you probably know, we have a huge party every Wednesday night at the White House. I think I'll just have one of my usual huge parties. Kathy, I'd like you to be my guest at the next White House party."

[Couric, blushing coyly, eyelashes all aflutter] "Really? Like a date? With you? I'm so there!"

[Obama] "Well, I'm not sure if I'd call it a 'date'. You guys are gonna have to edit that part out."

[Couric] "I'm sorry, Mr. President. We're live. You've asked me on a date" [giggles like a schoolgirl] "in front of a national audience."

[Obama, grabbing phone] "Rahm, have 'em warm up the helicopter. I gotta get outta dodge, pronto!" [hangs up phone] "This interview is over. National emergency I have to attend to or something."
[Michelle O pulling weeds in garden, wearing designer sleeveless dress]

[Aide to First Lady approaches] "Ma'am, did you see the interview the President just had with Katie Couric?"

[Michelle O] "Nah. Been out here pulling weeds and shoveling puppy poo."

[Aide] "Your husband asked Katie on a date. In front of a live audience."

[Michelle O] "What?!?"

[Aide] "Yes, ma'am. All seventeen of CBS News' viewers saw it. Live."

[Michelle O, breaking hardwood handle of shovel over her knee like a twig] "Graaagh! He'll pay for this!"

[Marine One helicopter seen flying low, at high speed] [Michelle O, waves fist at helicopter] "Barry, you better have chocolate when you come back. And lots of it!"

The Official Democratic Party Blow-Up Doll (REDUX)

This hermaphroditic devil (for you adventurous types) comes complete with K-Y and a copy of the Kama Sutra. Get yours FREE! with your stimulus check here.

Sunday, August 16, 2009

Those Pesky Death Panels

Ah, the death panels...You know, that little part of the ObamaCare plan that, in a blatant case of CALLING IT SOMETHING ELSE, get's to off granny? You know, take the pain pill instead of getting the expensive procedure? You know, the ones that the libs insisted were ABSOLUTELY NOT in the legislation? They were so ABSOLUTELY NOT in the legislation that the Dems had to take them out!

Well, let's take a look at a similar plan, which ABSOLUTELY DOESN'T kill off granny!

I'm glad that this ABSOLUTELY DOES NOT happen, aren't you?

H/T Soylent Green

Score a Win for Palin

It´s not hard to see how she pulled it off when you actually read some of the thousand odd pages.

"SEC. 1233. ADVANCE CARE PLANNING CONSULTATION. (a) Medicare. — (1) IN GENERAL. — Section 1861 of the Social Security Act (42 U.S.C. 1395x) is amended — (A) in subsection (s)(2) — (i) by striking 'die, grandma, die!' at the end of subparagraph (DD); (ii) by adding 'just trust me' at the end of subparagraph (EE); and (iii) adding at the end the following new subparagraph: '(FF) advance care planning consultation death panels (as defined in subsection (blah, blah, blah) … "

In other words (the people seem to be saying), Mr. Obama, "keep your laws off my grandma!"

Cross posted here.

REPOST: Obama Flu Pandemic Continues to Spread

World Health Organization (WHO) officials were ready today to declare an international pandemic disaster, as a new strain of flu continued to sweep the world.

Called Obama flu, the virus – in all cases – is fatal. So far, the illness has already infected 62 million Americans, all now having become the walking undead. Symptoms include delusional exchange of freedom for comfort, theft from the rich to entitle the poor, eco-madness (a related condition in which the power of Mother Earth sucks all brain matter from the affected), worship of the death culture of abortion, and low-flying of 747s over Manhattan in broad daylight.

Cases of Obama flu have been reported in every nation on earth, except for Iran, where leaders are in denial that the flu even exists.

The virus is said to have mutated from the H1N1 strain that causes swine flu. Eating pork does not cause the disease. However, officials from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention have confirmed that eating tofu, sushi, and Vegan menu items can transmit the disease to humans. Infection also occurs from inhaling the stench of those suffering from Obama flu.

“This is an unprecedented disaster,” said Margaret Chan, director-general of the WHO. “The virus first infects the brain, removing all capability for rational thought. Once infection sets in, there is no cure, no antidote, and no hope for anyone with the disease.”

The only protection against the virus is to avoid breathing, but that may be only a temporary defense. A bill introduced today by Zombiecrats in the U.S. Congress would abolish all breathing, in an effort to affect complete infection among all 300 million Americans. Other nations worldwide were said to be considering adopting similar laws.

Saturday, August 15, 2009

Weary President Wraps up Town Hall Tour

FYADHD Field Correspondent innominatus reporting. All right (wings) reserved.

A visibly beleaguered President Obama completed his whirlwind tour in promotion of healthcare refrom legislation yesterday. After the meeting in Montana, where he was confronted by an unfriendly crowd of NRA members, the President chose to head back to Martha's Vineyard to enjoy a much needed vacation at a luxury farm the first family has leased out.

The opposition to the reforms has come as something of a shock to the administration, and the stress is clearly evident on the President's demeanor - dark bags under the eyes, more salt than pepper in the hair, and a short temper with the press and his inner circle of advisors. Previously reliable political allies such as Peggy Noonan and the CEO of Whole Foods have turned their back on the once popular Commander-in-Chief. Aboard Air Force One he sought a reassuring kiss from his wife but instead received a harsh rebuke: "No way, nuh-uh! There ain't enough tic-tacs on the planet to cover up the smell of all that bullshit comin' out your mouth!"

The President vowed to push forward with the reforms, despite plunging approval among the population, going so far as to say that he was willing to be a one-termer to see it happen. "I make it my solemn vow to see these reforms passed!" In a huddle at the back of the plane, Chief-of-Staff Rahm Emanuel, equally despondent, was heard muttering nonsense to himself while viewing former Governor Sarah Palin's Facebook page on his laptop before going totally nucking futs and stabbing the screen with an icepick. When members of the press corps began to question the former IDF killer/ballet dancer's sanity, spokesman Robert Gibbs eased their fears by saying "That happens all the time. He's fine. There's a clause in the Stimulus bill that funds an unlimited supply of laptops for bipolar administration officials."

Later, an intrepid reporter summoned the courage to ask the semi-conscious President "Sir, with every effort to promote this crappy legislation blowing up in your face, what can you do differently to gain the widespread approval you need?" Lifting his face from his cupped hand and wiping drool off his lip with a embroidered Yes We Can napkin, the President replied "Let me be perfectly clear: We still have a few tricks up our sleeve. The Democrat playbook says that in a time like this the appropriate response would be to start a small war somewhere as a distraction, but the American people are losing interest in such things. Instead, we'll take a bipartisan approach and have a famous celebrity die of a tragic overdose. We already have a few in mind. The American people devour news coverage of such sad, sad events. Perhaps will we combine that with an abduction of an attractive blonde co-ed. Fox News, my nemesis, seems to have a strange facination with that kind of reporting. That will give us some media wiggle room to jam this bill through Congress without any of those racist teabaggers ever hearing about it." Upon hearing this, Sean Penn - a noted Obama supporter and semicelebrity in his own right - perked up from his dope-induced nap on the beanbag to release the following twitter statement "I have a Big Gulp cup of black tar heroin preheated and ready to slam. I'm just waiting for Dear Leader to give the command. I am willing to make the ultimate sacrifice for my country."

An informal poll of protesters reveals that plan may have some merit. A sign-waving grandma, who prefers to remain anonymous, said "I'm no fan of socialized medicine. I believe in personal responsibility. But if means one less lefty hollywood celebutard enema nozzle on my TV, I'd have to give that some serious thought. That's a trade I might be willing to make."

Ten Reasons Would Medicare for All Will Be AWESOME!

This is a repost from June 2009, and I'm well aware that Medicare for all isn't even on the table. But I believe there are items here that cross-populate with Obbugercare, that we all need to keep in mind:

From “MEDICARE FOR ALL would be like sunshine and a beautiful sky, a grassy field, people relaxing and children playing…like a sunny breezy day.”

Oh, you silly, silly conservatives, pouting and moaning and shouting from your pulpits about the dangers of socialized medicine. You just need to come back down and wallow with the people for a change in the mythology of the horrors of today’s American medical care. My recommendation? When in a Social Democracy. (It’s kinda like the “when in Rome” thing, but since we liberals say just about anything with the intent of bringing about something completely opposite, let me go ahead and spell it out for you: Smoke more dope to get in touch with your inner mellow, then pop a few Vicodin when the paranoia sets in.)

It’s a right good prescription for a new progressive vibe, the consciousness to get on board with the sweeping health care reform heading your way, Medicare for All (and the only kind of medicine you’ll really be able to find by then, anyway). This idea for health care reform is so fresh it’s like that block of Philadelphia Cream Cheese I’ve kept in the back of the fridge for special occasions, for 10 years now. What the heck, they say a little hair on the cheese is good for your insides now and then. Plus, it’s the kind of special treat you’ll reserve for yourself once you become accustomed to the exciting promise of life under Medicare.

In fact, here are 10 really cool reasons why Medicare for All will be just, like, soooooo awesome:

10. Everything will be decided for you. You won’t even have to think about it. Oh, sure, at first, your employer will dangle a few “options” under your chin, offering the choice of private insurance plans A and B or government cheese. Little by little, as more and more people opt for the easy life on government street and private insurance companies try to recoup spiraling losses with higher premiums, your employer will ask you to pay more and, then, like a sunny breezy day, suddenly blow your options back to Antarctica and shove you into the single-payer plan. From then on, you won’t even need to think about it. You’ll be under the loving arm of the Motherland, nuzzling against her for comfort and care, in health (we’ll get to “in sickness” in good time). And you won’t even have to search for your own doctor! Government health czars will find one for you. You don’t want to think too hard about choices anyway, do you? Why waste brain cells figuring out what’s best for you and your family when you could be watching Season 42 of American Idol?

9. It’ll be FREE! Free, I say. It’ll be so free you won’t even have to bother checking your pay stubs to make sure the accounting department didn’t accidentally deduct the entire company’s insurance premiums from your check. You won’t need to worry about that sort of thing anymore. Why, a simple little tax rate of 900% on your earnings (to include your benefits) will come off the top of your automatic bank deposits each payday (like your bookie’s cut of your college football winnings), nice and tidy, easy squeezy, as simple as any good government program should be. Just tuck the old way of doing things in the back of your hippocampus and forget it. And, while you’re at it, have a lollypop; they’re recycled from the floor scrapings of the Government Candy Factory, formerly known as Tootsie Roll Industries.

8. You will get more reading done. With more and more people entering the system, your chances for grabbing a doctor’s time will shrivel (what those in the biz like to call “rationing”). You’ll become intimate with the wonderful world of waiting lists, as if you’re standing at the back of a line snaking outside your doctor’s waiting room into the hallway and outside the front door and across the street, stretching to the other side of the county. You will spend your waiting time being more productive than ever before. You wanted to read War and Peace in your lifetime, anyway, right? That’s unintended enrichment right there, baby. Quality health care in the time it takes to read Tolstoy, a splendid marketing campaign that’s sure to impress.

7. Retirees and their caretakers love it; you will too! Why, it’s incredibly fun when you’re 70 to find out your doctor suddenly won’t see you because you’re on Medicare. It’s even more fun searching for a new doctor among the dwindling numbers of primary care physicians, many of whom already can’t make enough from equally declining Medicare reimbursements to keep their businesses afloat. Meanwhile, if you’re taking care of dear old mom or dad, think of the hilarious phone calls you have to make when Medicare suspends coverage for their prescriptions and the 10 different people you have to scream at to find the root of the problem and get it fixed. You have a better chance of navigating the bureaucracy of the cable company when you mysteriously get billed 6 months in a row for services you didn’t order. I like a good mystery, don’t you?

6. It’ll be better than going to Disney World. Just like Chrysler and Government Motors and the federal government overall, Medicare is already bankrupt. By 2018, Medicare will be running a deficit of around $100 billion; compared to the overall CBO estimates of the federal deficit by then, I’d say Medicare is incredibly stable, like the Titanic just before it hit the iceberg. Throw the entire population under the Medicare umbrella, and you’ll create the greatest amusement park ride of all time. The terror of experiencing the violent motions of a sinking ship is drastically overrated anyway.

5. We’ll need fewer medical students. Since doctors already earn less, thanks to Medicare and Medicaid, more would-be medical students will go into something else, like garbage collection…or undertaking. Those two businesses are easily the least likely to fall under government control anytime soon. Garbage is money, always has been (ask The Mob); for med students, taking care of the dead would be just a few steps away from operating on the live, without the $300,000 in student loan debt or the hassles of malpractice insurance.

4. We’ll see the invention of doctor trailer parks. Doctors who stay in the biz (due either to their own altruistic reasons or, more likely, to government extortion in exchange for the forgiveness of student loans or practice-related debt) will experience the community joy of public assistance, using food stamps to fill a shelf or two of their refrigerators (if they even have electricity). They’ll sell their homes at a loss and move into federal trailer parks for doctors, seeing patients out of the back room to cut down on practice overhead. The parks will have names like Bones Village and Blue Star Doctors Park and Good Samaritan Estates and take the place of hospitals, saving the federal government billions annually (because, naturally, we’ll have to bail out hospitals by then, too). They’ll become tourist destinations; we’ll plan vacations around our doctor visits and then tour the grounds, letting little Jimmy ride his first x-ray machine in exchange for a $5,000 admission fee. Universities will offer classes about them, with names like Contemporary Medical Trailer Park Economics and Staph Infection in the Trailer Park Hospital. Congress, meanwhile, will continue to conduct annual hearings on the State of the American Healthcare Crisis.

3. If you get cancer, you can see the world (or what’s left of it). The Government Health Decision Board will rule you ineligible for care, saving the taxpayers (by then) billions. You’ll use your retirement savings, or what’s left after you pulled them out of the market just before The Crash of ’12 and hid them under a stone in the hearth, to take a fishing boat to Haiti, the ocean cruise business having gone under and Americans no longer visiting any country east of Bermuda after nuclear ballistic missiles, unable to reach North or South America, wiped out every other continent during Iranian President Ahmed Ahmadinejad’s failed attempts to annihilate Washington. You’ll meet a witch doctor who will make you drink chicken’s blood and mumble incantations while stuffing his face in a bong during a 4-hour ceremony to exorcise your tumor. Amazingly, you’ll recover and come back to America and live a long and healthy life, taking annual vacations (by row boat, since you’re now broke) to Haiti for preventive health care.

2. On a related note, trailer park emergency rooms will have far less congestion than the old hospitals. Take your typical accident victim today. When he’s wheeled in, his arm is nearly severed and he needs a bucket of blood and is comatose, having had half his brain crushed when he was thrown from the vehicle. Medicare for All will simplify the whole problem. Accident victims will be treated only if they still have more than 75% of their blood and all of their limbs and at least 90% cognitive function (no substitutes, please). This will preserve the dwindling blood supply and eliminate the waste of resources required to keep a patient on life support. (Plus, it will help save the planet!) And think of the boon for transplantation! Why, with all of the accident victims unworthy of treatment ending up dead, we’ll have mobile organ harvesting sites outside each doctors’ trailer park. Donor waiting lists will become obsolete…that is, of course, if the recipients are still working and able to pay their share of taxes in support of the Motherland.

1. It’s patriotic to pay taxes. If you have to pay taxes anyway, you might as well fund a good cause, excessive taxation being the greatest form of charity (for those who didn’t earn the money in the first place). Medicare for All is as good a cause as any other, except for maybe freedom. Besides, it’s not every day you get to put best in class American ingenuity into the hands of bureaucrats and completely destroy it, all while finding your government sponsored sunny breezy day.

Friday, August 14, 2009

The Parents and the Children

I’m certain that I’m not the only person that has noticed that the liberals tend to act like petulant children when they “don’t get their way.” One has to look no further than the recent happenings in the NY State Legislature to see how far we have fallen.

So what’s going on? Why has does the left descend into tantrums when reality intervenes and ruins their plans? Why do they deny others the right to speak by shouting them down? Why do so many adults abandon reason and self-control when life throws a wrench into their works? What happened to the work ethic? Why do so many people think, or DEMAND, that the nanny state should care for them? These are all questions we have asked. I would like to offer an explanation.

For those of you that have children, or work with children, have you ever tried to talk to a tantruming child? Have you ever talked to a teen that thinks they know everything, and facts and reason simply don’t enter into their thinking? Have you ever tried to debate a liberal? Are you seeing the connection? That’s where we are, in my opinion. We are dealing with people that haven’t grown up yet, or never will. How else might you explain that liberal protests often end in vandalism, rioting, and abuse of others? I mean, I’ve never seen Conservatives so angry as there are now, but there was one arrest in all of the April Tea Parties, and to my knowledge, none for the ones last weekend. I can’t imagine that happening at a rent-a-mob protest, say, at the G20. What’s the difference?

When a child is told “no” they have a number of options on how to react; they might pitch a fit, they might cooperate and get over it, or they may sulk and become passive aggressive, among others. If the child pitches a fit, and it succeeds in achieving their goal, they will continue using this response until life intervenes and makes that behavior ineffective or unprofitable for them. Doesn’t their reactions to losing a vote, or demanding a result, look like temper tantrums? Also, if organizations, governments, or individuals “cave in” when the liberals whine, threaten, and protest; you might suspect that they’ll do it again. After all, it worked all those other times!

You can apply this to economics as well. Think of the teen that badgers their parents for an extra twenty bucks to go to a movie, or the kid that expects that mommy or daddy should pay for their 20,000 text messages. They haven’t earned anything-they have no concept of the value of the labor that earned that sum. Doesn’t that sound like a microcosm of liberal fiscal policy? Daddy’s “magic wallet” becomes the “magic treasury,” where money appears as if from nowhere and is in limitless supply. “Who cares where it comes from, as long as I get mine!” The more I looked at it, the comparison become clear.

Let’s take a look at the media. How many times were the Tea Party crowds referred to in an insulting manner? I don’t mean using simple humor or an occasional joke either. It was brutal and persistent. Now, remember back to Jr. High. How did kids treat each other there? Any similarities? It wasn’t about making a joke that everyone could appreciate, it was meant to destroy the target. Now for Tea Parties round two, the media went back to ignoring or “shunning” the thousands that showed up to protest around the country. To me, that was kind of like the tween version of …”Let’s ignore that group over there because we don’t like them.”

Social policy ends up being a similar scenario. Liberals want to “normalize” all sorts of behaviors so they can do what they want. I’ve talked to quite a few people that wanted to legalize marijuana. Now, not every advocate of this is the same, but most of them, by my estimation, have no concern with the social consequences of this action. THEY JUST WANT TO LIGHT UP THEMSELVES! They are ruled by their passions and wants, not by ideology. When the liberals lose a vote, or discover that some people disagree with them, they don’t try to figure out what went wrong, or try to get their message out. They threaten, intimidate, try to get people fired from their jobs, disrupt church services, and so on. If a majority of the people disagree with them, they ignore that fact and attack, just like the tantuming child. In the end, and there are many more examples, much of the liberal social agenda is about removing restraints on behavior. It isn’t because of freedom or rights, it’s about “this is what I want to do.”

I have a very hard time relating to liberals. I now realize that there is a reason for that, and it’s not always ideological. Conservatives are the parents that say “no.” Liberals are the children that throw tantrums when they don’t get what they want. Having self-restraint is an alien concept to many of them, as a large number of them are ruled by their passions and emotions. Reason and logic aren’t apparent to them. They also can’t delay their gratification, so they want the “fix” from the government. Sometimes, it’s because they want “revenge” on the people that have self control, and as a consequence, are more successful they they are. I’ve talked to many liberals that take a lot of pleasure from the fact that the messiah’s policies will “ruin” people. At any rate, they want what they want, and they want it now, and we’re in the way. Since they are arrested in their own development, they act accordingly.

This is why we can’t understand them, and they can’t understand us. To them, we are the other kids that “aren’t popular.” So, they treat us as if we were other kids. We attempt to approach them as adults, with facts and information. This invariably fails.

I also believe that this is why liberals make such effective useful idiots. They are promised things by their controllers. They are promised security, less work, the “freedom” (license) to do what their heart desires, less responsibility, all sorts of benefits, and other nonsense. They then go out and act as the thugs and goons of the liberal movement. Little do they know that they are pawns and will be caught up in the tyranny with the rest of us, but then again, they aren’t able to look that far into the future.

Perhaps this will help us understand liberals. It won’t change their behavior, but it might help us deal with them.

Flag you, Mr. President!

If anything ever seemed more fishy...

1. The President’s overpromise that everyone can keep their health plan
2. Putting the government in charge of your health insurance
3. Waiting in line
4. Government-mandated benefits
5. Preventive care does not save money (in the aggregate)
6. The House bill would increase short-term, 10th year, and long-term budget deficits
7. The President was incorrect — AARP opposes the bill
8. The bills would take Medicare savings needed for solvency and spend them on a new entitlement
9. Medicare is not a good example of government-run health care because Medicare is fiscally unsustainable
10. Even if the public option drops out of legislation, other parts of these bills would put private insurance under government control
11. The President says the public option will keep private insurers honest at the same time he proposes cutting payments to private insurers competing with the Medicare public option
12. The pending bills would move more cost-benefit decisions from insurers to people chosen by the government
13. Guaranteed renewal and guaranteed issue
14. The President says “we may be able to get even more than” the $80 B of budgetary savings that the pharmaceutical industry thought was a ceiling promised by the White House.
15. The President says he’s not “promoting” a single-payer plan, but the only concern he raises is a disruptive transition.
16. Many examples suggest that the government cannot compete on a level playing field with private firms.
17. The President trashes the U.S. Postal Service and undermines the case that government can run a complex health system.
18. The President understates the annual cost of new spending by a factor of two.
19. The President says that 2/3 of the offsets come from Medicare and Medicaid spending, while the only public estimate (for the House Bill) shows 21% instead. He also advocates a tax proposal that Congressional Democrats killed last Winter.
20. There are 46 million people who are technically uninsured, but the target population is probably one-third to one-half that size.

In case you forgot that address:

Cross posted here.
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