Sunday, February 28, 2010

Hard Times At The Olympic Village: A Moment Of Truth

In our frantic world there are dire emergencies every day. We are overwhelmed by disasters.

Port Au Prince is still in shambles from a 7.0 earthquake that killed hundreds of thousands.
Chile is reeling from a 8.8 earthquake that killed hundreds.

First the eastern seaboard and now the Northeast US buried in record breaking snow fall.
Floods and mudslides kill scores on Maderia Island, Portugal.

A minaret collapses during prayers killing over thirty in Morocco. Hmmmm. Maybe someone's prayers were answered by this.

But now this. I am literally at my wits end.

The athletes in the 7,000 athletes in the Olympic Village were allotted 100,000 free condoms, or about 14 condoms per person. Needless to say, they blew through them like it was nobody’s business and now they need more. The Vancouver condom shortage is soon to be remedied, an emergency shipment is on the way. Thank God.

I feel like Tiny Tim in Dickens' Christmas Carol. "God bless us everyone." Scrooge provides the stuffed Christmas Goose, elderberry wine, plum pudding and a gross of Trojans. Ohhh, Come All Ye Faithful!

We'll all sleep better at night knowing that the world's finest athletes are sheathed and lubed in preparation for the Free Style Mattress Competition.

Because some Olympic athletes can keep it up longer than others.

While some like their action in groups all snuggled close together.

And some are off all on their own.

Please. Someone send this guy condoms made from Kevlar, with nylon ripstop and Rhino™ Bed Liner if he needs them.


Bunni said...

Funny stuff, Sig!  Ha ha ha, I'm going to miss the olympics.
They deserve some fun, after all that stress and danger.

Euripides said...

Thank goodness for the fabulous Canadian helathcare system! They've certainly got their priorities right by shipping an emergancy supply of condoms to those poor, beleaguered sexual athletes.

Matt said...

Snarfed coffee RE: the Rhino Bed liner.  At least it was DD coffee!  If you have to snarf, it might as well be with the best. 

Anonymous said...

Dunky D's is the only coffee for me. If it's going down the front of my shirt, it's gotta be Dunky D.

Opus #6 said...

{shaking head}

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