Friday, May 29, 2009

Some Interesting Russian Snark

I don't think we "sheeple" are as bad off as the Russian Pravada says we are (but there's still time), and I think the writer simplifies a hell of a lot and makes some outright false statements...but it's still a very interesting read.

I'm going to post it in its entirety (even though the piece needed a really good translator):
American capitalism gone with a whimper

It must be said, that like the breaking of a great dam, the American decent [sic] into Marxism is happening with breath taking speed, against the back drop of a passive, hapless sheeple, excuse me dear reader, I meant people.

True, the situation has been well prepared on and off for the past century, especially the past twenty years. The initial testing grounds was conducted upon our Holy Russia and a bloody test it was. But we Russians would not just roll over and give up our freedoms and our souls, no matter how much money Wall Street poured into the fists of the Marxists.

Those lessons were taken and used to properly prepare the American populace for the surrender of their freedoms and souls, to the whims of their elites and betters.

First, the population was dumbed down through a politicized and substandard education system based on pop culture, rather then the classics. Americans know more about their favorite TV dramas then the drama in DC that directly affects their lives. They care more for their "right" to choke down a McDonalds burger or a BurgerKing burger than for their constitutional rights. Then they turn around and lecture us about our rights and about our "democracy". Pride blind the foolish.

Then their faith in God was destroyed, until their churches, all tens of thousands of different "branches and denominations" were for the most part little more then Sunday circuses and their televangelists and top protestant mega preachers were more then happy to sell out their souls and flocks to be on the "winning" side of one pseudo Marxist politician or another. Their flocks may complain, but when explained that they would be on the "winning" side, their flocks were ever so quick to reject Christ in hopes for earthly power. Even our Holy Orthodox churches are scandalously liberalized in America.

The final collapse has come with the election of Barack Obama. His speed in the past three months has been truly impressive. His spending and money printing has been a record setting, not just in America's short history but in the world. If this keeps up for more then another year, and there is no sign that it will not, America at best will resemble the Wiemar Republic and at worst Zimbabwe.

These past two weeks have been the most breath taking of all. First came the announcement of a planned redesign of the American Byzantine tax system, by the very thieves who used it to bankroll their thefts, loses and swindles of hundreds of billions of dollars. These make our Russian oligarchs look little more then ordinary street thugs, in comparison. Yes, the Americans have beat our own thieves in the shear volumes. Should we congratulate them?

These men, of course, are not an elected panel but made up of appointees picked from the very financial oligarchs and their henchmen who are now gorging themselves on trillions of American dollars, in one bailout after another. They are also usurping the rights, duties and powers of the American congress (parliament). Again, congress has put up little more then a whimper to their masters.

Then came Barack Obama's command that GM's (General Motor) president step down from leadership of his company. That is correct, dear reader, in the land of "pure" free markets, the American president now has the power, the self given power, to fire CEOs and we can assume other employees of private companies, at will. Come hither, go dither, the centurion commands his minions.

So it should be no surprise, that the American president has followed this up with a "bold" move of declaring that he and another group of unelected, chosen stooges will now redesign the entire automotive industry and will even be the guarantee of automobile policies. I am sure that if given the chance, they would happily try and redesign it for the whole of the world, too. Prime Minister Putin, less then two months ago, warned Obama and UK's Blair, not to follow the path to Marxism, it only leads to disaster. Apparently, even though we suffered 70 years of this Western sponsored horror show, we know nothing, as foolish, drunken Russians, so let our "wise" Anglo-Saxon fools find out the folly of their own pride.

Again, the American public has taken this with barely a whimper...but a "freeman" whimper.

So, should it be any surprise to discover that the Democratically controlled Congress of America is working on passing a new regulation that would give the American Treasury department the power to set "fair" maximum salaries, evaluate performance and control how private companies give out pay raises and bonuses? Senator Barney Franks, a social pervert basking in his homosexuality (of course, amongst the modern, enlightened American societal norm, as well as that of the general West, homosexuality is not only not a looked down upon life choice, but is often praised as a virtue) and his Marxist enlightenment, has led this effort. He stresses that this only affects companies that receive government monies, but it is retroactive and taken to a logical extreme, this would include any company or industry that has ever received a tax break or incentive.

The Russian owners of American companies and industries should look thoughtfully at this and the option of closing their facilities down and fleeing the land of the Red as fast as possible. In other words, divest while there is still value left.

The proud American will go down into his slavery with out a fight, beating his chest and proclaiming to the world, how free he really is. The world will only snicker.
Reprinted (without permission...sue me) from here.

Reverse Sotomayor-alogy

Imagine if you heard me say:
I would hope that a wise white male with the richness of his experience would more often than not reach a better conclusion than a Latina woman who hasn't lived that life.
Would you call me a...
  1. Male chauvinist?
  2. Racist?
  3. Conservative fascist wingnut?
I'm betting all three.

So how is it any different from what Sonia Sotomayor, our next member of SCOTUS, once said?

Ah, but she...
  1. Has an amazing story
  2. Is drawing from her experience
  3. Has great empathy
Great stories, life experience, and empathy all being central themes within the Constitution, and impeccable qualities for interpreting it, of course.

Moonbats and their stupid logic.

UPDATE: Obugger, naturally, is sure Sotomayor would restate her comment:
"I think that when she's appearing before the Senate committee, in her confirmation process, I think all this nonsense that is being spewed out will be revealed for what it is," Obama said in the broadcast interview, clearly aware of how ethnicity and gender issues are taking hold in the debate.
That's funny...since Barry hasn't spoken with Sotomayor about her beliefs, he has what we do to go by: Her statements and deeds. As his mouthpiece said the other day, b. Hussein is comfortable with lots about the judge, presumably by telepathy because neither Sotomayor nor TOTUS filled him in:

Presidential spokesman Robert Gibbs said Obama did not specifically ask Sotomayor about the right to privacy. The debate over that right has come up in the context of several matters involving the court, including abortion rights.

As a candidate for president, Obama promised that he would not appoint anyone who doesn't believe in the right to privacy.

Pressed on the matter, Gibbs would only answer broadly, saying Obama was very comfortable with her interpretation of the Constitution being similar to his.

Maybe, just maybe, he doesn't believe in the Constitution at all, since the mysticism of empathy is a qualification for jurisprudence divined from the Founders, apparently, by The Diety himself, but not from any sane person's reading of the actual document.

Truth is, Sotomayor doesn't even live up to his word about finding some empathetic person who would, presumably, heal all racial divides with the wave of her gavel:
In addition to making statements about the importance of life experience, Obama has also repeatedly stated that "empathy" is a vital quality that he seeks in judicial nominees. Sotomayor's time on the Second Circuit has given her ample opportunity to demonstrate the role that "empathy" plays in her decision-making.

Most notable is the case of
Ricci v. DeStefano, in which Sotomayor's three-judge panel sided with New Haven, Conn., officials who threw out the results of race-neutral fire department promotional exams because they did not yield enough high scores from African-American firefighters. When no promotions were given as a result, Frank Ricci, a dyslexic white firefighter who came in sixth in the competition for eight lieutenant spots, filed a lawsuit with 19 other firefighters alleging racial discrimination.

Some might feel "empathetic" toward a learning-disabled civil servant who overcame the disadvantage by spending every spare hour studying after he had a friend record his textbooks onto tapes. Better yet, a constitutionalist would find the city's race-conscious criteria to violate the requirements of Equal Protection. But Sotomayor wasn't moved.

Like other liberal activists who assert the importance of empathy, Sotomayor remarkably finds the need to reach into her "heart" only when the litigant's cause aligns with her own. In fact, as Clinton appointee Judge José Cabranes noted with some frustration, Sotomayor's "empathy" with New Haven's position was so relentless that she took unprecedented procedural steps to bury the claims of the firefighters.

In an attempt to prevent effective review, Sotomayor's three-judge panel originally issued a one paragraph summary order affirming the district court's ruling, then withdrew it and issued an unsigned opinion.
In fact, I'll say it right now.

Since b. Hussein appointed such a non-empathetic figure to SCOTUS -- a figure, one would think, who should understand the racial injustice done to Ricci, having been, we're lead to believe, the victim of racial injustice herself -- we have only his actions to go by as well, which lead to the entirely logical conclusion that:

Maybe b. Hussein, too, thinks minorities can do a better job.

Thursday, May 28, 2009

"Foreseeable Risk of Substantial Disruption"

Susan Boyle...uh...I mean Sonia Sotomayor, b. Hussein's love-interest for the SCOTUS, once ruled against the free speech of a blogger (a puerile one like me, admittedly):
Sotomayor joined two other judges from the 2nd Circuit in ruling that the student’s off-campus blog remarks created a “foreseeable risk of substantial disruption” at the student’s high school and that the teenager was not entitled to a preliminary injunction reversing a disciplinary action against her.'t that what I do here every day?

The Wicked Witch of Congress Speaks...unfortunately

Nancy (I'm a reallll BITCH!) Pelosi opened her Jokeresque mouth today at the global-warming gang bang in China...and dropped a big one:

In answering a question from a student about how Pelosi was going to get Americans to cut back on their carbon emissions, the leading Democratic lawmaker said it was important to educate children on how to conserve energy and for citizens to build more environmentally friendly homes.

"We have so much room for improvement," she said. "Every aspect of our lives must be subjected to an inventory ... of how we are taking responsibility."

The zinger was buried at the bottom...naturally...of this.

Hey, Nancy! Inventory this:

Just for the record: You can't have my children. We homeschool them, teaching them about losers like you and your agenda and how to think for themselves and succeed in this life -- despite you.

And you'll NEVER get them. Ever.

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Puerile Moment 'o the Day

Click to enlarge for some tasty fuck-all.

Apparently a lot of cursing goes on over at Twitter, so much so that Cursebird streams a steady diet of profanity from the underworld of the Twitterverse.

You can also look up your favorite Twits by their Twat names (in honour of my British friends):
  • jtlol (Jim Treacher) swears like a Drunken Sailor -- Ranked: 279,281st worldwide Swears: 4 Score: 77 of 100
  • obnoxiotheclown (Obnoxio the Clown) swears like a George Carlin Wannabe -- Ranked: 3,696th worldwide Swears: 117 Score: 100 of 100
  • fidothedog (The Lone Voice) swears like a Scottish Comedian -- Ranked: 77,123rd worldwide Swears: 15 Score: 94 of 100 (Oooo...since Gordoom Brown is also Scottish, I don't think that'll work for fido.)
  • excogitate (Exblogitate) swears like a Teacher’s (Treacher's?) Pet -- Ranked: 1,056,074th worldwide Swears: 1 Score: 11 of 100
  • feedyouradhd (Your Stupid Narrator) swears like a Mute -- Ranked: Bottom Swears: 0 Score: Lame of 100


I have some work to do.

UPDATE: My current score, after a few carefully placed curse words, is: "not sure." I guess that qualifies me to be Secretary of the Interior for President Dwayne Elizondo Mountain Dew Herbert Camacho.

UPDATE II: Wow. I've improved: feedyouradhd swears like a Drunken Sailor -- Ranked: 222,317th worldwide Swears: 5 Score: 82 of 100


My Son Is Learning This Snark Thing Well

My 8-year-old was online today and noticed the "Life" tab on Yahoo, right next to the "Sports" tab, his favorite. It's the first time he's noticed it, so he says:

"Look, Mom. There's life on the computer. Obama made life!!!"

My wife, amazingly (nudge...nudge), didn't get it at first. She looks at the PC screen and says something like, "Yahoo must have added that tab."

"Oh Mom," son says, rolling his eyes. "You know that Obama added life. Only Obama could do that."

Kinda brings a tear to Dad's eye.

Moonbattery About Sotomayor from the Twitterverse

Ya just have to love some of this...

jessiejessup Just because I quote Thoreau doesn't mean I am gonna move to the woods so why does matter Sotomayor quoted a socialist 30 years ago??

SiobhansONgin Yeah um fuck you if you don't like Sonia Sotomayor.....reblip that someone! ♫

osochic And the J.Lo comparisons have begun :-\ ... "Judge Sotomayor is the new JLo. Justice for Law & Order" - man on the news

Peruchito Sotomayor from the block. great photos of someone who 'made it'

LooseDaCEO They sittn up here trynna take away from Ms.Sotomayor, give the lady her just due people. Need to be worried bout North Korea n those bombs

funky_old_man Republican Party risks further alienation from Hispanics by challenging the nomination of Sonia Sotomayor

mrrowe8 Sotomayor ,come on Repub's u guys got C Thomas in and if there was ever some1 that should of been a no,it was that dude

emilyfirestone Hope Sotomayor turns out to be a lefty Scalia, not some milquetoast willing to go along with election stealing & immigrant bashing.

awake247 Sotomayor, the next Terminator: Part DeSoto, part mayor. Arnold Schwarzenegger, you are on notice, on and off camera.

CTarin86 I want to punch elizabeth hasselbeck for the crap she is spewing about sotomayor. Ugh. She is so stupid!!

WorkWIthIllness RT @DiabetesMine: Sotomayor is 1st Supreme Court Pick with a known chronic illness (survivorship!) - that's big, right?

mousegirl100 Rock it out Sotomayor! Rican power! Catholic high school power! Projects power! South Bronx power! Hell to the yeah!!

TashaDeidre @SuperwomanAK I agree! N-E thing is possible! Obama & Sotomayor R examples of da genius in us all. Dreams come true when U R dedicated.

justinracette To all you conservatives: Shut up about Sotomayor. She's one wicked woman...why can't we get anyone into office without someone complaining?

LiberalTalk Got Ed Schultz on the radio and contemplating gay marriage and Sonia Sotomayor for the US Supreme Court. Thought: marriage is civil.

hoorayforkyle Sotomayor looks to have respect of liberals and conservatives alike. Good choice for Obama to test the waters.

amariamoon24 Mrs. Sotomayor is a very eloquent speaker and a womderful character- hopefully soon Justice Sotomayor

Moltz Something to practice this week: "It's hard to take you seriously when you don't even pronounce her name right. It's SotomayOR." Eye roll.

MikeKStuckey rate the supreme court justices here ... ... so far, sotomayor ranks above all conservatives and she's not in yet

mic_dee The Sotomayor reversal rate meme is nearly as dumb as the fear of superhuman terrorists breaking out of supermaxes.

dafyophi Sonia Sotomayor = fuck yeah. Try and deflect it, GOP. It won't work.

blak_boy i heard Sotomayor and thought, a latino. then, i found saw she was a woman. 2 points for Obama!!

mrrowe8 2 any1 on this Sotomayor thing if u cite race as in ur own ur a fool u r the minority now ,u will b assimilated resistance is futile

Obama: The Barry Freshman Photos

The photos by Lisa Jack and the exhibit...

And he's still a clown.

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

REPOST: Kim Jong Il Sings "Wocket Man"

Because you can never have enough Lil' Kim Jong Il, especially with him thumbing his nose our way every day now. Previously posted 4/18/2009.

I would say this is just wrong...but it's too friggin' funny:

Brought to you by the funny buggers over at The Nose on Your Face.

Then, again, there is this...which is funnier?

And...then...our fearless dickhead has to have his say:

With some additional footage from various sources, including Hannity and "Team America":

And NOW with "Kim Jong Il - Crazy," via The White Owl [Disclaimer, some will be offended by the language in this indeed.]


Cap n’ Trade

The new all-grain organic chemical-free cereal from Obamafoods that costs your family only $4,300 a year.


Monday, May 25, 2009

Why You Need A Gun

Here's a pleasant encounter with a good Samaritan who loves people so much, he freely shares his talents for body and glass work:

h/t: Moonbattery

Sunday, May 24, 2009

Delusional Dream Sequence Post: “We’re Out Of Socialists”

Sun May 24 2009 8:32:18 ET

In a stunning holiday interview with G-SPAN, President b. Hussein dejectedly told Americans: "We are out of socialists."

G-SPAN host Steve Scully broke from a meager Washington press corps (only 4 reporters showed up, what with all media but Fox News and the Government-Satellite Public Affairs Network having gone out of business) with less than probing questions for the tired president.

SCULLY: You know the state of affairs: the automakers have stopped production in the U.S., all banking concerns have moved to Ireland to take advantage of the lack of corporate tax there, the Depression is going into its third year now. At what point do you run out of socialists, so it can get better?

OBAMA: Well, we are out of socialists now. We’ve been beating down doors in even the most elite neighborhoods, but all of our former supporters seem to have turned their backs on us, even George Soros. Of course this was not caused by any decisions we've made. This is a consequence of the crisis that we inherited and in fact the Bush administration’s failure to make some good decisions on everything from health care to who cleans the White House toilets.

Well, maybe it really is our fault. See we've had a short-term problem, which is we used up all of our allotted socialists to completely rewrite our governing system, we had to deal with the auto companies (and they said, screw this, we’re moving to another country) and a huge recession that turned into a Depression because of incredible deficits we were never able to get our arms around (‘cause we spent like a college freshman with his first 50 credit cards) and cap and trade taxes and bailouts for the banking and media and minority radio station and taxi cab and trucking and railroad and airline and shipping and cable and satellite TV and department and grocery store industries. Not to mention half of the country unemployed and massive inflation (Did you see the price of bread today? $100,000 a loaf…wow!) and interest rates creeping up around 40 percent.

So we have a short-term problem and we also have a long-term problem. The short-term problem is dwarfed by the long-term problem. And the long-term problem is we’ve got an election around the corner and no one to vote for us. If we don't start drugging the homeless with mind-numbing Kool-Aid to substantially vote for us, we can't stay in power to complete the remaking of America.

So, one option is just to do nothing, which is what we should have done when we came into power and just let the market and the economy correct itself. But at this point, we’ve intervened so badly and created so many unintended consequences (such as the unemployed taking their government cheese and selling it in Canada in exchange for health care…how does that happen?), that it's too expensive for us to make some short-term investments in anything, well except for maybe bread. Bread, these days, appears to be a great short-term investment. We can't afford it. We've got this incredible deficit and a subpar bond rating and not even Cuba wants to loan us money anymore.

Along that trajectory, I just don’t see us scaring up any more socialists unless we start cloning members of the administration, but even that’s a long-term goal since our science policies were way off the mark, particularly after we discovered that using embryonic stem cells to treat disease leads to incredible cascades of cancer-cell generation, wiping out 100 percent of the human beings who were volunteered for clinical trials. But at least we put a dent in the rightwing extremist population…well, for a while, anyway.

SCULLY: When you see GM though as “Government Motors,” your reaction?

OBAMA: Well, you know -- it was a great idea on paper, but now that the puppet CEO came to his senses and moved the entire company to Taiwan overnight (kinda like when Robert Irsay moved the Colts to Indianapolis without telling anyone), it’s really only a shell company now. We do make great motors for electric toy cars. Too bad the kids can’t afford to buy them. Did you see what it costs to buy a 2.5-pound tricked-out remote control Meeko Nissan Lessthanimpressiva at Government Toys ‘B Us? $50,000, what it used to cost me to buy a slightly pre-owned Escalade before I was elected. On the positive side, just think of the kind of revenue stream we can tap into if it ever takes off with the consumer!

SCULLY: States like California are now so bad off, they’re trying to secede and form mini republics with neighboring states, will you be forced to send in the military to keep those states in line?

OBAMA: No. Unfortunately, most of the members of the military have gone AWOL and we’ve only got about 1,000 troops left (especially since we sacrificed most of them who were stationed in Iraq and Afghanistan in order to partner with Iran to destroy Israel), although we do have confidence that the vice president’s son, General Joseph Robinette “Beau” Biden III, can put a retention plan together by the year 2050.

SCULLY: William Howard Taft served on the court after his presidency, would you have any interest in being on the Supreme Court?

OBAMA: You know, I am not even sure there’s going to be a Supreme Court left once I get through, so there’s that problem too....

Oh…damn…I’ve been sleep posting again. For a minute there I thought it was 2012, and b. Hussein had bankrupt the country, taken over too many private businesses, and stolen so much wealth that he was worried the voters were going to kick him out of office in a few months. Alas, half-lucid from insomnia, I was only twisting Drudge’s report from yesterday.

Well…at least there's still time…for real change we can believe in.

Saturday, May 23, 2009

Robert "Ahhh" Gibbs Moment o' the Day: Teh Funny

A series on b. Hussein's rumbling, bumbling, fumbling, stumbling Press Secretary Robert "Ahhhhh" Gibbs.... least he's good for something.


Friday, May 22, 2009

Muslim Demographics

The Western world's future?

The American Thinker on this video:
When a good portion of a nation's population no longer takes pride in its traditions and culture, the will to defend the nation slips away. For decades many liberals have taken pride instead in actively undermining what used to be known as the American identity.

While many liberals are taking pleasure in smothering the remaining life out of the culture that fed, housed and educated them, Muslims around the world are using pride to advance their way of life. While liberals advance agendas harmful to the survival of the Republic, such as open border policies and abortion on demand, Muslims quietly nurture their families, their Mosques, their beliefs ethical absolutism, and their pride in their civilization.

History shows that only one of these cultures will survive.

b. Hussein's Gitmo Speech In a Nutshell

"That speech was so long, a full day without a terrorist attack passed by."

From TOTUS himself.

Keith Olbermann Is Brilliant

Last night, we were blessed with more gifted use of language by MSNBC's chief ranter (oh, I know Chris Matthews is famous for talking about having that thrill up his leg and all, but, really, he doesn't hold a candle to the master).

Here, the Great One professes how much he loves former VEEP Dick Cheney, following Cheney's prodigious speech yesterday, which in turn followed a few words by some other guy about some place in Cuba that ain't getting shut any time soon:
Neurotic, paranoid, false to fact and false to reason, forever self-rationalizing his inner rage at his own impotence, and failure dripping from every word, and as irrational, as separated from the real world, as dishonest, as insane as any terrorist; the former vice president has today humiliated himself beyond redemption.
That's some pretty use of the English language there, Keith. It's almost as if you spent the day between Cheney's noonish speech and your evening broadcast (to all 4 or 5 viewers) reading Merriam Webster's.

Too bad you don't have much sense of how to use all them fancy words. Speaking of humiliation:


My Progressive Quiz Results

Hmm....I would have never guessed. Your turn.

YouTube Restores Clip of CNN Reporter Badgering Tea Party Attendees

Nice to see the Fairness Doctrine hasn't taken hold quite yet.


"The Dark Pelosi" (With Waterboarding!)

Funny man Steven Crowder smacks down The Wicked Witch of Congress and her B.S. about the date of her waterboarding knowledge...then waterboards the ol' hag.


Thursday, May 21, 2009

The Obamapranos: Eh Joey!

Chapter 2: “Eh Joey”

(Previously on The Obamapranos)

In the Oval Office, President b. Hussein leans back in his chair, characteristically propping his feet on the great English Resolute desk used by all but three presidents dating back to 1880, his eyes leveled at the pages of Open Veins of Latin America: Five Centuries of the Pillage of a Continent, the book, a present from Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez, in his left hand. A Marlboro dangles from his lips, despite White House rules against indoor smoking. He plucks the butt from his mouth with his other hand and flicks the ashes, sprinkling a few on the heirloom desktop as they tumble toward a chrome ashtray. The president frowns, brushing the ashes to the carpet with indifference, as if they were a petition from Republicans to reach across the aisle to keep the American taxpayers from having to fork over more of their earnings for social programs.

A knock sounds at the door.

“Yeah. Comin,” the president barks.

The door opens, and the vice president, one Joe Biden, walks into the room. He ambles in like an orangutan, slovenly and haphazard, incongruous to his station and his surroundings. He stops in front of the desk and waits. The president does not look up.

After nearly 10 seconds, Biden breaks the silence. “You sent for me, chief?”

“I did.” The president turns a page in his book. He does not look up.

“So…what…um…ya gonna spank me or somethin’? You’re actin’ all medieval.”

b. Hussein closes the book and takes his feet down and sets the book on the edge of the desk, swiveling his chair to face the vice president. He looks up and glares.

“Joey. You’ve become a distraction. Whahmigonnadowitchu?”

Biden raises his eyebrows and grins. “Whatsamatter now, chief. You’re still not sore about that swine flu business from a couple weeks ago, areya?”

The president tilts his head to the left and rolls his eyes and squeezes them shut and sighs. “No, Joey. Itsa little more recent den dat. Memba your speech da other day, when ya spoke for me at da Gridiron Club dinner, so I could be da first president since Grover Cleveland not ta show up? Memba whatchu said?”

Biden stares blankly at the president and then, as if a little caretaker inside his brain has turned on a processor, seems to come online and snaps his head back and says: “Oh, yeah! That was a hoot.”

“A ‘hoot?’” the president says, mockingly, looking at Biden as if he were a stumblebum who just came in from Lafayette Park for a free nip and a five-spot. “Let me quote you.”
A young naval officer giving me a tour of the Naval Observatory showed me the secret underground bunker where Cheney hid during 9/11. It’s behind this massive steel door. It’s got an elaborate lock with a narrow connecting hallway lined with shelves filled with communications equipment.

The officer told me that when Cheney was in lock down, this was where his most trusted aides were stationed.
“Sound remotely familiar, Joey?”

“Um. Yeah. I’m beginning to remember saying something like that.” The vice president looks down at his shoes for a moment, then back at the president and holds up his hands. “But…hey…ya gotta remember. It was, like, the heat of the moment. I was just warming the crowd up. They had this guy speak before me, I think his name was Bob Schieffer, who was all boring and stuff, kept talking about how CBS News sets the industry standard for journalistic fairness.” Biden slaps his thigh and opens his mouth and lets out a booming laugh. “We all know they’re so far up your cornhole they’ll have an exclusive if you ever grow polyps.”

“ENOUGH,” the president screams, standing up behind his desk. “I picked you to be vice president for your experience, but you keep acting like a two year old. I have enough problems with Nancy Pelosi and her expanding and ever-changing tale of when she knew about waterboarding. I have Dick Cheney gaining popularity on me in the polls. Dick…FRIGGIN’…Cheney! I’ve gotta get the Waxman-Markey bill and backdoor national health care through Congress these next few months. I can’t have a vice president running around, dropping mouth bombs like Don Imus every 5 seconds.”

The president turns away and shakes his head and stares out at the South Lawn. “Don’t make me do something I’ll regret, Joey.”

Biden lowers his eyes as if ashamed but…then…can’t help himself…and tries to break the ice:

“Well, look at it this way, chief. If Nancy’s next in line after me for your job, you’d better plan on sticking around for a while.”

The president sits down hard in his chair and leans forward and puts his head in his hands.

“Joey. I sweartagod…oh…crap…I keep forgetting we don’t say that here anymore.” He looks up at Biden, his eyes as hot as Bill Clinton’s libido if he were forced to stay in the same room overnight with a drunken college co-ed. “Don’t push me, Joey.…I don't wanna have ta make ya an offer ya can’t refuse. Ya don’t wanna know dat side a me.”

Biden, thinking the president is joking, throws his head back and laughs and laughs and laughs. "That's a good one, sir. Who says you're not funny?" And he laughs and laughs and laughs.

The lights go out.

And Biden screams.

Cross-posted at The American TEA Party.

"Bill" Gates Now Works for Obama?

Wow. I didn't know developing a buggy OS qualified one to be secretary of defense. Well done, Obugger.

Gates was in the crowd for Obama's national security speech. Pointing him out, the president said "William Gates" was on hand. Perhaps Obama was thinking of Bill Gates, the Microsoft billionaire.

The defense chief, who goes by Bob, was also misidentified at a Pentagon ceremony on Tuesday. Then, he was introduced as Ronald Gates.

Gates joked then that he had recently been introduced as Bill Gates. "He's the rich one," Gates cracked.


Four Wackos Try to Blast Synagogues and a Plane

Oh, those crazy right-wing extremists. Oh...wait...Hey Janet, LOOK!...they were Muslim!..imagine that.

To read the criminal complaint, click on the images, or go here (for pretty much the same result).


Wednesday, May 20, 2009

"For Political Gain, People Are Making Headlines" says the nitwit making lots of headlines for political gain this year: Arlen Sphincter.

First it was his voting for GoFrigYourselfus because...well..."somebody has to do something."

Then it was his shedding of the elephant trunk (which was really just a strap-on anyway) to reveal himself as the jackass we already knew was underneath because...well...he didn't think he could win re-election as a Republican.

Then, today, in typical Sphincter fashion, he came out and snuggled up with his new Zombiecrat buddy, The Wicked Witch of Congress, defending her lying ass (and a very hideous one at that), therefore placing himself squarely amid the asinine politicization of our national security:
"The current controversy involving Speaker Pelosi and the CIA is very unfortunate, in my opinion, because it politicizes the issue and it takes away attention from ... how does the Congress get accurate information from the CIA?" Specter said. "For political gain, people are making headlines."
I wonder when these yo-yos are going to figure out that the longer they keep Nancy Pelosi's transgressions in the news, the more chance we have to educate people about the truly oppressive "cap and tax" insanity and the ridiculous national health care taxes b. Hussein is lining up.

Just keep talking, you knuckledraggers. I'm beginning to think the new "missing link" had more brains than all of you combined.

Cross-posted here and here.


You're in good...oops!...dropsy hands with POTUS/VPOTUS.

h/t: iOwnTheWorld

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Baby Tax Could Buoy San Francisco’s Budget

SF Mayor Gavin Newsom also intends to introduce legislation requiring restaurants to put more children on their menus.

SAN FRANCISCO -- Calling his proposal an attack on babies and their heterosexual parents alike, Mayor Gavin Newsom wants to impose a tax on an age-old inhabitant of city landfills: the diaper.

San Francisco spends an estimated $10.7 million a year burying infant and toddler diapers in the city’s landfill. The proposal, to be introduced next month to the San Francisco Board of Supervisors, would add 33 cents to the cost of every diaper, to offset the city’s estimated expense of making sure the messy diapers get worked way down into the landfill.

The added cost, Mr. Newsom hopes, will also dampen heterosexual parents’ deviant urge to procreate.

“In general, high taxes always help reduce the population,” he said in an interview. “And we think that will have a very beneficial public health component.”

Officials here say the municipal fee, if adopted, would be the first in the country to take aim specifically at diapers, particularly the extra-absorbent types, which are not biodegradable. But the idea is expected to run into fierce opposition from diaper companies.

“Obviously we think people should follow the recycling laws, in California and elsewhere,” said Larry Frecklehoffer, a spokesman for Huggies, the nation’s second-largest manufacturer of diapers. “But we oppose any additional taxation on diapers to pay for that.”

Georgie Droopface, head of the local ACLU chapter, said he thought the proposal was a winner and didn’t plan any challenge. “Babies don’t have a right to diapers; they don’t even have a right to life, if you know anything about Supreme Court law. PSSHAW! Now, if you’ll excuse me, we’ve heard that locals have been using the G-word in the lunchroom at City Hall, and that kind of sordid mixing of church and state simply MUST not be allowed to carry on.”

San Francisco has already tried to be tough on babies and their breeding parents. Last year the city imposed a ban on the sale of baby wipes at drugstores, a restriction that is still under challenge in state and federal courts.

Mr. Newsom, moreover, has shown a willingness to legislate against babies in other ways, proposing a fee in 2007 on any large store that sells any baby products whatsoever. The Board of Supervisors has not yet taken up this so-called baby tax, but debate is expected this summer, said Donald Rebar, a spokesman for the mayor.

Mr. Newsom said diapers became a target after San Francisco’s annual “refuse audit” found they made up a quarter of all the trash in the city’s landfill. With the city already spending some $44 million a year on refuse disposal and facing a $500 million deficit for the coming fiscal year, that just didn’t sit right with him/her.

“It’s not a huge part of the overall budget,” the mayor said of the $11 million or so in annual revenue the diaper tax could generate. “But it’s enough to make the breeders keep it in their pants over the long term.”

Anna Butchy, regional director of the Rainbow Coalition, said anti-baby efforts aimed specifically at the hygienic garments were new and welcome.

“Anytime you raise the price of diapers, you discourage breeders from having more babies, and therefore more heterosexual children,” Ms. Butchy said, “and you increase the motivation of people who want to avoid breeding altogether.”

Monday, May 18, 2009

CAR WHORES...Episode IV: A New Dope

In a galaxy all too present, all too friggin’ near…

President b. Hussein: My dear friends. Today, the United States of America turns a new page in the fight against Anthropogenic Global Warming. We stand on the precipice of either moving forward toward curbing fictional deadly greenhouse gases, the mere mention of which lines the pockets of great patriots such as Al Gore and George Soros and myself with triple-laundered twenties and fifties, or plummeting into great impending planetary doom (which would lead anyone in his right mind who takes 10 minutes to do some research to conclude: Hmm…those AGW freaks are nuts). HOWEVER! Thankfully, few of you doubt the Deity and most embrace The Inconvenient Truth and the taxation of your energy consumption because you don’t have enough common sense to question authority…when the authority represents your beloved, America-loving Democratic Party!

The press expresses its feelings.

As President of Government Motors, it is my duty, neigh, my sacred oath, to proclaim unto you that automobiles in this country shall, by the year 2016, ON AVERAGE, gain more miles for every gallon of gas (which by then, the CBO estimates, should cost about $472.99 per gallon) than ever before.

More press reaction.

[Thinks: This is WAY too easy.]

These are, indeed, difficult times that must be met with the strength of difficult people, as they used to call us before we ate from the forbidden fruit (and became regular, run-of-the-mill Zombiecrats). It is, therefore, with great pleasure, that I say unto you that vehicles made in America will gain an average of 400 mpg by the year 2016 (when I’m raking in a hell of a lot more per speech then Bill Clinton every dreamed of getting). It is time that America leads, instead of letting trees fall on our SUVs during violent, AGW-caused storms that we have never before seen (since we refuse to look up climate fluctuation data any older than, say, 1981).

It is time that American ingenuity and know-how puts us back at the forefront of automotive technology.

It is time that we get back to our roots and create streamlined and fuel-efficient marvels of engineering that benefit Our Lady Mother Earth without sacrificing style.

Yet, all the while, as we seek to cut back on the ability of a vehicle to travel beyond your driveway, as we raise taxes so incredibly high you will think Jimmy Carter should be immortalized on Mt. Rushmore, we will NOT skimp on safety to achieve our goals.

Gibbsy. GIBBSY! (Whispers: next slide….NEXT! AHEM!) As I was saying, we will make the future the present, by creating cars as dependable as Nancy Pelosi’s daily Botox treatments. Therefore, in addition to mandatory fuel mileage requirements, we will also increase maximum payloads that will bring about more carpooling and reduce traffic on our national highways, thereby improving everyone’s rush-hour commute.

We will achieve these goals by taxing each new vehicle by 4,000 percent of the purchase price, the overage directly payable to the U.S. Senate, for the upkeep of Social Security, Medicare, National Health Care, and free access to Meet the Depressed each Sunday and 24-hour broadcasts of NPR while those of us not fortunate enough to be Democrats wait on soup or bread lines (never both!) for daily rations. This foresight, by the government, for the people, dictated to the people, will put the future of the United States in our own glorious hands.

Final response from the press.


The president, reveling in his success, sneaks off to a back room in the White House to end another evening with a precious moment all to himself.


The Death of Notre Dame...and Catholic America

President b. Hussein's speech yesterday at Notre Dame quite simply boils down to this:
b. Hussein: It is beyond your capacity as human beings to know with certainty what God has planned for us or what He asks of us because...well...none of you are me.

Notre Dame: Hussah! Hussah! Viva la aborto! Viva la aborto!
I was astounded when more than 50 percent of my fellow Catholic voters cast their ballots for b. Hussein in November, astounded because the central issue of Catholic faith is the sanctity of life. You do NOT vote for a politician who favors abortion. It is considered a sin.

But then yesterday the president actually brought up the issue of abortion...during his commencement speech at Notre Dame...because...well...ya know, abortion is the most important thing on the minds of everyone graduating from much more so than "Where am I going to live?" and "I hope I get that job" and "I can't wait for graduate school" and "I hope this guy stops talking soon 'cause I don't think I packed enough ice around the keg at the frat house" ....imploring his captive audience to consider an "open-minded" debate on the issue, as if to say: "Life is debatable; consider whether we all need to be given the chance to live or not."

Naturally, the crowd went nuts for b. Hussein, the Deity himself striking his best Hitleresque pose to date. The response pretty much mimics what goes on in the minds of people who leave Catholicism: They no longer believe that life is so important.

Have I mentioned before that we are all screwed?

Thursday, May 14, 2009

The New League of Superliars

I'm a liar.

You're a liar.

He's a liar.

She's a liar.

Wouldn't you like to be a liar too?

Welcome to the Wicked Witch of Congress Lie-athon

This would be Nancy Pelosi's last two weeks in brief:

Welcome to the Nancy Pelosi Lie-athon, where you never get a straight answer and the story always changes and each time she tells it the details become even more outlandish.

To make the show just a bit more interesting, I'm entering my 5-year-old into a truth dual with the Wicked Witch of Congress because, even though I can't ever get the truth from my daughter, I believe her more than I ever will Pelosi.

Hey! That brings up her new contribution to the political lexicon: She's pelosiing herself.

I know...let's waterboard her to find out just when she really knew!


Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Life Sucks When You Blog

Whoever came up with this 24 hour crap for the length of a day is a friggin' idiot because, unfortunately, my blogging will be sporadic this week.

It's not that my well of material is empty, although my wife will tell you my brain certainly is. There's plenty more idiocy to come from this here nutjob.'s little league baseball championship week, and my boy's Red Sox (yeah, I know, I'm a Yankees fan, but this spring I'm switching sides...though I will be holding a burning ceremony for my coach's uniform when the week is through) team is one game from the championship.

The presses or XML or data feed from my inner idiot is caged a bit. I'll be sure to put some nonsense up at least every other day, or more if my employer is looking the other way. If I've learned anything from b. Hussein it's that one must take advantage of opportunity in crisis...oh...and cast nasty little spells on 62 million Zombies.

So, I gotta go...they need me to coach first base, so I can get kids out at second.

Plus, the lawn's about two feet high now. I think there's a family of copperheads moving in. And Hobbits. So I gotta get that done before Mrs. ADHD sends me back to the league of eligible fat and graying and barely sane bachelors.

Monday, May 11, 2009

Is Michelle Obama Related to "The Thing"?

Michelle Obama's guns may be the rage of Washington, but my sources indicate she's tested positive for having the same DNA as The Thing.

Notice the blocky face and big mouth.

Fortunately, experts say she's likely a clone, her sense of humor bearing no resemblance to that of the founding member of Marvel Comics' The Fantastic Four, as she laughs only at bad jokes made by her husband and Wanda Sykes.

UPDATE: Here's even more juvenile humor, just for you stodgy folks out there.

Friday, May 8, 2009

Flying High Again

Just like Ozzy Osbourne, and I don't mean altitude or attitude; I'm talkin' about lack of R-E-S-P-E-C-T for the people of New York, and maybe a little less mullah for Nancy Pelosi's frogs.

Meet the Typical Obamabot

Here he is, your typical Obamabot.

Notice the lurid stare. Manifestation of nothing short of maniacal exuberance, a clairvoyant knowledge that every time you open your wallet little government pixies threatening to tase you will jump down off your shoulder and swipe 30 to 50 percent of its contents and promptly flush it down the toilet.

On this one, the swastika is quite obvious. Normally they hide them. Under a breast. Beneath the hairline. Between the butt cheeks. It symbolizes idolatry, belief in The Supreme Being, The One. They've been told by ACORN to look for the symbol each month, in a newspaper ad, on their favorite cereal box, and always, always, as the stamp on the envelope containing their government check. The symbol will guide them! And since they don't know how to read anyway, they haven't ever thought of googling it on the Internet to learn otherwise.

The uniform pays tribute to past carriers of the flame, who they've been taught to uphold: Lenin, dear Adolf, Mussolini, Stalin, Idi, Fidel. The uniform bearer is simpatico with all present and future socialists. He is Darth Vader, his weapon a crackpipe, Jonesing to lock into mortal combat and imbibe on the Marxist force, which he's been told to buy from a shady character who looks like Sean Penn standing outside the nearest 7-11.

Finally, the lolling tongue is evidence he has a taste for it now, a real taste for it. It's coursing through his veins, his every cell, rippling through even his mitochondria. He is pure Zombiecrat now, right down to the hole in his chest where a soul used to be.

He will never stop. Ever.

Unless you put a caterpillar on his pillow. It will drive him so mad, he'll eat his own brains and complain you tortured him, his obsession with minutia affording you the opportunity to cleave in his skull with a mallet, leaving one less Zombiecrat eligible to vote in the next election.
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