Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Eight "Militant" Doctors Arrested for Plotting to Treat Patients

Image via Soylent Green

Editor’s Note: This isn’t even meant to be funny; it’s just an exercise in replacing certain words in a news story about a militia with others about healthcare and considering the results.

Federal agents from the Internal Revenue Service, Bureau of Investigation, and Ted Kennedy Memorial Health Rationing Board swarmed a makeshift health clinic in Michigan yesterday, arresting eight doctors who were audaciously planning to treat patients without government authority.

Agents moved quickly against the group, known as Primum Non Nocere (Latin for “first, do no harm”), because its members were planning to treat patients sometime in April, prosecutors said. Authorities seized Band-Aids in the raid but would not say whether they found any medicine.

The arrests have dealt "a severe blow to a dangerous organization that today stands accused of conspiring to levy war against nationalized healthcare," said Attorney General Eric Holder.

Authorities said the arrests underscored the dangers of homegrown anti-national healthcare extremism of the sort seen before 2009, when 2,375,000 people who had health insurance died versus the 45,000 people who died with none.

In an indictment, unsealed today, prosecutors said the group began training to treat patients without federal authority before pResident Barack Obama was elected in 2008, each spending about a decade and hundreds of thousands of dollars learning to diagnose and treat patients without some dweeb in the District of Criminals with a six-figure-salaried desk job, thanks to a friend in Congress, telling them how.

Frank Burns, 54, of Clayton, Mich., and one of his sons were identified as the ringleaders of the group. Burns, who was known as "Doc," organized the group in whitecoat fashion, and members were assigned secret names, prosecutors said. Ranks ranged from "attending physician" to "intern," according to the group's Web site.

"It started out as a Hippocratic Oath thing," said Mary Burns, his ex-wife. "You go to a medicine cabinet. You put a Band-Aid on someone’s cut without permission from the Health Rationing Board. You take your chances. I think Frank started to take it a little too far when he decided to treat hangnails."

Prosecutors said Burns had identified certain people near his home as potential patients. He and other members discussed luring the people to the Primum Non Nocere offices, using real medicine to treat them, saving a dying patient after a traffic accident, or convincing patients they should tell family members about the care they’d received, according to the indictment. After such actions, the group allegedly planned to spread out into the community and offer their services at discounted rates in a competitive standoff with the law.

"It is believed by the Primum Non Nocere that this engagement would then serve as a catalyst for a more widespread uprising against nationalized healthcare," the indictment said.

The charges against the eight include seditious conspiracy, plotting to levy war against U.S. health care financing law; possessing medical equipment during a crime of doing no harm; teaching the practice of medicine; and attempting to use a weapon of mass benevolence -- homemade tongue depressors. The defendants were sent to Gitmo, the former prison for Islamic terrorists now serving as a holding cell for people who violate national healthcare policy.

Primum Non Nocere says on its Web site its name means "First, do no harm" and describes the words as part of a secret language that, thanks to Obamacare, fewer will now be privileged to know. The group quotes several medical manuals and declares: "We believe that the greatest mistake in the treatment of diseases is that there are physicians and now bureaucrats who run them; one knows how to keep people alive, the other knows how to use Microsoft Excel."

The site features a picture of 17 men in white coats, all holding large stethoscopes, and includes videos of men armed with patient charts running through an emergency room. Each wears a shoulder patch that bears a staff entwined by two serpents in the form of a double helix and surmounted by wings.

Actually, she's Nurse Wretched.

Sunday, March 28, 2010

Real Men of Genius: Joe Biden

THIS is a big fucking deal.


Saturday, March 27, 2010

Lie to Me (I'd Drop Dead if You Didn't)

You'd think in the information age politicians would, for once, just shut the fuck up and stop lying and own up to the damned truth. Oh, I'm sorry. For a minute there I was dreaming that they actually care what we think.

Never mind.

What a silly ass I am to fantasize that when The Wicked Witch of Congress said this -- “No major piece of major social legislation has ever been passed without the vote being partisan" -- she actually thought we'd believe it.

Or, as BigFurHat says,
She’s either stupid or a liar. Wait, what am I saying? She’s stupid and a liar.
After all, can't you spot the partisan legislation? It's all in the Political Math.

I'm going to do Jonnny Lang a grave disservice here, but then I'd rather hear him over the Botox Queen any day:


Thursday, March 25, 2010

The Coffin: The New Symbol for the Democratic Party`

Feed Your ADHD: The Coffin: The New Symbol for the Democratic Party`

I don't know what the big fuss is all about. Apparently the Democrats, and the FBI, don't get symbolism. Yes, a coffin is a metaphor for death. But I'll take the high road and see it as a symbol that someone thinks Rep. Russ Carnahan (Dickhead-Mo.) is going to be dead at the polls come November.

In fact, let's just go ahead right now and start putting coffins on the lawns of all the whiny little POS Democrats who are up for re-election this year ... just to make it perfectly clear to the FBI what the symbol really means.

Pissy little babies are afraid? Don't like cross-hairs depicted over your vulnerable districts? Need some protection? Awwwww. Are you going to provide us with protection from you?

Grow a pair. You fucking won. You walked the plank to get Obamacare passed. Live with the consequences.

Or, better yet, if you don't have the strength to handle the abuse you clearly deserve, then just go away and save us all the torture of having to deal with your little public drama for the next 8 months.

Because we're still coming for you in November [insert obligatory disclaimer for the FBI -- "at the polls" -- here].

Cross-posted at pat.dollard.com.

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Pain, Damage Don't End the World. Or Despair. The World Ends When You're Dead. Until Then, More Punishment Is in Store. Be a Man & Give Some Back

Otherwise to be translated as "SCREW YOU" Obama and your Merry Band of Congresscriminals. We won't back down.

Watch out, you bastards. That sound you hear creeping up behind you is the American people coming for you ... at the ballot box.

After that, we'll let Ole Scratch grab your asses and suck you down into the abyss and seat you at your rightful place ... at the dinner table ... in the Eighth Circle of Hell.

Via PatDollard.com

UPDATED ++ Obamacare Will "Control the People"

I love it when politicians open their big fat mouths. Congesscriminal John Dingell (Dickhead, Michigan) :
"The harsh fact of the matter is when you're going to pass legislation to cover 300 million people in different ways it takes a long time to do the necessary administrative steps that have to be taken to put the legislation together to control the people."

In fact, Jamie's snark below is a preview of the reality the Dems want for you:

UPDATE: Whether or not King Obama becomes reality, it's pretty fucking clear already what change looks like:

Brought to you by LC Aggie Stith (originally via Logistic Monster, with a sly H/T to cbullitt)

UDPATE II: Nine inch Nails came up on my iPod today. It's not something for the family. But the lyrics of "My Violent Heart" say a lot about what's been going through my addled brain over the last couple weeks, a fever specifically brought on by the Democrats and their arrogance.

And, no, Secret Service, I'm not threatening anyone ... just read the key part of the song:
you have set something in motion

much greater than you've ever known

standing there in all your grand naivety

about to reap what you have sown

time will feed upon your weaknesses

and soon you'll lose the will to care

when you return to the place that you call home

we will be there we will be there

on hands and knees

we crawl

you can not stop us all

our blood will stain

we will not go away

on hands and knees

we crawl

you can not stop us all

our blood our ways will never leave this place

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

On the Road to Ruin

Posted on behalf of Jamie.

Well, he's signed it.

Joe Biden to the rescue… Drops the f-bomb for the President to make it more interesting. We are governed by morons…

Sunday, March 21, 2010

"There Are No Rules Here ... We Make Them Up As We Go Along"

As if this fucking piece of shit needed to say it out loud. But I'm glad he did. It's just more campaign ad fodder to help send this Congresscriminal back home to Flori-duh in November, preferably with a deadly communicable disease.


Friday, March 19, 2010

Her Goal? To Be Fatest; My Goal? To Be Least Governed; Who Will Win?

Maybe if we send this lady some cakes she'll reach her goal and we'll get good karma and The Wicked Witch of Congress won't get her 216 votes.

Her goal is to make the Gunniess Book of World Records. Pelousy's goal is to re-engineer America and drag us all, kicking and screaming, into her boiling cauldron. My goal is keep these motherfuckers away from my property.

Who will win?

My optimism is waning, my anger growing.

You damned well know that, if they bring this piece of shit bill to a vote on Sunday -- while most of us of are enjoying early Spring and resting and reflecting, as God intended -- Pelousy has this un-Constitutional Rahm job in the bag.

So be it.

I'm starting to believe there will be riots in the streets if they do. I hope Congresscriminals, and the pResident, are ready for the backlash.

It'll be a reckoning like nothing they've ever seen.

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Obama Invited to Give New Gettysburg Address

Give me a fucking break. Via Allahpundit
One town is already banking on President Obama's re-election: Gettysburg, Pa. Looking ahead to July 2013, organizers of the 150th anniversary of the decisive three-day clash between Union and Confederate forces have extended an invitation for Obama to deliver his own Gettysburg address, we hear. "That would be really cool," says Gettysburg Convention and Visitors Bureau President Norris Flowers. "I expect that."
Excuse me while I vomit because I can hear him now:
Four years ago you peasants put me in charge of your lives and my administration brought forth a new America, conceived in my image and dedicated to the proposition that only some people -- mainly those who worship me -- are created equal.
I loved that place. I've walked Pickett's Charge. Twice, each time more amazed by the audacity and bravery and stupidity it took to rush headlong into such a death. I was planning on taking my kids there at some point. Forget it, now. If this is the thought process that goes on up there, my money would be better spent on Ken Burns' The Civil War DVD.

At least Zero can't ruin the original address, no matter had badly he screws this country up ...


Sunday, March 14, 2010

O Lord Obama ... Where Art Thou?

You know the Dems are going for broke when the 9,492,946th time they're about to pass Obamacare needs a little help from the nation's number one Democratic Party propagandist ... because apparently The Lord Cometh, right there, today, all over the pages of the New York Slimes. Via JammieWearingFool

Interestingly, I asked Wild Thing #1, my 8-year-old, what he saw in that image. "Umm ... a cross." What does it mean, I asked. "They think he's God." Is that good? "No. He's not even close to God." Does that mean he's not very religious or that he's not very God-like? "Both."

Too bad the generations that came before my son didn't recogonize what an 8-year-old clearly does. Maybe there is still a chance for "hope and change."

(Quick post from Tramp Stamp Beach, in South Florida. More to come soon, upon my return.)

Thursday, March 11, 2010

RAHMBO WASH! Rinse Away All Your Political Troubles!

Art by Jamie

Hi! Vince, here. I know I went a little nuts when I beat the hell out of that hooker in Miami. But I'm all better now, since the Democratic Party hired me. And boy have I got a product for you.

Having a tough time getting that last vote? Tired of making backroom deals only to see them evaporate and destroy your political career? Are you one step away from pushing your caucus over the cliff for the sake of a bloated government entitlement?

You won't be with RAHMBO WASH!

It's like a trip to Fort Marcy Park. It's like a drive over the Chappaquiddick with Ted Kennedy but without all the mess. It's like cheating on your taxes and getting away with it!

You see, regular poltical tricks don't work when 60 percent of the country wants your blood. This works scared or crazy ... even whenever selling your mother and strapping your children to the front of a locomotive just isn't enough.

This is for the Oval Office, the Blair House, Congressional chambers, your local townhall meeting!

RAHMBO WASH! cleans away twenty times the political troubles. Look at this! It turns a mild-mannered lameduck Congressmen into a ruthless lying flip flopper. It doesn't drip, doesn't make a mess. You water it down, lather it on Bart Stupak, and you've got your vote, abortion funding and all! And you don't even have to get naked with him in the shower!

It's made in Chicago, you know the Chicago Way always makes good stuff.

You can dump half into an old milk jug, use one to keep your no votes in line, use the other to convince a few Republicans to join your side!

SEIU workers, they use it to grease elections. Look at that! Completely stolen! Here's a bill that hasn't been written, dump some Rasmussen polls, Republican nos, and tea bags on it. Now that is going to smell. See that?

The most cleansing thing -- now we're gonna do this in real time -- look at this! Douse it on the bill, turn it over! Without even putting pressure, fifty percent of it's back to the Senate for reconciliation. The other 50 percent, it's passed with every party member in line!

I don't know, it sells itself!

Now, here's what were gonna do: if you call within the next 20 minutes, because we've been trying to sell this health care bill for a year, we'll throw in the RAHMBO Shower Gel and Scrubbie, both guaranteed to twist your adversary's arm, absolutely free! And we'll even give you a back shave.

You'll be saying I'll be getting cash with RAHMBO WASH! every time.

Here's how to order.


Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Snarky Photo Reel: Obama's Week in Review #10

Posted on behalf of Jamie.

Some say that The One, Barack Hussein Obama (Mmm, mmm, mmm) ,
isn’t focused on jobs, jobs, jobs and is still fixated on healthcare…

The puppeteers are losing patience with their puppet.

The Narcissist in Chief needs his legacy…

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

The pResident Is a Fucking Liar

And he's giving you the bird.

We know that.

But there’s a good percentage of the American people who don’t. How can they when the Campaigner in Chief has a bully pulpit in TOTUS and keeps shitting lies from his mouth like this one from yesterday’s Obamacare Redux campaign stop in liberal Philly: “Every year, [insurance companies] raise premiums higher and higher. Just last month, Anthem Blue Cross in California tried to jack up rates by nearly 40%.”

Them’s high falutin’, drama-charged, fear-mongering words.

The problem is, they’re completely twisted, especially when you consider that Cauli-for-nia’s business community is in shambles, its unemployment rate a full three percent higher than the national average. How many unemployed people keep their former company’s insurance? Fact is, Anthem now has a smaller pool of insurers from which to earn their nut … and pay out claims. Um … earth to the pResident’s teleprompter: smaller pool = bigger costs. (The guy might understand if he actually had ever held a real job in the private sector).

And why is business unusual and unemployment soaring in Cauli-for-nia? Federal (translation: Regressive) regulations have crippled Cauli-for-nia's industry and agriculture, and moonbat state laws and throttling taxes have sent businesses fleeing as if The Big One were about to dump the entire west coast into the Pacific.

But even aside from Cauli-for-nia's problems (which WILL spread to the rest of America if we don't stop this regime), time and time again the sane among us have made the point that the insurance industry isn’t raping us:
The list goes on and on and fucking on. Hell, why let a few facts get in the way? If facts aren’t good enough for the MSM, they’re surely not good enough for the pResident of the United States.

You could make a hell of a lot better profit margin brewing beer than selling insurance [CLICK THE CHART TO THE RIGHT, from here ... and insurance companies earn $100 - $200 per policy, according to newer figures] -- that is until 2010, when, apparently, even our drunks realized they’d be better off stuffing their beer money in mattresses rather than buying rounds at the local bar.

That would certainly explain the resurgence in .99 cent Pabst Blue Ribbon draft specials I’ve seen lately around Atlanta. I'd rather drink rot gut. Obama’s legacy will probably be a still in every garage.

Therein lies reality: For all of Zero’s talk about jobs jobs jobs -- and I repeat myself yet again -- his pursuit of Moby Dick (health care) and the Jolly Green Apparition (global warming) and, soon, amnesty and national identity cards for all, are deliberate attempts to re-engineer America into a Regressive garbage dump, an outright plan to ruin this economy, and this country, forever.

Think of his presidency as one big shower summit, with 300 million livid and naked Rahmbos jabbing their fingers into our chests. It’s classic Marxism: From each according to his ability to each according to his need. It’s classic Alinsky: Demonize your opponent until he is under water and you’re crushing his skull with your foot. It’s classic Obama: Lies lies lies and thugism and epic fail.

Cross-posted at patdollard.com

Monday, March 8, 2010

Thanks for Your Patience

I'm a retard. I don't mean that as any slight against anyone born with any disability, intellectual or otherwise. When they coined and defined that word, retard, they had a picture of me to look at, whoever they were.

I decided to take advantage of some down blogging time tonight and pull in some of the files I'd published over at Word Press, not all, just some of the posts that I most wanted to save, with the idea of deleting the Word Press blog. After all, even though I've told the Googlebots they're no longer allowed to play over there, Google will still penalize me for having the first 13 months of this site's life over there as well. (If you're new and confused: I left this little place and went "big-time" at Word Press in November, only to get my site hacked and whacked and hi-jacked, so I moved back over here in February.)

So I pulled over some posts and probably wasn't all that careful with stripping out the formatting from Word Press, meaning I just cut and paste into Blogger ... and low and behold, when the project was done, my Blogger template was whacked. The more I tinkered, the more, well, let's just say there was also a photo of me next to whoever coined and defined the term douchebag.

So here we are with yet another look, and I think, for the most part, I can live with it. Additionally, since sig94 put a post up this a.m. that is now buried, I'm going to give it a little update so it gets pushed back up near the top, under this one.

As always, thanks for your patience ... and thanks for reading.

Poor Man's Botox ... UPDATE: Shave-Driving Is Apparently a Problem Too

NEWARK -- Six city women seeking backside enhancements have been hospitalized in the last two months after getting injected with mixtures of hardware-grade caulk, silicone and petroleum jelly, according to a report in the New York Post.

The New Jersey Department of Health reported the incidents, and hospital officials said the injections all happened in hotels around the Newark area, the paper reported. The women were all from the Dominican Republic. No one has been charged.

A spokesman for the New Jersey Department of Health also reports that the six women now have backsides that are completely waterproofed and weather sealed to withstand a Category 5 hurricane.

ADMIN UPDATE: It seems shaving the nether regions while driving is even more dangerous than texting. From Jammiewearingfool:
As authorities nationwide warn motorists of the dangers of driving while texting, Florida Keys law enforcement officers add a new caution: Don't try to shave your privates, either.

Florida Highway Patrol troopers say a two-vehicle crash T
uesday at Mile Marker 21 on Cudjoe Key was caused by a 37-year-old woman driver who was shaving her bikini area while her ex-husband took the wheel from the passenger seat.

"She said she was meeting her boyfriend in Key West and wanted to be ready for the visit," Trooper Gary Dunick said. "If I wasn't there, I wouldn't have believed it. About 10 years ago I stopped a guy in the exact same spot ... who had three or four syringes sticking out of his arm. It was just surreal and I thought, 'Nothing will ever beat this.' Well, this takes it.
JWF was also gracious enough to share a little diddy that Iowahawk left over in the comments of Ace's version of this true-but-funneh:
Shavedown" (Brian Wilson / Iowahawk)

Wax it up, wax it up, cooter gonna shave you down!

It happened in the Keys where the road ain't wide,
A '95 T-Bird with white trash inside,
Yeah, a booze-injected bimbo and her mullet ex,
Revin' up her Remington for some boyfriend sex.

Wax it up, wax it up, cooter gonna shave you down!

The Remington's blades are really startin' out to buzz,
But now they're gettin' clogged and bogged down in the fuzz
To get some traction she's ridin' the clutch,
The smell of burning bush is really gettin' too much!

Swervin' down the road, and the sirens sound
Now her mohawk is the talk of town
Moral of the story, when you want the fuzz to go
Next time buy a Lady Norelco

Wax it up, wax it up, cooter gonna shave you down!

Obama Loses Head; Names KSM Terrorism Czar

Excuse me while I move some files from the Word Press site over here so I can delete that thing forever. If you didn't see this before, now's your chance!

Previously published 11/20/2009

WASHINGTON — pResident Barack Obama made a decision in record time today, appointing Khalid Sheikh Mohammed to the position of Terrorism Czar after learning of the idea just this morning from Attorney General Eric Holder following a recent bow-ful trip through Asia.

Mohammed, detained as an enemy combatant since 2003, was scheduled to undergo a federal trial in Manhattan as the self-proclaimed mastermind of the Sept. 11, 2001, terrorist attacks. Instead, he’ll be in charge of establishing terrorist camps throughout the U.S. to train Daily Kossacks, Democratic Undergroundlings, ACORNuts, public school children, and circus midgets in tactics proven to maim and kill and eradicate tea-bagging racist mobster fly-over-country conservatives.

The program will be called Operation Tea-had.

“The 2010 elections are just around the corner. With what happened recently in New Jersey and Virginia, with Congress approving health care in the dead of the night and the Senate set to vote to proceed with a vote to vote about voting on health care tomorrow, it was imperative that we act quickly,” the pResident said during an impromptu press conference this afternoon, Mohammed standing to Obama’s left, wearing the orange prison jumpsuit he’s grown accustomed to after more than six years in captivity. Sources say the jumpsuit will become the regular uniform for officials of the new Terrorism Department, the backs of the jumpsuits bearing this insignia:


Obama said he immediately liked the plan after Holder brought it up during a two-minute briefing.

“Uh … fastest time I’ve ever made up my mind on something. It was such an easy decision to make, not like that Afghanistan business,” the pResident said. “I know our troops can hang in there if they don’t get reinforcements until after my next election. After all, they’re such good photo-op material. But back home? We need to act fast before the tea-baggers form a groundswell that lifts Republicans to victory in key elections next year.

“If Mohammed had been convicted, we wouldn’t have let him go, anyway. Why not use his talents in a destructive way?”

The pResident, off teleprompter for the whole press conference, went rambling on about things he missed during his trip to Asia, like Michelle Obama’s boob belts, favorable Gallup polls, and Oprah’s announcement to move her collection of tent dresses to Montecito.

Then, strangely, Obama turned to Mohammed … and bowed.


Via iOwnTheWorld.com

Rather than accept the gesture as a sign of respect, Mohammed apparently thought Obama was showing weakness and reached inside his jumpsuit and withdrew a sword and, shouting “Allahu Akhbar,” hacked off the pResident’s head.

A shocked White House press corps immediately burst into tears. Mohammed ignored them, turning, instead, to stare, hatred burning in his black-hole eyes, at Vice President Joe Biden, who’d been standing to the president’s right before the mayhem ensued.

Biden didn’t bat an eyelash, saying: “I have three words for you, Mr. Mohammed: My head isn’t worth cutting off, anyway.”


The 10 Most Wanted Congresscriminals

Excuse me while I move some files from the Word Press site over here so I can delete that thing forever. If you didn't see this before, now's your chance!

Previously published 11/29/2009

Image courtesy of Zardoz

If you think Cap and Slave and WealthShare will become the legacy of the 111th Congress, the wealthiest bunch of elected officials to occupy the District of Criminals in history, you’re overlooking today’s good news: Food stamp use is soaring, and the personal stigma over being on the government dole is waning.

Now, that’s the progress my hard-working parents always dreamed I would discover!

The news is so impressive it demands a listing of the most wanted creatures wandering the halls of the Senate and House of Representatives, critters who curiously blame other rich people for the country’s economic problems while they mask takeovers of huge swaths of the private sector and individual middle class freedoms under the guise of moral indignation against the greedy.

So, here are the 10 Most Wanted Congresscritters that immediately come to my mind.

10. Alan Grayson … wanted for needing a butt plug shoved so far down his throat it ends up in his spleen, for being a complete ass in the face of opposition by getting all Alinsky-like: “If you get sick, America, the Republicans’ health care plan is this: Die quickly.” He rounds out the top 10 for having the visage of Shrek without any of the movie character’s class or humility, and for being far too ugly inside to ever come close to bagging even the cartoon caricature of Cameron Diaz.

9. Christopher Dodd … a liar of extraordinary achievement, Dodd is wanted for protecting AIG bonuses and then hypocritically coming out against them. He should be wanted for the sole fact that Ralph Nader might crawl out of his hole in the ground to run against Dodd next year. More concretely, Dodd is wanted for shady real estate dealings and for getting sweetheart loans the rest of the American people couldn’t possibly receive even if they had a relative in the financial sector. Dodd is so anti-business he could portray James Taggert in theforthcoming cinematic version of Ayn Rand’s Atlas Shrugged. And last but not least, Dodd deserves to be wanted for being an AGW enabler and champion of carbon taxes, for being the overwhelming Jack Kevorkian of finance reform, and for embarking on a journey to pass “National Health Care Coverage for all Americans” despite most Americans wanting nothing to do with his journey.

8. John Kerry … is a wanted man for making it necessary to enter the following question into our political lexicon: “Why the long face, John?” Certainly, Kerry warrants being on this list for “swift”-ly going where no one has gone before (or should go, without being tried for treason) and for sticking to his lack of morals and continuing his long history of bashing our troops then, and recently. Finally, Kerry makes my list for redefining the definition of flip-flopper (and, in so doing, showing us why he wasn’t worthy of holding a president’s bath water, let alone holding the strings of an entire country).

7. Barney Frank … for being a right round like a record player baby whose had more bounces on pogo sticks than any other Congresscritter who likes national wealth share. I’m also putting him on this list for not being able to say wewielble correctly and for ruining every current adult’s childhood memories of Elmer Fudd. He also belongs for having the audacity to “not recognize” what pot plants look like when they grow in your own home and for letting a gay prostitution ring run in his house. Naturally, being a fat fucking Congressman who supports public health care gets him on this list, as does his sodomizing 300 million Americans ever time he votes. Anyone saddled with a song called The Banking Queen should be on any most wanted list of Congresscritters. He’s been a pretty bad banking queen at that, what with his long-running threesome with Fannie and Freddie(well, he took on Fannie only because she came with Freddie, his most favorite male prostitute of all time aside from his hometown bank. And Frank makes my list for speaking to the people he represents in the following manner: “Trying to have a conversation with you would be like trying to argue with a dining room table,” he said. “I have no interest in doing it.”

6. Charlie Rangel … the face of Democratic corruption. This tax cheat, who confronts inquiring minds with questions like “why don’t you mind your goddamned business,” doesn’t even know how to keep solicitations for his personal foundation from going out on the Congressional letterhead you and I pay for. He’s a TARP whore and an auto bailout whore and is quite fond of Porkulus. Not only that, he’s also racist (as are most Democrats) for once uttering this lovely phrasing: “I forgot to report that I once refused to let white folks rent my Harlem brownstone.” Just kidding on that last one, but you can almost here him saying it, no?

5. Arlen Specter … once a Democrat, always a Democrat. In fact, I covered in depth the reasons Sen. Sphincter is on this list back in February and April. Here’s a little taste: “I support Porkulus because I’m a dope of epic proportions. Not only did I start my political career as a Democrat, but you have me to thank for the invention of the asinine single-bullet theory in the Warren Commission Report. Being only a paper supporter of the 2nd Amendment and not actually owning any weapons (accept for the pen I use to sign big-spending legislation), I don’t have any concept of the trajectory of bullets or what happens if one would enter two human bodies and supposedly skewer 15 layers of clothing, 7 layers of skin, and some 15 inches of tissue, striking a necktie knot, eviscerating 4 inches of rib, and shattering a radius bone along the way. I would think that bullet would appear pretty pristine, don’t you? Yeah. I told you I fell out of someone’s ass.”

4. Barbara Boxer … a climate goon, this California senator deserves such a lofty place on this list precisely for her arrogance. “Call me Senator” Boxer has the class of a sewer rat and the stench of rotting roadkill and the concern for individual American rights of Mao Zedong (unless you’re gay). An avowed abortionist, she also enjoys redistributing wealth, for which she is an enemy of the People’s Republic of Cauli-for-nia. Boxer loves long walks in the park with anyone who supports gay rights and one day hopes to be an illegal immigrant.

3. Henry Waxman … easily the ugliest senator in U.S. history, Waxman just may be the leader of allextraterrestrial life on earth. He’s so high on this list for practicing proctology without a license and for introducing a Trojan horse into the American health care system and for endeavoring for 30 years to saddle middle class families with cap and tax. But that’s not all! He merits high wanted marks for liking cash and unmarked bills and for questioning my patriotism. Somehow we’d all be better off if Waxman had cut off his nose to spite his face.

2. Harry Reid … is nearly at the top of this shit list for being last on Amazon.com’s best seller list and for being stupid enough to say that income taxes are “voluntary.” He also rates high most wanted marks for making “cloture” a household word this past November and introducing 2,074 pages of shit that cost only $409,353,905.50 per page. His mouth particularly merits high marks for such gaffes as calling a U.S. president aliar and a loser and for calling me an “evil monger” and for saying the Iraq War was “lost.” Finally, Reid is deserving of a high place on this list for being a mealy-mouth piece of garbage the voters of Nevada need to send home for good next fall, just like the voters of South Dakota did the last time the senate had a Democrat majority leader.

1. Nancy Pelosi … naturally, the Wicked Witch of Congress takes top billing on any most wanted Congresscritter list, for several reasons. First, for being next to last on Amazon.com’s best seller list and for running the … ahem … “most ethical” Congress in history and for getting me Google hits for the search term “Nancy Pelosi in bathing suit.” She has permanently ruined how I’ll remember One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nestand Botox and makes Christopher Dodd’s lying look amateurish for her knowing but not knowing then remembering that it was all Bush’s fault the CIA waterbaorded Khalid Sheikh Mohammed 183 times and stopped a terrorist attack against American people. I gave her top billing for establishing her own federal travel agencyand for offering us jail for not buying PelosiCare and for being so fond of the $787 billion Porkulus bill that saved or created 30,000 jobs that she wants to stick us with another “jobs” bill, one that assuredly will be created with saving only one job in mind — her own come November 2010.

Honorable mention votes go to Diane Feinstein, Pat Leahy, Fritz Schumer, and Maxine Waters. Finally, these most wannabe Democrats received honorable RINO mentions: Olympia Snowe, Susan Collins, Anh Joseph Cao, and the Republican 8.


Obama Will Send Biden to Help Win Afghanistan

Excuse me while I move some files from the Word Press site over here so I can delete that thing forever. If you didn't see this before, now's your chance!

Previously published 12/1/2009

WASHINGTON — Giddy he was finally able to make a decision, pResident Barack Obama couldn’t help but spill his new strategy for Afghanistan today, long before his nationally televised speech scheduled for tonight.

He was walking on the White House South Lawn, proudly surveying the latest evidence of the genius of Obamanomics. Before him were scores of card tables containing national artifacts and state secrets, all for sale for pennies on the dollar at a Treasury flea market raising cash to pay down the national deficit. At one table, the Declaration of Independence could be had for 25 cents. Another offered copies of top secret records from the Los Alamos National Laboratory, the ticketed price a mere $2.

Obama strolled past the tables, gaping in awe at the possibility of reaching his fundraising goal for the day: $40. He stopped at one table, a smile spreading across his lips. “My birth certificate,” he said. “So that’s where it’s been all this time. I’ll give you a penny.”

Your humble narrator had sneaked into the White House with an old press pass from my MSM days, now doctored to look like it was issued by the NY Times. The Secret Service had taken one look and let me through security, apparently the mere mention of the pResident’s most favorite donors being good enough for clearance.

Obama, being uncharacteristically transparent, told me he had decided sometime just before Thanksgiving that he should send Vice President Joe Biden into Afghanistan, instead of filling Gen. Stanley McChrystal’s requestfor 40,000 troops, because Biden is a highly trained weapon proficient in the farcical art of Bullshit.

“Joe will talk so much nonsense, the man-made-disaster-makers will blow themselves up just to get away from him,” Obama said. “After all, it’s not like he does anything around here anyway. Then again, neither do I, really.”

As he walked, Obama said that he would also send Tiger Woods’ wife, Elin Nordegren, along with Biden.

“That babe is deadly with a 9 iron,” Obama said.

He’d considered sending in the Party Crashers, too, but declined because he feared they’d use the assault to get an interview on the Today Show, plus he didn’t want to offend any Palestinian sympathizers.

“I also thought about sending Chris Matthews but then thought better of it, after realizing he’d probably just start humping Osama’s leg,” the pResident said. “We’re pretty sure the Taliban and Al-qaeda prefer goat-sex anyway.”

I heard the pResident’s words but didn’t really listen because each sentence that rolled out of his mouth sounded more preposterous than the one that came before it. I wondered if he had any clue that the more he talks the more he loses support from not only Democrats but also the Arab world.
Instinctively, I blurted out a question that had been nagging me all morning: “In these strange times, when Honduras votes for freedom and the Swiss fight back against Mooslems, don’t you find it highly ironic that the U.S. is marching to the left of Cuba, straight into moonbattery?”
Obama looked at me with his patented arrogance, chin tilted up, eyes looking down his nose, and … strangely … started laughing, just like when Chris Wallace asked him back in March if he were “punch drunk” over his spending policies.
“This is a good photo op, isn’t it? You need a little gallows’ humor in times like this,” he said and walked off, continuing to laugh, Rahm Emanuel and Eric Holder in tow, Emanuel picking lint off Obama’s jacket and eating it, Holder asking the pResident to sign an executive order reestablishing funding for ACORN.
I stood there, staring after Obama, bewildered by his antics. To my left, the sound of sudden cackling caught my attention and, from the corner of my eye, I could see Biden wearing a yellow suit with red underpants and a cape. He pranced drunkenly around the South Lawn, singing, and as I strained to listen, I recognized a couple lines:
“Here I come to save the day/That means that Mighty Joe is on the way!”
I turned and left to look for a nearby bar and a dozen early cocktails to wash away what I’d just witnessed, shaking my head with the sad knowledge that as long as Zero is in charge, everything around us is in terribly serious jeopardy.

Muslims Can Kiss My Ass

Excuse me while I move some files from the Word Press site over here so I can delete that thing forever. If you didn't see this before, now's your chance!

Previously published 12/3/2009

I’m in a pissy mood, and when I’m in a pissy mood I need a target. My target today is mooslems. Because they’re deserving of my pissiness.

The goat-fuckers, you see, infected Islam in Action, a blog by Christopher Logan, with malware, forcing Blogger to shut it down. The muzzies also took over Christopher’s other site, christopherlogan.org, and it now re-directs to some fetid bullshit site about “Islam is peace.” Being charitable, as those who follow the religion of blowing people to pieces typically are, the bastards also killed his computer with their malware.

So now Christopher had to buy a new computer, and he can’t grab the 1,000 articles he’s published over the past couple years and move them, like I did with the old Feed Your ADHD files. Nice of Blogger, owned by Google, to punish the infected and not the viral scum who did the infecting. Then again, Google’s trying tosuppress searches on ClimateGate, so why should they give a man back his content?

This is yet another reason, aside from Blogger being as functional as the pResident’s brain, why moving blogs to a paid domain and hosting service provides you with more security and control over your content (although I’m certain if push came to shove and Cass Sunstein told Wordpress to delete all conservative blogs, you’d find me sending you, my 3 loyal readers, my content via email).

So, let’s do Christopher a favor and send him some of that change jingling around in your pocket, using Paypal. Just drop his email address, islaminaction08@yahoo.com, into the send field and pick an amount you wish to donate. After all, whether you’re fighting moonbats or mooslems, we’re in this together.

And, since you didn’t come here just to read an advertisement (if you’re even still coming here), I’ll leave you with this little montage …


Time and time again, Mohammad told his goat, Sharif, to stay away during prayer time, but Sharif, the naughty little basterd he is, couldn’t stop hitting that ass even if Allah himself walked into the room.

After the Sharif incident, Mohammad’s rear-end was sore, and, needing time alone to recover, he decided to go see what he thought would turn out to be his favorite new movie.


But all of the characters in the movie were infidels, and this angered Mohammad so much, he joined a group of peace lovers assembling outside the theater in a little discussion of culture.


The crowd grew as time went on, but unbeknown to Mohammad, the organizers passed out signs meant for a different group.


At first Mohammad worried he was soon going to meet his 72 virgins, secretly hoping they all looked and talked like Bawney Fwank. But after a while he realized who was pResident of the United States and knew he had nothing to fear. So he became carefree again and found Sharif, and the lovers went home for a little afternoon delight.



Obama Heads to Gropenhagen for the "Free Sex"

Excuse me while I move some files from the Word Press site over here so I can delete that thing forever. If you didn't see this before, now's your chance!

Previously published 12/7/2009

WASHINGTON – Air Force One took off today ahead of an early arctic blast bound for Gropenhagen, site of the troubled conference on climate change.

But pResident Barack Obama isn’t making an appearance to, as some in the media have suggested, save the world from global warming as he’s saved the world from capitalist racist war-mongering America.

“The pResident is really just going over for the free sex,” according to Red House spokesman Robert Ahhhhhhh Gibbs.

Dogged by accusations of data fraud, mired by the cancellation of a planned speech by global warming alarmist Al Whore, reduced to a meeting to plan for the next international meeting on climate change, the climate conference had the potential to be a stage for Obama to heal the world, just as he’s healed the American economy.

But Gibbs said all that talk of potential had nothing to do with Obama’s need to visit Gropenhagen, since the administration has already ordered the Environmental Protection Agency to round up all Conservatives and Libertarians and tie plastic bags over their heads in order to curb greenhouse gases.

EPA and CO2

A PhotoChop by Jamie

“Who needs an international climate treaty now?” said Gibbs. “We know the globe is cooling. Who cares about facts? Besides, what’s really cooling is the presidential couple’s bedroom, and the pResident just felt it was best to take up the offer by Gropenhagen’s prostitutes of free sex for climate conference attendees.”

Despite this recent publicity shot for Thief Quarterly, Obama is not known as a ladies man, so the statements by Gibbs come as relatively shocking.

Obama, an obvious metrosexual, has never been known to be a womanizer. In fact, all queries into his past relationships with women … any women at all … have come up, strangely, empty. All except for his marriage to Michelle Obama.

Making matters worse were eye-witness accounts reporting that Obama walked onto Air Force One holding hands with unsafe schools/fisting czar Kevin Jennings.

In fact, a recent photograph of the Worst Family has fueled wild speculation that Mrs. Obama may not even be a woman at all.


Via The Big Feed

Finally, noted gay gossip columnist Perez Hilton, when asked to shed light on speculation about the pResident’s sexual orientation, since Gropehagen is also known for it’s gay Twink Light district, was uncharacteristically quiet, instead walking away from this reporter, singing under his breath: “Mmmm mmmm mmmm.”

All of which begs the question: “Is Barack Obama gay?”

Meanwhile, in other climate news, a new explanation of the so-called “hockey stick effect” was unveiled today:

hockeystickgraphVia S. Weasel


The Night Before Kwanzaa

Excuse me while I move some files from the Word Press site over here so I can delete that thing forever. If you didn't see this before, now's your chance!

Previously published 12/16/2009

A guest post by Ex-Parrot

Admin SB: This is the second part of our Feed Your ADHD Christmas Bonus. Click here for post #1. We’d also like to welcome Ex-Parrot, who’s new to blogging but not to snarking. Enjoy!

Twas the night before Kwanzaa, and throughout the White House,

Not a Kenyan was stirring, not even his spouse.

No stockings were hung from the chimney with care,

Because greenhouse emissions would heat up the air.

The children were each tucked away in their beds,

No nightmares of Public School troubling their heads.

Michelle in her ‘kerchief, The One in his cap,

Were yelling at Biden for his latest mishap.

When, out from the TV, there arose Cable Chatter,

The One sprang from his seat and yelled, “Uh…at least I get paid, bitches.”

Away from the TV he sprang with a flash,

And down to the bunker he went, to his Stash.

The money he stole was heaped up like green snow,

The money he stole was heaped up like green snow,

And he giggled at something that we’ll never know.

“These poor little fools, if they’d only knew.”

“What a smile and a lie and my media could do.”

Upstairs, way above, he returned awful quick,

He knew in a moment he’d see ol’…Robert Gibbs.

That’s right, Robert Gibbs, did you expect ol’ Saint Nick?

That’d offend all the Muslims, you stupid dumb hick.

“Hey Gibbs, did we hit 11% yet?” he asked with a twinkle,

“Almost,” replied Gibbs, then shot off to tinkle,

On returning, he said, “Its those damn Bush tax cuts — they’re holding us back.”

Together they pondered this troubling fact.

Then suddenly, it came to him: he needed his crew.

He called them by name, they’d know what to do.

“Now Holder!, now Bernanke! now, Geithner and Clinton!

“On, Reid! On, Pelosi! On, Frank with your lispin’!”

In the front doors they strode, as if ready for war.

Or rather, an “overseas contingency operation,” a la Pauly Shore.

Their cheeks were all rosy, a crimson sensation!

Like the bloody remains of pro-choice legislation.

They began their discussion…but first you should know,

It began with a shout-out to Joe Medicine Crow,

Then, turning as one to Obama, they said it:

“Take that tired Constitution – and shred it!”

And followed with what every progressive is taught,

“Combat all truth with irrational thought.”

“And accuse everyone of being a Nazi!”

Yelled Pelosi, like she’d just won Yahtzee.

“And get on TV more, and always attack,”

Said Reid, and then added, “And keep being black!”

“And Keep being black!” they chorused together,

The race card was proof against near any weather.

Geithner, he wanted a break on his next tax return.

And Mrs. Clinton suggested innocently, “Hire a cute intern…?”

Michelle, incensed, threw a fist towards Hillary,

But Mrs. Clinton, first blooded in Bosnia, she ducked that artillery.

But how she’d survive more, everyone wondered,

For Michelle had arms bigger than the cast of 300.

“Women…Ladies…calm down,” said the President, “Calm down!”

“That’s why we’ve got Biden — for beating around!”

“Yep, that’s my job,” said Biden so smugly,

“Now take your best shot, you ladies so fugly.”

Together, they beat him, including Rep. Frank,


(in order to prove that he too was a skank).

It was sort of amusing, the VP was tough,

He just smiled a lot and laughed and stuff.

So charming, in fact, and jolly was he,

That if it weren’t Kwanzaa it’d be…Christmasy!

The tears came a’flowing, their eyes were all hazy,

This stuff about Kwanzaa was patently kwazy.

Together, they swore they would turn a new leaf,

And not bring our fabulous country to grief.

They’d be fair to everyone, lower taxes for all.

And defend America, and –

The President broke in, “Hold ON a minute, can I keep my Stash? No!?!?”

“Well…let me be clear: screw Christmas, Merry Kwanzaa – and good, night bitches!”

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