Showing posts with label Nancy Pelosi. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Nancy Pelosi. Show all posts

Thursday, August 9, 2012

Nancy Pelosi: "I Hear Dead People"

You read that right. 

The former Speaker of the House of Representatives, who once was third in line for the presidency, talks to ghosts. She met her new imaginary friends during her first meeting with President George W. Bush as part of the Democratic leadership.


Pelosi: “He’s (Bush) saying something to the effect of we’re so glad to welcome you here, congratulations and I know you’ll probably have some different things to say about what is going on--which is correct. But, as he was saying this, he was fading and this other thing was happening to me."
“My chair was getting crowded in," said Pelosi. "I swear this happened, never happened before, it never happened since."
"My chair was getting crowded in and I couldn’t figure out what it was, it was like this," she said."And then I realized Susan B. Anthony, Elizabeth Cady Stanton, Lucretia Mott, Alice Paul, Sojourner Truth, you name it, they were all in that chair, they were," said Pelosi. "More than I named and I could hear them say: 'At last we have a seat at the table.' And then they were gone."
Have you been abducted by aliens too, Nancy?
The good thing about Pelosi talking to ghosts is she might finally have occasion to talk to The Founders; they're desperate for a chance to teach her anything.
She may be batshit crazy, but look at it this way: At least we now know the identity of Harry Reid's "credible" source.

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Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Obama Gets Lovin' Despite Historic Midterm Smackdown

The Loser in Chief may have lost his mandate last night, when the American people responded to him calling them "the enemy" by firing The Wicked Witch of Congress and her Merry Band of Congresscriminals.

But all is not lost! At least Zero is getting some good lovin' today overseas.


Only problem is, the doll with his likeness is not anatomically correct.

His head's not up his ass.

And, anyway, he wouldn't know what to do with all those white women if he had an instruction booklet.

Hey! I wonder if, instead, he'll be getting it on with The Official Democratic Party Blow-up Doll.


But maybe not, since last night pretty much assured that Democrats aren't going to be having any fun for a very long time, let alone getting laid. In fact, they may all be better off lying down and going to sleep in the new symbol for the Democratic Party.


Bring out yer dead!
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Friday, August 6, 2010

FYADHD Named Top 40 Conservative Blog


Well this was a big fooken surprise.

Apparently while I was busy being absent most of the time over the past two months, you readers ... you crazy beautiful racist teabagging mongrels you, everyone ... secretly (WITHOUT MY DAMNED PERMISSION!) nominated FYADHD for the 2010 Top Conservative Blog Award sponsored by BestBloggers and Online Phd Programs (I'll take a Masters in Snarkology, thank you very much).

Break out the KKK hats!

Get yer racist Tea Party signs!

Send Harry Reid a brain and Barack Obama a plane ticket home and Nancy Pelosi an inflatable raft with a pin hole and tell her she's been awarded a vacation on the Pacific.

I'm humbled, you bastards, especially since I've recently posted with the regularity of a job that's been saved or created.

And apparently I need to get busy with yer daily fill of snark. I'll do my best, but you know that already, otherwise you wouldn't have been so fooken incredible to get FYADHD on this list.

I'll forever be grateful.

JUST. DON'T. DO. IT. AGAIN!
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Tuesday, May 18, 2010

That's Right, China, America Does Have a Discrimination Problem

While the Apology Tour continues to circumnavigate the world, spreading a volcanic cloud of toxic Obama Regime propaganda, the latest incident an admission to the shining example of human dignity China of our “discrimination” problem here at home, I'd like to take a moment to bring up, “early and often,” the real “troubling trend in our society.”

It is true that America has a discrimination problem, an incredibly dangerous and insidious and, frankly, “transparent” discrimination problem. America (or rather, the Regime running America) has a problem of discrimination against anyone who disagrees with the Regime, its agenda, or its blatant attempt to tear America down and reconstruct it into something resembling a pseudo contemporary Grecian society of government-dependency addled sycophants.

America has a discrimination problem when a candidate for the U.S. Senate flat out says the American people aren't, “let me be clear,” smart enough to understand legislation that has removed their ability to make their own health care decisions, especially since we read every page of all 7 competing bills long before she opened her fork-tongued mouth.

America has a discrimination problem when freshman (and soon to be unemployed) Congresscriminal Alan Grayson stands in the middle of a family restaurant and screams at his constituents simply because they don't agree with him.

America has a discrimination problem when Senate majority leader Harry Reid (Dickhead, Nevada – but not for long!) refers to peaceful American citizens exercising their Constitutional right to free speech as “'evil-mongers' using 'lies, innuendo and rumor,' to drown out rational debate.”

America has a discrimination problem when the Wicked Witch of Congress calls these same people Nazis and later admits that she would have no pangs of regret about arresting any one of them who refuses to buy health insurance.

America has a discrimination problem when the men and women who shed blood and relinquish their personal freedom in the service and defense of this country are considered potential “right-wing extremists” and enemies of the Regime.

America has a discrimination problem when an American citizen supports the head of an Islamic terrorism organization that would prefer that all Jews gather in Israel so he and others don't have to hunt them down to complete a second Holocaust.

America has a discrimination problem when Attorney General Eric Holder and Homeland Security chief Janet Napolitano say on camera they haven't read a bill that enforces their own immigration laws, while endlessly bullying a governor who has decided that if they won't do their jobs she will, while a public school teacher openly advocates revolution against the United States of America and the leftwing media and federal government (I know: there's a difference?) stand by, quiet as church mice.

America has a discrimination problem when the pResident of the United States dismisses a powerful movement of fed up people, who are black and white and young and old and liberal and independent and libertarian and conservative and rich and poor and all persuasions in between, as “folks waving tea bags around," or, even more representative of the Liar in Chief's “civility,” lovingly demonizes us as “that wing" of the Republican Party, the “tea-baggers.”

America has a discrimination problem when the threat of a boot on the throat is the perfect phrase to describe the people who dangle our nation's future for ransom over a cliff overlooking an abyss.

And somewhere in China, the party leaders bathe in our debt and smile.

Cross-posted at Red State.
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Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Lawmakers Repeal Obamacare Over Coverage Gaffe

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- In a stunning admission of their own incompetence, first the House of Representatives then the Senate voted unanimously today to repeal Obamacare, following revelations the 2,700-page healthcare bill pResident Barack Obama signed into law in March actually revokes the lawmakers’ current personal health insurance.

The repeal bill was surprisingly brief in comparison to the reams and reams of paper 7 competing Congressional and Senate draft health deform bills occupied last year, simply stating: “We can’t possibly be thrown into the health care pool with the peasants. Obamacare is hereby repealed.”

The bill was introduced in the House by The Wicked Witch of Congress, who was so enraged she could barely speak, except to say, “Take our brains; we’re not using them.”

House minority leader John Boehner -- who last time he took the floor of Congress gave a rabble-rousing speech that ended with him screaming “Hell no, you can’t!” -- today stood before his colleagues and laughed for 20 minutes.

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!” he said, before collapsing and being removed to his offices so he could recover enough to cast a vote in favor.

After passing the House, the bill was quickly sent to the Senate, where Harry Reid stood dumbfounded before his fellow senators.

“I-I-I can’t explain how this happened; did the Republicans somehow slip this language into the bill during the middle of the night?” Reid said. Hours after the bill also passed the Senate, a new Gallup poll showed him winning only 2 percent of the vote in his bid for reelection in Nevada.

It was a shocking first day back from Easter recess for federal lawmakers. Even more shocking: their bill was historic, the first time that 100 percent of the House and Senate voted unanimously on anything.

“Now that’s what I call bipartisan healthcare reform,” Vice President Joe Biden said, before realizing the vote completely ruined the pResident’s signature achievement to date (other than making the Guinness Book of World Records for completing the most self-demeaning bows to foreign dignitaries).

“Shit, this is an even bigger fuckin’ deal than before,” Biden said, nicely recovering. “Even I wouldn’t have done something that stupid.”

Chief White House Propagandist Robert “Ahh” Gibbs refused to comment on whether or not the pResident will sign the bill, saying only that the pResident had already promised to voluntarily participate in the health insurance exchange, even though he wasn’t required.

But sources say the pResident was so angry the fiasco would now sully his desire to be viewed as a really good one-term pResident, Obama will likely sign the bill then regroup and try to Rahm through another version of healthcare deform before Memorial Day.

After the Senate vote, The Wicked Witch of Congress confronted Reid outside his office and was arrested for threatening to kill him.

“How could you let this happen, you nitwit!?" she screamed. "You told us you would fix any problems in reconciliation. You just screwed the pooch. I hope you die; I’d kill you myself if I weren’t a 70-year-old bag of unpliable Botox! I'll get you, my dingy!”

She was later released on her own recognizance and was seen writing threats against America with her broom into the sky above the Capitol Building.

Reid, meanwhile, sat in a corner, sobbing, his arms wrapped around his knees as he rocked himself back and forth, saying, “there’s no place like home, there’s no place like home,” a place to which he surely will return after November, where he can thank all of his many loyal supporters:


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Saturday, March 27, 2010

Lie to Me (I'd Drop Dead if You Didn't)

You'd think in the information age politicians would, for once, just shut the fuck up and stop lying and own up to the damned truth. Oh, I'm sorry. For a minute there I was dreaming that they actually care what we think.

Never mind.

What a silly ass I am to fantasize that when The Wicked Witch of Congress said this -- “No major piece of major social legislation has ever been passed without the vote being partisan" -- she actually thought we'd believe it.

Or, as BigFurHat says,
She’s either stupid or a liar. Wait, what am I saying? She’s stupid and a liar.
After all, can't you spot the partisan legislation? It's all in the Political Math.


I'm going to do Jonnny Lang a grave disservice here, but then I'd rather hear him over the Botox Queen any day:


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Friday, March 19, 2010

Her Goal? To Be Fatest; My Goal? To Be Least Governed; Who Will Win?

Maybe if we send this lady some cakes she'll reach her goal and we'll get good karma and The Wicked Witch of Congress won't get her 216 votes.

Her goal is to make the Gunniess Book of World Records. Pelousy's goal is to re-engineer America and drag us all, kicking and screaming, into her boiling cauldron. My goal is keep these motherfuckers away from my property.

Who will win?

My optimism is waning, my anger growing.

You damned well know that, if they bring this piece of shit bill to a vote on Sunday -- while most of us of are enjoying early Spring and resting and reflecting, as God intended -- Pelousy has this un-Constitutional Rahm job in the bag.

So be it.

I'm starting to believe there will be riots in the streets if they do. I hope Congresscriminals, and the pResident, are ready for the backlash.

It'll be a reckoning like nothing they've ever seen.
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Monday, March 8, 2010

Harry Reid Arrested for Trying to Bomb Airplane

Excuse me while I move some files from the Word Press site over here so I can delete that thing forever. If you didn't see this before, now's your chance!

Previously published 12/27/2009


Via Moonbattery

DETROIT — Senate majority leader Harry Reid (Dickhead, Nevada) was arrested for trying to blow up a Detroit-bound plane on Christmas Day.

Most of the 278 passengers on the plane were rightwing teabagging mobsters from flyover country heading to Detroit to plot the overthrow of Congressional Democrats — by voting in elections in November 2010. The incident is rumored to be the first in a chain of bombings throughout the country in which Democrats, terrified of losing numerous Congressional seats next year, plan to blow up their opposition to remain in control of the country.

Sources say Reid was also offended that passengers were planning to celebrate the Christian holiday, Christmas, instead of the federal holiday adopted last week in honor of pResident Barack Obama,Ramahannakwanzmas. In reality, however, the mandated celebration doesn’t kick in until 2014. It’s only the tax on our every last thought, in order to fund Congressional kickbacks, that starts immediately on January 1.

Reid, ironically, was involved in another strange incident on Christmas Eve, when he had himself waterboarded 183 times for accidentally voting “no” on the historic legislation.

Nearby passengers said they heard a popping sound coming from Reid’s seat before noticing a puff of smoke.

“It sounded like a firecracker going off in his ass,” said Paul Revere, a passenger from 1776.

One passenger jumped on Reid and knocked him down as he started to run down the aisle toward the cockpit, screaming “Obamau Akbar!” As he fell, Reid’s head cracked open on an armrest.

A pea fell out.

Witnesses said the fire appeared to have started in the vicinity of Reid’s underwear. After the plane landed safely, Reid was hauled away by law enforcement officials, pantless, his legs burned, his crotch … strangely … absent of male genitalia.

Former basketball star and underwear expert Michael Jordan said Reid should have worn Haynes, as the popular brand doesn’t cause any friction by riding up your legs. One witness said it appeared Reid WAS wearing Haynes … but panties from the company’s women’s collection … which would explain the friction and near explosion.

In other news, The Wicked Witch of Congress was arrested this morning during a Sunday mass at St. Dominic’s Catholic Church in San Francisco for trying to pass herself off as a blow-up doll stuffed in a closet near the Narthex. Sources said she had explosives packed inside her chest, which immediately gave her away because everyone knows The Wicked Witch doesn’t look like this:


Despite persistent rumors of the incidents being part of a Democratic conspiracy to maintain control of Congress, the White House said they were not related and that Americans have nothing to fear and should just go back to watching their new Blu-Ray DVDs on their new big screen TVs and hum mmm mmm mmm.

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Saturday, March 6, 2010

Kamikaze Democrats


"That saki sucking bitch is gonna kill every damn one of us!" -- Rep. Dennis Cardoza, D-CA , as he flies his vintage A6M Zero into a solid wall of taxpayer flak over the nation's capital.

The 500 kilogram economy-busting health care bombs slung under the fuselages of the Democrat's fleet of Zero's may soon be all jettisoned into the Potomac.

The legislation remains stuck in limbo, and there were fresh signs Wednesday of greater skepticism among some rank-and-file Democrats.

California Reps. Dennis Cardoza and Jim Costa, both moderates who voted for the House-passed health bill, burst out laughing when asked about the issue's fate.

Democrats are "having great difficulty trying to figure out what the art of the possible is," Costa said, adding, "some of our colleagues want their wish list to be the art of the possible."

Progressive Democrats in the House are fighting to revive a proposal for the government to sell health insurance in competition with private industry. That proposal was left for dead months ago when it became clear it could not pass the Senate. The Progressive Caucus in the House renewed its appeal for the so-called public option, and Rep. Jared Polis, D-Colo., circulated a letter in support of the idea that has attracted signatures from about 120 House Democrats.

Cardoza and Costa scoffed at that.

"Those people are delusional," Cardoza said.

Meanwhile, back on board the Akagi, Rep. Eric Massa, D-NY, committed seppuku (literally "belly slitting") -- by resigning his Congressional seat after allegations surfaced that he sexually harassed his crew chief a male staffer, or maybe that was a male stripper. Ohhh, those crazy dems.


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Friday, March 5, 2010

Liars, Thieves, and Clowns #5

Posted on behalf of Jamie

Some of these Democrat Congressmen crossing The One and Pelosi better stay away from Ft. Marcy Park for the next few months…

Why is Barack Hussein Obama (Mmm, mmm, mmm) doing what He is doing? It doesn’t make sense… Unless… Most of us are familiar with the Cloward & Piven Strategy that uses our own social welfare system to break down our whole system so that it can be remade on the Marxist model. This article from the American Thinker lays it out well…

And here's a very special cameo from Big Fur Hat:

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Thursday, March 4, 2010

Snarky Photo Reel: Obama's Week in Review #9

Posted on behalf of Jamie.


Is it just me, or weren’t these same dirtbags shrieking that the use of the “nuclear option” (majority vote instead of 60-votes) would be the end of the Senate? Then they reverted to calling it just “reconciliation”… Then they focused group the name “simple majority”… Well, they are the majority, and they certainly are SIMPLE…


Date night may be fun for the Obamas, but it’s tough on the Secret Service…


Just when you think this POS can’t get more hypocritical, He doesn’t disappoint…Wasn’t He slamming Eric Cantor at the White House the other day for having a prop? Cantor had the nerve to have the Senate Healthcare Bill sitting in front of him… So, just a few days later, Barack Hussein Obama (Mmm, mmm, mmm) has a photo op with “doctors” in white lab coats standing behind Him while He blows off the Republicans and continues to shove through His plan. Besides, I thought He was pivoting to jobs, jobs, jobs…?
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Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Liars, Thieves, and Clowns #4

Posted on behalf of Jamie


A friend, Dave, nagged me to do this… keep nagging. BTW, Dave – Important safety tip: if the Pentagon is on fire, get out next time.


The White House’s most frequent visitor, Andy Stern – the head of SEIU is now officially on the WH team to bring down the deficit. You remember him, the guy who just said, “Workers of the world unite, it’s not just a slogan anymore” How appropriate to have someone grossly responsible for the deficit to be on the team to bring it down…


So, how’s Nancy Pelosi doing on that whole draining the swamp, ending the culture of corruption thing…?


We have such a weakling for a president.
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Sunday, February 28, 2010

"A Bill Can Be Bipartisan without Bipartisan Votes"

All hail the wisdom of The Wicked Witch of Congress.
They've had plenty of opportunity to make their voices heard. Bipartisanship is a two-way street. A bill can be bipartisan without bipartisan votes. Republicans have left their imprint.
She'll get you, my pretty. Ah hahahahahahah!

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Saturday, February 27, 2010

Obama Proposes False Teeth Exchange in Healthcare Proposal

Thanks to a somewhat Regressive friend for playing along
and doing this fine Photochoppage for me.

DISTRICT OF CRIMINALS -- Seeking to continue momentum on his stunning victory this week over Republicans at the Blair House Healthcare Summit, pResident Joker proposed a radical new way to pay for his $1 trillion healthcare bill:

"There will be a Republican retirement check in every American's pocket and a relative's false teeth in every American's mouth," the pResident said today, during his weekly radio address.

The pResident said he came up with the stunning new ideas after listening to Republicans blather on Thursday about useless ideas for fixing the broken healthcare system, such as the insanely naive proposal of TORT reform and the ridiculous concept of living in New York but buying cheaper health insurance from Wisconsin.

"The economy just doesn't work that way," the pResident said. "Everyone knows the marketplace is evil and that the only good things come from Washington, D.C., such as hot air and crack cocaine."

The dramatic proposals break down like this:

Since half the country wants Democrats to stop working on the pResident's dream bill for healthcare deform, and Conservative Americans outnumber Regressives by a 2 to 1 ratio, Obama will use the American Community Survey to root out anyone who identifies themselves as Republican or Conservative and deport them to China, where they'll be much more comfortable living in a capitalist environment. In turn, the IRS will seize their assets and redistribute them based on need to anyone who indicates on the survey that they are Regressive.

"I think we'll pick up at least a trillion dollars by the end of this year," the pResident said.

Part two of the plan would take advantage of NY Congresscriminal Louise Slaughter's revelation that Americans are now resorting to wearing their dead relatives' false teeth to save on healthcare costs, by establishing a False Teeth Repository and Redistribution Exchange.

"I think that woman resorting to wearing her dead sister's false teeth embodies that brilliant ingenuity that Americans are known for the world over, and since my plan doesn't pay for dentures, we'll also help take care of the landfill problem by simply recycling everyone's false teeth when they die," the pResident said.



In related news, The Wicked Witch of Congress continues to assert that she can magically create 400,000 jobs the minute healthcare deform passes, by crisscrossing America on her broom and crop-dusting with a potion made from eye of newt and toe of frog and brain of Republican.

Meanwhile, pResident Joker also announced he planned to help feed those among the nation's 20 percent underemployed by nationalizing the major grocery store chains. "Breadlines are a sign of regress like no other I know of, except for maybe living without electricity and making clothing from bark," the pResident said. "But I inherited a lot of problems, and I admit it's taken me a lot longer than I expected to make things worse than they ought to be; we'll get there eventually."

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Friday, February 26, 2010

Liars, Theives, and Clowns #3

Posted on behalf of Jamie


Mymood Ahminajihad says that he wants nukes for nuclear power… coincidentally, so does Barack Hussein Obama (Mmm, mmm, mmm)… Do you believe either one?


No matter how deep the evidence is stacked, Nancy Pelosi continues to lie about being briefed by CIA about EIT’s…


Poor Zero. He forgot to learn in school that listening requires keeping his mouth shut.
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Sunday, November 8, 2009

I Can't Help It If You Come Here With Baggage

This is a place for three things: Laughter and rants and mockery. I'm still not ready to laugh after witnessing 12 hours of yesterday's horror ... and I'm not ready to rant, either.

But I can always lay down a little mockery: If you're new here and you come in with baggage and you misread something and take offense, I can't help you. See the Frank J. Fleming quote in the upper right quadrant of my sidebar.

Now. For my regulars ...

I'd planned to take some time away, to collect my thoughts, to post something of substance later, because ... the reality is: We're at war. And what's coming is not for the feint of heart.

I'll get to those thoughts in more detail at some point. For now, I'd like to leave you with these ...




This is the most dangerous woman in America, the Wicked Witch of Congress, Nurse Wretched, the Botox Queen. We need to make sure her 2010 is like our 2009: a nightmare.



This is a RINO. He's Anh "Joseph" Cao, the lone Republican who voted for yesterday's Obamanation. Like everyone in the House, he is vulnerable in next year's elections. (Interestingly he upset William "Freezer" Jefferson in 2008.) Make sure Cao knows how you feel, and make sure we help the 2nd Congressional district of Louisiana boot his ass out next year, even if it means helping elect a Democrat -- so he can never harm us again.



This is what I'm teaching my children about our American political nightmare, as is Patriot AnnaZ, who shared this image last night on Twitter. I'd suggest we could all extend such knowledge to our children.

Stay Angry. Tomorrow's another day. We're not done fighting ... not by a longshot.
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Wealth Share Passed the House ... Now What?

I have no fucking clue; I'm out of this shit.

I'll check in with you when I've calmed down enough to find my center.

IF I do.
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Thursday, November 5, 2009

Nurse Wretched


Nurse Wretched: If Mr. Tea-bagger doesn't want to take his medication orally, I'm sure we can arrange that he can have it some other way.

McMurphy: And they say, the Republicans have no health care plan. I hope you know there's nothing in the Constitution giving you the authority for yours.

Nurse Wretched: Are you serious? Are you serious?

McMurphy: I'm a goddamn marvel of modern politics, I'm so serious.

P.S. I wonder if Nurse Wretched could hear the screams of "KILL THE BILL" from her office window today:


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Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Streaming Snark #1


Random blips of illogic and unimportance…


Global cooling awakened Godzira today, and he took it out on some Japanese fishermen. If we pile a mound of fish on the White House lawn, maybe he’ll take it out on Obama.

Obama has shed 15 pounds in an amazing new weight-loss plan: the Lobotomy Diet.

Al Gore announced he’s a greedy polluting asshole out to make a profit. His anti-capitalist followers turned out their lights … and bought more stock.

Today’s episode of The Sopranos: Corzine’s Gang Bangers:

Howard Fineman’s “of course Obama is much smarter than us” makes Chris Matthews’ “thrill up my leg” seem like an amateur man crush.

What do Gordon Brown, Barack Obama and Hamid Karzai have in common? They all could have started their political careers in Chicago.

Somehow I don’t foresee a beer summit with Hannity. I do, however, foresee Obama giving Hannity a blanket loaded with smallpox.

Seven black lawmakers are under investigation by the House ethics committee for being thieving assholes. Nancy Pelosi will hold a press conference later today to announce the committee is racist.

In fact, click below to find out just how racist you are:


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Monday, November 2, 2009

My First Anniversary

From the insanely irreverent Grumpy Old Twat

I've been putting this off, so now I just need to get it over with and move on.

A week ago, this blog turned one year old. Judging from how I started out, it's a miracle it made it to one month. But along the way we got stuck with America's biggest fan and, well, I had to go on.

I've had some ups and downs. Along about June I was getting ready to hang it up, perhaps for lack of material, perhaps because I didn't think anyone gave a damn. But then 8 asshole Republicans helped the House pass cap and trade and I got a little huffy about it and Ann Coulter picked up this post and together we helped about 10,000 people say, or at least think, what they felt about those RINOs.

I guess you could say that post helped me find some resolve.

After receiving some 75,000 hits now, I'd have to say what matters most to me about this place are the readers. You make it worth opening up that "new post" button every day. I hope you've been entertained, and if you're a moonbat zombie troll, I hope you've been really pissed off.

Rather than go through a litany of my "top 10" posts, I'd like to start a little game for my blogging friends. If you post in the comments a link to your favorite post on this site, I'll put my favorite post of yours up here during the month of November and link back to you. (My non-blogging friends can join in, too. For those who do, I'll make you a character in a skit that makes Chairman Zero look like the buffoon he truly is.)

And since we're going to be blessed with the Wicked Witch of Congress bringing her wealth share Obamanation to the floor of the House this week, I'm going to repost what's probably my most favorite piece because it represents what this place is really all about....

(P.S. Give fellow patriot Logistics Monster a hand to keep battling the moonbat brigade.)

(P.P.S. Seriously, folks. I want you to take whatever you like from this site and post it on your site with a link back. If what you like is a bit too foul with language, then pick something else. I really like this idea of exchanging posts with everyone. It keeps blogging fresh and interesting.)

I'm a Democrat: You Owe Me

I’m a democrat. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. I have my own pile of money, but I want yours, too, including the four pennies you have rattling around in the bottom of that peanut butter jar you frugal idiots like to use as a change holder. Give it up! You owe me.

I’m a democrat. I just say I like the public school system. My kids go to private schools so that your kids can go to public schools and learn how to be good little democrats like me. When my kids grow up and become better members of a collectivist society, and your kids grow up confused, my kids will get government jobs and take more money and freedom from your kids. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. I have a job with health insurance, but I think it’s everyone else’s fault when I get sick and have to cut back on my lifestyle so I can pay for health care that should be free, along with cars and houses and big screen TVs. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. There is no god. You can go ahead and get down on your knees and pray to the ceiling for forgiveness and strength and peace, but I’ll be standing right behind you with a tire iron, bashing your skull and stealing your wallet. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. I hate people. I would rather sleep with my dog or a cucumber or a tree than with another person…unless I can just dump them on the curb after we’re through. You just have sex to make more people so you can continue to earn more money while you rape the planet. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. I love taxes. It’s patriotic…for you…to pay them. I don’t pay any, anyway. And if I have to, I’ve figured out loop holes or have offshore accounts to shelter my money, so the government never really gets too much from me anyway. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. It’s not only my right but also my duty to take freedom and representative republicanism from you, little by little, and replace it with government bureaucracy. From each according to his ability, to each according to his need. I’m needy. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. I have a $20 million vacation playground on Martha’s Vineyard and a guarded compound in South Chicago and belong to the richest majority in Washington’s history. But I hate rich people who aren't democrats and want your property too so I can save endangered swamp rats and build turtle tunnels and fix toilets. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. There are more of you than there are of me. You breathe too much. I’ve told the world outlandish lies that you’re causing global warming, using faulty correlations to get everyone so worried they’re about to let me tax thin air. And you’ll breathe a lot less. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. I’m an elitist. I’m perfect. I’m not like all of you stupid wingnuts out there working your greedy little fingers to the bone trying to make a little money and feed your family and have something to call successful when you retire. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. I live in the city so I can get stupid drunk and piss on the streets when I want and kick your parked car when it gets in my way. It’s too bad that you have all those guns in your humble suburban and country homes. If you didn’t, I’d come and toss you out on your naked ass and make you live in the fetid cities that my government policies screwed up. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. I think you hate homosexuals. I have no idea that you just want to be left alone and live your life the way you see fit and not have your children taught with government money that they should seek alternative lifestyles for the fun of it. I just want you to do what I think you should do with your life. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. I’m so tolerant I can’t tolerate anyone who doesn’t think the way I do. In fact, I hate white people. I hate all people. I hate myself. I hate myself so much that I hate you even more when you are happy. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. I don’t know how to do anything for myself. I need to be told what to do. I don’t think human beings are capable of taking care of themselves. That’s what government is for. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. I don’t think any people should have rights. I think fish and frogs and grass should, however, and I want to represent them in court…and you to pay for it. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. I’m a child. I act like a child and I think like a child and I live like a child and I throw up my hands and have little fits when I don’t get my way. There should be no consequences for anything I do. But there should be consequences for you, even if you’re blameless in what I accuse you of. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. I’m racist but I get others to think that you are racist just because I call you one. It’s a riot to watch you squirm because I know you have a conscience. I do not. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. I was born poor or middle class or rich, but it doesn’t matter. I was born black or white or Asian or Latina, but it still doesn’t matter. In fact, it’s Bush’s fault that I was even allowed to be born at all. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. I want health care at your expense, while I’m young and virulent and child-like. But then I want you to kill me when I start to get old and weak and feeble, so that all of my young and virulent and child-like democrat friends can have health care at your expense.

Then I want to come back to life as a rock, so lots of birds can shit on me. They owe me, too, for being a loony moonbat.
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