Friday, April 30, 2010

Georgia Opens Roadkill Cafe

I'm so blessed to live in Georgia. While I CAN'T carry a concealed weapon in government buildings and churches (where these days, unfortunately, more people need them), at least I get to bag my roadkill:
According to the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration, Georgia is one of the top 10 states in the country in deer-related auto accidents. Now, drivers can get some just desserts – or dinner.

The Senate gave final passage to SB 474, which allows drivers to keep any bear or deer that they might run over. The so-called Road Kill Bill, carried by Sen. Don Thomas of Dalton, passed 47-0.

“This is hot of the grill,” Thomas said, tongue planted firmly in cheek. “And I urge you to support it.”

According to the bill, “Any person may take possession of native wildlife which has been killed by a motor vehicle.”

That was not always the case – at least with bears.

In the past, if someone hit and killed a bear, the Department of Natural Resources could take it to mount or place in a museum.

Thomas said drivers now have the option to keep their bears as long as they report the accident to DNR within 48 hours. They don’t have to report a deer strike.
Start the Weber and whip up the barbecue sauce, Honey! We're having opossum and squirrel tonight.

Thursday, April 29, 2010

No Country For Brave Men?

Image courtesy of Woody's Place.

All the loser Alinsky-ite cockroaches are skittering from their cracks in the walls over the Arizona immigration law.

From the Racist in Chief to the cities of San Francisco and Los Angeles, both of which hold the appeal of a romp in the sack with a booze-addled homeless woman wearing newspaper for underwear, they're gorging on the race card like contestants hammering Kobayashi in a hotdog eating contest. Even the great full-blooded Latino Al Sharpton has been seen wiping mustard on his sleeves between gobbles.

Now a Congresscriminal from New York is bleating that Major League Baseball should pull its All-Star game from Phoenix (a city who's mayor is threatening to sue over the law, probably because he's eying higher office):
A New York congressman who called for the league to move the 2011 game from Phoenix is the latest person to push for an economic boycott against the state in protest of the new law. Companies have been pulling conferences out of Arizona resorts while others have suggested consumers shun companies, such as US Airways, that are based in the state and have yet to condemn the the law.

"I think that when people, states, localities make decisions this monumental, they should know the full consequence of that decision," Rep. José E. Serrano, D-N.Y., said. "I think Major League Baseball, with 40 percent Latino ballplayers at all levels, should make a statement that it will not hold its All-Star Game in a state that discriminates against 40 percent of their people."Serrano also did the YMCA dance today over the House putting Puerto Rico within the reach of statehood, not that Puerto Ricans want to become the 51st state (or is it the 58th?), but when have Democrats ever listened to their royal subjects, anyway?
This crap must stop. Let them march on 70 cities. Let them boycott. Let them send nasty letters to the headquarters of Arizona Iced Tea ... in friggin' New York, while they obviously suck down one too many Long Island Iced Teas.

But let's not allow America to become no country for brave men. If we can't stand up for a state so desperate for the federal government to do its job they've taken federal law into their own hands, we can't stand up to the Socialist in Chief who ignores us every time we clearly indicate we no longer want anything to do with his sh***y deal.

I'm about to pack the F-150 with the family and basic necessities and burn a dozen tankfuls of fuel or so on a trip to Arizona and scope out a new place to live. (Figuratively, of course, but in earnest nonetheless.) I want to reside in a state that has more stones than the pResident's wife (she has two sets, hers and Zero's), where I can pack heat without a permit, where taking a stand and doing something about injustice still means something.

Because if the federal government won't fulfill its Constitutional duty to secure our borders and every nutter who hasn't bathed since 1967 wants to stand in the way of a state that does, it might as well come down to the old ways, the wild wild west ways, and, I'm sorry, but today's ever-so-sensitive pseudo-intellectual libtard with a Beemer and no cojones just needs to get the hell out of the way and let real Americans take over, for their own good.

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Snarky Tips for Regressives

Image courtesy of The People's Cube (Via Moonbattery)

If kids in New Jersey are so upset over budget cuts, they should drop out, get jobs, and protest themselves for not paying enough taxes to support government-subsidized education.

They could always go to work for the government. The quickest way to achieve enough power to absolve yourself of any responsibility whatsoever is to never hold a real job.

I’ll take the sh***y deal Wall Street is selling if Regressives take back the sh***y deal pResident Zero is selling.

Besides, if Regressives are so worried about what Wall Street does with their money they should just send it all to me so I can stock up on kindling for next winter. Their cash won’t be worth the paper it’s printed on anyway, once Zero is through with it.

Anyone who’s really fond of illegal immigrants should travel to Mexico without papers and find out how much they like aliens.

The next time a police officer stops a Regressive and asks for their driver’s license, the Regressive should protest that they’re not living in Nazi Germany.

As far as my fashion sense for Regressives goes, I hear dressing up as a piñata with Jan Brewer's face has become all the rage in Arizona.

The race card isn't working. Every time Regressives play it they only draw comparisons to their own lengthy history of great moments in race relations. I know, why don’t they start calling us all redneck teabaggers!?! Oh. Sorry. That didn’t work out so well either, did it?

If things get so bad this November that Regressives can’t take it anymore, there's a suicide clinic in Switzerland that will gladly send them on a relaxing cruise of Lake Zurich. Point of warning, however, their remains will float about as well as their ideas.

If taking the easy way out isn’t a Regressive's cup of tea, they could just pollute more. It will do wonders for their mental health.

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

I'll Tell You Who Got a Sh***y Deal

I don't know about Goldman Sachs investors, but you can be damned sure America got one big sh***y deal on November 4, 2008.

Kind Words From Our Lovely Friends on the Left

My, how tolerant these folks are of FreedomWorks and us teabaggers. (Please excuse my pseudonews kick this week; I just feel compelled to help expose what wonderful people we share this country with.)

STRONG Language warning!


At Least He's Not Giving Up His Citizenship

This is how you fight back against higher taxes, professional lies, and the dismantling of the Constitution by Congresscriminals and rogue regimes.

This is how you do not.

To quote Al (yet again): "Pain or damage don't end the world. Or despair or f#$king beatings. The world ends when you're dead. Until then, you got more punishment in store. Stand it like a man ... and give some back"

Monday, April 26, 2010

Boobquake 2010: Boobies and Kittens

For the benefit of loony Iranian cleric Hojatoleslam Kazim Sadeghi, who said women cause earthquakes. Boobquake just wouldn't be proper without them...


Racist In Chief Shows His True "Colors"

Just once I want to be wrong about this clown. Just once I want someone to prove to me beyond a doubt that the president of these United States of America has a sliver of genuine concern for this country, its future, and the well-being of 300 million natural-born, red white and blue citizens. Just once I want to look around and know that the most powerful man in the world has gotten beyond the ridiculous issue of race and is focused on doing what is right.

Heh! But I'm just a hate-mongering mobster teabagger.

Who needs white male voters, anyway? Via Newsalert
"This year, the stakes are higher than ever," he said, according to a transcript of his remarks provided by Democratic officials. "It will be up to each of you to make sure that young people, African Americans, Latinos and women who powered our victory in 2008 stand together once again."

H/T: Instapundit

Sunday, April 25, 2010

Why Obama Is So Worried About Arizona's New Immigration Law

The Embarrassment in Chief has ordered his Gestapo czar, Eric Holder, to have his DOJ investigate Arizona's new immigration law.
Obama said the "recent efforts in Arizona" ....threaten to undermine basic notions of fairness that we cherish as Americans...." What fairness? What is fair for the legal residents of Arizona who can no longer sell their property because illegals stream over their land daily, often leaving behind drug paraphernalia and trash, including needles? What is fair about lives being threatened, and sometimes snuffed out? What "basic fairness" is the President speaking of? It surely is not fairness to legal residents. If there were federal concern about legal residents, we would not have illegal aliens flooding across the border.
The umbrella of "fairness" is just smoke and mirrors, especially since Zero thinks it's "unfair" for illegals to have to show ID but not at all unfair to require us natural-born citizens to carry a biometric national ID card.

Obama's real reason?

He's afraid Arizona Gov. Jan Brewer will have him arrested and deported the next time he pays the state a visit.

Saturday, April 24, 2010

Michelle Obama Really Needs To Do Something About Her Package

So much for me trying to remain subtle.

Remember when Zero headed to Gropehagen for the free sex? We all knew he was just getting a bit tired of putting up with his hard home life.

He probably should think about returning soon. Apparently, Mobama just can't keep that thing caged.

Meanwhile, in North Carolina, people are debating the latest possible Sasquatch sighting.


ASHEVILLE, N.C. -- Vacationers were fleeing the Blue Ridge Mountains today after what some witnesses say was a rare sighting of two Sasquatches.

Details are fuzzy, but one camper snapped a photograph of what appears to be a couple, male and female, of beastly looking figures walking along a trail in the woods. The beings quickly ran away and haven't been seen since.

"I was terrified," said Jeremiah "Bunky" Chamberlain, who took the photograph that has now gone viral on the innerwebz. "I've never seen anything like it. I definitely hid my possessions. I've been told Sasquatches display terrible fits of spontaneous bowing when you cross their path, then require you to pay a tax, especially if you earn less than $250,000 a year. Who knows how much they would have fleeced my children's future had we stayed around?"

Friday, April 23, 2010

17 Suspicious Similarities Between Obama Club Shanghai and the Regime

Next week entrepreneurs in China will launch a new gentlemen’s club, Obama Club Shanghai. Officials say pResident Barack Obama has no involvement in the club’s operations, but some uncanny similarities to the Obama Regime should give rise to healthy suspicion.

Sources indicate that:

George Soros is a major investor.

Andy Stern is retiring as president of SEIU so he can run the club’s VIP area, The Boardroom. Goldman Sachs CEO Lloyd Blankfein, meanwhile, will be a frequent visitor and has donated a million dollars for the club’s grand opening.

The Boardroom will feature a putting green. Obama's look alike will give special performances, hitting Titelist balls into the cup while a slide show of the world descending into chaos streams in HD on a 10-foot screen behind him as Nero's Fiddle by Clutch blares from the club's sound system.

Joe Biden has been hired as the club’s first featured entertainer. He’ll dress in drag and sing such classic hits as "This Is a Big F$^kin' Deal" and "He’s an Articulate and Bright and Clean and Nice-looking Guy."

Dancers will be required to wear sleeveless dresses and boob belts and have hips so large they can catch hula hoops. Oprah, who is retiring from television, will be the first featured dancer.

To enter the club, patrons will need to submit their income tax return. Middle class people will immediately get taxed a mandatory 40 percent tip. Businessmen will have to surrender their salary and bonus and the reigns to their company. Low-rent customers who declare themselves present and demonstrate community organizing experience will get a Nobel Peace prize based on their grossly exaggerated potential.

Bowing to the doorman exempts anyone from needing to prove their level of income.

The club will serve a nightly list of salt-free special entrees called Obama’s Picks, including dishes like Rahm's Finger Surprise and Michelle's Lead Salad and Barry's Bitter Pill Delight. Servers will dress up like Obama Regime czars. Every Friday will be date night; management will pick up the tab of anyone who orders from the Obama’s Picks menu.

Sundays will feature giveaway night. Patrons will receive free gas, mortgage payments, and healthcare for life.

Anyone who refuses to visit the club will be branded a racist, extremist TEA Party sympathizer, to be rounded up and sent to Gitmo and never heard from again.

Thursday, April 22, 2010

'Obama' Now a Dirty Word on 'South Park'

Now "South Park" can't even say the words "pResident Obama."

After last week's episode of the Comedy Central series sparked a threat (and yes, it was certainly a threat) from District of Criminal extremists, the network cracked down for their own good on creators Trey Parker and Matt Stone during last night's continuation of the show's storyline.

For those who missed the drama, the show's 200th episode last week mocked the one "celebrity" that the series has been largely unable to depict, pResident Barack Obama, who was hidden from view in a Tiger Woods costume. A U.S.-based website,, then warned Parker and Stone they could end up like Bart Stupak (the retiring Michigan Congresscriminal forced to fade into oblivion for getting Obama the final votes needed to pass Obamacare) and even posted the address of the show's production office.

The site will be shut down in November 2012.

Last night, "South Park" continued the controversial Obama storyline, but with a key difference: every instance of the words "pResident Obama" was bleeped out, making the episode practically incomprehensible, especially to anybody who missed the last 16 months of American life.

The character of Obama was once again also hidden from view, covered by a large block labeled "censored."

A Comedy Central spokesperson confirmed it was the network's decision to bleep the words.

The Obama content is also not available on the South Park Studios website.

Ironically, "South Park" apparently shows an image of pResident Obama briefly in its opening credits that has gone largely unnoticed.


It's Earth Day! Where's Al Gore?

Sources are uncertain of his whereabouts.

Some say he may be stuck on an ice floe with a polar bear. Or he may have taken up residence in an igloo. Truth is, he has been known to sneak away from it all, to sample an odoriferous whiff of cow farts. And there's a persistent rumor he's recently developed an interest in inducing a volcano in Knoxville because they burn cleaner than jet fuel.

Meanwhile, some say he and Michael Mann may have been seen taking turns pleasuring themselves with Mann's hockey stick while watching a personal copy of the Hide the Decline video Mann had pulled yesterday from YouTube:
6 Video no longer available. Check and mate, crackers.

Posted by: Michael Mann at April 21, 2010 10:46 AM (muUqs)

Or maybe he's just hiding in an office somewhere, surfing his innerwebz and reading about all the cash he stands to make from the sale of carbon credits. One thing is certain, he's probably not following those who, terrified by his lies, have taken a hysterical leap into the great abyss.

So, in honor of Al Whore, let's revisit what will from this day forth be known as my annual Earth Day post, and perpetuate the truth of ...

Al Gore’s Mammoth Contribution to "Global Warming"

An aerial view of Al Whore's carbon-spewing home.

Re-posted from April 24, 2009.

It’s only fitting that today, just two days after Earth Day (and Lenin's birthday), when former Vice President Al Gore testified before Congress in hearings on a “climate change” bill shamelessly purporting to curb greenhouse gasses but really disguising (that is, to most American sheeple) “cap and trade” taxation of your energy consumption, we should remember who lives in a glass house.

Or rather, a big-honkin’ carbon-spewing global-warming behemoth from which only Mr. Whore can toss erroneous truths while ignoring his own. This is not a new story, but it’s an important one, and needs retelling…again and again and again.

Remember the 2007 email going around?


A 20-room mansion (not including 8 bathrooms) heated by natural gas. Add on a pool (and a pool house) and a separate guest house all heated by gas. In ONE MONTH ALONE this mansion consumes more energy than the average American household in an ENTIRE YEAR. The average bill for electricity and natural gas runs over $2,400 per month. In natural gas alone (which last time we checked was a fossil fuel), this property consumes more than 20 times the national average for an American home. This house is not in a northern or Midwestern “snow belt,” either. It’s in the South.


Designed by an architect professor at a leading national university, this house incorporates every “green” feature current home construction can provide. The house contains only 4,000 square feet (4 bedrooms) and is nestled on arid high prairie in the American southwest. A central closet in the house holds geothermal heat pumps drawing ground water through pipes sunk 300 feet into the ground. The water (usually 67 degress F) heats the house in winter and cools it in summer. The system uses no fossil fuels such as oil or natural gas, and it consumes 25% of the electricity required for a conventional heating/cooling system. Rainwater from the roof is collected and funneled into a 25,000 gallon underground cistern. Wastewater from showers, sinks, and toilets goes into underground purifying tanks and then into the cistern. The collected water then irrigates the land surrounding the house. Flowers and shrubs native to the are blend the property into surrounding rural landscape.
House #1, located outside of Nashville, Tennessee, is Gore’s.

House #2, on a ranch near Crawford, Texas, was W’s. (The Bushes have since moved to Dallas.)

Let’s just remember, then, as the Whoremeister himself claims, that people with large carbon footprints like his own are fouling our atmosphere with filth, trapping the sun’s blistering rays, melting the fragile polar ice caps, raising the treacherous seas, triggering irreversible damage to the ecosystem, and hurtling our endangered planet toward an environmental Armageddon that (his own website claims) one in three children fear is inevitable.

Then, let’s look at what happened after Gore’s ridiculous truth got out, thanks to a June 2008 report from the Tennessee Center for Policy Research:
In the year since Al Gore took steps to make his home more energy-efficient, the former Vice President’s home energy use surged more than 10%, according to the Tennessee Center for Policy Research.

“A man’s commitment to his beliefs is best measured by what he does behind the closed doors of his own home,” said Drew Johnson, President of the Tennessee Center for Policy Research. “Al Gore is a hypocrite and a fraud when it comes to his commitment to the environment, judging by his home energy consumption.”

In the past year, Gore’s home burned through 213,210 kilowatt-hours (kWh) of electricity, enough to power 232 average American households for a month.

In February 2007, An Inconvenient Truth, a film based on a climate change speech developed by Gore, won an Academy Award for best documentary feature. The next day, the Tennessee Center for Policy Research uncovered that Gore’s Nashville home guzzled 20 times more electricity than the average American household.
Today, meanwhile, Gore implored Congressional members of the Energy and Commerce Committee to pass the “American Clean Energy and Security Act,” a Waxman-Markey bill:
Passage of this legislation will restore America's leadership of the world and begin, at long last, to solve the climate crisis.... It is truly a moral imperative.

And from the WSJ:

I believe this legislation has the moral significance equivalent to that of the civil rights legislation of the 1960’s and the Marshall Plan of the late 1940’s.

Amazingly, no one at the hearing burst out laughing from the sheer ridiculousness of his statement. Oh...and just to make it even more hilarious, Democrats didn’t allow balance in today’s testimony.

Want to know what's REALLY funny, though?

During last month’s “Earth Hour,” when people the world over turned their lights off for an hour to conserve energy, Mr. Whore’s house was lit up like the sun.

It appears his hypocrisy knows no bounds. The man's carbon footprint is so big it's a wonder the city of Nashville hasn't declared his mansion a third-world country (for all we know, it might resemble one inside). Yet, it's a moral imperative that the federal government tax you and me into oblivion so that we use less energy and raise more federal revenue.

So...I think I'll go out and burn off a few tankfuls of regular unleaded (you know, with all the impurities) this weekend in my F-150, leave the big-screen TV and all the house lights on, and see if I can spew smoke from a few cigars into the atmosphere.

In honor of the Whoremeister, of course.

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

FDA To Regulate Amount of Food in Processed Foods

Citing the growing number of foods that people actually enjoy, the Food and Drug Administration today announced plans to regulate just how much food processed foods can contain.

"It's more than food for thought," said Food Czar Ferdie “Federal” Famiñe. “We certainly think it's appropriate to manage every little morsel the American people eat."

The regulations will require food manufacturers to fill every package of processed food with 95 percent air and only 5 percent food. Fast foods will now be served in portions that would make a French chef jealous.

New Wendy's Biggie Size entree, per federal regulation

The sweeping changes will dovetail with the Obamacare legislation Rahmed down America’s throat earlier this year.

"The idea is to make it that much more unnecessary for you to see a doctor, so now you won't even have to worry about the quality of your diet in the first place,” Foodie said. “Since we already face a doctor shortage, the situation will only get worse as more and more people who once wanted to become doctors go into professions like mortuaries and garbage collection. With these regulations, we not only circumvent the doctor shortage but, with people no longer eating, we’ll also eradicate obesity and urban density. Let’s face it, starvation is a wonderful tool for discipline, health care cost containment, and population control."

The White House was fully supportive of the FDA. “Let them eat air!” said Robert “Ahhh” Gibbs, chief propagandist for the Obama Regime.

Regulatory Czar Cass Sunstein, who promotes forced abortions and mass sterilization as necessary means for human population control, seemed to have an epiphany when told of the plan.

“Doh! And here I was trying to be some pseudo-nazi-intellectual when all we needed was proper guidance from the FDA!” Sunstein said. “Zer vil be no food!

pResident Barack Obama, meanwhile, knowing the regulations won’t apply to him anyway, took the news with more than a few grains of salt. He had a double cheeseburger, slammed two Yuengling beers, and boarded Air Force One, taking advantage of the air space reopening over Europe for the first time since volcanic ash began spewing from Iceland to fly to Iran and golf with BFF Mahmoud Ahmadinejad.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

UPDATE: Joe Biden Gets Freaky

UPDATE: Later in the day, Pluggers took the group to an amusement park (via Blogwonks):

But not before he channeled Howard Dean (h/t: Matt, @Conservative Hideout)

ORIGINAL POST: Joey Mumbles obviously went nuts today.
Vice President Joe Biden exults as he tells female student athletes how inspiring they are to younger girls, during an announcement about action on Title IX that provides equal opportunities for female athletes, at the Charles E. Smith Center at George Washington University in Washington, Tuesday, April 20, 2010. (AP Photo/J. Scott Applewhite)
He looks ... just ... a ... little ... too ... exulted, if you ask me.

It's as if he's been spending too much time watching '80s Canadian TV pedo-perv Fergie Oliver go for itty-bitty ... well ... you can guess by watching this video:

And then took a few rides around California with this suspected bomb expert and his:
"suspicious wire, with an on/off switch" in his pants pocket [that just happened to be] "found to extend from the pants pocket to the subject's anus."
I say keep it up, Joey. Between your antics and the Narcissist in Chief's constant amateurisms, the TEA party movement could disband today and you guys would still get your butts whipped in November.

Monday, April 19, 2010

Dear Left: I Am NOT A Terrorist

A Photochop by Jamie

Just because, in wild desperation, you link the TEA Party movement to today’s anniversary of the Oklahoma City Federal Building bombing does not make it so, or me a terrorist.

I will not blow up a federal building today, or any day. I will not threaten violence upon a politician today, or any day. I will not incite others to break laws to achieve victory in this epic struggle between our desire to return America to its founding principles of limited government and fiscal responsibility and free-market enterprise and your soft tyranny and oppressive seizure of private life and industry so that you can steal from each according to their means and distribute to those according to their need.

I am not a racist. I stand beside people who are white and black and brown and yellow and orange and green and blue, people who don’t want to tell you how to live your lives, people who just want you to stop telling them how to live theirs. I stand beside people of all walks of life, from the professional to the blue collar to the unemployed, people who are young and old and in between, people who know that in being labeled racists they are merely the recipients of the racism projected onto them by those with a long history of great moments in race relations.

I do not belong to a militia, but I do cling bitterly to my guns and Bible, my guns protecting me from you, my Bible helping me sleep at night while you lurk in the shadows for opportunity. Were it not for my guns, you would have stormed my home long ago, taking what I have earned to distribute among those who have not, burning my Bible for provoking me to think dangerous thoughts that run counter to those you have tried to program into me since I was born.

I am not Wall Street, but I depend on Wall Street to provide me with the opportunity to someday pursue my dream, the dream of being free to deflect your hand from my wallet and your stronghold over my struggle to get ahead in this life and your pernicious and relentless efforts to drag me down into the sewer of despair in which you wallow.

I am not an extremist. I am an American. But if, in these dark times, being extreme means standing in the streets with right-minded people, reminding those in government that they work for us, demanding they be held accountable, then I will continue to be extreme. After all, America was founded by extremists, and I am honored to be mentioned among their company.

I am not crazy if I distrust government, if I put faith in myself and my ability to rise above your pettiness and lift as many boats with me as I can. To place your trust in government is to give up on your own human abilities, one of the craziest, most un-American, things I can think of. If you want to call me crazy for believing what WSB radio talkshow host Herman Cain told thousands in Atlanta last Thursday -- “I am crazy about the United States of America, I am crazy about the Constitution, and I’m crazy about the Declaration of Independence” -- I will do more than act the part: I will be fervently crazy about such American treasures, too.

If you haven’t figured it out by now, you can try to silence me, but you will fail. I will NOTwatch my words.” Call me a racist, call me crazy, call me a terrorist, but I will continue to speak the truth about the Marxist in Chief, about pResident Barack Obama’s malignant narcissism, about his contempt for the American people, as will millions of others. For to ignore these facts and allow you to continue stripping America down to a shell, like some feeble European nation, would place me on the wrong side of history, would be my only act of treason.

And so I remain, seditiously not yours.

Cross-posted at Red State.

Saturday, April 17, 2010

The Only Image of a Racist Tea Partier That I Could Find

Via Logistics Monster

And like Slick Willy, he's obviously concerned about us "deeply, deeply troubled people." BTW, here are the people the MSM, I mean the left, keep calling "white racists":

Many more here.

Friday, April 16, 2010

HE Is Amused By Us?

For more than a year now we've stood in the rain and the cold and the heat and in hostile circumstances and on street corners and at rural crossroads and outside local and state and federal buildings, protesting a sorry excuse for a president and his merry band of Congresscriminals.

First HE had us labeled as domestic terrorists, then HE didn’t know we existed, then HE called us teabaggers, then HE acknowledged his destiny to be a one-term president -- and now HE is "amused" by us.

HE is amused by us? We are the reason Arlen Sphincter turned tail and joined his natural-born party when the backlash over his support of Zero’s $787 billion turtle tunnel bill threatened his re-election as a Republican, and we are now the reason Sphincter won’t even come close to winning his seat back against upstart Pat Toomey. We are the reason Scott Brown now sits in a seat formerly occupied for nearly half a century by a fat cretinous murdering drunkard whoring Democrat thief, the reason dirty Creigh Deeds was done in dirt cheap (a saying admittedly stolen from Pat Dollard), the reason New Jersey now has Gov. Chris Christie to rightfully gut it’s bloated government and eventually return power to the taxpayer, the reason sitting RINO Florida Gov. Charlie Crist will have to run as a Democrat-lite (an independent) to even have a chance at winning his battle to become a U.S. senator.

HE is amused by us? We’re the reason it took so long for HIM to get his precious signature – and likely final – achievement accomplished: Obamacare. We are the reason Obama needed to make the Louisiana Purchase and the Cornhusker Kickback and the fake executive order preventing federal abortion funding just to squeak that monstrosity of freedom-grabbing piece of crap through by a Congresscriminal's nose.

HE is amused by us? We’re the reason that (so far) 17 clownish Zombiecrat Congresscriminals and 5 Zombiecrat Senators are retiring. We’re the reason the battle for the Senate on April 15, 2010, looked amazingly red and the current map of the potential November makeup of the House of Representatives that, only 18 months ago was bluer that Babe the Blue Ox’s balls, now looks like Iran nuked the entire friggin’ nation, not that The One would do anything about nuclear attacks, either.

HE is amused by us? We are the reason Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (Dickhead, Nevada) will lose in November, even with a third-party candidate running for his seat, why only a few supporters showed up to hear him recently speak in his hometown of Searchlight, where conversely thousands were drawn to hear Sarah Palin speak and where leftists threatened Andrew Breitbart.

HE is amused by us? We are the reason that, one by one, the names on the list in the following image will be sent into retirement, crossed-off to their bearers' humiliation, eradicated from the American political landscape, forever.

HE is amused by us? We are the only thing that can prevent his vision of America’s future, a remade and broken-down shell that is mediocre and timid and lagging behind developing third-world countries in technology and capital and world prestige, our future grandchildren saying these first words:

HE is amused by us? We are this nation’s future, the purveyors of our government’s original core values of fiscal responsibility and limited government and free-market enterprise, the defenders of the intent of our Founding Fathers and their achievement – the creation of the greatest nation this earth has ever known ... and will ever know. HE is the reason the Founders are turning over in their graves right now, screaming:

So let HIM be amused by us.

Below is a moonbat who showed up yesterday at the Atlanta TEA Party (I’ll give him credit for having stones but not for having brains), before we surrounded him, chanting “He’s not one of us,” following as the Georgia Capitol Police escorted him away from our rally, politely telling him “b-bye! Thanks for coming!”

We’ll be doing the same to pResident Barack Obama in November 2012. I doubt he’ll be amused by us then.

NOTE: All photos by Snarky Basterd's crappy CrackBerry, taken 4/15/2010, on the grounds of the Georgia state capitol in Atlanta.

Cross-posted at Red State.

Thursday, April 15, 2010

What Idiot Regressive TEA Party Infiltrators Look Like

Do they really think ANYONE would believe these people are real TEA partiers? Regressives are sooooo stupid.

More here. Via Jim Treacher

BTW ... in case you missed, it, here's today's rallying cry, "And Then HE Turned Water ... into Sulfuric Acid."


And Then HE Turned Water into ... Sulfuric Acid

... and made more than half the country drink, so he could have Obamacare, with half the burden.

But some people refused to drink.

Tight-lipped against his noxious potion but big-mouthed against his ruinous agenda, they assembled, first on February 27, 2009, then again on April 15.

And there were many.

And lo when they looked around and saw that they were not the only racist tea-bagging leftover mobster malcontents from flyover country -- 40 percent of them Democrats and Independents, all of them from all races and creeds and economic means -- they fanned out across the nation, a few here, a few there, 2 million strong on the National Mall, without central direction, all drawn to a cause, the Constitution, all opposed to another cause, the Obama Regime.

And they grew in numbers, despite being ignored and vilified and written off by a dwindling press as anti-American.

But that was only because they made their voices heard loud and clear, so loud and clear some poor suckers became terrified and were fool enough to announce their intentions to infiltrate this filthy band of rabble-rousers, the not-so-silent-anymore majority.

And as they gathered around the country on the dreaded Income Tax Day, April 15, 2010, to declare their allegiance to America, to swear their oath to defend the Constitution -- against all who oppose it -- they surrounded the infiltrators, far and wide, holding signs with arrows pointing to the impostors, chanting terms, to undo the posers, like "astroturfers astroturfers astroturfers," such good students of hijacking Saul Alinksy they had become.

And so it was that throughout the country, the powerful but peaceful march toward November 2, 2010, continued, without pitchfork and tar and feather and tear gas and riot control, but with incredible energy and patriotism and courage and peacefulness -- and the impostors fell to their knees, outdone and outclassed and outmanned and outwomaned, the teabaggers charging on towards victory, the losers slinking back into their cracks in the wall, to shrivel up and cry themselves into oblivion.

Author's note: Obviously, I'll be out of touch today, except for Twitter updates from the Atlanta Tea Party, via @snarkybasterd. But I'll be videotaping any B.S. from the left and will catch up with you just as soon as I can; you do the same.

P.S. Here's what an infiltrator will look like. Happy Tea Party Day, America!

Image via Woodsterman

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Duck and Cover: the pResident Really IS a "Constitutional" Scholar

I know, I know. You're probably thinking ... his birth certificate has been an issue (as I've said before, that's only because he once used it to roll a number and smoked it), and now his background as a "Constitutional scholar" is the subject of speculation.

But I have proof, hard, cold, PROOF, I tell you, that pResident Barack Obama is an expert on constitution. It's right here in his latest stroke of brilliance, his nuclear policy:
The Obama administration is warning that the danger of a terrorist attack with nuclear weapons is increasing, but U.S. officials say the claim is not based on new intelligence and questioned whether the threat is being overstated.

President Obama said in a speech before the 47-nation Nuclear Security Summit, which concluded Tuesday, that "the risk of a nuclear confrontation between nations has gone down, but the risk of nuclear attack has gone up."


But Henry Sokolski, a member of the congressional Commission on the Prevention of Weapons of Mass Destruction Proliferation and Terrorism, said that there is no specific intelligence on ongoing terrorist procurement of nuclear material.

"We were given briefings and when we tried to find specific intelligence on the threat of any known terrorist efforts to get a bomb, the answer was we did not have any."
By issuing dire warnings without specific intelligence (come to think of it, has there ever been any proof of the pResident's intelligence?), the pResident is tipping his hand: his nuclear policy amounts to nothing more than "duck and cover" -- you know, the drill you used to practice under your desk during the Cold War, or as my father used to say, "bend over, put your head between your knees, and kiss your ass goodbye."

And there's the evidence of the pResident's knowledge of constitution. You see, when Zero refers to himself as a former "constitutional scholar" what he really mean is that he's an expert on the constitution of his bowels, since he spends so much time inserting his head into them.

Now that I mention it, isn't that really the entire Democratic Party's only expertise?


Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Lawmakers Repeal Obamacare Over Coverage Gaffe

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- In a stunning admission of their own incompetence, first the House of Representatives then the Senate voted unanimously today to repeal Obamacare, following revelations the 2,700-page healthcare bill pResident Barack Obama signed into law in March actually revokes the lawmakers’ current personal health insurance.

The repeal bill was surprisingly brief in comparison to the reams and reams of paper 7 competing Congressional and Senate draft health deform bills occupied last year, simply stating: “We can’t possibly be thrown into the health care pool with the peasants. Obamacare is hereby repealed.”

The bill was introduced in the House by The Wicked Witch of Congress, who was so enraged she could barely speak, except to say, “Take our brains; we’re not using them.”

House minority leader John Boehner -- who last time he took the floor of Congress gave a rabble-rousing speech that ended with him screaming “Hell no, you can’t!” -- today stood before his colleagues and laughed for 20 minutes.

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!” he said, before collapsing and being removed to his offices so he could recover enough to cast a vote in favor.

After passing the House, the bill was quickly sent to the Senate, where Harry Reid stood dumbfounded before his fellow senators.

“I-I-I can’t explain how this happened; did the Republicans somehow slip this language into the bill during the middle of the night?” Reid said. Hours after the bill also passed the Senate, a new Gallup poll showed him winning only 2 percent of the vote in his bid for reelection in Nevada.

It was a shocking first day back from Easter recess for federal lawmakers. Even more shocking: their bill was historic, the first time that 100 percent of the House and Senate voted unanimously on anything.

“Now that’s what I call bipartisan healthcare reform,” Vice President Joe Biden said, before realizing the vote completely ruined the pResident’s signature achievement to date (other than making the Guinness Book of World Records for completing the most self-demeaning bows to foreign dignitaries).

“Shit, this is an even bigger fuckin’ deal than before,” Biden said, nicely recovering. “Even I wouldn’t have done something that stupid.”

Chief White House Propagandist Robert “Ahh” Gibbs refused to comment on whether or not the pResident will sign the bill, saying only that the pResident had already promised to voluntarily participate in the health insurance exchange, even though he wasn’t required.

But sources say the pResident was so angry the fiasco would now sully his desire to be viewed as a really good one-term pResident, Obama will likely sign the bill then regroup and try to Rahm through another version of healthcare deform before Memorial Day.

After the Senate vote, The Wicked Witch of Congress confronted Reid outside his office and was arrested for threatening to kill him.

“How could you let this happen, you nitwit!?" she screamed. "You told us you would fix any problems in reconciliation. You just screwed the pooch. I hope you die; I’d kill you myself if I weren’t a 70-year-old bag of unpliable Botox! I'll get you, my dingy!”

She was later released on her own recognizance and was seen writing threats against America with her broom into the sky above the Capitol Building.

Reid, meanwhile, sat in a corner, sobbing, his arms wrapped around his knees as he rocked himself back and forth, saying, “there’s no place like home, there’s no place like home,” a place to which he surely will return after November, where he can thank all of his many loyal supporters:


Please Buy More of Our Debt

Pretty, please? While I'm at it, I have some Florida swampland to sell you, too.

Monday, April 12, 2010

Thank God, Henny Youngman Died Before Obamacare Kicked In

Otherwise, his great doctor jokes wouldn't make any sense in a few generations.

RIP, Mr. Youngman. H/T: POWIP
A doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn't pay his bill, so he gave him another six months.

My doctor grabbed me by the wallet and said, "Cough!"

The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, "Mrs. Cohen, your check came back." Mrs. Cohen answered, "So did my arthritis!"

The Doctor says, "You'll live to be 60!" "I AM 60!" "See, what did I tell you?"

A doctor says to a man, "You want to improve your love life? You need to get some exercise. Run ten miles a day." Two weeks later, the man called the doctor. The doctor says, "How is your love life since you have been running?" "I don't know, I'm 140 miles away!"

The patient says, "Doctor, it hurts when I do this." "Then don't do that!"

The doctor says to the patient, "Take your clothes off and stick your tongue out the window". "What will that do?" asks the patient. The doctor says, "I'm mad at my neighbor!"

A doctor has a stethoscope up to a man's chest. The man asks, "Doc, how do I stand?" The doctor says, "That's what puzzles me!"

"Doctor, my leg hurts. What can I do?" The doctor says, "Limp!"

Doctor says to a man, "You're pregnant!" The man says, "How does a man get pregnant?" The doctor says, "The usual way - a little wine, a little dinner...."

A man goes to a psychiatrist. "Nobody listens to me!" The doctor says, "Next!"

A man goes to a psychiatrist. The doctor says, "You're crazy" The man says, "I want a second opinion!" "Okay, you're ugly too!"

"Doctor, I have a ringing in my ears." "Don't answer!"

Nurse: "Doctor, the man you just gave a clean bill of health to dropped dead right as he was leaving the office". Doctor: "Turn him around, make it look like he was walking in."

I know a guy who had his doctor say, "Take some weight off, go to a health club." The man lost 20 pounds in one week! The machine tore his leg off!


Sunday, April 11, 2010

Drunken President Leads Police on Vehicle Chase

In honor of The One ditching the White House Press Corps yesterday I thought I'd take the opportunity to remind everyone the pResident has a history of going AWOL...

Reposted from July 30, 2009...

WASHINGTON -- President Barack Obama was arrested for DUI this afternoon after taking a Harvard professor and a Cambridge police officer on a harrowing barhopping tour and subsequent high-speed police chase through the city.

What started as a beer picnic outside the Oval Office to clear the air over the president’sembarrassing comments last week after the arrest of Harvard’s Henry Louis Gates turned ugly, when Obama, having quaffed one Bud Light and four plastic bottles of water in 15 minutes, stole a Secret Service SUV and demanded Gates and Sgt. James Crowley continue their party throughout the District of Columbia.

When Crowley refused to enter the SUV and politely threatened to arrest the president for disorderly conduct, Obama clubbed him on the head a half dozen times with a full bottle of water and shoved the unconscious police officer into the back seat. Obama then jumped in the driver’s seat and mashed the accelerator and rammed the massive vehicle through the White House gate at a high rate of speed.

Gate guards and members of the Secret Service were too stunned to react.

“It was like he turned into Kimbo Slice when he beat up that officer,” said one secret serviceman, who asked to remain anonymous. “We just didn’t know what to do. To be honest with you, after seeing him throw that girly pitch at the MLB All-Star game, we were wondering if this guy was
really a poser.”

Vice President Joe Biden, who saw the whole thing from the Oval Office, where he was practicing sitting at the president’s mahogany Resolute desk and saying presidential things like “ahhh” and “ummm,” said Obama has a drinking problem.

“I knew the rumors were swirling among his supporters that the president has been seen drinking from noxious plastic water bottlesfar too often in public, but I didn’t know it was this bad,” Biden said. “I guess the petroleum from all that plastic must have leeched into his brain and triggered something evil that we just couldn’t see coming.”

By the time everyone realized what had happened, the vehicle carrying the three men had sped out of sight.

The president and Gates, however, were soon seen dragging Crowley into Halo, on P Street, where a bartender, who calls himself Max, said the president ordered four more plastic bottles of water, while Gates drank a Perrier.

“They got that nice police officer, who was slumped on the bar, a chocolate-strawberry martini, but he wouldn’t wake up to drink it,” the bartender said. “The president kept poking him with an empty water bottle and telling him he was acting stupidly and asking him to stop faking it. But, I have to tell you, I don’t think that man was faking anything. He was out cold.”

Witnesses said the president and Gates carried Crowley back to the SUV after spending about 15 minutes at the bar, long before police could arrive on the scene. The vehicle was spotted about 10 minutes later at Café’ Saint-Ex & Gate 54 on 14th Street, but only for a short while. One witness said only Obama and Gates went into the bar, then came out after just a few minutes, dripping wet and laughing hysterically and carrying sloshing plastic bottles of water.

“It looked like they had been having a water fight,” another witness said.

By the time the three men were spotted at the Wonderland Ballroom on Kenyon Street, Obama was reportedly hitting the wall. “He kept yelling, ‘SHOTS. Let’s do SHOTS!’” said a male barmaid who identified himself only as Candi. “He must have done about 4 shots of Evian, and then started dumping tequila down that poor police officer’s throat. It was very frightening.”

Obama reportedly got word from one of the bar patrons of the sound of approaching sirens, and the three men stumbled out (this time, Crowley on his own) of the bar and piled into the vehicle and drove off, just as police cruisers came barreling down the street.

Witnesses say the president drove the SUV erratically back toward the White House, weaving in and out of traffic for several blocks, as police closed in. More than once the SUV left the street and lumbered down the sidewalk. Along the way, the vehicle ran over a clown who curiously resembled Minnesota Senator Al Franken, a female prostitute, and two homeless men sleeping on the sidewalk.

The prostitute got up and ran away, while the homeless men crawled back into their cardboard boxes and fell asleep again. Only the clown died, the coroner said. Vehicular manslaughter charges may be pending, police said.

“We have to wait for identification procedures and toxicology tests before we know whether or not it really was Franken,” one officer said. “If it was, I doubt we’ll press charges. But if it really was a working clown, well then, by God, we’ll throw the book at the president.”

Police finally caught up with the vehicle on Pennsylvania Avenue, when Obama took a corner too fast and it slammed into a fence.

Police quickly took the president into custody. Obama was charged with battery, motor vehicle theft, destruction of government property, and driving under the influence, before he was hauled off to the Marion Barry Honorary Cell at the DC Jail, a cigarette dangling from his mouth.

Obama still faces charges of child abuse and human cruelty over feeding children and homeless people lead-laced vegetables from the First Garden.


"You'll See Why 2008 Won't Be Like 1984"

It would have been more realistic if this early Barack Obama campaign ad had ended with the words ... "Something wicked this way comes."


Friday, April 9, 2010

The Short List of Candidates to Replace Justice Stevens

Justice John Paul Stevens, the longest-serving member of SCOTUS, is retiring to the old-old folks home. It's probably about time he hangs up his robe anyway, if he can still remember where to find it. George Burns said sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope; I would imagine that interpreting the Constitution at age 90 is like trying to throw a baseball when you're the wrong president.

It's a tough age. My grandma's 90, and her biggest obsession is worrying about how much nothing works as well as it used to. (Hell, I'm in my 40s and I know that already.) Then again, my Dad's dad was still delivering the mail at 90 -- driving down the road at 15 mph and pissing off every person in upstate New York, all of them getting stuck behind his stationwagon, the line of cars sometimes seeming to back all the way up to the Tapanzee.

It's probably good timing for Justice Stevens to step down, anyway. It will give the ADHD-addled Liar in Chief something else to do, since he seems to hop from issue to issue to issue like a rabbit with a harem. It'll also give the talking heads something to talk about, who pResident Barack Obama will probably nominate. Allow me to jump the gun, and give you the likely short list of candidates.

1. Oprah. She doesn't have a law license, but in the Obama Regime, why let qualifications get in the way? The Puffer in Chief owes her. She coined the term "The One." She's probably half the reason he's in office right now, well maybe only 10 percent if you remember the MSM inserted their heads so firmly inside Obama's colon they extracted enough Obamalove to smear on the voters. Still, Oprah could be Zero's one. She's retiring from TV, needs something to do, and has a marker to call in. Besides, I hear Obama needs to find a place for her since her tryst with him and Mobama isn't working out.

2. Janet Napolitano may be among the list of candidates, but then again I hear Obama wants to nominate a woman.

3. Joe Biden. If Zero doesn't go the route of nominating a woman to the bench, where else could Joey Mumbles do more harm? Also, Joey's twice been under the knife for brain aneurysms, and the last time the doctor accidentally cut the nerve leading to Joey's manhood, effectively rendering him a woman. Furthermore, the Obama Regime won't be complete until a Supreme Court justice mentions the words "This is a big fuckin' deal" on camera. And finally, after Zero's healthcare "victory," Obama certainly has been throwing his weight around like someone who doesn't need an insurance policy.

4. Michelle Obama. Sources say RuPaul would top this list, because Obama really wants to appoint a transgender justice, but shehe doesn't have a law license. Then again, neither does Mobama since she "voluntarily" surrendered her law license in 1993. But she does have experience denying people healthcare, a big bonus since Obama may have to fight an eventual challenge to Obamacare in the Supreme Court. She may also fit the transgender prerequisite.

5. Barack Obama. Is it any surprise? Last time I looked, Barack Obama was an expert on everything. Already the CEO of GM, the nation's chief nuclear expert, our Physician in Chief, top insurance expert, head apologist, and top economist (no doubt I'm leaving out many of his other areas of expertise), the pResident has to occupy his time with something other than ... being president.

A PhotoChop by Jamie
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