Friday, July 31, 2009

Where's MY Friggin' Stimulus?

Steven Crowder brings up some excellent questions about the asshole bill, GoFrigYourselfus, that Obugger Rahmed through Congress and the Senate:

h/t: IMAO

Which brings up some reminiscing on a Friday night of something I wrote way back when this monstrosity was about to be dropped on our heads, like a little gift package from Mahmoud Ahmadinejad:

New School House Rock: I’m Just a Stimulus Bill

Boy: Woof! You sure gotta slip a lot of people some unmarked cash to get into this Capitol Building here in Washington, at least that’s what they say about The Chicago Way. But I wonder who that sad crumpled scrap of paper is?
I'm just a Stimulus bill.
Yes, I'm only a big fat pork barrel bill.
And I'm sitting here on The Messiah’s Capitol Hill.
Well, it's a long, long journey
To the capital-less shanty.
It's a long, long wait
While I'm in Harry Reid’s committee,
But I know I'll be a criminal law someday
At least I hope (and pay off a few moderates) so I will,
But today I’m still just a Stimulus bill.
Boy: Gee, Stimulus, you certainly have a lot of crap heaped on you for something that’s supposed to pick the country up off the ground.

Bill: Well I got this far,
didn’t I, punk? When I started, I wasn't even so-called stimulus (and you can’t really say I am now), I was just a bunch of disparate socialist ideas in Democrats’ minds that they couldn’t ram through Congress until W. got out. Some folks back home decided they wanted hope and change, so they called their local Congressman (Nancy Pelosi…yes…I said Congressman) and said, "We’re paying The Messiah’s way to the promised land, so there oughta be some meat thrown our way." Then she sat down and tossed every piece of crap you can think of on me and introduced me to Congress. And I became a bill, and got rammed through the House, and I'll remain a bill in the Senate until they get enough moderates to help make me law.
I'm just a Stimulus bill.
Yes, I'm only a big fat pork barrel bill.
And I got as far as The Messiah’s Capitol Hill.
Well, now I'm stuck in Harry Reid’s committee
And I'll sit here and wait
While a few crackpot Congressmen pay off and sedate
Anyone with principle enough to not want me to be law.
How I hope (and help bamboozle a few moderates) so I will,
But today I am still just a Stimulus bill.
Boy: Listen to those senator dudes arguing! Is all that truth about pork, largess, and mortgaging my future about you?

Bill: Yeah, I'm one of the lucky ones. Most bills never even get to have a Democratic House, Senate, and Executive. I hope they convince enough losers, otherwise I may die.

Boy: Die?

Bill: Yeah, die in committee.
Oooh, but it looks like I'm gonna live! I’ve already been through the evil House of Representatives, and now I get to be voted on by the pent-evil Senate Finance Committee (after they whack this crap Obama can’t sell and that crap Pelosi can’t sell and this crap over here that Reid can’t sell).

Boy: If they vote yes, what happens?

Bill: Then I go to the Senate floor and, with 60 suckers’ votes, I’m law, baby.

Boy: Oh yes!

Bill: Oh Yes We Can!
I'm just a Stimulus bill.
Yes, I'm still a big fat pork barrel bill.
And I if they vote for me on The Messiah’s Capitol Hill.
Well, then I'm off to the Obama White House
Where I'll go straight to the head of the line
Because “stimulus” equals “socialism” to Democrat louses
For the president to sign
And if he signs me, then I'll be a law.
How, I know that chump will,
Since he has many supporters to whom he owes bills.
Boy: You mean even if the insane majority side of Congress says you should be a law, and the reasonable minority says no, the president can still say, Yes We Can!?

Bill: Yes, that's called putting the nation in the ghetto. If the President gives me some love, you and your kids get to pay for the construction of bridges, STD education, and National sod…big, beautiful sod laid down by illegal immigrants. Now that’s what I call a jobs bill!

Boy: That sounds a little fishy, Stimulus. I mean…it
doesn’t sound like most of us will really benefit from you, and it sure doesn’t sound like you’ll pull us out of recession. And by the time I have to pay for you, it's very unlikely I’ll have a cent to my name. It's not easy to sit back and let fools make our laws, is it?

Bill: No! But…it really is easy. Here…have a big-screen TV!
How I hope (and schmooze a few moderates) so I will,
But today I am still just a Stimulus bill.
Congressman: The One signed you, Stimulus! Now you're bigger than the rest of us! Welcome to the New Lame Society.

Bill: Oh yes!!! Oh Yes We Can’t!!!


Thursday, July 30, 2009

President Leads Police on Drunken Vehicle Chase after White House Beer Party

WASHINGTON -- President Barack Obama was arrested for DUI this afternoon after taking a Harvard professor and a Cambridge police officer on a harrowing barhopping tour and subsequent high-speed police chase through the city.

What started as a beer picnic outside the Oval Office to clear the air over the president’s embarrassing comments last week after the arrest of Harvard’s Henry Louis Gates turned ugly, when Obama, having quaffed one Bud Light and four plastic bottles of water in 15 minutes, stole a Secret Service SUV and demanded Gates and Sgt. James Crowley continue their party throughout the District of Columbia.

When Crowley refused to enter the SUV and politely threatened to arrest the president for disorderly conduct, Obama clubbed him on the head a half dozen times with a full bottle of water and shoved the unconscious police officer into the back seat. Obama then jumped in the driver’s seat and mashed the accelerator and rammed the massive vehicle through the White House gate at a high rate of speed.

Gate guards and members of the Secret Service were too stunned to react.

“It was like he turned into Kimbo Slice when he beat up that officer,” said one secret serviceman, who asked to remain anonymous. “We just didn’t know what to do. To be honest with you, after seeing him throw that girly pitch at the MLB All-Star game, we were wondering if this guy was
really a poser.”

Vice President Joe Biden, who saw the whole thing from the Oval Office, where he was practicing sitting at the president’s mahogany Resolute desk and saying presidential things like “ahhh” and “ummm,” said Obama has a drinking problem.

“I knew the rumors were swirling among his supporters that the president has been seen drinking from noxious plastic water bottles far too often in public, but I didn’t know it was this bad,” Biden said. “I guess the petroleum from all that plastic must have leeched into his brain and triggered something evil that we just couldn’t see coming.”

By the time everyone realized what had happened, the vehicle carrying the three men had sped out of sight.

The president and Gates, however, were soon seen dragging Crowley into Halo, on P Street, where a bartender, who calls himself Max, said the president ordered four more plastic bottles of water, while Gates drank a Perrier.

“They got that nice police officer, who was slumped on the bar, a chocolate-strawberry martini, but he wouldn’t wake up to drink it,” the bartender said. “The president kept poking him with an empty water bottle and telling him he was acting stupidly and asking him to stop faking it. But, I have to tell you, I don’t think that man was faking anything. He was out cold.”

Witnesses said the president and Gates carried Crowley back to the SUV after spending about 15 minutes at the bar, long before police could arrive on the scene. The vehicle was spotted about 10 minutes later at CafĂ©’ Saint-Ex & Gate 54 on 14th Street, but only for a short while. One witness said only Obama and Gates went into the bar, then came out after just a few minutes, dripping wet and laughing hysterically and carrying sloshing plastic bottles of water.

“It looked like they had been having a water fight,” another witness said.

By the time the three men were spotted at the Wonderland Ballroom on Kenyon Street, Obama was reportedly hitting the wall. “He kept yelling, ‘SHOTS. Let’s do SHOTS!’” said a male barmaid who identified himself only as Candi. “He must have done about 4 shots of Evian, and then started dumping tequila down that poor police officer’s throat. It was very frightening.”

Obama reportedly got word from one of the bar patrons of the sound of approaching sirens, and the three men stumbled out (this time, Crowley on his own) of the bar and piled into the vehicle and drove off, just as police cruisers came barreling down the street.

Witnesses say the president drove the SUV erratically back toward the White House, weaving in and out of traffic for several blocks, as police closed in. More than once the SUV left the street and lumbered down the sidewalk. Along the way, the vehicle ran over a clown who curiously resembled Minnesota Senator Al Franken, a female prostitute, and two homeless men sleeping on the sidewalk.

The prostitute got up and ran away, while the homeless men crawled back into their cardboard boxes and fell asleep again. Only the clown died, the coroner said. Vehicular manslaughter charges may be pending, police said.

“We have to wait for identification procedures and toxicology tests before we know whether or not it really was Franken,” one officer said. “If it was, I doubt we’ll press charges. But if it really was a working clown, well then, by God, we’ll throw the book at the president.”

Police finally caught up with the vehicle on Pennsylvania Avenue, when Obama took a corner too fast and it slammed into a fence.

Police quickly took the president into custody. Obama was charged with battery, motor vehicle theft, destruction of government property, and driving under the influence, before he was hauled off to the Marion Barry Honorary Cell at the DC Jail, a cigarette dangling from his mouth.

Obama still faces charges of child abuse and human cruelty over feeding children and homeless people lead-laced vegetables from the First Garden.

UPDATE: A million thank yous to Friendly21 for posting a link to this over at Hot Air.

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

I'm a Democrat: You Owe Me

Someone hit my site the other day using the colorful search terms "fuck every last republican.” Apparently he/she/it was a bit angry about something. Sitemeter indicated they didn’t stick around too long, either.

Was it something I said?

Curious, because I have a fondness for deconstructing moonbat rantings, I clicked back on he/she/its inbound link and found this little gem from the always cheerful Daily Kos partway down the search results.

It got me to thinking, as things of this nature will do, so I came up with this:


I’m a democrat. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. I have my own pile of money, but I want yours, too, including the four pennies you have rattling around in the bottom of that peanut butter jar you frugal idiots like to use as a change holder. Give it up! You owe me.

I’m a democrat. I just say I like the public school system. My kids go to private schools so that your kids can go to public schools and learn how to be good little democrats like me. When my kids grow up and become better members of a collectivist society, and your kids grow up confused, my kids will get government jobs and take more money and freedom from your kids. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. I have a job with health insurance, but I think it’s everyone else’s fault when I get sick and have to cut back on my lifestyle so I can pay for health care that should be free, along with cars and houses and big screen TVs. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. There is no god. You can go ahead and get down on your knees and pray to the ceiling for forgiveness and strength and peace, but I’ll be standing right behind you with a tire iron, bashing your skull and stealing your wallet. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. I hate people. I would rather sleep with my dog or a cucumber or a tree than with another person…unless I can just dump them on the curb after we’re through. You just have sex to make more people so you can continue to earn more money while you rape the planet. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. I love taxes. It’s patriotic…for you…to pay them. I don’t pay any, anyway. And if I have to, I’ve figured out loop holes or have offshore accounts to shelter my money, so the government never really gets too much from me anyway. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. It’s not only my right but also my duty to take freedom and representative republicanism from you, little by little, and replace it with government bureaucracy. From each according to his ability, to each according to his need. I’m needy. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. I have a $20 million vacation playground on Martha’s Vineyard and a guarded compound in South Chicago and belong to the richest majority in Washington’s history. But I hate rich people who aren't democrats and want your property too so I can save endangered swamp rats and build turtle tunnels and fix toilets. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. There are more of you than there are of me. You breathe too much. I’ve told the world outlandish lies that you’re causing global warming, using faulty correlations to get everyone so worried they’re about to let me tax thin air. And you’ll breathe a lot less. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. I’m an elitist. I’m perfect. I’m not like all of you stupid wingnuts out there working your greedy little fingers to the bone trying to make a little money and feed your family and have something to call successful when you retire. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. I live in the city so I can get stupid drunk and piss on the streets when I want and kick your parked car when it gets in my way. It’s too bad that you have all those guns in your humble suburban and country homes. If you didn’t, I’d come and toss you out on your naked ass and make you live in the fetid cities that my government policies screwed up. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. I think you hate homosexuals. I have no idea that you just want to be left alone and live your life the way you see fit and not have your children taught with government money that they should seek alternative lifestyles for the fun of it. I just want you to do what I think you should do with your life. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. I’m so tolerant I can’t tolerate anyone who doesn’t think the way I do. In fact, I hate white people. I hate all people. I hate myself. I hate myself so much that I hate you even more when you are happy. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. I don’t know how to do anything for myself. I need to be told what to do. I don’t think human beings are capable of taking care of themselves. That’s what government is for. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. I don’t think any people should have rights. I think fish and frogs and grass should, however, and I want to represent them in court…and you to pay for it. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. I’m a child. I act like a child and I think like a child and I live like a child and I throw up my hands and have little fits when I don’t get my way. There should be no consequences for anything I do. But there should be consequences for you, even if you’re blameless in what I accuse you of. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. I’m racist but I get others to think that you are racist just because I call you one. It’s a riot to watch you squirm because I know you have a conscience. I do not. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. I was born poor or middle class or rich, but it doesn’t matter. I was born black or white or Asian or Latina, but it still doesn’t matter. In fact, it’s Bush’s fault that I was even allowed to be born at all. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. I want health care at your expense, while I’m young and virulent and child-like. But then I want you to kill me when I start to get old and weak and feeble, so that all of my young and virulent and child-like democrat friends can have health care at your expense.

Then I want to come back to life as a rock, so lots of birds can shit on me. They owe me, too, for being a loony moonbat.


Go ahead and continue in the comments section whatever I didn’t cover here.

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Botox: A Worthy Friggin' Health Care Tax

I'm up for this...IF it applies only to Democrats. For instance, John Kerry, (hideously) before...

Why the long face, John? I guess it got better (not so much) after this...

Naturally, there's Obugger's nemesis, The Bitch...

And, who could forget Joey? Before...

And...after...(umm, Joey...does this make little sweet? I hope you don't get a pedicure every week, too).

By the way...can anyone say "The Shining?"

And, of course, we must end with none other than The Wicked Witch of Congress. Before...


I'm sorry, but I just don't see the improvement.

Monday, July 27, 2009

Obama Issues Gag Order over Racial Firestorm

WASHINGTON -- Facing increasing criticism today over interjecting himself into a routine arrest involving a black man and a white police officer last week, President Barack Obama signed an executive order banning all public and private discussion of the incident, particularly in reference to him.

“I think the teachable moment has ended,” the president said, reading a statement to groveling reporters in the Blue Room at the White House. “America has talked enough, and that talk isn’t doing me any good at all, and the only thing that’s been taught is that I am just as likely as the vice president to reveal my true, dangerous thoughts when speaking without a teleprompter. I hereby declare further discussion of my involvement in the aftermath of the arrest last week of my good friend Henry Louis Gates by Cambridge Police Sergeant James Crowley to be a federal offense of the new ‘disorderly criticism of the president’ statute that we’ve introduced to the record today. Offenders will be arrested and housed indeterminately, presumably until after someone dares to try to get me out of office, in a facility similar to the detention center in Guantanamo Bay; we just have to work out details over its funding, location, and construction later. I have a call in with the Chinese right now to see if they have some spare change for us to start the design.”

The president refused to comment further following his prepared remarks, instead hoisting VTOTUS, giving his new teleprompter a loving caress and a kiss on the screen, and carrying the only thing keeping him from sounding like an idiot as he walked silently from the room.

Details of the executive order began to emerge quickly following the news conference. ACORN Obamabots who helped the president get elected in November were ordered to begin immediate patrols across America, of neighborhood streets, subways, taxi cabs, bars, summer schools, businesses, malls, airplanes, trains, private homes, family sedans and SUVs, and truck stop and airport bathroom stalls to listen for any discussion of the subject. Their orders, sources say, are to report back using secure BlackBerries with direct connections to the president, each, like his, costing $4,000, and then make immediate arrests.

One Obamabot, who said his name was Leflower DeAcron Oaktrunk, had this to say, when reporters caught up with him peaking under the door of a Target dressing room to listen to a woman talking on her cell phone: “Dah... fazzelbaden… Barack… crumbcake… mescaline.”

Such enlightened and skillful soldiers are said to be emerging from cracks in walls and skittering across floors and streets and into closets all over America at this very moment.

Flack over the incident took off last week when the president said Cambridge police “acted stupidly” in arresting Gates for disorderly conduct a few days earlier, after police were called to the house rented by the Harvard African Studies professor. Gates and a companion had broken into the house because Gates left his keys inside. When confronted by Crowley and other police officers (one black, one Latina), according to the official police report, Gates was uncooperative and raised his voice. Charges were later dropped, before Obama entered the discussion.

Even after the president issued his decree, talk of the incident occurred briefly today, before the president’s Obamabots descended, as if pouring from light sockets and from under filthy toilet seats, to arrest prominent conservative radio talk show hosts Rush Limbaugh and Sean Hannity.

Limbaugh, arguing the president had committed a grave political error in trying to stir up racial tensions in America, was hauled away from his Florida studio following his early afternoon broadcast. Hannity, insinuating the president’s comments reflected beliefs he learned from the Rev. Jeramiah Wright (Obama’s former pastor at Trinity Unity Church of Christ), was hit from behind with bolts from two tasers during commercial break, sources say, and dragged away by three goons who resembled clones of Rahm Emanuel, the president’s chief of staff.

Reached later, the Rev. Wright had this to say about the incident, followed by this. No one came to arrest him.

Press Secretary Robert “Ahhhh” Gibbs issued the following statement late in the day: “The president has had enough of people stirring up racial debate in this country. Yes, I know, he was the first one to bring race into the mix, well, after Professor Gates, but the president believes it’s time to stop the debate. And we all know…when the president talks…people had better start listening…or else.”

Conspicuously missing during the debate was Vice President Joe Biden, who early last week was in Ukraine. Sources say Biden was being held, for his own good, in the bunker beneath the Eisenhower complex (no use keeping it a secret, since he’s already told everyone about it), bound and gagged, so he doesn’t make things worse.

This reporter was able to procure a note Biden scribbled just as the secret service was hauling him down to the bunker: “Were there any hot police in on the call to Professor Gates’ house? If so, send me an email with a youtube video of it! I'll watch it on my phone. I cannot believe that a black man visiting Cambridge went back home and told his colleagues he discovered something and didn’t say he discovered the most beautiful police officers in the world; that’s my observation.”

Saturday, July 25, 2009

“Teachable Moment,” not Victory, America’s Goal in Afghanistan; Harvard Professor Gates Named Special Envoy to Help

Breaking from the long U.S. tradition of putting American lives in harm’s way during foreign wars in the name of freedom and liberty and security, President Barack Obama said yesterday the goal in Afghanistan is no longer victory:

It’s a teachable moment.

To help with these efforts, the president has named long-time friend Harvard University professor Henry Louis Gates as special “politeness” envoy to Afghanistan.

"What I think we know, separate and apart from this war, is that there's a long history in the world of America sending troops to far-reaching places that disproportionately attempts to defend freedom and liberty for everyone else. That's just a fact.

“But I'm always worried about using the word 'victory,' because, you know, it invokes this notion of there being an actual point to us sending Americans to foreign lands to die, since we all know that I think freedom and liberty are a joke. We don’t play it that way anymore, yo," Obama told ABC News.

The enemy facing U.S. and Afghan forces are the president’s friends, he explained.

"We're not dealing with people I consider the enemy at this point. We're concerned with offending Al Qaeda and the Taliban, Al Qaeda's allies," he said. "So when you have my comrades, a worthy operation like Al Qaeda, our goal is to make sure they can be friends with the United States. That’s why Professor Gates is just the man to help bring all of my friends together."

Gates, well known in Cambridge as having a kind demeanor, especially when dealing with police, will help U.S. forces teach the Afghan people how to respectfully and politely accept Al Qaeda and the Taliban among them.

“Skip will do a great job, I think, in teaching the Afghan people how to be respectful in situations where remaining calm and showing politeness to armed authority figures and using a reasonable approach to resolving conflict can go a long way towards repairing the damage that has occurred in that country ever since we invaded,” the president said.

The United States and Afghanistan are struggling to shore up security, amid increasing violence. The Obama administration this year stepped up U.S. military operations in Afghanistan, only to realize the continued fighting flies in the face of the Obama Apology Tour core message that America has wronged every other country and race and creed in the world and just needs to lay down like beaten dogs and let everybody walk all over us.

"We are confident that if Skip is over there assisting the Afghan people and improving how they talk to other people, stabilizing their civility, and lending his expertise in negotiations between people of opposite color and belief systems that we will achieve a teachable moment the world can learn from, while also improving the ability of Al Qaeda to operate. And that is absolutely critical," Obama said.

Obama, meanwhile, was considering conscripting all members of the Fraternal Order of Police into the U.S. Army as punishment for their support of Republican presidential nominee Sen. John McCain during last fall’s election.

“We think police officers, particularly those who are great friends with Skip in Cambridge, will be more than happy to protect him on this dangerous mission,” the president said.

A spokesman for the Cambridge Police Department refused to comment. Sources say Gates and the police department had recently become estranged because Gates had become accustomed to shouting “Don’t you know who I am?” at officers.

Gates could not be reached for comment. He was too busy training for the mission, particularly in learning how to jigger open locked doors without attracting attention while also taking a refresher sensitivity course called “No, Officer: I’m Not a Belligerent Ass.”

Thursday, July 23, 2009

How Not to Get Your Ass Kicked by the Police

I figured I wasn't going to touch this, since all of the big blogs, the TV media, the newspapers, the radio jockeys, and every race baiter in America were talking about Henry Louis Gates and Cambridge Sergeant James M. Crowley and the president's ill-informed, asinine, and, frankly, bigoted comments last night.

But then I made the excellent decision to click over here, and, well, the first comment has led me (and now you) here:


Wednesday, July 22, 2009

“We Rescued the Economy”

That’s a funny way to say “we’re still in a deep recession.” When the third round of layoffs went through my little company three weeks ago, the first thing I thought was, “Wow. That Obama, he’s really rescued the economy.”

Yeah, you rescued the economy, Obugger. That's why unclaimed dead bodies are stacking up in the Los Angeles County morgue because their relatives have so much money they’re just letting the government have the honor of footing the bill for the burials. That's why you need a federal toilet paper tax so you can pay for all those extra flushes you need to send just about every good business model down the crapper. That's why some New Yorkers could be paying as much as 60 percent of their income in taxes if you manage to Rahm your Obamacare plan through despite more than 50 percent of the population thinking you're the one we should send on the first manned mission to Mars, the sooner the better.

Yeah, you rescued the economy. That's why Detroit, one of the former symbols of economic ingenuity and craftsmanship and hard work, will now forever be a ghost town, when the only city deserving of such a fate is Washington, D.C. That’s why Michigan's unemployment is surging toward 20 percent, and at least 15 of your "57 states" just went over 10 percent unemployment last month. You know the economy is rescued when one in 5 state employees is collecting unemployment.

Yeah, you rescued the economy. That's why Cauli-for-nia's been sending out IOUs not only to citizens waiting for tax refunds but also to creditors waiting for the gubernator to pay the bills. That's why 27,000 criminals could be released on the streets of California because the economy is sooooo good they need extra workers to pick phantom crops that grew in our imaginations because you won't let farmers water their fields.

Yeah, you rescued the economy. That's why Joey "Slapstick" Biden's walking around talking about spending money we don't have in order to keep from going bankrupt. That's why you've been quietly telling people, who are just trying to stop you from making terrible policy mistakes because you haven't even read what your health care bills says, that they're going "to destroy [your] presidency." That's why it's not about you; it's about YOU.

Yeah, you rescued the economy. That’s why we have a cap and tax bill that would cost the average family $4,000 a year that won’t pass the Senate because members of your own caucus would rather wrap a rope around their necks and tie it to a parking meter and get in their cars and hit the gas pedal. That’s why no one’s buying cars from the shell of a company called Government Motors that you now effectively own because they must be waiting for the little one-seater 20 hp version of the Hummer to come out. That’s why Missouri Rep. Russ Carnahan got booed off the stage for telling baldfaced lies that your health care plan would actually MAKE the federal government money.

So while you’re up there pandering your $1.3 trillion or $3 trillion or $300 gazillion government takeover of my wallet and that of every other hard working American, while you’re up there worrying about your presidency being destroyed because you keep talking about getting so much done while little if anything (except government largess) gets done, while you’re up there wondering about your dwindling support among “conservative” members of your own party, among independents, among regular American people who don't have your elitist attitude but who are definitely waking up (finally), you may want to think about this:

This economy isn’t “rescued,” not by a long shot. And if it does get better while you’re still in office, remember that while your Waterloo moment may be coming you’ve still done enough damage in 6 months to leave us with plenty of reasons for years to come to invade China so we don't have to pay them back.

Now, if you’ll excuse me. I’m not very interested in hearing you speak tonight. I have a movie to watch to prepare for the future. It’s called Dumb and Dumber.

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Obama Threatens to Quit Over NBC-Boyle Incident

WASHINGTON -- President Barack Obama threatened to resign today if he can’t have Susan Boyle’s 9 p.m. timeslot on NBC Wednesday to try to drum up support for his sagging plan for health care “reform.”

“Yesterday, I said it wasn’t about me. I friggin’ lied. IT IS!” he said this morning during an impromptu press conference at the White House, visibly angry and, strangely, not reading from a teleprompter. “This health care bill WILL pass. And you WILL give me that 9 p.m. timeslot, NBC. If I don’t get it…I’m gonna…I’m gonna….I’m gonna quit! You’ll be stuck with Slapstick for president. Live with it. You’ll be sorry!”

The president made the announcement to reporters at a time when his poll numbers and support for his policies have never been lower. In fact, his plan for national health care is receiving serious criticism from both Republicans and Democrats, who both know that raising taxes to pay for health care and effectively killing private industry guarantees they’ll be jobless and first in line on Obama’s coming breadlines, beginning with the fall of 2010, cascading into elections in 2012 and beyond.

Obama refused to take questions afterward, instead throwing one shoe at long-time White House correspondent Helen Thomas and the other at ABC’s Jake Tapper, before storming out of the room and punching a door. He could be heard sobbing and heaving and raging in a fit of his infamous temper until the doors swung shut behind him.

“I’ve covered all 44 presidents, and this is the first time I can honestly say we have one whose narcissism and maturity is equal to that of a three-year-old,” Thomas said following the incident.

Yesterday, the major networks balked at giving Obama their lucrative TV timeslot of 9 p.m. on Wednesday, a night when they all air semi-popular reality programming. ABC, CBS, and NBC agreed to show the president’s news conference at 8 p.m., when far fewer people watch TV. Fox refused to give the president any air at all, instead choosing to rerun the final, two-hour episode of the canceled reality TV show “Who Can Knit the Fastest!?!"

One NBC executive, who asked to remain anonymous for fear of being made an example and in retribution having his body dumped in the Hudson River, said it was highly unlikely the network would acquiesce to Obama’s demands.

“Let’s face it: Susan Boyle looks a lot better than the president right now, considering. Plus, why would we air a failing plan for outright socialism in primetime when Boyle’s appearance on ‘America’s Got Talent’ is going to net us about $1 million in ad revenue. Really, does he have to pick everyone’s pockets?”

Vice President Joe Biden said he’s prepared for the job if Obama vacates his office.

“I’ve learned a lot from him,” Biden said. “We’re more than prepared to spend more than we have to keep from going broke, and that’s with or without Barack Obama in the Oval Office. The only difference I can think of is that with me in charge, I’d ask Congress to suspend the alcohol tax on my inauguration day, so everyone can drink cheap Budweiser...Budweiser...Budweiser to celebrate!”

Biden refused to comment on allegations he gets a tenth of a cent from Anheuser-Busch each time he mentions their best-selling beer.

Monday, July 20, 2009

Coincidence? -- Vol 4 -- Mobacca's Chief of Staff

Susan Sher, First Wookie's new Chief of Staff

Livia Soprano, Cable TV Mob Dragon Lady

I really think not. (This time it's about the similarities between the Chicago Way and North Jersey, not looks, kiddies.)

h/t: Amusing Bunni

That'll be $595,000 a Pound, Mr. Obama

Here's economic stimulus for you, and yet another sign of President Barack Obama's brilliance.

Over at the Obama web site set up to show us just where the funny money is going, and what it's stimulating, we find out key economic details of this country's recovery, such as ham that costs $595,000 a pound.

You know this link will disappear once Obugger finds out the blogosphere is all over this little tidbit of government ham and cheese, so I'm pasting the information over here, a bit awkward to read but still clear as a bell.

Just one question, Mr. President? How much did the mustard cost?

h/t: IMAO and The American Thinker and Red State

Contracts - Recipient Summary
Clarification of Codes

Award Overview
Agency Name Department of Agriculture Project Location LOS ANGELES
Contract Number AG3J14120297196 Project Location - State CA
Funding Amount $1,191,200 Project Location - Zip Code 90058-1800
Completion Date 2009-06-30 Congressional District CA-34

Recipient Information (Award)
Recipient Name CLOUGHERTY PACKING, LLC Recipient Address 3049 E VERNON AVE
Recipient City LOS ANGELES Recipient State CALIFORNIA
Recipient Zip Code 90058-1800 Congressional District CALIFORNIA-34

Description of Work/Service performed

Purchaser Information (Award)
Contracting Office ID 3J14 Contracting Office Name AGRICULTURAL MARKETING SERVICE
Contracting Office Region
TAS Major Program 3509

Contract Information (Award)
Date Signed 2009-04-28 Effective Date 2009-04-28
Current Completion Date 2009-06-30 Ultimate Completion Date 2009-06-30
Award Type DEFINITIVE CONTRACT Reason For Modification
Type of Contract Pricing FIRM FIXED PRICE Last Date to Order
Funding Agency ID 12F2 Funding Office ID
Funding Office Name
Number of Offers Received 2

Product or Service Information (Award)
Product or Service Code 8905 Product or Service Description MEAT, POULTRY, AND FISH
Principal NAICS Code 311611 Principal NAICS Description ANIMAL (EXCEPT POULTRY) SLAUGHTERING

Competition Information (Award)
Extent Competed FULL AND OPEN COMPETITION Reason Not Competed
Solicitation Procedures SEALED BID Type of Set Aside NO SET ASIDE USED.
Statutory Exception to Fair Opportunity
Type of Contract Pricing FIRM FIXED PRICE

Preference Programs (Award)
Business Size Determination OTHER THAN SMALL BUSINESS

Modification Number Transaction Number PIID IDV PIID Available Amount Project Location Signed Date


UPDATE: Well, then...someone must have received a lot of calls this a.m. in D.C. because they're out defending ham. It was the packaging size: States bought 760,000 pounds, at $1.50 a pound, to feed the hungry.

Now...if only they'd react this quickly when we try to shut down their circuit boards with outraged calls over Porkulus and Omnibus and Cap-and-Slave and Obuggercare.

Not likely. They only like to point out when others are wrong...never when they're wrong.

Sunday, July 19, 2009

Googling “Economic Depression” Way Down, “Obama Is a Liar” Way Up

WASHINGTON -- The number of people searching for the term “economic depression” on Google is down, says a White House economic advisor. Fortunately, searches for other terms that indicate President Barack Obama’s popularity may be history are way up.

Larry Summers, a top economic adviser to Obama, claims that Google searches for “economic depression” have reached normal levels, a sure sign that the economic free-fall has ended. (Could the White House use anything less tangible and credible and more ridiculous to indicate the Obugger administration’s spending policies aren’t asinine?)

“We pledged at the time the Recovery Act became law that some of the spending and tax effects would begin almost immediately,” Summers said in prepared remarks (does anyone in this administration speak without the use of a teleprompter?). “Blah… blah… blah the impact of the Recovery Act blah… blah… blah… over time, peaking during 2010 with about 70 percent of the total stimulus provided in the first blah... blah... blah (even though we know damned well it won’t make a bit of difference, since states are out there using Obugger’s funny money to pay off their deficits and remodel historic properties and build turtle tunnels).”

An informal poll by Dr. Dave Reports, however, has revealed a startling spike in several indicators that point to the president’s popularity pretty much going down the toilet, where he’s been dragging the rest of the country for 6 months.

Google searches for the terms “Obama is an ass man” and “Obama is a thief” and “Obama is a liar,” fortunately, are WAY up, our informal survey reveals.

“This would indicate that more and more people are starting to realize what a buffoonish ass and unprepared, unqualified, unprofessional loon he is,” said Dr. Dave.

Obama extortion” also appears to be a very popular Google search term these days.

“That pretty much clinches it for me,” Dr. Dave said. “I can’t think of a more appropriate term to describe this president than ‘extortionist,’ what with him reading the following threats daily (now) from VTOTUS: ‘we cannot afford to do nothing ... the status quo is unacceptable ... this WILL get passed.’”

h/t: Bishop Gregori, for pointing out the Daily Extortion remarks.

UPDATE: See? What I said...Obugger's cool is wearing thin.

Friday, July 17, 2009

Conversation with an Asshole Moonbat on Twitter


A cop's wife twice threatened me tonight on Twitter, so, just in case she has her husband hunt me down (we sort of live in the same metropolitan area), I thought I'd replay the conversation here.

And I bet she didn't know I had a blog. Silly moonbat.

It went like this...

feedyouradhd: Leave it to Obugger and Pelosi to let Boehner and Bush weigh in on Cronkite's death before them, since fair journalism is their enemy. #tcot about 1 hour ago from TwitterBerry

CyberCzarPol@feedyouradhd <-- Racist fuck who has no respect for the office of the President. #tcot #p2about 1 hour ago from TweetDeck in reply to feedyouradhd

feedyouradhd @CyberCzarPol You talk pretty tough for someone who lists their phone number on Twatter. Slobber on your presidents knob today? 44 minutes ago from web

feedyouradhd @CyberCzarPol Care to meet in Midtown and put up or shut up? 43 minutes ago from web

CyberCzarPol@feedyouradhd Sure. You don't mind if I bring my husband with me, do you?43 minutes ago from TweetDeck in reply to feedyouradhd

CyberCzarPol@feedyouradhd he'd be pretty easy to spot. 6'2" Puerto Rican wearing an #$@%* Police uniform.41 minutes ago from TweetDeck in reply to feedyouradhd

feedyouradhd @CyberCzarPol Right...with his fists in someone else's pockets, probably setting someone up for a drug crime he or she didn't commit. 37 minutes ago from we feedyouradhd @CyberCzarPol

feedyouradhd @cyberczarpol As long as you don't mind if I bring your girlfriend. 40 minutes ago from web

CyberCzarPol@feedyouradhd You didn't know I sucked cock? #tcot #p239 minutes ago from TweetDeck in reply to feedyouradhd

feedyouradhd @CyberCzarPol moonbat schmuck with herhead up herarse, who can't tell when she's being obuggered by a thief president. #tcot #p2 39 minutes ago from web

CyberCzarPol@feedyouradhd I guess it kinda defeats the purpose, but for him it's a given, but he and I both have a CCW license. Just sayin'. ;-)40 minutes ago from TweetDeck in reply to feedyouradhd

feedyouradhd @CyberCzarPol Thanks for threatening to shoot me. 35 minutes ago from web

CyberCzarPol@feedyouradhd I don't believe I threatened you at all.35 minutes ago from TweetDeck in reply to feedyouradhd

feedyouradhd @CyberCzarPol I just wanted to meet for coffee. 35 minutes ago

feedyouradhd @CyberCzarPol So we could talk more. 34 minutes ago from web

feedyouradhd @CyberCzarPol About your sucking cock. 34 minutes ago from web

CyberCzarPol@feedyouradhd oof, careful now. wouldn't want you to suddenly realize that both of us are for the legalization of pot now. #p238 minutes ago from TweetDeck in reply to feedyouradhd

feedyouradhd @CyberCzarPol Should that offend? I have no problem with people who smoke pot. It's people who smoke cock for a living that bothers me. 31 minutes ago from web

CyberCzarPol@feedyouradhd and conservatives offend the hell out of me. your point? #p2 #tcot31 minutes ago from TweetDeck in reply to feedyouradhd

feedyouradhd @CyberCzarPol That's because you're friggin' wrong, off your rocker, insane, and can't think because a zombie ate your brain. Your point? 27 minutes ago from web

CyberCzarPol@feedyouradhd I am off my rocker. It's out on the veranda, and I'm in my office. But alas, not wrong. Sorry you're too narrowminded to see.26 minutes ago from TweetDeck in reply to feedyouradhd

feedyouradhd @CyberCzarPol My narrow mind sees no future now that your Obugger is in office (NON-RACIST COMMENT: TRANSLATION: OBAMA WHO SCREWS AMERICANS) 21 minutes ago from web

CyberCzarPol@feedyouradhd Sore loser eh?22 minutes ago from TweetDeck in reply to feedyouradhd

feedyouradhd @CyberCzarPol How long did it take for hubby to help you come up with that? Not sore loser. Believer in Constitution Obugger's never read. 17 minutes ago from web

CyberCzarPol@feedyouradhd Hubby's at work patroling the streets of %!&@$% protecting your sorry ass.18 minutes ago from TweetDeck in reply to feedyouradhd

feedyouradhd @CyberCzarPol I have more protection than I need, thanks to the 2nd Amendment. (You know, the one you don't like.) 12 minutes ago from web

feedyouradhd @CyberCzarPol After the First. 11 minutes ago from web

CyberCzarPol@feedyouradhd I love the 2nd Amendment, I just hate the NRA. Quit assuming anything asshole.13 minutes ago from TweetDeck in reply to feedyouradhd

feedyouradhd @CyberCzarPol If you hate the NRA, you're a moonbat zombie who wants only police officers and government officials to be armed. 10 minutes ago

feedyouradhd @CyberCzarPol THAT'S why you hate the NRA, ASSHOLE! (Thanks for helping me up my Cursebird score.) 8 minutes ago from web

CyberCzarPol@feedyouradhd god you're delusional. what's your phone number? i'd like to send some people over that can help.9 minutes ago from TweetDeck in reply to feedyouradhd

feedyouradhd @CyberCzarPol God, you can't take your own moonbat medicine. I don't accept handouts from government loving freaks. 5 minutes ago from web

CyberCzarPol@feedyouradhd No biggie. based on ur tweets 2nite I'm sur we can subpoena twitter for the access logs. in the name of public safety and all.5 minutes ago from TweetDeck in reply to feedyouradhd

feedyouradhd Thanks for the threats. I'll be sure to save them for the judge.

The Great Orator Obugger Speaks

The always hilarious British blogger Grumpy Old Twat pieced together this lovely video of Obugger's public appearances without TOTUS (luckily for him, despite this, Obugger still has VTOTUS).

We all know Dear Leader speaks extemporaneously like he's chewing on tires, but this is one of the funniest collections of gaffes I've seen yet, originally found here.

And while you're here, for some strange reason The Liberty Pen wanted to interview me about my madness. Please go over and skip the interview and scroll down to his extremely insightful posts on matters of more importance, like the future of this friggin' badly listing country.

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Organizational Chart of the House Democrats' Health Plan

Click to scratch and sniff

Holy fucking bureaucracy, Batman!

With an organizational chart like that, I wonder just how they'll find the time to bestow health care on little ole us. Probably long after they're sipping Dom Perignon from the good crystal, on our dime.

Get your copy here. h/t: Praterland

UPDATE: I'm sure this new motherlode bureaucracy would probably never think of doing anything spending $700,000 on a Phoenix conference, including a dance party, like the Social Security Administration did.

UPDATE II (7/23/2009): House Democrats are trying to block Republicans from mailing this chart out to constituents, claiming it represents some "inaccuracies." Someone from spent 2 minutes looking at this page this morning. Maybe it's because people are still coming here to get this chart 8 days after the fact.

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Iowahawk for Car Czar

Like this doesn't come as a surprise, FFS. Rattner's toast; Iowahawk's stock has never been higher. Obugger, you listening? Do something smart for a change.

I nominate Iowahawk for Car Czar.

Start the Groundswell


The Wicked Witch of Congress Wants Intelligence Investigation of ... Herself

House Speaker Nancy Pelosi turns a fellow Congresswoman into a cockroach.

WASHINGTON -- House Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif.), claiming she no longer knows what is going on inside her own brain, yesterday challenged Congress to investigate…whether or not she knows anything at all.

“I mean, like, really. Do I Know? Did I know? Did I not know? When did I know or not know? Will I ever know? It’s…like…really confusing to me,” she said, standing at the podium on the floor of the House twirling her hair with one hand, picking a tooth with the other, her vacant gaze following a speck of dust floating past the podium as she spoke.

When Rep. Mary Bono Mack (R-Calif.) rose and requested permission to inform Pelosi the issue on the floor actually was whether or not Congress should investigate the Central Intelligence Agency, and perhaps even former Vice President Dick Cheney, Pelosi glared back and cast a spell, turning Bono Mack into a cockroach.

Bono Mack promptly skittered away, fearing further abuse. Luckily, Rep. Ron Paul (R-Tex.), seated along the aisle, stuck his foot out and squished the cockroach, before she could get away and multiply.

Oblivious to the events around her, Pelosi went on: “Like, what? What I know, or don’t know, and when, is not even the issue anymore? We’re talking about Cheney now? Who’s Cheney?”

She didn’t even notice Henry Waxman (R-Calif.) collapse on the floor and writhe around, thumb in his mouth, tears streaming down his face, in agony over the loss of Bono Mack, one of the infamous "Aces 8" who were instrumental in the Waxman-Markey "Cap-and-Trade" bill getting through the House in June.

“Really,” Pelosi continued. “I think we should just go ahead and start with me, figure out, like, if I know anything at all, and just go from there.”

Pelosi made her speech after several Democratic members of Congress called for a series of hearings to investigate a secret CIA counterterrorism program, directed by Cheney without the apparent knowledge of Congress, to kill high-level al Qaeda members. Congress just learned about the program last week.

But instead of giving the House Intelligence Committee the green light to investigate the CIA, she inexplicably steered the intelligence committee toward herself, turning the House upside.

“I have no idea what just happened,” Rep. Silvestre Reyes (D-Texas), intelligence committee chairman, said after the session, "but she does bring up a good point that we should first be trying to find any intelligence at all in the House itself before we start looking for it somewhere else.”

Pelosi’s quest for her own knowledge apparently stems from still unanswered questions about the CIA program to waterboard certain al Qeada detainees to secure valuable intelligence and stop further acts of terrorism, following the devastating events of September 11, 2001.

First Pelosi said she didn’t know about the use of waterboarding. Then GOP operatives said she did. Then a Pelosi aide said she sure did know. THEN Pelosi said she knew, but that the CIA and the Bush administration lied to her.

Now that Pelosi is apparently senile and looking for answers, Rep. Spencer Bachus (R-Ala.) said he will continue to push to find out what she knew and when, including regarding the so-called secret CIA counterterrorism program.

“This is about the most bizarre behavior I’ve seen on the floor of the House since Rep. Patrick Kennedy (D - R.I.) did a line of cocaine right in front of me on one of the back benches,” Bachus said. “But she’s right; we’ve got to find out if the Speaker is a liar, since a liar calling someone else a liar is about as ridiculous as Democrats calling Republicans racist for criticizing the policies of a black president so soon after having called a former Republican president a chimp.”

Bachus did not rule out waterboarding Pelosi to get to the bottom of the truth.


Meanwhile, in other events around Washington today, sources say, President Barack Obama has repeatedly been dressing up in the Oval Office as the Roman Emperor Nero and playing a fiddle (quite badly) while watching DVD footage of a raging forest fire.


Monday, July 13, 2009

R.I.P.: TOTUS! The horror! The horror! The horror!

Could it be...murder?

ABC's Jake Tapper explains, via Hot Air:

Midway through his speech on urban and metropolitan policy in the Eisenhower Executive Office Building this afternoon, one of his two small glass prompters came crashing down, hitting the wood floor and crashing in many pieces. It made quite a ruckus.

“Oh, goodness,” a startled President Obama said. “Sorry about that, guys.”

He then proceeded on with his remarks, “To pull our economy back from the brink, including the largest and most sweeping economic recovery plan in our nation’s history…”

For the rest of the speech the president relied on the one remaining teleprompter, to his right, and notes on his podium to finish his speech.

Shards of glass remained near the president’s feet for the duration of his speech.

Did you get the underlying text? He wasn't even concerned...didn't even shed a tear...he just went on about his business, without any empathy at all. Where's Sonia Sotomayor when you need her!

The horror! The horror! The horror!

I demand a Senate investigation! The heinous affair was, after all, caught on film.


Sunday, July 12, 2009

Love Child Refuses to Meet Obama-Father

GHANA -- Air Force One swooped into Ghana yesterday, carrying an upbeat President Barack Obama planning to meet his illegitimate son for the first time. Only moments after leaving the plane, however, the president discovered his love child wanted nothing to do with him.

“I informed the president at the airport that he is an evil spirit, and because of this the boy did not want to see him,” said Hawabu Tarana, the juju (witch) doctor from the boy’s hometown of Kumasi, and family spokesman. “There is also a rumor going around that the reason Mr. Obama cannot produce a birth certificate is because he used it to roll some ganja and smoked it. We believe smoking paper invites evil spirits to take over the soul.

“The boy has been learning of Mr. Obama’s actions over the past few months, during our Saturday evening witch-doctor training ceremonies, where we drink powerful herbs and slip into trances and channel the events of the world. The boy, frankly, has been struck by Mr. Obama’s arrogance, something he doesn’t want exposure to.

“He was furthermore concerned the president’s plummeting approval rating so soon after taking office was indication that Mr. Obama was a snake oil salesman whose ‘Yes, We Can’ mantra was actually terribly bad juju that coerced 62 million evil spirits to vote for him. Also, the boy had read in tea leaves that the president wasn’t even going to come by, but instead planned to take his girls out for accra banana peanut cake, ice cream being a delicacy that is hard to come by in Ghana.”

Felix Afriyie, a young school boy from Kumasi, is said to be the president’s illegitimate son, sources say, from a union Obama had with the boy’s mother during a trip to West Africa while he was contemplating a run for the U.S. Senate.

The trip to see the child had become a point of contention inside the First Family. The president is said to have needed to put the issue behind him by apologizing to the boy for his actions and for all of the terrible things America hasn’t done to increase the standard of living in West Africa.

Obama is said to have secretly wanted to see the boy precisely because his wife hasn’t been able to provide him with a son. Obama, sources say, was planning to take the boy back with him to the White House and teach him the ropes of Chicago community organizing on a national scale.

The First Lady, meanwhile, who knew about the affair at the time but chose to look the other way because of her husband’s promising political career, has instead become so upset recently she’s developed a habit of kicking the president in the ass every chance she gets.

“He’s really afraid that someday she’s going to take it up a few notches and punch him in the face and knock him out in front of someone he reveres, like Hugo Chavez,” said a person familiar with the Obama’s family dynamic. “I know for a fact she beats him with a wooden spoon when no one’s looking. Also, she violently tugs on the president’s ears every time she finds out he flubbed a line during a speech.”

Still, the president, undeterred by his wife’s chiding, wasn’t going to let the witch doctor stand between him and the boy either. So, shortly after landing and meeting with Tarana, Secret Service formed a motorcade using local drivers and ferried Obama the 200 km trip from Accra to Kumasi.

Obama had hoped to persuade the child to come out to meet him, but upon arriving at the Afriyie home, the president was greeted by new construction obviously undertaken in anticipation of his arrival:

The president was devastated, a source said. “He cried like a little baby and didn’t want to go on. He was ready to forget about continuing his Apology for America World Tour, and even got on his secure BlackBerry to call Joe Biden to say he was resigning, but then Michelle slapped him in the head and said “Whatchu talkin’ about, Barry” and told him if he resigned she was going to tell the world he’d been having a secret affair with TOTUS.”

About the only the thing that lifted the president’s spirits, as his motorcade turned around and drove back to the airport in Accra, was discovering the new practice among Ghanians of impaling Obamaflags into their skulls.

“My poll numbers may have tanked back home, but at least the people of Ghana, well all 12 that turned out to see me, are mutilating themselves in my name,” his driver, A. Emmanuel, overheard Obama say.

“The man is happy people are defacing themselves in his honor? There is something truly wrong with him,” Emmanuel said. “I feel sorry for the American people having to live under such a leader. Perhaps they would like to move to Ghana. I hear, the way things are going over there, the U.S. is going to look like a Third-World country soon, anyway.”

UPDATE: Well, HELL...I just got picked up by the evil moonbats over at Daily Kos, who happen to claim that I am....wait for it....DISGUSTING...because they think I'm going after a "little boy"...when...if they had any brains and read the piece, they'd recognize that I'm....GOING AFTER THEIR FECKLESS ASSHOLE LEADER. Bring it on, folks. Bring it on....

Oh...and...thanks for the hits, moonbats!

UPDATE II: Hey Kos, Zombiecrats. Your listing leader is sinking deepe
r and deeper into his own despair, taxing your limitless moonbattery into oblivion, leaving you barren and bereft of a future and your children and grandchildren (if you haven't aborted them) the equivalent of ragamuffins...and yet you want to blame Bush...7 months into the most embarrassing administration since...wait for it...your hero, Jimmy Carter...and whine on and on and on, and attack what you don't understand, your brains having been melded by Obugger's juju. Live with that...and enjoy the decline your way of thinking has wrought upon this entire planet. Because when we fail, dumbasses, everything fails. Or didn't your poor excuse for a leader think that far ahead? Oh...that's right...he's letting you read beforehand the fruitcake legislation that gets passed...and he's not going to tax you (until he needs to)...and he's going to give you health care, so you can go watch American Idol all night...and he's stimulating the construction of...turtle tunnels. Ah, the Turtle Tunnel President. That's a fine example of "hope and change."

Yes, we can? you can't at all...

UPDATE III: Since the moonbats over at Daily Kooskoos have been cher
ry picking from this satire and the follow-up comments and posting them with a lot of "hateful," to use their own term, words of their own (and, btw, there's a HELL of a lot of rapier wit in here, Kooskoos knuckledraggers...but I apologize that your brains haven't developed enough to understand it), I'm going to cherry pick from them, specifically this choice comment, which, I'll posit now, is REALLY what they believe and would prefer be a conservative's fate:

Please don't tell us about crap like this. (1+ / 0-)

Recommended by:

It just makes me want to change my opinion about capital punishment and gun control and do away with fucktards such as this, and then I try to compose a scathing comment in response and wish I could send a grenade or poison through the inter

net, but I really am not willing to register on their stupid blog, and by now I'm all depressed about the future of the world and the fact that there's nothing I can do about these people except hope that they die a painful death in the very near future, and then I've wasted 10 minutes for ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.

by bdbd on Sun Jul 12, 2009 at 06:05:37 PM PDT

That's awfully loving of you, bdbd...I believe your party czars will need to make sure they re-educate you before they throw me in Gitmo. Hope you toss and turn all night about this...

KoosKoosians: I've let your toddler comments get through, all 2 of them, an d then stomped all over them. So...keep it coming, girls...

UDPATE IV: H/T: TexasFred. Well, I'll be Obuggered. A Daily Kossacks blogger accused of posting hate speech on conservative blogs and then blaming it on liberals. Hmm...I would have never figured it. In fact, from the horse's ass's mouth, here's how he advocated on Kos how fellow Kossacks should say nasty little things about blacks...and then blame it on conservatives:

That's quite pleasant, Kossacks!

Friday, July 10, 2009

Coincidence? -- Vol 3. -- Mobacca!

An occasional series on people of the political zeitgeist who curiously look like someone, or something, else...

Chewbacca, of Star Wars

Michelle Obama, First Wookie

I really think not...

h/t: exblogitate, for naming her

Thursday, July 9, 2009

Obugger's ADHD, Wandering Eyes, Polls, and Kim Jong Il


I know you have absolutely no attention span at all, but perhaps you should be keeping your eye on this instead:

On second thought, keep your eyes right where they are. I rather like the direction of that red line.

Except that...DOH!...she's only 17! the very...very...least...maybe you should be paying attention to this, perhaps? Hmmm?

Obugger? Obugger? Obugger? Anyone? Anyone?

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