So Good, Newspapers Practically Sell Themselves!

It’s awful when you’re down and out, but even the late late late night advertising stars suffer in this crappy economy.

Take Vince. Once the popular shill of sponge cloth for insomniacs, poor Vince has fallen on hard times. Really friggin’ hard times. Now that paper towels are cheaper than Shamwow! Vince has been forced to sell the next best thing to toilet paper: Newspapers.

“I don’t know. It sells itself,” Vince says, holding up the latest old news that was outdated the minute the ink dried. “What the hell…it lines a bird cage better than Shamwow! And don’t tell me it’s not worth the paper it’s printed on.”

Actually, Vince, I’m sorry to let you know, but most of us with any sense left print 10 years ago when we knew it was going to die. You need to catch up, son. That newspaper you’re holding isn’t good enough for my puppy to crap on.