Thursday, April 30, 2009

Spreading (Fear of) the Disease

Shortly after breakfast this morning, and before his second six pack of the day, Vice President Joe "Asshat" Biden, our nation's newest health expert, contributed his mindless nonsense to the hysteria over "swine flu," telling people in the U.S. TO AVOID THE SUBWAY AND PLANES!



President b. Hussein is scary in his reach and ambition and audacity and general disregard for our nation's past and the principles of the Founders...but "President" Joe Biden is just outright terrifying.

He reminds me of "President Dwayne Elizondo Mountain Dew Herbert Camacho" from the movie Idiocracy, who thought that Gatorade grew crops.

Yes.

Biden is that dangerous.
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Wednesday, April 29, 2009

100 Days, 100 Mistakes

Now...if only the rest of the MSM were handling today this way.
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U.S. Economy Shrinks at 6.1 Percent in Q1

I think that pretty much sums up the success of b. Hussein's first 100 days.
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Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Sphincter Joins His Zombie Buddies


Even though this helps b. Hussein, good friggin' riddance.

UPDATE: Of course, Sphincter, as always, said his decision wasn't about party. Sure it wasn't, Arlen. And you're not an assclown of the highest order.

UPDATE II: Naturally, we should remember how Sphincter, in his own words, was so gung-ho to help the Maine RINOs, Collins and Snow, jump sides so b. Hussein could ram Porkulus down our throats.

Or you can just read what Sphincter had to say in this here playground with his "guest post."

And, just so we have it down in data and XML, here at ye ole scatter-brained ADHD grounds, Sphincter went on record in March with The Hill, on how it was just SOOOOOOO IMPORTANT!!! for him to be a stand-up guy and stick with the Republicans in the Senate:
"I’m staying a Republican because I think I have a more important role to play there,” he said. “I think the United States very desperately needs a two-party system. … And I’m afraid that we’re becoming a one-party system, with Republicans becoming just a regional party."
Gee...what's changed in a month? (Besides Pat Toomey whipping up the conservative base back in Pennsylvania into licking their chops over eating you alive in next spring's primary...if you were running against him as a Pubbie....)

Did O'Bugger promise you a rose garden?

UPDATE III: O'Bugger MUST have made a promise the size of Mount Rushmore (future site of O'Bugger's mug, unfortunately) because moldy old Sphincter distinctly proposed a ban on party switching not long ago.
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Obama Flu Pandemic Continues to Spread

World Health Organization (WHO) officials were ready today to declare an international pandemic disaster, as a new strain of flu continued to sweep the world.

Called Obama flu, the virus – in all cases – is fatal. So far, the illness has already infected 62 million Americans, all now having become the walking undead. Symptoms include delusional exchange of freedom for comfort, theft from the rich to entitle the poor, eco-madness (a related condition in which the power of Mother Earth sucks all brain matter from the affected), worship of the death culture of abortion, and low-flying of 747s over Manhattan in broad daylight.

Cases of Obama flu have been reported in every nation on earth, except for Iran, where leaders are in denial that the flu even exists.

The virus is said to have mutated from the H1N1 strain that causes swine flu. Eating pork does not cause the disease. However, officials from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention have confirmed that eating tofu, sushi, and Vegan menu items can transmit the disease to humans. Infection also occurs from inhaling the stench of those suffering from Obama flu.

“This is an unprecedented disaster,” said Margaret Chan, director-general of the WHO. “The virus first infects the brain, removing all capability for rational thought. Once infection sets in, there is no cure, no antidote, and no hope for anyone with the disease.”

The only protection against the virus is to avoid breathing, but that may be only a temporary defense. A bill introduced today by Zombiecrats in the U.S. Congress would abolish all breathing, in an effort to affect complete infection among all 300 million Americans. Other nations worldwide were said to be considering adopting similar laws.

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Monday, April 27, 2009

DUELING AHHHHS! Napolitano vs. Gibbs

Janet and Gibbsy. LIVE! In Concert!

Earlier, Hannity played these press briefings from today over top of one another, and the results were hysterical (in a sad kind of way), so many ahhhs together it sounded almost like a duet, a dummy duet.

I can't do it any justice, and I don't have the shorter clips, but you'll get the gist from watching these videos.

Our brightest and finest in action, once again....

First, Janet:



And now...the master....Gibbsy:

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"I Just Noticed I Jumped the Gun Here"

Ya, think?

I wish I could go just one week without having to mention b. Hussein's reliance on TOTUS, but, well, if the speech delay fits... (and now he talks to TOTUS)!

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Sunday, April 26, 2009

BREAKING: Obama Authorizes New Torture Directives!

Startling details emerged this morning, indicating that president b. Hussein plans to round up conservatives nationwide as political prisoners and implement new torture directives.

A transcript of a meeting the president held earlier this week in the White House with key members of his administration follows, once again thanks to conservative implant Bo:

(With apologies to IMAO)















Eahaldfjajadjs;fj….ahhh…














Gentlemen. And Janet. Hilary, I’m not sure what you are anymore. Anyway. I’ve brought you all together to put this torture business to rest once and for all.













That’s a relief, sir. We thought you were being a little wishy-washy.















WWEDSFADSDS!














SILENCE!








Hah!













I have some ideas, Mein F├╝hrer.















Qadjl;djfa














Speak.













We’re going to release all of the Gitmo detainees onto the streets of America, right?













Yes…we’ve asked them to do something about the homeless.










*crack* glugglugglugglug. What, like turn them all into jihadists?













Pretty much, Joe.













Rather than close Gitmo, let’s just round up the conservatives and put them there.















Aadlfja;fja;j ads;fljaljfjla ajl;fadjsf w=urwq j














Janet, I like your thinking, but I thought we were talking about the torture issue?














I was getting to that, sir.











It’s taking you enough time. *crack* glugglugglugglug. Hell, I’ve been able to down two beers since you opened your mouth.








Hah!













If I may continue…. We’ll issue new directives, sir. We’ll force all of those dirty conservatives to watch Queer Eye for 8 hours a day, broadcast the audio book version of Open Veins of Latin America: Five Centuries of the Pillage of a Continent into their cells for another 8 hours, and play Liberace music for the rest of the time.








Hah!















Tadl;fj;














Go on.













We’ll get Hannity to start making confessions that he’s really a closet queen who’s been voting for liberals for 20 years, and we’ll tape it and broadcast it to all of his listeners!













Oooh! I like it!














Yeah! Get him to say he voted for me!















Aadlfj; al;j;lj















No. Me!










*crack* glugglugglugglug. I’m liking this. It’s some real change.














Right! And we can have them all wear pink underwear!








Hah!
















Awjadsjjj ewjwe;jj!















Good one, Eric!













And then we can make them all have sex with me!








Hah!











OOOH....I don't know. That’s really terrifying, Nancy. *crack* glugglugglugglug. I’m not sure we’d want to go that far.















POUOJJ POUPOJ WEQJRQL;JR ADJS AFJKL;WEQJLTJPOIU!















Yes, Nancy. I think that would be taking things just a little too far. I’m not sure the American people will approve. I’m not sure any people would approve.














Well…Nancy…I’ll have sex with you.














Yeah. Me too!













OMG!








Hah!










ARF!













That’s quite enough! Why don’t we just let the she males go into another room and do their thing, while the rest of us get down to some serious discussion about serious torture, such as making Hannity wear suits and listen to Keith Olbermann and Chris Matthews on DVR all day long and force him to have a drinking contest with Joe Biden?










YEAH! Good one, Bo! WOOT! WOOT!








Hah! Hah!












I think we can justify that under the Constitution, sir.














ASDFA l;jklrjwl;ejl;rjwe asdl;fja;lsfjl














Excellent torture, Bo! Good boy!









(whispers) arf….














Good lord, do I really have to continue on with his assignment?
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