Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Obama Flu Pandemic Continues to Spread

World Health Organization (WHO) officials were ready today to declare an international pandemic disaster, as a new strain of flu continued to sweep the world.

Called Obama flu, the virus – in all cases – is fatal. So far, the illness has already infected 62 million Americans, all now having become the walking undead. Symptoms include delusional exchange of freedom for comfort, theft from the rich to entitle the poor, eco-madness (a related condition in which the power of Mother Earth sucks all brain matter from the affected), worship of the death culture of abortion, and low-flying of 747s over Manhattan in broad daylight.

Cases of Obama flu have been reported in every nation on earth, except for Iran, where leaders are in denial that the flu even exists.

The virus is said to have mutated from the H1N1 strain that causes swine flu. Eating pork does not cause the disease. However, officials from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention have confirmed that eating tofu, sushi, and Vegan menu items can transmit the disease to humans. Infection also occurs from inhaling the stench of those suffering from Obama flu.

“This is an unprecedented disaster,” said Margaret Chan, director-general of the WHO. “The virus first infects the brain, removing all capability for rational thought. Once infection sets in, there is no cure, no antidote, and no hope for anyone with the disease.”

The only protection against the virus is to avoid breathing, but that may be only a temporary defense. A bill introduced today by Zombiecrats in the U.S. Congress would abolish all breathing, in an effort to affect complete infection among all 300 million Americans. Other nations worldwide were said to be considering adopting similar laws.

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