Your Federal Government Wants You...to GIVE!

NY Congresswoman Carolyn McCarthy shows off the standard issue weapon for members of America’s National Civilian Community Corps, also known as the Obama Youth.

January 2, 2014, in a Party school -- mandatory conscription into the National Civilian Community Corps (NCCP) as accorded by law, the Generations Invigorating Volunteerism and Education (GIVE) Act of 2009:

YOU!!!! No, don’t turn around and look behind you and pretend like I’m not talking. There’s no Wii to distract your attention, here. No books (except those issued). No whiney little girlfriends (except those ex-Catholic girls we will provide you with upon graduation).

Only me. Eyes front! Yes…perfect. You’re just what I had in mind. Young, impressionable, confused about the world and your place in it, ready to break away from all those silly things about religion and morals and values your seditious parents taught you. RIPE for education. Oh, yes! You’ll do just fine.

Don’t question….don’t question. There’s no time. We need you. We need you very, very badly. You’re the future! Just come along and get in line here with the other boys and girls. That’s right. It’s safe. I’m Congresswoman Carolyn McCarthy from New York.

I’m from the government, and I’m here to help.

Just fall in line there, behind the others. No…no…no! Not THAT line. That’s for the older people. You don’t want to get in THAT line, comrade. HAHAHAHA! No! No! No! Let the retired Baby Boomer line go on its creaky little way. There’s a bit of an unpleasant end you don’t want to see. You come over here and get in this more moldable line. There’s a future for you, now! Here…I’ll give you just a little push!…and, there we are…right over to where they’re handing out the brown shirts.

Excellent!

Now. Listen up. Listen up! You’re all here for some volunteerism. Three years, as a matter of fact. In the service of His Majesty’s Federal Government. Now, now. I don’t want to hear anything about “you didn’t volunteer” this, “you’re being forced” to do that. Hell, your parents certainly have raised a bunch of pansies, haven’t they? Of course you volunteered! You’re here, no? You’re in line, no? When you were told to be here, on pain of incarceration in a cell with a lifelong Republican injected with AIDS, yes, but...here …nonetheless!

And, you’re getting the standard issue! You ARE volunteers! A splendid, American thing to do. Why, you’re heroes…like the brave men who went off to fight some war some such generations ago that I can’t quite remember because, well, before we took charge, history didn’t exist (and we just don’t acknowledge wars started by Republicans when our brothers of Islam are in harm’s way)….

Now.

You’ve volunteered to learn about conservation, about alternative energies, about living without electricity and motor vehicles and toilet paper and safe food so that we can protect Mother Earth and stop filling her air and ground with noxious poisons. You’ve volunteered to destroy every radio you see, so that obnoxious filth coming from the minds of evil dissenters like Rush Limbaugh, exiled in, of all friggin’ places, Canada, doesn’t GET THROUGH to anyone.

You’ve volunteered to learn about stopping evil corporations from spewing their filthy waste into OUR beautiful streams and frozen tundras, so that they cease to produce marketable goods that propel the national economy upward and provide opportunities for everyone of every background and color and creed to succeed because, well, we wouldn’t want anyone getting by if the government didn’t say they could. You’ve volunteered to pay homage to the Supreme Beatific Religion, GLOBAL WARMING, even as we freeze our asses off for another winter! Now…repeat after me. Al Gore is God. A little louder now. AL…GORE…IS…GOD! That’s more like it!

You’ve volunteered to learn about how badly evil banks and corporations have raped this nation of our wealth, spending foolishly and lavishly on executive bonuses and corporate junkets to SIN CITY (while the federal government mandated they make too many risky loans to people they knew were never going to pay)! You’ve volunteered to help uplift the downtrodden poor, underprivileged children, women, and men (if they’re not in prison because Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton told them they’d never be as good as the white man and made them sell drugs, steal, rape, plunder, and be generally rotten…just to remain their enablers).

You’ve volunteered to learn how you, too, can become a Congresswoman or Congressman or Senator or, maybe, even president of the United States, so that you can manipulate the press and public opinion and, ultimately, everyone’s friggin’ sanity so that you, too, can do just about whatever the hell you please. And when you’ve got that power, my young, impressionable, my MOLDABLE, minds, if you’ve got the right teaching, the CORRECT teachings, I should say (wouldn’t want to confuse anyone into thinking I said go “right” when I meant “left”)…when you’ve the CORRECT teachings as your foundation…you too can rule the world. Like we are, and shall continue to do.

Now…repeat after me:

“I will leverage Federal investments to increase State, local, business, and philanthropic resources to address national and local challenges.” (You little bastards don’t even know I’m telling you to disregard the principles of decentralization of power in favor of STRONG central government, do you!)

And…repeat after me:

“I will encourage national service efforts to address pressing national challenges, such as improving education for low-income students, increasing energy conservation, and improving the health, well-being, and economic opportunities of the neediest individuals in the Nation”…at the ever-friggin’ expense of the those losers who work and create wealth and generally represent the backbone of this country.

And…repeat after me:

“I will expand and strengthen service-learning programs through year-round opportunities, including during the summer months, to improve the education of children and youth and to maximize the benefits of national and community service, in order to renew the ethic of civic responsibility and the spirit of community to children and youth throughout the United States”…and put the kibosh on them ever becoming like those capitalist sons of bitches who dare…I say, DARE …profit from their own sweat, blood, and government issued tears.

And…repeat after me:

“I will increase service opportunities for our Nation's retiring professionals”…to become canned food and bio-disposable landfill experiments.

And…repeat after me:

“I will encourage members of the Baby Boom generation to partake in service opportunities”…like to prepare themselves for becoming the next generation of organic food supply.

Oh…that’s good. VERY, VERY good.

Now…since we’ve confiscated the peoples’ weapons, we have a fine and encouraging stable of…shall we say, convincement, to add to your standard issue. Please get in line, for the rest of your reward, then proceed to the ammo line.