I was just about finished polishing the last of my 7,001 gold bars, doing what rich white racist community organizers do when shamelessly hording our money from the IRS to fund secretive political missions from K Street, when the phone rang.
“Dr. Dave, I presume?”
“Yep,” I said into the Bluetooth headset the Republican National Committee bought me last fall during the infamous “Barack Obama Is a Kenyan” rallies, aimlessly rubbing circles over the gleaming gold bar in my hand.
“This izzzz Elllll-Russsshhhbo.”
“Hey, there Mahatma. Been reported to the White House today?”
“Dr. Dave, I’m sure Rahmbo records streaming audio of my voice every day; there’s no need for anyone to report me.”
“Good point. What can I do for ya?” I set down the gold bar and picked up a swastika arm band. I had a feeling it was going to come in handy.
“Glad you asked, Dr. Dave. I have some marching orders for you.”
I knew it, I thought. I’d been so bored of late, having been mundanely blogging thousands of words about the details of the president’s energy and health care policy and helping to bring down his popularity. I had a pretty good feeling that “marching orders” meant there was opportunity to be had in crisis. I was not disappointed.
“It’s time to load up the busses and haul in the grannies and granddads from all over the country. We’ve got to hit these Townhall meetings with force.”
Secretly inside I felt like a kid, as if I were again wiggling in delight over dropping a squirming frog down the front of Miss Wilson’s blouse and watching my third-grade teacher scream in revulsion, as she tore off her shirt to keep the frog from crawling into her bra, revealing what I figured at the time to be the greatest thing any 8-year-old had ever seen.
“No Brooks Brothers crowd, Rush? No seersucker suits and Bulova watches? You want straw hat and pitchfork types, right?” I said, trying to shake off the memory of my first community disruption to focus on the task in front of us.
“Righto, Dr. Dave. We need angry mobs.” I could hear the giddiness in his voice. He was reveling in the president’s Waterloo moment. He wanted this president to fail. “Make sure you round up lots of Libertarians and independents and pissed off Democrats, just to make it look good. We want to achieve deception here. We’ve got to make it look like the majority of Americans don’t want this health care business. We’ve got to make it look like people have just had enough.”
“Yes, Godfather,” I said.
And Rush went on, making it clear that his and Sean Hannity’s and Michael Steele’s and John Boehner’s and Mitch McConnell’s names were never to be associated with such shenanigans.
As he wrapped up, the doorbell rang.
RIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGG!
Explosions erupted inside the house. The dog, barking 40 times a second, came racing down the hall, the sound of her claws scraping the floor growing louder and louder as she approached. My kids, emitting high-pitched screeches, ran like banshees right beside the dog, the cacophony so loud I could barely hear Rush saying “What the…..What IZZZ that racket?”
I opened the door to find the FedEx man standing outside, holding an envelope. The two children dashed out to greet him, one coming from each side of me, the dog barreling out between my legs, almost knocking me over. In fear, the FedEx man flung the envelope at me and dashed down the steps.
I caught the envelope on my chest and fell back against the open door, balancing on one leg while using my other foot to hook the dog under her throat, to keep her from chasing the poor guy.
“What the hell is going on?” Rush said in my ear, clearly not happy.
“Sorry, Rush.” I made sure everyone was back in the house and took the Bluetooth off my ear for a second and screamed, knowing full well Rush could still hear me but at least I wouldn’t be ruining his cochlear implants. “KIDS!!! I’m trying to plan something here on the phone. Will you SHUT UP?”
My question was immediately ignored.
“What, Daddy? What? What? What are you planning?” my 8-year-old said, hopping up and down with the unabashed glee I recognized in myself the day I disrupted Miss Wilson’s classroom.
“Yeah, Daddy. What? What? What?” said my youngest.
“An angry mob. Now give me just a minute.” I put the headset back on and opened the envelope and took out a check. “WOW, Rush. Just a million this time?”
“Yes, Dr. Dave. It’s a tough economy, but we know you will use it wisely.”
“Sure, Rush. Heck, with the Cash for Clunkers discount, we might be able to use the money to buy a couple thousand Toyata Priuses and have the rabble rousers show up at the Townhall meetings disguised as anthropogenic global warming believers.”
“Good thinking, Dr. Dave.”
“Are you going to make fun of the president,” my youngest asked, adding: “Rock Obama! I don’t like him!”
“Me neither,” the 8-year-old chimed in. “Barack Obama: KING OF THE MOONBATS! Hey, Dad. Can we come too? We’ll have Mommy paint swastikas on our cheeks!”
“Dr. Dave,” Rush said, having listened to my family dynamic all along, “you’ve been raising them right. I think your angry mobs are going to be wildly successful.”
There once was a land far away, in which principled men established a civilization like no other seen before it, and no other seen since.
It was a civilization in which the rule of law allowed for human beings, endowed by their creator, to set forth on their own journeys, to pursue their own interests, to hone their own talents and succeed by the comforting sweat of their own brows and the rewarding agony of their own thoughts. It was a civilization in which human beings were responsible for their actions, where failure was their teacher, not their signal to throw up their arms and accept enslaving handouts. It was a civilization in which despots and elected criminals had to have known the fear of the despots and appointed criminals who, before them, were sent scurrying back into the cracks from whence they oozed.
It is a civilization that long ago became shrouded by misguided "progressiveness" in the name of an ever throttling elitist class that is very near accomplishing the reconstruction of that land into something resembling a pseudo contemporary Grecian society of government-dependency addled sycophants.
How do we get back there? Hmmm. We can follow a path that's already been walked for us, starting with some reading those principled men left behind....
The text below is reposted from ConservativePunks. (If you don't know what the text is, you have some serious self-educating to do.) Please don't forget to scroll to the bottom for an inspiring video and a link where you can help us claw our way back.
It breaks my heart, and fucking pisses me off, to see how far we’ve strayed… When are we-the-fucking-people going to get it….
When, in the course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the laws of nature and of nature’s God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.
We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights, that among these are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. That to secure these rights, governments are instituted among men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed. That whenever any form of government becomes destructive to these ends, it is the right of the people to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their safety and happiness.
Prudence, indeed, will dictate that governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shown that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such government, and to provide new guards for their future security.
–Such has been the patient sufferance of these colonies; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their former systems of government. The history of the present King of Great Britain is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute tyranny over these states. To prove this, let facts be submitted to a candid world.
He has refused his assent to laws, the most wholesome and necessary for the public good.
He has forbidden his governors to pass laws of immediate and pressing importance, unless suspended in their operation till his assent should be obtained; and when so suspended, he has utterly neglected to attend to them.
He has refused to pass other laws for the accommodation of large districts of people, unless those people would relinquish the right of representation in the legislature, a right inestimable to them and formidable to tyrants only.
He has called together legislative bodies at places unusual, uncomfortable, and distant from the depository of their public records, for the sole purpose of fatiguing them into compliance with his measures.
He has dissolved representative houses repeatedly, for opposing with manly firmness his invasions on the rights of the people.
He has refused for a long time, after such dissolutions, to cause others to be elected; whereby the legislative powers, incapable of annihilation, have returned to the people at large for their exercise; the state remaining in the meantime exposed to all the dangers of invasion from without, and convulsions within.
He has endeavored to prevent the population of these states; for that purpose obstructing the laws for naturalization of foreigners; refusing to pass others to encourage their migration hither, and raising the conditions of new appropriations of lands.
He has obstructed the administration of justice, by refusing his assent to laws for establishing judiciary powers.
He has made judges dependent on his will alone, for the tenure of their offices, and the amount and payment of their salaries.
He has erected a multitude of new offices, and sent hither swarms of officers to harass our people, and eat out their substance.
He has kept among us, in times of peace, standing armies without the consent of our legislature.
He has affected to render the military independent of and superior to civil power.
He has combined with others to subject us to a jurisdiction foreign to our constitution, and unacknowledged by our laws; giving his assent to their acts of pretended legislation:
For quartering large bodies of armed troops among us:
For protecting them, by mock trial, from punishment for any murders which they should commit on the inhabitants of these states:
For cutting off our trade with all parts of the world:
For imposing taxes on us without our consent:
For depriving us in many cases, of the benefits of trial by jury:
For transporting us beyond seas to be tried for pretended offenses:
For abolishing the free system of English laws in a neighboring province, establishing therein an arbitrary government, and enlarging its boundaries so as to render it at once an example and fit instrument for introducing the same absolute rule in these colonies:
For taking away our charters, abolishing our most valuable laws, and altering fundamentally the forms of our governments:
For suspending our own legislatures, and declaring themselves invested with power to legislate for us in all cases whatsoever.
He has abdicated government here, by declaring us out of his protection and waging war against us.
He has plundered our seas, ravaged our coasts, burned our towns, and destroyed the lives of our people.
He is at this time transporting large armies of foreign mercenaries to complete the works of death, desolation and tyranny, already begun with circumstances of cruelty and perfidy scarcely paralleled in the most barbarous ages, and totally unworthy the head of a civilized nation.
He has constrained our fellow citizens taken captive on the high seas to bear arms against their country, to become the executioners of their friends and brethren, or to fall themselves by their hands.
He has excited domestic insurrections amongst us, and has endeavored to bring on the inhabitants of our frontiers, the merciless Indian savages, whose known rule of warfare, is undistinguished destruction of all ages, sexes and conditions.
In every stage of these oppressions we have petitioned for redress in the most humble terms: our repeated petitions have been answered only by repeated injury. A prince, whose character is thus marked by every act which may define a tyrant, is unfit to be the ruler of a free people.
Nor have we been wanting in attention to our British brethren. We have warned them from time to time of attempts by their legislature to extend an unwarrantable jurisdiction over us. We have reminded them of the circumstances of our emigration and settlement here. We have appealed to their native justice and magnanimity, and we have conjured them by the ties of our common kindred to disavow these usurpations, which, would inevitably interrupt our connections and correspondence. They too have been deaf to the voice of justice and of consanguinity. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, which denounces our separation, and hold them, as we hold the rest of mankind, enemies in war, in peace friends.
We, therefore, the representatives of the United States of America, in General Congress, assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the name, and by the authority of the good people of these colonies, solemnly publish and declare, that these united colonies are, and of right ought to be free and independent states; that they are absolved from all allegiance to the British Crown, and that all political connection between them and the state of Great Britain, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as free and independent states, they have full power to levy war, conclude peace, contract alliances, establish commerce, and to do all other acts and things which independent states may of right do. And for the support of this declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of Divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our lives, our fortunes and our sacred honor.
New Hampshire: Josiah Bartlett, William Whipple, Matthew Thornton Massachusetts: John Hancock, Samual Adams, John Adams, Robert Treat Paine, Elbridge Gerry Rhode Island: Stephen Hopkins, William Ellery Connecticut: Roger Sherman, Samuel Huntington, William Williams, Oliver Wolcott New York: William Floyd, Philip Livingston, Francis Lewis, Lewis Morris New Jersey: Richard Stockton, John Witherspoon, Francis Hopkinson, John Hart, Abraham Clark Pennsylvania: Robert Morris, Benjamin Rush, Benjamin Franklin, John Morton, George Clymer, James Smith, George Taylor, James Wilson, George Ross Delaware: Caesar Rodney, George Read, Thomas McKean Maryland: Samuel Chase, William Paca, Thomas Stone, Charles Carroll of Carrollton Virginia: George Wythe, Richard Henry Lee, Thomas Jefferson, Benjamin Harrison, Thomas Nelson, Jr., Francis Lightfoot Lee, Carter Braxton North Carolina: William Hooper, Joseph Hewes, John Penn South Carolina: Edward Rutledge, Thomas Heyward, Jr., Thomas Lynch, Jr., Arthur Middleton Georgia: Button Gwinnett, Lyman Hall, George Walton Source: The Pennsylvania Packet, July 8, 1776
Republican Charles Djou emerged victorious tonight in the special election to fill Hawaii's vacancy in Congress, giving Hawaii its first GOP member of Congress in 20 years.
I'll bet Zero wets his pants every time he hears the results of another election going against him. And, just think, he didn't even have to campaign for the losing Democrat this time. That should hell tell you something.
To quote Al (yet again): "Pain or damage don't end the world. Or despair or f#$king beatings. The world ends when you're dead. Until then, you got more punishment in store. Stand it like a man ... and give some back"
I found this poem by Sam Adams today over at ResistNet.com. It's a bit long, but so is our list of grievances against Zero, not to mention the number of calendar days until 1/20/2013.
(Maybe we'll get lucky, and his next magic trick will be to make himself disappear: He'll close his eyes and tap his heals together three times and say there's no place like Kenya, there's no place like Kenya, there' no place like ...)
Sorry.
I was starting to think it could actually happen and got carried away. Anyway, you can listen to the song version by Tom Paine here while you read along.
I came upon a college kid, Whose eyes were wide with glee, He said Barack Obama, Was sent to set us free!
All hail Barack, our savior, Disciples faint and cry, While listening to his rhetoric, Rising to the sky.
Yes give us Hope, and give us Change, And give us much much more, Barack has said "We are the ones, That we've been waiting for!"
All hail the god of government, Give me my daily bread, While robbing me of dignity, My soul will soon be dead.
For you and your utopia, Beware what history's said, Toil, tears and tyranny, (Who knows how many dead?)
We smile now for the crisis, To our economy, And count the blessings of a crash, To finally set us free!
The market's broke, there's too much greed, It's plain for all to see, That's why Barack says now we need, A NEW philosophy!
We all must look to government, Barack says, "Look to ME! Because I have the answer, it's, Economic equality!"
From each by their ability, To each to fill their need, "Yes I, Barack, will show you how To purge yourself of greed."
All hail the god of government, Give me my daily bread, While robbing me of dignity, My soul will soon be dead.
For you and your utopia, Beware what history's said, Toil, tears and tyranny, (Who knows how many dead?)
Barack, he went to Harvard, His Czars all went to Yale, So THEY know how to run your life, Or throw you into to jail.
All hail our big computers, Run by men from MIT Their brains replace the marketplace, With government, you'll see!
All hail the god of government, Give me my daily bread, While robbing me of dignity, My soul will soon be dead.
For you and your utopia, Beware what history's said, Toil, tears and tyranny, (Who knows how many dead?)
And you there clinging to your guns, Religion, property, Hear his words, check out his smile, And let him set you free!
His plans require our patience, A moment, you will see, How things get when he shuts up Beck,, Limbaugh and Hannity
All hail the god of government, Give me my daily bread, While robbing me of dignity, My soul will soon be dead.
For you and your utopia, Beware what history's said, Toil, tears and tyranny, (Who knows how many dead?)
The Socialist temptation, Gleams like a shining star, When men will trade their freedom, For bread, a house, a car.
Beware of unchecked ego, Beware the Master Plan! For men with all the answers, Take freedom when they can.
Herr Hitler was a genius, His was the Master Race, A "thousand year" utopia, That brought mankind disgrace.
But, wait, there's Comrade Lenin, And Comrade Stalin too, They gave us all a paradise, That mankind came to rue.
But look, here's Castro's Cuba A Socialist Paradise, And when you voice your protest, That's when you're put on ice.
All hail the god of government, Give me my daily bread, While robbing me of dignity, My soul will soon be dead.
For you and your utopia, Beware what history's said, Toil, tears and tyranny, (We dare not count the dead)
We pray to Comrade Stalin, And Mao and Ho Chi Minh, We pray that they forgive us of, Our capitalistic sin.
Oh see our youthful legions, As they swear oaths to Barrack, And by their cultish worship, Our forbears they do mock.
NOW Hail Barack, our savior, Yes, HAIL, that's what I said! You dare oppose our savior, Then YOU will join the dead!
The other day, Chairman Zero read an eloquent speech (despite some Ebonics) from TOTUS that labeled the Democratic Party as being something akin to the party of the American Thinker (my extreme apologies to an excellent website for such an odious analogy).
That is, according to the words Zero read from his teleprompter, Democrats are free thinkers, and, as such, their free thinkery is the only reason an overwhelming majority in both parts of the legislative branch of the federal government can’t come to a decision over the brewing health care fuckery. And that doesn't include Dear Leader's inability, after more than 60 days since his top general in Afghanistan asked if he could fucking frag the Taliban, to make up his mind over whether he wants to be a war-monger or a war-dodger.
Republicans, meanwhile, only do what they are told, according to God's gift to political speech reading. Of course! This must explain why regular, and expanding, ragtag bands of American citizens have risen in protest against the federal government for going on 7 months now.
I guess we’re just doing what we’re told … by the Constitution.
I was just about finished polishing the last of my 7,001 gold bars, doing what rich white racist community organizers do when shamelessly hording our money from the IRS to fund secretive political missions from K Street, when the phone rang.
“Dr. Dave, I presume?”
“Yep,” I said into the Bluetooth headset the Republican National Committee bought me last fall during the infamous “Barack Obama Is a Kenyan” rallies, aimlessly rubbing circles over the gleaming gold bar in my hand.
“This izzzz Elllll-Russsshhhbo.”
“Hey, there Mahatma. Been reported to the White House today?”
“Dr. Dave, I’m sure Rahmbo records streaming audio of my voice every day; there’s no need for anyone to report me.”
“Good point. What can I do for ya?” I set down the gold bar and picked up a swastika arm band. I had a feeling it was going to come in handy.
“Glad you asked, Dr. Dave. I have some marching orders for you.”
I knew it, I thought. I’d been so bored of late, having been mundanely blogging thousands of words about the details of the president’s energy and health care policy and helping to bring down his popularity. I had a pretty good feeling that “marching orders” meant there was opportunity to be had in crisis. I was not disappointed.
“It’s time to load up the busses and haul in the grannies and granddads from all over the country. We’ve got to hit these Townhall meetings with force.”
Secretly inside I felt like a kid, as if I were again wiggling in delight over dropping a squirming frog down the front of Miss Wilson’s blouse and watching my third-grade teacher scream in revulsion, as she tore off her shirt to keep the frog from crawling into her bra, revealing what I figured at the time to be the greatest thing any 8-year-old had ever seen.
“No Brooks Brothers crowd, Rush? No seersucker suits and Bulova watches? You want straw hat and pitchfork types, right?” I said, trying to shake off the memory of my first community disruption to focus on the task in front of us.
“Righto, Dr. Dave. We need angry mobs.” I could hear the giddiness in his voice. He was reveling in the president’s Waterloo moment. He wanted this president to fail. “Make sure you round up lots of Libertarians and independents and pissed off Democrats, just to make it look good. We want to achieve deception here. We’ve got to make it look like the majority of Americans don’t want this health care business. We’ve got to make it look like people have just had enough.”
“Yes, Godfather,” I said.
And Rush went on, making it clear that his and Sean Hannity’s and Michael Steele’s and John Boehner’s and Mitch McConnell’s names were never to be associated with such shenanigans.
As he wrapped up, the doorbell rang.
RIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGG!
Explosions erupted inside the house. The dog, barking 40 times a second, came racing down the hall, the sound of her claws scraping the floor growing louder and louder as she approached. My kids, emitting high-pitched screeches, ran like banshees right beside the dog, the cacophony so loud I could barely hear Rush saying “What the…..What IZZZ that racket?”
I opened the door to find the FedEx man standing outside, holding an envelope. The two children dashed out to greet him, one coming from each side of me, the dog barreling out between my legs, almost knocking me over. In fear, the FedEx man flung the envelope at me and dashed down the steps.
I caught the envelope on my chest and fell back against the open door, balancing on one leg while using my other foot to hook the dog under her throat, to keep her from chasing the poor guy.
“What the hell is going on?” Rush said in my ear, clearly not happy.
“Sorry, Rush.” I made sure everyone was back in the house and took the Bluetooth off my ear for a second and screamed, knowing full well Rush could still hear me but at least I wouldn’t be ruining his cochlear implants. “KIDS!!! I’m trying to plan something here on the phone. Will you SHUT UP?”
My question was immediately ignored.
“What, Daddy? What? What? What are you planning?” my 8-year-old said, hopping up and down with the unabashed glee I recognized in myself the day I disrupted Miss Wilson’s classroom.
“Yeah, Daddy. What? What? What?” said my youngest.
“An angry mob. Now give me just a minute.” I put the headset back on and opened the envelope and took out a check. “WOW, Rush. Just a million this time?”
“Yes, Dr. Dave. It’s a tough economy, but we know you will use it wisely.”
“Sure, Rush. Heck, with the Cash for Clunkers discount, we might be able to use the money to buy a couple thousand Toyata Priuses and have the rabble rousers show up at the Townhall meetings disguised as anthropogenic global warming believers.”
“Good thinking, Dr. Dave.”
“Are you going to make fun of the president,” my youngest asked, adding: “Rock Obama! I don’t like him!”
“Me neither,” the 8-year-old chimed in. “Barack Obama: KING OF THE MOONBATS! Hey, Dad. Can we come too? We’ll have Mommy paint swastikas on our cheeks!”
“Dr. Dave,” Rush said, having listened to my family dynamic all along, “you’ve been raising them right. I think your angry mobs are going to be wildly successful.”
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