Michelle Obama Really Needs To Do Something About Her Package

So much for me trying to remain subtle.

Remember when Zero headed to Gropehagen for the free sex? We all knew he was just getting a bit tired of putting up with his hard home life.

He probably should think about returning soon. Apparently, Mobama just can't keep that thing caged.

Image via iOwnTheWorld.com

Meanwhile, in North Carolina, people are debating the latest possible Sasquatch sighting.

Coincidence?

ASHEVILLE, N.C. -- Vacationers were fleeing the Blue Ridge Mountains today after what some witnesses say was a rare sighting of two Sasquatches.

Details are fuzzy, but one camper snapped a photograph of what appears to be a couple, male and female, of beastly looking figures walking along a trail in the woods. The beings quickly ran away and haven't been seen since.

"I was terrified," said Jeremiah "Bunky" Chamberlain, who took the photograph that has now gone viral on the innerwebz. "I've never seen anything like it. I definitely hid my possessions. I've been told Sasquatches display terrible fits of spontaneous bowing when you cross their path, then require you to pay a tax, especially if you earn less than $250,000 a year. Who knows how much they would have fleeced my children's future had we stayed around?"