“I informed the president at the airport that he is an evil spirit, and because of this the boy did not want to see him,” said Hawabu Tarana, the juju (witch) doctor from the boy’s hometown of Kumasi, and family spokesman. “There is also a rumor going around that the reason Mr. Obama cannot produce a birth certificate is because he used it to roll some ganja and smoked it. We believe smoking paper invites evil spirits to take over the soul.
“The boy has been learning of Mr. Obama’s actions over the past few months, during our Saturday evening witch-doctor training ceremonies, where we drink powerful herbs and slip into trances and channel the events of the world. The boy, frankly, has been struck by Mr. Obama’s arrogance, something he doesn’t want exposure to.
“He was furthermore concerned the president’s plummeting approval rating so soon after taking office was indication that Mr. Obama was a snake oil salesman whose ‘Yes, We Can’ mantra was actually terribly bad juju that coerced 62 million evil spirits to vote for him. Also, the boy had read in tea leaves that the president wasn’t even going to come by, but instead planned to take his girls out for accra banana peanut cake, ice cream being a delicacy that is hard to come by in Ghana.”
Felix Afriyie, a young school boy from Kumasi, is said to be the president’s illegitimate son, sources say, from a union Obama had with the boy’s mother during a trip to West Africa while he was contemplating a run for the U.S. Senate.
The trip to see the child had become a point of contention inside the First Family. The president is said to have needed to put the issue behind him by apologizing to the boy for his actions and for all of the terrible things America hasn’t done to increase the standard of living in West Africa.
Obama is said to have secretly wanted to see the boy precisely because his wife hasn’t been able to provide him with a son. Obama, sources say, was planning to take the boy back with him to the White House and teach him the ropes of Chicago community organizing on a national scale.
The First Lady, meanwhile, who knew about the affair at the time but chose to look the other way because of her husband’s promising political career, has instead become so upset recently she’s developed a habit of kicking the president in the ass every chance she gets.
“He’s really afraid that someday she’s going to take it up a few notches and punch him in the face and knock him out in front of someone he reveres, like Hugo Chavez,” said a person familiar with the Obama’s family dynamic. “I know for a fact she beats him with a wooden spoon when no one’s looking. Also, she violently tugs on the president’s ears every time she finds out he flubbed a line during a speech.”
Still, the president, undeterred by his wife’s chiding, wasn’t going to let the witch doctor stand between him and the boy either. So, shortly after landing and meeting with Tarana, Secret Service formed a motorcade using local drivers and ferried Obama the 200 km trip from Accra to Kumasi.
Obama had hoped to persuade the child to come out to meet him, but upon arriving at the Afriyie home, the president was greeted by new construction obviously undertaken in anticipation of his arrival:
The president was devastated, a source said. “He cried like a little baby and didn’t want to go on. He was ready to forget about continuing his Apology for America World Tour, and even got on his secure BlackBerry to call Joe Biden to say he was resigning, but then Michelle slapped him in the head and said “Whatchu talkin’ about, Barry” and told him if he resigned she was going to tell the world he’d been having a secret affair with TOTUS.”
About the only the thing that lifted the president’s spirits, as his motorcade turned around and drove back to the airport in Accra, was discovering the new practice among Ghanians of impaling Obamaflags into their skulls.
“My poll numbers may have tanked back home, but at least the people of Ghana, well all 12 that turned out to see me, are mutilating themselves in my name,” his driver, A. Emmanuel, overheard Obama say.
“The man is happy people are defacing themselves in his honor? There is something truly wrong with him,” Emmanuel said. “I feel sorry for the American people having to live under such a leader. Perhaps they would like to move to Ghana. I hear, the way things are going over there, the U.S. is going to look like a Third-World country soon, anyway.”
UPDATE: Well, HELL...I just got picked up by the evil moonbats over at Daily Kos, who happen to claim that I am....wait for it....DISGUSTING...because they think I'm going after a "little boy"...when...if they had any brains and read the piece, they'd recognize that I'm....GOING AFTER THEIR FECKLESS ASSHOLE LEADER. Bring it on, folks. Bring it on....
Oh...and...thanks for the hits, moonbats!
UPDATE II: Hey Kos, Zombiecrats. Your listing leader is sinking deeper and deeper into his own despair, taxing your limitless moonbattery into oblivion, leaving you barren and bereft of a future and your children and grandchildren (if you haven't aborted them) the equivalent of ragamuffins...and yet you want to blame Bush...7 months into the most embarrassing administration since...wait for it...your hero, Jimmy Carter...and yet...you whine on and on and on, and attack what you don't understand, your brains having been melded by Obugger's juju. Live with that...and enjoy the decline your way of thinking has wrought upon this entire planet. Because when we fail, dumbasses, everything fails. Or didn't your poor excuse for a leader think that far ahead? Oh...that's right...he's letting you read beforehand the fruitcake legislation that gets passed...and he's not going to tax you (until he needs to)...and he's going to give you health care, so you can go watch American Idol all night...and he's stimulating the construction of...turtle tunnels. Ah, the Turtle Tunnel President. That's a fine example of "hope and change."
Yes, we can?
No...no you can't at all...
UPDATE III: Since the moonbats over at Daily Kooskoos have been cherry picking from this satire and the follow-up comments and posting them with a lot of "hateful," to use their own term, words of their own (and, btw, there's a HELL of a lot of rapier wit in here, Kooskoos knuckledraggers...but I apologize that your brains haven't developed enough to understand it), I'm going to cherry pick from them, specifically this choice comment, which, I'll posit now, is REALLY what they believe and would prefer be a conservative's fate:
That's awfully loving of you, bdbd...I believe your party czars will need to make sure they re-educate you before they throw me in Gitmo. Hope you toss and turn all night about this...Please don't tell us about crap like this. (1+ / 0-)
- Recommended by:
- in2mixin
It just makes me want to change my opinion about capital punishment and gun control and do away with fucktards such as this, and then I try to compose a scathing comment in response and wish I could send a grenade or poison through the inter
net, but I really am not willing to register on their stupid blog, and by now I'm all depressed about the future of the world and the fact that there's nothing I can do about these people except hope that they die a painful death in the very near future, and then I've wasted 10 minutes for ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.
KoosKoosians: I've let your toddler comments get through, all 2 of them, an d then stomped all over them. So...keep it coming, girls...
UDPATE IV: H/T: TexasFred. Well, I'll be Obuggered. A Daily Kossacks blogger accused of posting hate speech on conservative blogs and then blaming it on liberals. Hmm...I would have never figured it. In fact, from the horse's ass's mouth, here's how he advocated on Kos how fellow Kossacks should say nasty little things about blacks...and then blame it on conservatives:
That's quite pleasant, Kossacks!
53 comments:
Yoish! That's not gonna leave a mark, it's gonna take a mark and barry's lunch money, too!
Uh... I always heard it said, "They all look alike...."
Damn... That kid is suffering *The Mark of Barack*
Maybe they oughta name him Mark Obama... LMAO..
That is a cute kid. I hopee he does not get exploited
I had heard that the Democratic party decided to clone Obama so he could be our president forever. Creeeepy.
Will he be coming to Wales to meet his Mother's family??
I wouldn't think so...
Sometimes it does seem that Obama is indeed smoking something. I think what he sees through that smokey cloud of maryjane is himself as Gulliver us as the Lilliputians.
Now That's funny.
But I like the kid's spirit. I hope he does well, and is not ill-affected by Obamas's failures down the road.
Perhaps Obama will name the kid to be his successor, you know, kinda like the "Dear Leader" of North Diarrhea (oops, I mean Korea)named his son to succeed him.
The vacant voodoo eyes of the crowd followed their genetic (50%) brother as he descended Air Force One to announce a re-birth of Africa.
But where is the money coming from for the Child Support?
Dr. Dave: Hee Hee! Funny, those Kos nutjobs fail to see that by saying you are picking on a kid, they are admitting that obugger does indeed have a male love child!
Anyone can see that this was a satire. What child would actually admit that disgrace to the human race was his father if he didn't have to!
I gotta check out those libs now and maybe leave a snarky comment.
Wow! I held my nose and clicked over to the Kid's Playroom! I need brain bleach! QUICK!
You people are really screwed up. Obama's trying to clean up the mess left by your shit-monkey, and you stooges are bagging on his kids and unrelated Africans. There was a time when being a Republican didn't mean being an ignorant, mean cracker, but I can see that's history. Enjoy your decline.
Wow, that is an eerie picture. Looks just like em!
Christ! Those Daily Kos tossers are a barrel of laughs.
Not.
They must have had their sense of humour surgically removed by a scythe wielding inbred when they were about 6 months old.
FFS don't they know satire when they read it!
btw, thought I'd pop over there and give them the G.O.T. treatment but don't seem to be able to access the comments. Shame, that'd scare the shit out of the prissy fuckers, eh ;-)
Hey Hobbs...it's nice to know you moonbats use the term "monkey" for a president and don't get branded as racists for it. Good luck in logic class at moonbat university, btw...because you've a long way to go before you gain any.
Hobbs, it is ignorant liberals like you who have caused the decline of America. Liberal ideas have led to the destruction of all morals and ethics in this nation and around the world.
Let me explain the Dumbass Kossacks in a few words: hypocritical, selectively outraged Kos-suckers that think after 8 years of Chimp McBush-Hitler and all the rest of their bullshit, we're not allowed to do and say similar regarding their son of a buck loving bitch...
Selective outrage and selective hypocrisy, and the fucknozzles think they are *progressive*...
One of these days it's going to be open season, with NO bad limit...
I am anxiously awaiting!!
Put the empty suit into Ghana and sooner or later even they will see what the stupid left in America won't.
lolz DD..ty for the vis and comment at WHT..lemme know if I should add ya to my 'esteemed' blogroll too.
Don't get me started on Hussein..yeesh!
That was supposed to be NO BAG LIMIT...
Keep it up folks. This is why you are no longer in power, and this is why you'll stay out of power.
@cjk002 Are you aware that 10 - 20 percent of the people commenting on this post live beyond the boundaries of your United Socialist States?
No...you wouldn't know that, coming in here with preconceived notions all ruffled up by your fellow gerbil-tube loving friends over at Daily Kos.
The reason "we're" (if you mean Conservatives, people who understand the Constitution, and not Republicans, people who do things to make some Democrats happy, so they can get elected) no longer in power is because some shaman with juju put little bits of angel dust in your Flavor Aid, and you sucked it down and helped your pied piper reach the pinnacle, like it was the best thing since you used to stick your face in your schoolmate's ass while he farted up your nose.
And while your messiah dawdles away our future, and you smoke increasing amounts of hashish to get through every waking moment, you'll see me, us, we, coming right up behind you, tagging your ass with a taser gun, and passing you by.
Keep using your illusion, moonbat. Your world is crumbling, in just a few short months, and your hero is turning out to be the worst president this country has ever known.
@innominatus...his whole existence is a mark, on what used to be called a Republic.
@Fred...there you go again, trying to get me in trouble. BUT...I sure do appreciate your help on the Dumbass Kossacks front.
@Austin personal trainers...of COURSE he's a cute kid, and I wish him all the best...but I just love how the Moonbats have taken to him like he's Messiah II. Apparently they're still sipping the Flavor Aid. (That would be a reference to Jim Jones, moonbats, but you likely think I should be saying "Kool Aid.")
@LP...don't you even go there. I'm certain they're trying it...they'll try anything to stay in power, including eating their young.
@JPT...You'll have to check with the White House on that. They're not too partial to me there.
@Ron...Yup...and I'll bet he's been smoking dog shit, just like Tommy Chong.
@The Kid...I'm sure the kid could do circles around Obugger...he could probably name all 50 states long before Obugger, who'd be stuck trying to name 51 through 56.
@Bishop...Well said!
@MK...I would think people in Africa see right through him. In fact, few people actually showed up for his visit, since he was coming and going. I'll even go a lot further and say they have far less schooling yet far more intelligence than the 62 million zombie moonbats who voted for him.
@LL...if it were true, that money would be coming from you and me.
@Bunni...alas, you need to have an account over there. I hope you were successful, but I chose myself just to lurk and laugh at their stupidity.
@Kate...I'll send some brain bleech over directly, STAT!
@Notoriously Conservative...just looking at Obugger is terrifying enough. (Hey, Kossacks, that means Obugger is one FUGLY dude...not to be construed with my disliking his race or his skin color...though I know you'll take it there anyway, dipshits.)
@G.O.T....Most Leftists aren't blessed with the gene to understand satire. That's why they read Maureen Dowd.
@HTW...Welcome, and I am the one who is honored. Yep...Obugger is the easy butt of ridicule, well, because he's a great big ass, just like the symbol of his party.
There you go again Dave. Sorry I didn't get here sooner, I was out for the evening. Moonbats can't understand parody, and they have no idea that you are a grand master of teh snark.
It'll be fun watching their shrill responses when their messiah obugger's policies turn into fail.
Father? Whatchoo takin' 'bout Willis?
You tol' me Jesse Jackson my father.
Dr. Dave, that is one of the funniest things I've read in a while, including the comments from the Moonbat trolls. It's a shame G.O.T. couldn't leave a choice comment or two over at the Daily Kos - you know how funny he is when he gets going and I'm sure those Moonbats wouldn't have known what to make of him!
Satire does not compute with Lefties - it's completely beyond their understanding because of their limited brain capacity. Still, we all got a good laugh out of it!
Clever piece Double D. Just say thanks to the moonbat paTROLLers; no such thing as bad publicity, ya know. And you´re obviously gaining enough momentum to become a blip on their radar.
That´s my say from socialist Spain. Just one of the European models of failure Obama´s blundering after.
Kossacks, much like Paulinistas, live to see a reference to their miserable existence, then we get to see OUR numbers go up as they read or words of wit, wisdom and snark...
BTW, they don't understand our wit, wisdom and snark...
Dumb fucknozzles... :)
But MY hits are up too Dave, you IZ da MAIN MAN!!
@Matt...aww, shucks.
@Barking spider...Thanks! Yeah...I shouldn't expect the poor buggers to get it, but then I believe in human potential. I'll never learn.
@mike...you always bring class and a fine intellect to these humble digs, my friend.
@Fred...My pleasure, Fred.
Hi Dr. Dave:
1st: I gotta say your Update reply comments are the BEST & funniest things I have ever read, I have to do a guest post of them one of these days, You are my comedic IDOL!
2nd: I went over there but they were so STUPID, I didn't even bother to TRY & leave a comment! I would not DEFILE my computer registering with those Kossacks! What freaks - you let him have it (as all commenters here did too)
Finally: I read your Comment on Kook's Manifesto about my "Hurt Locker" movie review! Wow, Dr. Dave That was really great of you to write all your kind words! I know you commented on my post, directly on my blog & this is also much appreciated.
I'm glad to be a "breath of Fresh Air" considering all the STENCH out there! That's why I mix it up a little. If it's just constant political ranting, well, many folks do it better than I do! And, with your FUNNY take of things on ADHD, it also gives a much needed laugh in these awful times. Please get serious & kidlike any time on my little Blog.
You have raised the bar to gargantuan heights for all of us, Dr. Dave. Thanks.
Dave, that kid is no dummy. He probably got wind of that Obama/Odinga Kenyan flap from a while ago and decided for himself he don't like the way his fat cat "father" rolls while he's hangin out in the father land. Smart kid...he ain't about to wind up on some tribal politics & voodoo list...
Have at the pathetic li'l fucks, Dr. D! Fish in a barrel!
Ah... Dr Dave, you confused the leftards from DailyKook by not having a laugh track! See? That's what cues them to laugh John Stewart and the late night libs. They're like Pavlov's dogs. No laughtrack, no laughter. If you took away the MSM, they wouldn't know what to think either.
Dr. D, I went over to the Daily Kosak yesterday and checked out some of the monkey dung splattered around there (when I left that cesspool, I had to was my eyes out with holy water), and there was one posting that caught my attention. One individual stated; "We Liberals only want everyone to have a wonderful life..." Well I couldn't help thinking, 'Yes, they want everyone to have a wonderful life, as long as they can control it and decide for us, what is wonderful.'
The other thing I noticed is how upset the Liberals are over you making fun of some poor cute black kid, which they consider to be so hateful. I guess they are upset because ONLY they (the Liberals) should be allowed to be hateful. Look at the crap they have been saying about Palin and her kids, and the hateful remarks they made about Tony Snow when he was dying of cancer.
Well, all I can say is; "Hey, if any of you dip wad liberals read this, see if you can get my email address. If you do, send me an email and I will forward you my home address. That way you can stop by so that I could run my bishops staff up your hind quarters, that way you can attend your next Liberal get-together as a Popsicle.
God love ya Padre....you just made me laugh so hard, the grandkids thought I was choking!
He is a gem, ain't he Kate?
Bunni...you just got yourself put over on the wall of Most Irreverent Comments.
Folks...these were the best friggin' comments I've ever received. I thank each of you for taking a bit of your day to read and help me fight these clowns. It's one of the posts I enjoy the most, precisely because of your comments.
This place wouldn't be half as much fun for me without you.
Again I tried to post a response there and I can't. Am I doing something wrong? Anybody else have problems?
DOC--The horror. Don't the Kossacks know how much CO2 their rant against you is releasing???
More vitriol = more !!!Global Warming!!! Eleventy!!!
Kos--you may want to check with Mr. Soros on this. His plan to rule the universe via carbon schemes is FAR more important than your piddling pissing contest.
And, since he pays for every insanity you conjure up--nice gig, btw--you'd better get with the BIG PICTURE. Otherwise you will be among the first of the useful idiots cast under the treads of his machinations.
Oh, but then that would require vision, forethought, intellect...never mind.
Feel free to quote me.
Hey Dr. Dave,
Since we've been talking bout each other in our blogs I thought I would drop you a line.
First I want to clarify a couple of things. I got that you were writing satire. It missed the mark in my opinion, but you are obviously a good writer. Secondly I'm happy that you are very passionate about your views and your country. I think Obama is fair, open game and should be criticized by you in every way you see fit. After all he is a public figure.
Here's one of the ways we differ though. You believe since you were writing satire that it abstains you from responsible public discourse.
I'm sure if you asked your Mom or your Pastor if it is o.k. to call some boy you don't know the bastard child of our President they would not approve. And I'm sure, deep down, you realized that this blog was aimed at inciting the cultural bias that exists in some of the far right base. As demonstrated in the numerous comments that were less than Christ like in your threads, none of which you condemned.
So when you exploit a child to further your narrative that Barack is evil, you have to expect that someone is going to call you out on that behavior. That happened to be me this time.
I'm a big boy go ahead and curse me out for all of my Liberal views. But do you honestly see no problem in demeaning a child, who wants to become a pastor in his community, just to further your hateful agenda towards Pres. Obama?
Uh....I'm just a little ol' lady, but I saw NO demeaning of a child. I did see a slap down of the POTUS. But that's just me, and I see liberalism as "evil". It's not right and left, it's right and wrong! Just had to toss that in there. :)
Holy crap, Steve B, are you ever ODD. You might want to get that checked out.
Blather on ad nauseum about what you think is going on in this piece, but you're about as off the road, four wheels in the ditch, as you think I am.
Fifteen years of writing has taught me that any shit for brains idiot can divine any shit for brains opinion they want from anything they read. Doesn't fucking make it so.
My Mom reads this blog, and laughs, because, thankfully she taught me that liberalism is a mental disease that must be stopped. And you can check your guilt trip argument that my pastor would not approve. I'm more than comfortable in my religion and, frankly, my pastor has more than enough brains to know you're pissing in the wind.
You see what you want to see, through your CO2 colored glasses; that's just the way it's going to be. I accept that. I wrote about a terrible and Anti-American and Constitutionally-abusive and lying and cheating president who has clear designs on making sure there's no possible return from Statism to Federalism, who has done more damage to this country in nearly 7 months than all 43 previous presidents combined, and who needs to be smacked down at every opportunity. That's just what is.
And "hateful"? Please, Stevie boy. You've a lot of nerve coming over here, spewing your crap after what your "peaceful and loving and kind and Kumbya" readers have left for comments over at Kossacks.
Keep your Rules for Radicals code words over at Kossacks; I don't want them fouling up this place. I'm not welcome over your way. You're not welcome here.
Your next comment will be deleted. Period. I'm not interested in your reaching out.
so we can't be friends that agree to disagree? :(
Yeah, Steve, we can be friends...just leave my Mom out of it...she owns lots of guns, and I don't want her to hurt you.
Your previously deleted comment:
"lol... that was great!! your response was everything and more than I ever wanted.
"Man I got to keep checkin your blog because it keeps me endlessly entertained. Between you and that pastor guy, man my sides ache.
"Good times!
"You should keep me here...I'm an easy target, you have fun calling me a pussy and I enjoy calling you out on your racist rants! Win, win!
"Well say hi to your Mom for me ;)"
Doc, you ever notice that when a libtard has no rational response, there is always the "cry racist" crap? I'm quite sure ya have. Never been such a bigger bunch of racist in our history than that the "progressive" 'tards. I mean, after all, the KKK was born of the Dems, and they're continuing their same quest for a slave population....just not all one color now.
Oh, I know, Kate...I'm a racist because I'm "hateful" toward our dear president, but they can liken W to a chimp all they want and get away with it.
It's quite hilarious.
I say we 'vote 'em all of the island', but that's just me. :)
Kate Said:
Never been such a bigger bunch of racist in our history than that the "progressive" 'tards.
Amen, sister! How about Margaret Sanger, liberal racist founder of Planned Parenthood who wanted to keep "undesirables" from breeding, and snuffing their progeny when they did.
The libs were all over the whole eugenics thing until their Uncle Adolph went and spoiled it for them.
Uh, Dave, it's really none of my business, but regarding Steve B, are you THAT hard up for friends??
He made comments about YOU personally?? That's libtard strategy, "I can say it, but we can still be friends..."
Steve B, this is from me, not Dr. Dave so take it as such; GO FUCK YOURSELF...
"Bunni...you just got yourself put over on the wall of Most Irreverent Comments."
Wow, Thanx Dr. Dave! I can't wait to read what part you pick out to post there, you have some great quotes! I know you've been busy, cause these kos-nuts are like brain dead zombies, they just don't know when to quit. Maybe they are moonbatty masochists who really relish the mighty beat downs they are getting here!
I'm glad that I and all the fun fellow commentors here cheer you up! Your Blog cheers me up too, God knows we need it!
@SteveB: If you're an Obama supporter could you please explicate your position of support on the implementation of Keynesian economics, constitutional transgressions, and your rationalization for redistributive welfare? Others may not be inclined to debate, but I definitely am.
@LP You might have to provide a dictionary so he can look up the big words, put them together, and try to figure out what you are asking. Or, perhaps he can just google them.
:)
@Kate: LOL, well, to be fair I have been doing mental workouts by watching "Are You Smarter Than A 5th Grader." Honestly, I think I can take a couple of them... :-)
Post a Comment