Japanese IOC official: "So sorry, Mr. President. Chicago izzz no go."
Barack Obama (breaking into plastic smile): "That's okay. Coming here kept me from doing any real work. That whole decision about whether to unleash a surge on Afghanistan or run away with our tail between our legs is going to take weeks, and I needed a long date night ... on my subjects' dime."
Mobama: "Speaking of tail, how do you like my new dress?"
Silence ensues ... but Obama's plastic smile never wavers.
UPDATE: Sir Mix A Lot makes a visit down in comment number 15, for those interested in some '80s nostalgia. You know what I mean....