Bush Was Black; Left Is Racist!

WASHINGTON -- In a stunning development, several sources revealed yesterday that former President George W. Bush has been wearing theatrical gloves and a mask all these years -- to hide the fact that he is actually black.

The sources, all key members of the Democratic Caucus, also indicated that leftists have known all along of Bush’s real skin color but chose not to reveal the shocker in order to continue protesting his Gulf War policies and his determined effort to weave Bushisms into the English lexicon.

“I knew it all along! Everyone on the left is racist,” said Republican National Committee chairman Michael Steele. “By they’re own admission: If you don’t agree with a president’s policies, you must not like his skin color. They protested Bush! They’re racist! Racist! Racist!”

Howard Dean, head of the Democratic National Committee, refused to comment.

Vice President Joe Biden, however, went out of his way to make himself available, cancelling his planned meetings with Kurdish oil leaders in Iraq and, instead, flew back to the states to appear on all the primetime news programs, releasing this statement beforehand:

“If the president can have all of the Sunday talk shows and Letterman, I can have prime time. More people watch the nighttime shows anyway.”

His first appearance was on Hannity.

“You guys didn’t know? Geez … and you call me a dunce,” a smirking Biden said. “Yeah, we knew it all along. My comment about Barack being the first clean and articulate African-American presidential candidate was a ruse. We would have told the world years ago, but Bush had such a terrible Texas drawl we figured no one would believe us. Hmm…maybe I did mean that clean and articulate comment.”

Asked how this new development changes the controversy stirring up the media demons this week, that people who protested town hall meetings and marched on Washington were just opposed to President Barack Obama because he is black, Biden said:

“Well, duh! It doesn’t. They’re racist. We’re racist. Everyone’s a racist. We just call you guys racist so the media will lick our boots and jump all over it, making you look bad.”

Biden stood from his chair and started gyrating his hips in imitation of Tom Cruise’s Tropic Thunder dance scene and started to sing: “I’m a racist, you’re a racist, he’s a racist, she’s a racist, wouldn’t you like to be a racist too? If you ain’t racist, you’re a communist!”

Informed, once his hips stopped moving, that the Democratic Party was a veritable smorgasbord of communists, Biden scratched his head and paused.

“That’s a new one,” Biden said. “I’ll have to get back to you. I never considered I could be both.”

Meanwhile, Nancy Pelosi, The Wicked Witch of Congress, cried when reporters approached her about the startling news.

“I have concerns about some of the language that is being used because I saw ... I saw this myself in 2003 during the Gulf War protests," Pelosi said, choking up, tears forming in her eyes. "This kind of rhetoric is just, is really frightening and it created a climate in which we, violence took place and ... I wish that we would all, again, curb our enthusiasm in some of the statements that are made."

Asked about the scandal and how describing everyone as racists for everything they do and say devalues the meaning of the term, ABC news anchor Charles Gibson said: “I don’t even know about it. You’ve got me at a loss…. Maybe that’s one you just leave to the cables.”

For his part, Bush just grinned in Dallas when reporters crawled out of a sewer to approach him for comment. His only response was this:


UPDATE: Ah, trolls and their absolute lack of humor.

Um...in the parlance of your Dear Leader, since this post was not "clear to you," allow me to explain: You protested something so indelible to our future as fighting militant Islam, and you expect a free pass because, "it was your right to free fucking speech." But when the right -- and read my fucking words, you moonbats, I am NOT a Republican...not by a longshot...because that party no longer represents me insomuch as it now represents your lesser liberal friends -- protests in defense of the fundamental core values of this country and our Constitution and our freedom...that is, personal freedom to choose our own destiny...you have a lot of fucking nerve poking around this site and demeaning what I post here, when, in fact, your originality comes straight from ACORN, Dear Leader, the Dunce National Committee, and your foul fetid assholes.

So, I implore you, if you're going to troll...bring some comments on...so I can eat your liver with a nice Chianti and some favre beans.

UPDATE II: Not one little comment? Anywhere? Feel more comfortable there in the safety of your moonbat zone? Afraid to come out and chance some razor sharp teeth? I'm highly disappointed in you....