Plaxico Shoots His Other Leg

A week after shooting himself in the right leg, NFL star Plaxico Burress shot his other leg last night.

“He told us during the investigation that his other leg was jealous,” a New York City policeman said on condition of anonymity.

Burress was taken into custody and will not be released on bail. The court cited an appeal by Burress’ employer, the New York Giants. The team is worried that Burress might start shooting his hands next, which could lead to even more dropped passes next season.

Burress is suspended for the remainder of this season.

Drew Rosenhaus, Burress’ agent, said he understands why it happened. “Plax has 2 hands, 2 legs, and a $25 million contract. That’s $6.25 million an appendage. I guess his other leg just needed to feel as important as the right one."