Rosie Puts up Real Stinker; NBC Boots Her to the Curb

In unprecedented swift action, NBC dropped Rosie O’Donnell’s new variety show after only one night.

“There are a lot of things to be thankful for today, and one of them is that NBC viewers won’t have to look at Rosie anymore,” Jeff Zucker, president and CEO of NBC Universal, said Thursday while preparing for a Thanksgiving feast of tofu, bean sprouts, and salmon spaghetti carbonara.

Zucker hinted he was considering asking President George W. Bush if it was legal to incarcerate O’Donnell in Gitmo on charges of terrorizing an audience.

Only 5 million viewers turned out to watch “Rosie Live” flop miserably. For her part, O’Donnell agreed. “It was terrible,” she wrote in an email. “I’m heading back into exile to rethink my career. I don’t suppose anyone wants to do a sequel to ‘The Flintstones.’ Hey, Hollywood! I’ll work for food!”

Segments on the show included Kathy Griffin impersonating Nancy Grace, Alec Baldwin hitting Conan O'Brian with a pie, O'Donnell singing "City Lights" with Liza Minnelli, and Jane Krakowski doing a product-placement-themed striptease for White Castle burgers and Crest Whitestrips.

The silence after each skit was deafening. Many in the audience threw up following the striptease. “I’ve seen hookers do better stripping at our local truck stop in Holland, Ohio,” said Joe the Plumber, invited by O’Donnell to represent middle class America in her audience.

The remarkably fast cancellation is unusual for NBC, which has allowed a flatlined “ER” to survive on life support for more than a decade. Right-to-die activists have been picketing outside NBC offices for about as long.