This Sounds About Right

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This Sounds About Right

Graphic Artist Wanted

That title ought to get some Google hits.

Seriously, though, if you're a graphic artist who wants to help shove Alinsky's fifth rule up Obama's ass, and the asses of every other Democrat, you need to email me (see my sidebar for "vibrate my CrackBerry").

Because we have mutual interests.

Hey ... all I'm getting is smart ass answers from the artists I know, which means they're telling me to go fuck myself. I don't settle for that kind of shit. I promise to make you a big star, so you too can tell everyone to go fuck themselves, including your 5th-grade liberal indoctrination specializing teacher. That's the goal that drives me, so ... why not sign up?

In case you were wondering, this is Alinsky's fifth rule:

"Ridicule is man's most potent weapon."

So...

Who's ready to help shove Alinksy up every liberal's ass?

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Graphic Artist Wanted

What Veteran Can't Get Behind This?

As a proud veteran, I have one requirement to complete before the U.S. Army sends my honorary badge of courage, and that is the purchase of my first Harley-Davidson. My dad's owned them since I was a tyke (and I'm grateful for all of the magazines that featured Harley-Davidson and its models long enough to shape my childhood and my absurd expectations for the women I'd be pursing during my young adulthood). My brother just drove away from an unnamed Harley dealer with his first bike. So, I guess I'm next.

I'll leave it to Marisa Miller to explain why it's so important to have a Harley and in the same breath honor our courageous veterans of the Marines, Army, Navy, and Air Force ... as if words could explain this sort of thing ....

Via Iowahawk

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What Veteran Can't Get Behind This?

Hope(less) Change One Year Later

While I'm away on my break from the insanity, sulking in my moodiness (actually, I'm making fishy and nefarious and diabolical plans for the future ... Mmuuhahahahahaha!), I'm going to honor my link exchange offer for the blogaversy of this sadistic little place, starting with One Ticked Chick:

It’s been a year since the rock star campaign appearances, swooning fans, and telepromptered oratory all culminated in the election of Barack Hussein Obama as President of the United States. Now that the hype has died down and reality has kicked in, how are Obama’s politics of Hope & Change working?

For starters, the economy is hopeless. With more than $800 billion allocated for the stimulus package, the economy hasn’t shown any signs of improvement. Obama is touting the 3.5 percent growth in the GDP during the 3rd quarter as evidence that his economic policies are working. Economists disagree. They attribute the GDP numbers to stimulus money reaching consumers through the Cash for Clunkers program and first time homebuyer’s tax credit. The Cash for Clunkers program cost taxpayers $24,000 per vehicle, and the homebuyer's tax credit cost taxpayers $43,000 per home.

This year the federal budget deficit tripled to a record $1.4 trillion, topping last year’s record deficit of $459 billion. That’s nearly 10 percent of the GDP. And the Obama administration has forecast a 10-year budget deficit of nearly $9 trillion dollars to pay for all its big government spending programs.

Adding to the pressure on the economy is the devastating unemployment rate. Last November, the unemployment rate stood at 6.7 percent nationally. Today it’s 10.2 percent and even higher in 15 states including Michigan, Rhode Island, Nevada, California, Oregon, Ohio and Florida.

Obama claims the stimulus package saved or created 650,000. Since there's no such economic measurement as a saved job, we'll stick to job creation. If this number is correct, that’s a cost of more than $71,000 per job created. The fact is, the economy has lost 3.6 million jobs over the past year and continued job losses are expected.

Read the rest over at the Chicky's place, Coffee Milk Conservative.

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Hope(less) Change One Year Later

Got Yo Money

The fun gang out on date night on your dime ...

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Got Yo Money

All Hail Barack, Our Savior

I found this poem by Sam Adams today over at ResistNet.com. It's a bit long, but so is our list of grievances against Zero, not to mention the number of calendar days until 1/20/2013.

(Maybe we'll get lucky, and his next magic trick will be to make himself disappear: He'll close his eyes and tap his heals together three times and say there's no place like Kenya, there's no place like Kenya, there' no place like ...)

Sorry.

I was starting to think it could actually happen and got carried away. Anyway, you can listen to the song version by Tom Paine here while you read along.

I came upon a college kid,
Whose eyes were wide with glee,
He said Barack Obama,
Was sent to set us free!

All hail Barack, our savior,
Disciples faint and cry,
While listening to his rhetoric,
Rising to the sky.

Yes give us Hope, and give us Change,
And give us much much more,
Barack has said "We are the ones,
That we've been waiting for!"

All hail the god of government,
Give me my daily bread,
While robbing me of dignity,
My soul will soon be dead.

For you and your utopia,
Beware what history's said,
Toil, tears and tyranny,
(Who knows how many dead?)

We smile now for the crisis,
To our economy,
And count the blessings of a crash,
To finally set us free!

The market's broke, there's too much greed,
It's plain for all to see,
That's why Barack says now we need,
A NEW philosophy!

We all must look to government,
Barack says, "Look to ME!
Because I have the answer, it's,
Economic equality!"

From each by their ability,
To each to fill their need,
"Yes I, Barack, will show you how
To purge yourself of greed."

All hail the god of government,
Give me my daily bread,
While robbing me of dignity,
My soul will soon be dead.

For you and your utopia,
Beware what history's said,
Toil, tears and tyranny,
(Who knows how many dead?)

Barack, he went to Harvard,
His Czars all went to Yale,
So THEY know how to run your life,
Or throw you into to jail.

All hail our big computers,
Run by men from MIT
Their brains replace the marketplace,
With government, you'll see!

All hail the god of government,
Give me my daily bread,
While robbing me of dignity,
My soul will soon be dead.

For you and your utopia,
Beware what history's said,
Toil, tears and tyranny,
(Who knows how many dead?)

And you there clinging to your guns,
Religion, property,
Hear his words, check out his smile,
And let him set you free!

His plans require our patience,
A moment, you will see,
How things get when he shuts up Beck,,
Limbaugh and Hannity

All hail the god of government,
Give me my daily bread,
While robbing me of dignity,
My soul will soon be dead.

For you and your utopia,
Beware what history's said,
Toil, tears and tyranny,
(Who knows how many dead?)

The Socialist temptation,
Gleams like a shining star,
When men will trade their freedom,
For bread, a house, a car.

Beware of unchecked ego,
Beware the Master Plan!
For men with all the answers,
Take freedom when they can.

Herr Hitler was a genius,
His was the Master Race,
A "thousand year" utopia,
That brought mankind disgrace.

But, wait, there's Comrade Lenin,
And Comrade Stalin too,
They gave us all a paradise,
That mankind came to rue.

But look, here's Castro's Cuba
A Socialist Paradise,
And when you voice your protest,
That's when you're put on ice.

All hail the god of government,
Give me my daily bread,
While robbing me of dignity,
My soul will soon be dead.

For you and your utopia,
Beware what history's said,
Toil, tears and tyranny,
(We dare not count the dead)

We pray to Comrade Stalin,
And Mao and Ho Chi Minh,
We pray that they forgive us of,
Our capitalistic sin.

Oh see our youthful legions,
As they swear oaths to Barrack,
And by their cultish worship,
Our forbears they do mock.

NOW Hail Barack, our savior,
Yes, HAIL, that's what I said!
You dare oppose our savior,
Then YOU will join the dead!

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All Hail Barack, Our Savior

Our National "Healer"

Via Moonbattery

Iowahawk has a post over his way rounding up the headlines the MSM wished they could have run about the moonbat jihadi murderer of 13 and shooter of 29 others last week at Ft. Hood.

(Per my promise to the dead, I'm not going to defile their memory with mention of the bastard's name in the same universe as them, but I'm really glad he's alive; maybe he'll get beheaded and crucified in public as a result. Probably not, though. The murderer's lawyer is already trotting out the issue of "mental responsibility.")

Naturally, in keeping with MSM tradition -- that is, shamelessly making us satirists look brilliant -- reality imitated art this morning when the AP came out with this beauty, "Obama pressed into role of healer, inevitably," as the pResident was heading off to Ft. Hood today for the memorial honoring those killed and wounded. (It's my position that the best thing Zero could do for Ft. Hood, really, is to stay home, but the White House ... strangely ... continues to ignore my counsel.)

Now, I don't know about you, but "healer" isn't an attribute I'd ever put alongside The Joker's name.

But I can think of a few others:

National Stealer

National Squealer

National Reeler

National Wheeler and Dealer

I'd even go so far as to make the claim, in my best impersonation of an illegal Mexican immigrant, that he's the National Keeelller for still not deciding on a policy for the war in Afghanistan.

And, with apologies for breaking the rhythm of the rhyme, he can always be called the National Attacker for spanking any news organization that dares to report anything truthful. Just ask FOX News.

But, to bring this back around to the other mooslem in the news, you really can't expect the MSM to get down to the bare and cold and painful reality of an issue, not when ABC is saying things about the Ft. Hood 72-virgin-seeker like: "I wish his name was Smith."

After all, as I noted elsewhere yesterday, ABC undoubtedly would be a better news organization if it were named Aljazeera. As would 99.9 percent of its colleagues.

P.P.S. May they rest in peace...

Via Ace

P.P.S. Wow ... just wow. ... Click to embiggen and read, then click for this response.

Via Ed Driscoll

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Our National "Healer"

Project Valour IT -- Give to Those Who Gave For Us

Today's warfare leaves thousands of men and women who serve America seriously wounded for life.

Project Valour IT can provide these troops with voice-activated laptops and other high-tech gear. Please take some time to learn about this project, then make a donation via the widget at the very bottom of the post.

From Villainous Company:

Project Valour-IT began when Captain Charles "Chuck" Ziegenfuss was wounded by an IED while serving as commander of a tank company in Iraq in June 2005.

During his deployment he kept a blog. Captivating writing, insightful stories of his experiences, and his self-deprecating humor won him many loyal readers. After he was wounded, his wife continued his blog, keeping his readers informed of his condition.

As he began to recover, CPT Ziegenfuss wanted to return to writing his blog, but serious hand injuries hampered his typing. When a loyal and generous reader gave him a copy of the Dragon Naturally Speaking Preferred software, other readers began to realize how important such software could be to CPT Ziegenfuss' fellow wounded soldiers and started casting about for a way to get it to them.

A fellow blogger who writes under the pseudonym FbL contacted Captain Ziegenfuss and the two realized they shared a vision of creating libraries of laptops with voice-controlled software that could be brought to the bedsides of wounded soldiers whose injuries prevented them from operating a standard computer. FbL contacted Soldiers' Angels, who offered to help develop the project, and Project Valour-IT was born.

In sharing their thoughts, CPT Ziegenfuss and FbL found that memories of their respective fathers were a motivating factor in their work with the project. Both continue their association with this project in memory of the great men in their lives whose fine examples taught them lasting lessons of courage and generosity.

Here's more of CPT Ziegenfuss' story, reposted from Cao's Blog:



Cao also notes:

Chuck blogs at From My Position on the Way, here.

Read about Chuck and his steadfast and courageous Carren, here and their amazing attitudes while he was recovering from his injuries.

The fundraiser ends Wednesday, November 11th, Veteran's Day. Please donate here:

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Project Valour IT -- Give to Those Who Gave For Us

I Can't Help It If You Come Here With Baggage

This is a place for three things: Laughter and rants and mockery. I'm still not ready to laugh after witnessing 12 hours of yesterday's horror ... and I'm not ready to rant, either.

But I can always lay down a little mockery: If you're new here and you come in with baggage and you misread something and take offense, I can't help you. See the Frank J. Fleming quote in the upper right quadrant of my sidebar.

Now. For my regulars ...

I'd planned to take some time away, to collect my thoughts, to post something of substance later, because ... the reality is: We're at war. And what's coming is not for the feint of heart.

I'll get to those thoughts in more detail at some point. For now, I'd like to leave you with these ...

Via Woodersman Too

This is the most dangerous woman in America, the Wicked Witch of Congress, Nurse Wretched, the Botox Queen. We need to make sure her 2010 is like our 2009: a nightmare.

Via Woodersman Too

This is a RINO. He's Anh "Joseph" Cao, the lone Republican who voted for yesterday's Obamanation. Like everyone in the House, he is vulnerable in next year's elections. (Interestingly he upset William "Freezer" Jefferson in 2008.) Make sure Cao knows how you feel, and make sure we help the 2nd Congressional district of Louisiana boot his ass out next year, even if it means helping elect a Democrat -- so he can never harm us again.

This is what I'm teaching my children about our American political nightmare, as is Patriot AnnaZ, who shared this image last night on Twitter. I'd suggest we could all extend such knowledge to our children.

Stay Angry. Tomorrow's another day. We're not done fighting ... not by a longshot.

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I Can't Help It If You Come Here With Baggage

Wealth Share Passed the House ... Now What?

I have no fucking clue; I'm out of this shit.

I'll check in with you when I've calmed down enough to find my center.

IF I do.

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Wealth Share Passed the House ... Now What?

I Just Hired a Bail Bondsman

...because my kids want to go to prison.

Guest post by Mrs. ADHD

I made a tiny error today. I was in a hurry and give Wild Thing #2 some buttered bread for lunch. I planned to add other things to her plate but hadn't gotten to it yet.

She complained, of course, so I told her that she should pretend she was in prison. I said haven't you ever heard of how prisoners only get bread and water to eat?

Wild Thing #1 came running into the kitchen, "Really, they only get bread and water?!"

Well, I explained, actually they eat much better than that nowadays. In fact, they probably have better food than we do, and they don't have to fix their meals or clean up.

Wild Thing #1 was very impressed with that.

"But do they have TV?" he asked.

Yes, they have TV.

"Can they watch anything they want? Like, can the kids watch Cartoon Network?"

Kids don't go to prison.

"Not any kids?"

No.

"Oh," he said, much disappointed.

............................

Obviously, we should be nominated for Parents of the Year.

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I Just Hired a Bail Bondsman

"Old Grumpy Fuck Big Girl with Big Boobs"

You can't tell me there are many better Google search hits than that.

It's even better than "Nancy Pelosi in bathing suit."

I am the Google stupidity king; I can get hits from anything.

P.S. Trending high today for BOOBS, too. Cool....

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"Old Grumpy Fuck Big Girl with Big Boobs"

A Grumpy Old Twat Sighting

He was here. HERE! I saw him. Right in the comments. First one, too, pithy as fuck, as always.

Four days ago he cryptically said "That Is All" and disappeared, insinuating that said post was, indeed, all we're going to hear from him. Let's hope he just needs some time away from the madness, from Gordoom and his Labourious band of idiots, that it's only for a holiday, because the world would be one dark and ugly place without wonderful satire like this (set to my favorite version of "My Way," too):

My Way
by GrumpyOldTwat

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A Grumpy Old Twat Sighting

Hell Just Froze Over

The Earth split in two.

Pigs are flying.

And monkeys are too ... from Obama's ass.

Why, you ask?

Because the MSM just called Obama on his insensitivity toward the people, and their families, who were murdered yesterday at Ft. Hood by a moonbat jihadi yelling "Allahu Akhbar."

But instead of a somber chief executive offering reassuring words and expressions of sympathy and compassion, viewers saw a wildly disconnected and inappropriately light president making introductory remarks. At the event, a Tribal Nations Conference hosted by the Department of Interior's Bureau of Indian affairs, the president thanked various staffers and offered a "shout-out" to "Dr. Joe Medicine Crow -- that Congressional Medal of Honor winner." Three minutes in, the president spoke about the shooting, in measured and appropriate terms. Who is advising him?

..................................

If the president's communications apparatus can't inform -- and protect -- their boss during tense moments when the country needs to see a focused commander-in-chief and a compassionate head of state, it has disastrous consequences for that president's party and supporters.

All the president's men (and women) fell down on the job Thursday. And Democrats across the country have real reason to panic.

I don't know about you, but I'm expecting it to rain million dollar bills any minute now, too.

Via jaymienj on Twitter

P.S. Why I am I not surprised? The Joker was without TOTUS the entire 2 minutes before he mentioned Ft. Hood.

P.P.S. In honor of Obama's great record on fixing the economy, Exurban League has updated the Obama logo:



P.P.P.S. This is really the gist of what Zero has said about Ft. Hood thus far:

Day 1: I’d like to give a shout out to Dr. Joe Medicine Crow. Then I’m going to laugh. Then I’m going to say a few monotone words about how it’s really tragic those guys in the Army got shot. Then I’m going to go take a crap.

Day 2: I don’t have all the facts, but I think the police acted stupidly when they shot Hasan. I’m sure all he needed was a good conversation. I have them with Mamoud all the time. Look where it’s gotten me?

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Hell Just Froze Over

Fellow Soldiers Were Murdered Today

Along with civilians.

I'm keeping what I have to say about what happened at Ft. Hood today unusually close. I may have more to say later, although this pit of mockery isn't really the place. As a veteran, I will say this was not the way you're supposed to go.

I also don't want to mention the murderer's name in the same galaxy as this post. My anger for him and his ideology and his actions would dishonor the dead. Since he survived, there will be plenty of time to explore his evilness.

May the dead sleep in peace.

P.S. ...

Just because I'm holding my tongue about this event, doesn't mean others should ... like what the moonbat goons over at Daily Kossacks had to say.

Or how Muslims are spinning the story as a "backlash against their community."

It's all about the admiration of suicide bombers.

Neshobanakni is surprised.

But the cousin of the murderer, who's always been Muslim, was shocked, since the murderer apparently had always felt "harassed."

Though his wife didn't have much good to say about him.

Naturally, such incidents should cause Americans to conduct some reflection, and wake up.

Because, apparently, Muslims should "stand up and fight against" us.

And authorities knew about it 6 months ago.

Which is why Snooper thanks Czarboe for letting this happen.

After all, it took the Joker quite some time to get around to saying something about the Ft. Hood Massacre.

And hell froze over ... because the MSM actually called Obugger on his insensitivity.

Meanwhile, the MSM always plays a part in these things, and they won't be able to stick the Timothy McVeigh narrative on this murderer, even though he was really a WASP conservative.

And you know once the media is involved, the great moments in racism will ensue.

Of course, during incidents such as this, it's always best to consult Allah for the ultimate play by play.

All, I can say is: For a shrink who was supposed to do no harm, he apparently wasn't very good at it.

And being a murdering shrink makes the case for him to be treated here like the Saudi Arabians would treat him.

I knew I'd find my snarky voice on behalf of the victims if I reached for it.

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Fellow Soldiers Were Murdered Today

Nurse Wretched

Via The Truth Will Set You Free

Nurse Wretched: If Mr. Tea-bagger doesn't want to take his medication orally, I'm sure we can arrange that he can have it some other way.

McMurphy: And they say, the Republicans have no health care plan. I hope you know there's nothing in the Constitution giving you the authority for yours.

Nurse Wretched: Are you serious? Are you serious?

McMurphy: I'm a goddamn marvel of modern politics, I'm so serious.

P.S. I wonder if Nurse Wretched could hear the screams of "KILL THE BILL" from her office window today:

Via Twitpic

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Nurse Wretched

Last Night Was the End of the Beginning

Don't think: WTF? Just go read this.

“This is not the end; it is not even the beginning of the end, but it is, perhaps, the end of the beginning.” -- William Churchill (Shamelessly stolen from TexasFred's Facebook page)

P.S. From Doug Hoffman's web site: "Only 365 days until election day 2010." via Right Klick

P.P.S. And in other news, Sir Leg Tingles Alot, wasn't too happy about this. Maybe he should have shut up when radio host Mark Williams was trying to speak:

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Last Night Was the End of the Beginning

Abandon All Hope and ... Obama Will Disappear

Not reallllly, but, according to this...

It's often better to just resign yourself to how awful things are rather than raging against your situation and hoping desperately that it will get better. [via Obnoxio the Clown]

Gee. If we'd done that, Van Jones would still be saying we're all assholes on behalf of The Joker and Doug Hoffman wouldn't be getting most of Scuzzyface's votes this evening and voting on the Senate wealth share bill wouldn't be slipping into December.

Why, according to the Happily Hopeless study, I should just abandon the "dark side of hope."

I'll tell you what, I've seen the happily hapless side of hope:

Missourah.com

...and I'm all for the dark side, if it means real change is coming in the polls tonight and 2010.

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Abandon All Hope and ... Obama Will Disappear

Streaming Snark #1

Via King Obama

Random blips of illogic and unimportance…

Global cooling awakened Godzira today, and he took it out on some Japanese fishermen. If we pile a mound of fish on the White House lawn, maybe he’ll take it out on Obama.

Obama has shed 15 pounds in an amazing new weight-loss plan: the Lobotomy Diet.

Al Gore announced he’s a greedy polluting asshole out to make a profit. His anti-capitalist followers turned out their lights … and bought more stock.

Today’s episode of The Sopranos: Corzine’s Gang Bangers:

Howard Fineman’s “of course Obama is much smarter than us” makes Chris Matthews’ “thrill up my leg” seem like an amateur man crush.

What do Gordon Brown, Barack Obama and Hamid Karzai have in common? They all could have started their political careers in Chicago.

Somehow I don’t foresee a beer summit with Hannity. I do, however, foresee Obama giving Hannity a blanket loaded with smallpox.

Seven black lawmakers are under investigation by the House ethics committee for being thieving assholes. Nancy Pelosi will hold a press conference later today to announce the committee is racist.

In fact, click below to find out just how racist you are:

Via Missourah.com

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Streaming Snark #1

My First Anniversary

From the insanely irreverent Grumpy Old Twat

I've been putting this off, so now I just need to get it over with and move on.

A week ago, this blog turned one year old. Judging from how I started out, it's a miracle it made it to one month. But along the way we got stuck with America's biggest fan and, well, I had to go on.

I've had some ups and downs. Along about June I was getting ready to hang it up, perhaps for lack of material, perhaps because I didn't think anyone gave a damn. But then 8 asshole Republicans helped the House pass cap and trade and I got a little huffy about it and Ann Coulter picked up this post and together we helped about 10,000 people say, or at least think, what they felt about those RINOs.

I guess you could say that post helped me find some resolve.

After receiving some 75,000 hits now, I'd have to say what matters most to me about this place are the readers. You make it worth opening up that "new post" button every day. I hope you've been entertained, and if you're a moonbat zombie troll, I hope you've been really pissed off.

Rather than go through a litany of my "top 10" posts, I'd like to start a little game for my blogging friends. If you post in the comments a link to your favorite post on this site, I'll put my favorite post of yours up here during the month of November and link back to you. (My non-blogging friends can join in, too. For those who do, I'll make you a character in a skit that makes Chairman Zero look like the buffoon he truly is.)

And since we're going to be blessed with the Wicked Witch of Congress bringing her wealth share Obamanation to the floor of the House this week, I'm going to repost what's probably my most favorite piece because it represents what this place is really all about....

(P.S. Give fellow patriot Logistics Monster a hand to keep battling the moonbat brigade.)

(P.P.S. Seriously, folks. I want you to take whatever you like from this site and post it on your site with a link back. If what you like is a bit too foul with language, then pick something else. I really like this idea of exchanging posts with everyone. It keeps blogging fresh and interesting.)

I'm a Democrat: You Owe Me

I’m a democrat. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. I have my own pile of money, but I want yours, too, including the four pennies you have rattling around in the bottom of that peanut butter jar you frugal idiots like to use as a change holder. Give it up! You owe me.

I’m a democrat. I just say I like the public school system. My kids go to private schools so that your kids can go to public schools and learn how to be good little democrats like me. When my kids grow up and become better members of a collectivist society, and your kids grow up confused, my kids will get government jobs and take more money and freedom from your kids. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. I have a job with health insurance, but I think it’s everyone else’s fault when I get sick and have to cut back on my lifestyle so I can pay for health care that should be free, along with cars and houses and big screen TVs. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. There is no god. You can go ahead and get down on your knees and pray to the ceiling for forgiveness and strength and peace, but I’ll be standing right behind you with a tire iron, bashing your skull and stealing your wallet. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. I hate people. I would rather sleep with my dog or a cucumber or a tree than with another person…unless I can just dump them on the curb after we’re through. You just have sex to make more people so you can continue to earn more money while you rape the planet. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. I love taxes. It’s patriotic…for you…to pay them. I don’t pay any, anyway. And if I have to, I’ve figured out loop holes or have offshore accounts to shelter my money, so the government never really gets too much from me anyway. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. It’s not only my right but also my duty to take freedom and representative republicanism from you, little by little, and replace it with government bureaucracy. From each according to his ability, to each according to his need. I’m needy. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. I have a $20 million vacation playground on Martha’s Vineyard and a guarded compound in South Chicago and belong to the richest majority in Washington’s history. But I hate rich people who aren't democrats and want your property too so I can save endangered swamp rats and build turtle tunnels and fix toilets. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. There are more of you than there are of me. You breathe too much. I’ve told the world outlandish lies that you’re causing global warming, using faulty correlations to get everyone so worried they’re about to let me tax thin air. And you’ll breathe a lot less. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. I’m an elitist. I’m perfect. I’m not like all of you stupid wingnuts out there working your greedy little fingers to the bone trying to make a little money and feed your family and have something to call successful when you retire. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. I live in the city so I can get stupid drunk and piss on the streets when I want and kick your parked car when it gets in my way. It’s too bad that you have all those guns in your humble suburban and country homes. If you didn’t, I’d come and toss you out on your naked ass and make you live in the fetid cities that my government policies screwed up. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. I think you hate homosexuals. I have no idea that you just want to be left alone and live your life the way you see fit and not have your children taught with government money that they should seek alternative lifestyles for the fun of it. I just want you to do what I think you should do with your life. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. I’m so tolerant I can’t tolerate anyone who doesn’t think the way I do. In fact, I hate white people. I hate all people. I hate myself. I hate myself so much that I hate you even more when you are happy. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. I don’t know how to do anything for myself. I need to be told what to do. I don’t think human beings are capable of taking care of themselves. That’s what government is for. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. I don’t think any people should have rights. I think fish and frogs and grass should, however, and I want to represent them in court…and you to pay for it. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. I’m a child. I act like a child and I think like a child and I live like a child and I throw up my hands and have little fits when I don’t get my way. There should be no consequences for anything I do. But there should be consequences for you, even if you’re blameless in what I accuse you of. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. I’m racist but I get others to think that you are racist just because I call you one. It’s a riot to watch you squirm because I know you have a conscience. I do not. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. I was born poor or middle class or rich, but it doesn’t matter. I was born black or white or Asian or Latina, but it still doesn’t matter. In fact, it’s Bush’s fault that I was even allowed to be born at all. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. I want health care at your expense, while I’m young and virulent and child-like. But then I want you to kill me when I start to get old and weak and feeble, so that all of my young and virulent and child-like democrat friends can have health care at your expense.

Then I want to come back to life as a rock, so lots of birds can shit on me. They owe me, too, for being a loony moonbat.

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My First Anniversary

This Is a Thing of Beauty

From one of my favorite RIGHT illustrators and snarky fucking thinkers, Big Fur Hat, courtesy of illustr8r for winning this snarking contest.

Modud...Modud...Moooodud.

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This Is a Thing of Beauty

The 2012 RINO Express (Snark and Boobs Special)

Just a guess here, but I'm thinking SnarkandBoobs would really appreciate this shirt.

Via Twitpic

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The 2012 RINO Express (Snark and Boobs Special)

Scuzzyface Quits

Cheezburger.com

First we got Van Jones fired; now we got Scuzzyface to quit. Blogging doesn't pay shit, but it sure is rewarding. Gee ... I wonder if RINOs Michael Steele and The Newt are crying right now?

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Scuzzyface Quits

And the Country Lived Happily Ever After

Cop #1: Ok, buddy. We caught ya red handed.

Cop #2: Book 'em, Danno, for violating the Constitution, theft of private property, excessive taxation, ignorant foreign policy, lying to 62 million voters, and selling his country's soul without permission for his own glorification.

Obamacriminal: Gee. I hope they put me in the same cell as someone from ACORN. Joe! Hey, Joe! It's all yours, now!

Joe Biden (offstage): Hey, Mr. President ... um ... Barack? Can I keep the Nobel Prize? And can you take Mobama with you? I watched her walk Yogi Berra to the mound for the first pitch of the World Series the other night, and I swear her hips touched first and third simultaneously.

Via Clint Cox's Facebook page

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And the Country Lived Happily Ever After

Full Text of Pelosi's Healthcare Bill

It's only 1,990 bloody pages, costs a meager $1 trillion, and turns all old people into Soylent Green upon passage! Sounds like another outstanding bill to pass from the anus of the Land of Misfit Representatives, who are completely unaware that everyone outside Beltway wants to lobotomize them.

Happy reading (see below widget).

P.S. Here's a delicious little nugget I found over at Nice Deb's place. She notes The Washington Times reports:

Democrats repeatedly touted the openness of the development of their health care bill, which House Majority Leader Steny Hoyer called “the most deliberative, transparent and open process” he had seen in his career on Capitol Hill.

HA! Not according to Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-Minn):

To the contrary, Democrats have shut Republicans out of all discussions on drafting the health care bill. In fact, the Democrats are being so hyper-partisan that they’ve physically locked Republican members out of a committee room. So much for the era of post-partisanship that the President and Speaker Pelosi promised.

Hoyer's big fat gaseous emission gets him my Liar of the Day award, the prize being a single digit salute from both of my hands ... made northward ... in the direction of the District of Criminals ... from my secret racist mobster tea-bagging man cave.

In fact, they might as well go ahead and rename Congress The Hall of Chronic and Habitual Liars. I haven't heard one that good since ... the president told the world on national TV that illegals won't get Obamacare, and Joe Wilson called him on it.

P.P.S. For the disgust you're bound to feel after reading this thing, I've prescribed a little diversion at the bottom of the post, a reward as it were for having waded through a huge pile of shit.

House HCR Bill

Via Patriot Room

P.P.P.S. Go read this important post by Jim McMahon about next Tuesday's elections. And if you live in NY-23, VOTE DOUG HOFFMAN.

P.P.P.P.S. Pelosi's legislative ghosts are coming in, but they're not going out...




Via The Weekly Standard and Ed Driscoll

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Full Text of Pelosi's Healthcare Bill

Wild Thing #1 Files

And now for something completely different...

Apparently there's another writer in the house. Thing #1, the original wild thing who makes Maurice Sendak's character seem about as hyper as Joe Lieberman on thorazine.

I should probably prepare him for a life of poverty, in which he'll be forced to combat moonbat zombie colleagues and suffer the stupidity of people who can't read and work in conditions that make sweat shops seem appealing.

I'd hoped for an engineer (so he could become rich and I could retire in comfort), but math isn't his strength. Talking a million miles an hour is, however. As are running around the house, screaming like a turbine engine and throwing footballs to himself and battling Sith lords that only he can see.

Maybe there's still time. Maybe he'll invent some electronic gadget that renders moonbats immobile and wipes clean their puny little brains, replacing the contents with mind-expanding elixirs ... like the Constitution and The Federalist Papers.

Then again, this is as good a start as any:

Reptile Story -- The Home Depot Alligator

There once was an alligator that lived in a small swamp behind a Home Depot in Venice, Florida. The water was greenish and smelled bad. Tall grass grew in the marsh. My dad and I used to visit the alligator every time we shopped at Home Depot, which was often. When I looked very close, I could see the alligator's nose and back sticking out of the water and sometimes his tail. I don't remember ever seeing him eat, but we could see fish and turtles in the water. That's probably what he ate at night. I used to wonder how the alligator got there.

Here's one idea I had.

A long time ago before this alligator lived, his great-great-great grand-gator-father was a grand alligator. In fact, he was so grand and smart that he built the swamp for his children and grand-gator-children. Two years after he built the swamp, he heard a lot of noise and a lot of people around. He wasn't too happy about that. Then all the sudden a big sign towered over his swamp -- "Home Depot"! One day, when he was feeling really grumpy, he climbed out of his swamp, went into the Home Depot, showed everyone his 80 scary teeth, and then took some wood to make a bridge so people could admire his beautiful swamp and leave him in peace.

I would have given the bridge a trap door, so the gator could spring it and eat the people who fell through, but apparently Thing #1 isn't nearly as grumpy as me.

There's still time for that, too.

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Wild Thing #1 Files

The Proper Response to Solicitation from the RNC

I guess the devil doesn't want to come down to Georgia. At least Dede Scozzafava's man-bitch doesn't think it's worthy of her:

"Her positions on a lot of issues are reflective of the electorate here," said Matt Burns, a Scozzafava spokesman. "If the idea is that every Republican that runs for office needs [to be] someone who fits in Georgia, then it's going to be very, very difficult for Republicans to gain a majority in the House of Representatives."

Actually, that is the idea, Mr. Burns. We're a lot more Republican (read: fiscally and socially conservative) and representative of most of America than Scuzziface, who could get her ass stomped Tuesday by conservative opponent Doug Hoffman in NY's 23rd congressional district. Who knows if Scuzziface even knows there's a Georgia to worry about?

Maybe she will now, since Michelle Malkin made the above photo from Atlanta tweeter cprater (and mobster friend of ours) the rejected RNC solicitation form of the day. When it's all said and done, Michael Steele and Newt Gingrich may need to apologize for eating Scuzziface hotdogs on the sidelines during game day. Are you listening? Ya'll have some 'splainin' to do over your love for RINOs. (They got some love from cprater, too.)

On second thought, we don't want to listen to you any more. We'd rather redirect your damaged plan for the Republican Party and put REAL conservatives like Hoffman in office in 2010 and 2012 and actually turn this whole country around, preferably without you.

P.S. Go read this important post by Jim McMahon about next Tuesday's elections. And if you live in NY-23, VOTE DOUG HOFFMAN!

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The Proper Response to Solicitation from the RNC

MOM! FOX News Is Touching Me!

Via Ben Sley's Facebook page and Old Hippie

Of course, childish things are nothing new for our Dear Zero.

Via FreeRepublic

It is, after all, piggy flu season. He must be a little feverish.


Then again, he's always been a little freaky over criticism, even from birth.



If only he could return to happier days, when all of Hollywierd loved him and brainwashing people and pretending he knew what he talked about was so much easier than actually doing the job.


Yeah ... life was a lot simpler when someone else wiped your bottom, wasn't it Mr. President?

P.S. Go read this important post by Jim McMahon about next Tuesday's elections. And if you live in NY 23, VOTE DOUG HOFFMAN!

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MOM! FOX News Is Touching Me!

Obama's America

If little piggy flu is a "national emergency," you have to wonder if Chairman Zero has gone off his rocker. After all, piggy flu isn't even as deadly as the seasonal flu. You have a bigger chance of dying from over exposure to a Zero address to a joint session of Congress than you do from piggy flu.

Good luck finding the vaccine, by the way. And the Zombiecrats want us all to believe government health care will be all cookies and cream.

No, I'm thinking that, since Zero's become the Appeasement President, more interested in building turtle tunnels and funding APORN than letting his troops win wars and protecting Americans from rogue nations and the Russian ManBearPig, Obama's America is probably more likely to end up disheveled and broken.

Worse, it just might end up like the world in Cormac McCarthy's The Road: A world in which ash rains down from the sky and the only food left is people and "hope and change" mean staying alive long enough to find other people who haven't gone completely insane.

For a little taste, here's the trailer from the upcoming flick. But I'd recommend picking up the book before you see the movie. You won't be able to put it down.

Happy Tuesday.

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Obama's America

Top 10 Kevin Jennings Pick Up Lines

10. Is that a condom in your pocket, or are you just happy I’m with NAMBLA?

9. Come with me to the janitor’s closet, son; I want to show you my tool.

8. You remind me of a dreamy 15-year-old I once knew.

7. Are you 16? You look so delicious I’d swear you were 15.

6. Bring a condom. I’ll show you how safe your school can be.

5. Did I ever tell you how interesting it is to be queerly raised from kindergarten?

4. I’d like to subvert you after class, son.

3. Fisting gets a bad rap. It’s just my way of exploring you closely.

2. Hey, kid. Wanna hit? It’ll free your mind, and open your pants for me.

1. Say hello to my little friend. It’ll put a smile on your face for two years.

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Top 10 Kevin Jennings Pick Up Lines

We're Just Doing What We're Told

The other day, Chairman Zero read an eloquent speech (despite some Ebonics) from TOTUS that labeled the Democratic Party as being something akin to the party of the American Thinker (my extreme apologies to an excellent website for such an odious analogy).

That is, according to the words Zero read from his teleprompter, Democrats are free thinkers, and, as such, their free thinkery is the only reason an overwhelming majority in both parts of the legislative branch of the federal government can’t come to a decision over the brewing health care fuckery. And that doesn't include Dear Leader's inability, after more than 60 days since his top general in Afghanistan asked if he could fucking frag the Taliban, to make up his mind over whether he wants to be a war-monger or a war-dodger.

Republicans, meanwhile, only do what they are told, according to God's gift to political speech reading. Of course! This must explain why regular, and expanding, ragtag bands of American citizens have risen in protest against the federal government for going on 7 months now.

I guess we’re just doing what we’re told … by the Constitution.

Hmmm .... where have I heard of such a thing before?

[Based on a comment I left at this excellent post over at Conservative Hideout 2.0.]

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We're Just Doing What We're Told

Shit I Said Somewhere (Most of It Stupid) That You Might Have Missed (And I Bet You Can’t WAIT to Read)

To be honest, I have a high pressure job that demands, I say demands, diversion. After all, Dr. Drama can’t be cool all 1 percent of his time, mind you: He needs to entertain (himself).

I used to write this shit down in one of those little shirt-pocket notebooks -- until I realized I looked like a pencil-necked geek. Now I just look like a geek, without a notebook in his shirt pocket, because I post this stuff on Twitter, Facebook, and the sites of other bloggers.

Why not? It’s not like anyone’s paying me per word, or paying attention.

So here are a few diversions I took part in this past week to keep me from going postal. You know, acting really, really slow, like you don’t give 2 shits about your job, deliberately taking lunch at the most inopportune time, so that the line of 20 people waiting to mail something doubles to 40 by the time you finish eating your quadruple-decker sandwich fit for a fat fucking government employee.

Ah … life must be good when you’re attached to the government teet.
…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

[Said at Tereseamerica’s place in the direction of a fucking Eric Holder-hired piece of shit troll twit who's been hounding Teresa's place for weeks and tried to hassle her and yours truly on Twitter the other day.] @nyp (Not Your fucking Place) If you don't have a small penis, does that mean you're a lovely term the British use to denigrate people? I've read your comments for weeks. I believe the term is quite fitting.

[Also said at Teresamerica’s place]: @nyp Say hello to Eric Holder for me and tell him I said to go fuck himself (after you fuck him, of course).

“Rejecting socialism is not racism…it’s patriotism. #UCK OBAMA.” -- from the sign outside Mulligans Food and Spirits in Marietta, Ga.

[Said @Dick Bacon’s Facebook page in response to his admission that he was “just saying how my one lib friend never talks to me, and then I get into this great big long conversation with her! It’s really serendipitous!”] Nah, Dick, it’s really like this: I ate all of my liberal friends because Al Gore told me I needed to help clean up the planet.

BREAKING: Michelle Obama was rushed to the hospital this morning to have a hula hoop surgically removed from around her hips.

If Barack Obama hates America so much he wants to remake it into Europe-lite, he should run for president of the EU and leave, as soon as fucking possible.

I don't know about the White House's enemies list; I'm not big enough to be on it. But I do know who's number one on mine: Chairman Zero.

RT @politeracy @mikepfs Yellow Snowe. | Democrats, little ignorants that they are, eat it; conservatives just want spring to come & melt it.

@KingShamus That's me, reversing Faulkner and bringing chaos to order.

BREAKING! Logging into Twitter now takes only 48 hours.

@patdollard RE: Palin. I like her spunk ... but she ain't even close to being the one. In fact, there isn't a "one." That's the problem.

It might not take a village to raise one child, but it certainly takes one president to screw up an entire village.

RT @politeracy @ADHDsnark The only thing a Village has ever raised is a Village Idiot. | Only village idiot I know has a Nobel Peace Prize.

#InObamasworld -- Hope and change mean “Mao is my favorite political philosopher.”

#InObamasworld -- Joe Biden is a brilliant adviser.

#InObamasworld -- Grandma don't need no new hip; she needs the blue pill.

#InObamasworld -- CNN is a great news organization.

#InObamasworld -- Michelle Obama doesn't look like Chewbacca.

#InObamasworld -- Nine months of failure equals accomplishment.

If I were a troll, what kind of troll would I be? The kind that stays the fuck away from me.

Hey Obama ... can I get on your enemies list, too? I promise I'll harass you even more.

Imma find someone at twitter and beat them up if they don't get this thing running faster.

@Amusing_Bunni That's what happens when you tell @algore FUCK YOU 30 times in one night.

RT @cprater Cuz something needs to line your bird cage or start your fireplace. RT @GarCasey: Save The Newspapers? Why? http://bit.ly/2YGWIZ

If Balloon Boy's dad goes to prison, I don't see anyone asking him to help with escape plans.

A new word for the lexicon: Gangabama. Means Obama who worries about medicinal ganga while soldiers die and Americans lose jobs.

Obama dithers, support for Afghanistan withers, and another jihadi snake with an IED slithers toward our troops. http://tinyurl.com/ylbtz26

RT @StickeeNotes RT @shellyroche Who's in Big Brother's Database? http://bit.ly/1DXs4e #tlot #c4l #tech | I hope my file corrupts it all.

Next guy who calls a radio show & says this country is racist is getting my foot up his ass. Obama is TERRIBLE. That's truth, not racism.

P.S. Something I said tonight at the excellently intellectual blog Conservative Hideout 2.0:

Democrats, according to Chairman Zero’s own words, are free thinkers, and, as such, this is the reason they can’t come to a decision on health care fuckery. Republicans, meanwhile, only do what they are told. And this is the reason why regular American citizens have arisen in protest against the federal government for over 6 months now.

I guess we’re just doing what we’re told … by the Constitution.

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Shit I Said Somewhere (Most of It Stupid) That You Might Have Missed (And I Bet You Can’t WAIT to Read)

The Big List of Shit the Government Does NOT Control

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What? You actually thought there would be something to list?

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The Big List of Shit the Government Does NOT Control

The Next "Not a News Organization" Decree

Today's top headline at Drudge: Obama sees worst ratings drop in 50 years.

Tomorrow's only headline at Drudge: We've been shut down for inciting "racism and defiance" against the president of the United States

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The Next "Not a News Organization" Decree

A Quick Observation for Today

Time ... I need to win the lottery, and end the daily treadmill, because I have none. LOTS of future posts swimming through my ADHD-addled brain.

But. Time?

I got none.

So here's just a little thought that occurred to me today. I'm pretty sure it's a mutual feeling among many, so I decided to share:

If it's appropriate for the White House to label FOX "not a news organization," it's equally appropriate to label those in the White House "not real government."

P.S. Isn't it cool when your stuff gets posted elsewhere without attribution?

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A Quick Observation for Today

And Now, Back to the Funny Pages

RANTING!<off>

I haven't been around to snark anyone's pages, let alone these, for a few days for a variety of reasons, many having to do with evil minions of Chairman Zero and my recent rants.

Let's just say I must be shit because I sure do attract a lot of flies.

Then there's always the crazy fun I'm blessed with in my professional life, where I'm a mild mannered closet right-wing racist health care something or other czar. (Yes, I'm not really a doctor, but I play one on the innerwebz in more ways than just fucking snarking around.)

In fact, here's an interesting observation I made to a colleague yesterday about my freak-show company's obsession with swine flu...

Well…16 emails came into my inbox on this subject in the past minute. If we extrapolate those numbers out over time, that means I could receive 960 emails about swine flu per hour or 23,040 emails about swine flu per day or 162,280 emails about swine flu per week or 8,286,560 emails about swine flu per year.

I think that’s quite enough emails about swine flu for anyone’s lifetime.

And. Yes. I did use a calculator.

Speaking of calculations (or mis-calculations, as it were), do you think LGF's Charles Johnson ever thought he'd become such the butt of innerwebz abuse as to be immortalized by this funny fucking comic?

As The Other McCain noted the other day (hey a half-assed alliteration!):

Major Coffee-Spew Hazard! Do Not Click ... Unless You Are Prepared For Serious BWAAAHAHAHA!

Although ... I would have added the word "fucking" after major, but that's just my personal taste.

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And Now, Back to the Funny Pages