You Shall Not Pass! ... Obamacare

Excuse me while I move some files from the Word Press site over here so I can delete that thing forever. If you didn't see this before, now's your chance!

Previously published 12/19/2009

An open letter inspired by this.

Dear Every Senator:

You shall not pass this monstrosity Harry Reid calls health “reform” because in your twisted arrogance you are blind, unable to see everyone around you recoiling in horror, from the left to the moderate to the right to the voice of the American people expressed in every last poll spewing from the MSM. You know when CNN reports,actually reports, such widespread discontent that you people haven’t the capacity to see beyond the fog of the Twilight Zone surrounding your District of Criminals.

You shall not pass this bill because we back here in flyover country know that whatever form it eventually takes at 8:30 p.m. this Christmas Eve, after you add a slew of amendments that weigh it down like rocks strapped to a hit vic, will be only scaffolding for the final hell you and the House will consummate and birth in committee next January, a bill that will kill the only healthcare in the world worth paying for, a bill that will blanket this country with single-payer care (despite claims otherwise), a bill that will destroy our options and stifle our liberty and not even remotely resemble your pResident’s hollow mantra of “hope.”

You shall not pass this bill because we cannot sustain your shopping spree. While the number of federal employees making over $100,000 has doubled in the past 18 months, and you just gave them a raise, the unemployment rate in this country is 10 percent and higher in many states you represent and not even close to getting better. In fact, the worst is yet to come. You’ve already sent us barreling beyond the legal debt limit and still you spend more so that you can travel far and wide, fatcat politicians laying claim to an endless stream of someone else’s money: OURS. You shall not pass this bill because it will break this country.

You shall not pass this bill because this country doesn’t need another liberty controlling shell game disguised as “entitlement.” You already have entire generations of people under the loving arm of the Motherland, nuzzling against her for comfort and care, in health (we’ll get to “in sickness” in good time). You shall not pass this bill because it is NOT free and it will NOT do any good, except to boost your own inflated and egotistical and maniacal sense of “making history.”

You shall not pass this bill because you do not want to one day regret knowing that, by shoving everyone into the same healthcare plan, you destroyed our chances for ever grabbing a doctor’s time (otherwise known as creating “rationing”). You do not want to regret forcing people to become intimate with the wonderful world of waiting lists, as if we’re standing at the back of a line snaking outside our doctor’s waiting room into the hallway and outside the front door and across the street, stretching to the other side of the county. You do not want to regret forcing people to spend their waiting time being more productive than ever before … by reading War and Peace. While that’s unintended enrichment right there, Creator of Quality health care in the time it takes to read Tolstoy is not an epitaph you one day want chiseled on your tombstone.

You shall not pass this bill because you do not want to chase every smart kid who ever wanted to be a doctor away from medical school. Since doctors already earn less, thanks to Medicare and Medicaid, your health “reform” would push would-be medical students into something else, like garbage collection … or undertaking. Those two businesses are easily the least likely to fall under your government control anytime soon. Garbage is money, always has been (ask The Mob); and for med students, taking care of the dead would be just a few steps away from operating on the live, without the $300,000 in student loan debt or the hassles of malpractice insurance.

You shall not pass this bill because you do not want be responsible for the invention of doctor trailer parks. Under Obamacare, doctors who stay in the biz (due either to their own altruistic reasons or, more likely, to government extortion in exchange for the forgiveness of student loans or practice-related debt) will experience the community joy of public assistance, using food stamps to fill a shelf or two of their refrigerators (if they even have electricity). They’ll sell their homes at a loss and move into federal trailer parks for doctors, seeing patients out of the back room to cut down on practice overhead. The parks will have names like Bones Village and Blue Star Doctors Park and Good Samaritan Estates and take the place of hospitals, saving the federal government billions annually (because, naturally, we’ll have to bail out hospitals by then, too). They’ll become tourist destinations; we’ll plan vacations around our doctor visits and then tour the grounds, letting little Jimmy ride his first x-ray machine in exchange for a $5,000 admission fee. Universities will offer classes about them, with names like Contemporary Medical Trailer Park Economics and Staph Infection in the Trailer Park Hospital. You Congresscriminals, meanwhile, will continue to conduct annual hearings on the State of the American Healthcare Crisis.

You shall not pass this bill because you do not want to create an entirely new travel industry. Under Obamacare, if you get cancer, you can see the world (or what’s left of it) after the Government Health Rationing Board rules you ineligible for care, saving the taxpayers (by then) billions. You’ll use your retirement savings, or what’s left after you pulled them out of the market just before The Crash of ’12 and hid them under a stone in the hearth, to take a fishing boat to Haiti, the ocean cruise business having gone under and Americans no longer visiting any country east of Bermuda after nuclear ballistic missiles, unable to reach North or South America, wiped out every other continent during Iranian President Ahmed Ahmadinejad’s failed attempts to annihilate Washington. You’ll meet a witch doctor who will make you drink chicken’s blood and mumble incantations while stuffing his face in a bong during a 4-hour ceremony to exorcise your tumor. Amazingly, you’ll recover and come back to America and live a long and healthy life, taking annual vacations (by row boat, since you’re now broke) to Haiti for preventive health care.

You shall not pass this bill because you do not want to be responsible for creating less congestion in hospital emergency rooms … for all the wrong reasons. Under Obamacare, your typical accident victim will be treated only if they still have more than 75% of their blood and all of their limbs and at least 90% cognitive function (no substitutes, please). This will preserve the dwindling blood supply and eliminate the waste of resources required to keep a patient on life support. (Plus, it will help save the planet!) And think of the boon for transplantation! Why, with all of the accident victims unworthy of treatment ending up dead, we’ll have mobile organ harvesting sites outside each doctors’ trailer park. Donor waiting lists will become obsolete … that is, of course, if the recipients are still working and able to pay their share of taxes in support of the Motherland.

You shall not pass this bill because, if ACORN can sue the federal government over funding cuts, you can bet your sweet ass millions of people in this country will gladly contribute to organizations willing to bombard you with lawsuits that will hold up your monstrosity for decades in courts. You shall not pass this bill because you can also bet your sweet ass that millions of us will refuse to purchase your mandated health insurance. You do not want to be the reason federal courts start stuffing American people into cells at the new Thomson Penitentiary for Enemy Combatants for refusing to submit to your unconstitutional authority to fine us and jail us and even shoot us over our healthcare insurance.

And we will resist.

Finally, you shall not pass this bill because you are supposed to be the voice of the people. You represent the state from which you were elected. You do not represent yourselves. You do not represent an arrogant and indecisive and thieving and weak president who is on the wrong side of what is right and on the wrong side of history. When it comes right down to it, you shall not pass this bill because, if you do, you can kiss your life in the District of Criminals goodbye; we, the right-wing teabagging mobsters living out here in flyover country, which curiously includes the states you represent, will make sure your careers of public indecent exposure will skid to an embarrassing and resounding and infinitely final halt in 2010 or 2012 or whenever your next election happens to be.

Count on it.