Obama: "Breezing Through Lousiana So I Can Take Vacation Is My Responsibility"

This is a morph image I made of Mobama and Obama at this site, which I found over here. I just love the donkey ears and lopsided eyes and protruding mouth.

Barack Obama, our angry pResident, today brusquely shot down insinuations his Memorial Day vacation was planned by staffers.

"I take responsibility. It is my job to make sure that even when the sky really is falling I get a great photo op in Louisiana, then take a long, needed vacation that I justly deserve," Obama declared during a news conference at the U.S. Coast Guard Station Grand Isle, Grand Isle, Louisiana.

"Gilligan may have gotten lost on his three-hour tour, but I'm certainly not going to get sucked into anything enduring here during my three hours on the Gulf Coast," the pResident said. "Let me be clear, it is well known that I spend way more time golfing than I do attending to the business and troubles of America and ... I ... I ... I ... ah have a tee time to make."

He called the vacation, now his 300th since taking office, an "unprecedented necessity" and blasted a "scandalously close relationship" between Chris Matthews and his aura.

"I'd never let Chris hold my putter," Obama said. "He's just not on par with Larry Sinclair."

Obama announced new steps for planning his many vacations, including continuing a moratorium on showing up for any events that honor veterans who've died for this country. He also said he has suspended plans to plug the hole leaking oil into Gulf of Mexico until after he takes a vacation next week from this vacation, despite recriminations from his daughter.

The president's direct language on being in charge of planning his vacations, which he repeated several times, marked a change in emphasis from earlier administration assertions that, while the Regime was overseeing his many lengthy and costly trips away from the White House, it was Bush's fault the Oval Office had the expertise and shiftiness to make sure Obama avoided being around when he was needed to lead the nation.

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Obama: "Breezing Through Lousiana So I Can Take Vacation Is My Responsibility"

Arizona Employs New Secret Weapon Against Immigration

Arizona has apparently employed a new secret weapon to rid the state of its illegal immigration problem.

According to anonymous sources, a new security force, dubbed Operation First Lady, will spread out, hip to hip, across Arizona's 150-mile border and scare off potential illegal crossers. Each member of the security force will be cloned from First Lady Michelle Obama and will wear this uniform:

Another, even more secret and terrifying security detail, also cloned from Michelle Obama, will infiltrate schools and office buildings and job sites across the state, terrify unsuspecting illegal immigrants into revealing their lack of papers, and chase them back across the border into Mexico.

Officials have denied the existence of both security forces, but evidence the programs are already working began showing up yesterday.

DEVELOPING ....

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Arizona Employs New Secret Weapon Against Immigration

More Evidence the Obama Affair Story is Bunk

IOTW broke this stunning news early this morning: BarackRoll emphatically refutes the National Enquirer story claiming infidelity at the highest levels of the land.

Meanwhile, the Enquirer has stripped most of the meaty details from the original story and is now kinda, maybe, backing away from their initial claim that there is video evidence of an affair between Zero and Vera Baker with the alleged testimony of an anonymous chauffeur.

I told you the story couldn't be true.

UPDATE: Seriously, though. Obama does not appear to like women.

It's kind of understandable. Even his own "wife" can't beat a drag queen in a beauty contest:

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More Evidence the Obama Affair Story is Bunk

WTF Is Wrong With First Lady Boobs?

For once I'm jealous of the French. If there's one thing going for them, it's boobs, and who better to represent than Carla Bruni?

Frankly, I don't see what the scandal is all about (via Fistful of Donuts):

Carla Bruni-Sarkozy left little to the imagination when she arrived at a state dinner without a bra in a figure-hugging dress.

The French first lady apparently exposed her lack of underwear in a tight floor-length Roland Mouret gown as she graced the Elysee Palace in Paris.

Those poor bastards. They must equate having beauty to being retarded (that's a direct quote from Rahm Emanuel, by the way).

Obviously, they haven't had to look at this:


Or, for gawd's sake, this?

This problem calls for radical change. Hope and change, if you will.

I just think as a nation we must re-consider our priorities. Since we haven't necessarily been happy with at least three of the past four presidents (ok, 3 and 3/4s, since the first 2 or 3 years of that W. administration were pretty awesome), it's time we stop electing presidents on the basis of voters.

We need to incorporate some sort of weighted score based on the hawtness of the potential first lady, the lack of boob belt, or the need for boob haltering, the better.

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WTF Is Wrong With First Lady Boobs?

Snarky Photo Reel: Obama's Week in Review #7

Posted on behalf of Jamie

Things aren’t looking too good for The One at the end of His first year… The only good thing is that He still doesn’t get it as shown by His continued push for gov’t Obamacare.

I thought The One we’ve been waiting for was going to shift from healthcare to jobs, jobs, jobs… Note to Barack Hussein Obama (Mmm, mmm, mmm): If you read Article 2, Section 2 of the Constitution, you’ll see that neither one is your responsibility…

All that gray matter in one place… Not one lick of business experience… It would at least be nice if someone in the cabinet had read the Constitution. For the life of me, I can’t find in the document where the President runs the economy…(?) A President can screw it up, he can help it by getting obstacles out of the way, but he doesn’t run it.

The economy being what it is, the First Family still has date night, galas, stars, and flyaways…

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Snarky Photo Reel: Obama's Week in Review #7

Snarky Jabs at Democrats

A Photochop by Jamie

The Community Organizer in Chief should nominate a “Corpse-man” Czar. He’ll need one after most of the Congresscrats get killed at the polls in November.

That’s why every Democrat should write these four words on their hand: I’m going to lose.

Then again, it would be a lot easier for the nation if Obama just bought every Democrat in Congress a Toyota.

BTW, did you notice the four words written on Obama’s hand during his “rare” news conference yesterday? “I enjoy acting stupidly.”

On the other hand, he’d written: "I love Larry Sinclair."

Speaking of hands, I wonder if the Democrats will do a hand count of the number of kids shoveling snow and guys earning overtime plowing it these past few days and tell us next month that they saved or created a million jobs in February.

If they do, they’ll be able to narrow that pesky gap between jobs lost in the private sector and jobs gained at the government trough.

If the population of moose is dwindling in Minnesota, it's not because of global warming, especially since their numbers are growing in other states. I'm pretty sure they're just leaving to get away from all the Democrats.

I’m no longer going to question Obama’s faith or citizenship; it's clear he puts his faith in government and that he’s a citizen of the New World Order.

Maybe Obama's just a big joker. He can't really believe that shoving socialism down your peasant throat is bipartisanship, while trying to stop insanity makes you a member of the party of “no.”

I think Mobama’s right: her fat ass is a threat to national security.

Obama is backing off having weeks ago called Wall Street execs obscene and the height of irresponsibility and shameful and outrageous for accepting bonuses, probably because Congress raising the debt limit to $1.9 trillion makes Wall Street look like a 5-year-old's lemonade stand.

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Snarky Jabs at Democrats

Snarky Tips For How Obama Could Win Re-Election in 2012

It’s looking like 2012 will be an uphill battle for pResident Barack Obama. There’s even supposition that his own secretary of state may beat his ass for the nomination; hey, may the best man win.

I’m just here to help.

And Zero needs it.

After all, Scott Brown likely gets sworn in today, essentially derailing the pResident’s entire agenda … if 41 Republicans in the Senate can stick together. And I know millions of fed-up Americans who are willing to ruin any Republican’s political future if any one of them gets stupid and goes maverick.

The nature of politics in Washington that Obama swore he would change … changes … because of him … today. Just to give him a hand, because he looks like a good father and has been, now and then, known to throw a beer fest (one of my favorite daily events), I thought I’d give him some advice. Here are my ironclad recommendations that will guarantee that you, Mr. pResident, will win re-election in 2012:

Fire Rahm Emanuel as chief of staff and replace him with Sarah Palin’s Facebook page, since it has far more influence on the country.

Give the 56 percent of Americans who pay all of the income tax in this country tax amnesty through the end of 2012, while taxing all members of Congress and Obama cabinet members (including czars) 450 percent of their net worth over the same time period.

Issue an Executive Order to make the Wicked Witch of Congress and Harry Reid go skydiving without parachutes.

Donate your brain to science, so that we can once and for all find out just why liberals are born without brain cells. You’re not using it anyway.

Require Henry Waxman to wear a plastic bag over his head, duct tape over his mouth and nostrils, and have one strychnine martini via IV each day for 6 months … just to be sure.

Enroll Mobama as a contestant in Extreme Makeovers, where she’ll undergo liposuction around her ample midsection, arm reduction surgery, a Halle Berry face transplant, and a fashion sense brain implant. She’ll also need to donate all of her boob belts to the cattle industry in order to improve milking science.

Stop the order to close Gitmo and round up George Soros and Andrew Stern and Chris Matthews and Keith Olberman and throw them in a cell with KSM. Have KSM teach them what Muslim men like to do with goats.

Reinstitute the space program and strap Barbara Boxer and Dianne Feinstein and Alan Grayson into a rocket with a monkey and shoot them into space on a secret mission. Soon after, have the monkey jettison Boxer and Feinstein and Grayson as junk and report back to Houston that there is no sign of intelligent life in space.

Send Joe Biden to Vegas and have him bet 10 Scooby Snacks he can’t slop whiteout over every line of information on his birth certificate, then challenge him to double down and fill in the birth certificate as if it were your own. … Then steal the document and introduce it before a Senate hearing as proof, once and for all, of your citizenship and claim to have caught Biden doctoring your birth certificate. To top it off, deport Biden and Al Gore (as Biden’s handler) to the North Pole, on an ice floe floating toward a hungry mother polar bear and her two cubs.

Fire David Plouffe as your chief bitch in charge of fixing everything you screwed up and replace him with Mickey Rourke and shoot him up with steroids and have him drop a Ram Jam on every Republican who gets in your way.

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Snarky Tips For How Obama Could Win Re-Election in 2012