Barack Obama, our angry pResident, today brusquely shot down insinuations his Memorial Day vacation was planned by staffers.
"I take responsibility. It is my job to make sure that even when the sky really is falling I get a great photo op in Louisiana, then take a long, needed vacation that I justly deserve," Obama declared during a news conference at the U.S. Coast Guard Station Grand Isle, Grand Isle, Louisiana.
"Gilligan may have gotten lost on his three-hour tour, but I'm certainly not going to get sucked into anything enduring here during my three hours on the Gulf Coast," the pResident said. "Let me be clear, it is well known that I spend way more time golfing than I do attending to the business and troubles of America and ... I ... I ... I ... ah have a tee time to make."
He called the vacation, now his 300th since taking office, an "unprecedented necessity" and blasted a "scandalously close relationship" between Chris Matthews and his aura.
"I'd never let Chris hold my putter," Obama said. "He's just not on par with Larry Sinclair."
Obama announced new steps for planning his many vacations, including continuing a moratorium on showing up for any events that honor veterans who've died for this country. He also said he has suspended plans to plug the hole leaking oil into Gulf of Mexico until after he takes a vacation next week from this vacation, despite recriminations from his daughter.