Robert Byrd Named KKK Grand Dragon of Hell

Originally posted June 2010.

Senator Robert C. Byrd (D-WV) died early this morning at Inova Hospital in Fairfax, Va. Upon arriving in Hell, he was immediately appointed KKK Grand Dragon.

Byrd was greeted at the gates of Hell by long-time friend Ted Kennedy, who made an unsuccessful bid for president of Hell last year shortly after his own arrival.

“Having … ah … Senata Byrd at my side again can only improve my … ah … chances of … ah … taking this place ova when elections come around again next yeya,” Kennedy said.

Byrd, for his part, cried when he saw Kennedy again. “Ted, Ted, my dear friend, I love you, and I missed you,” he said.

Satan, Kennedy’s rival for control of Hell, welcomed Byrd to his kingdom of filth.

“It is with great honor that I bestow the title of KKK Grand Dragon on Senator Byrd,” Satan said. “Only a true Democrat – and we’re all Democrats down here in Hell – could have uttered the great statements he has made over the years.”

Satan spent the next 40 hours regaling the gathering crowd of demons, radical Islamic suicide bombers, and former elected Democrats, recounting many of Byrd’s earthly statements. Here are the highlights:

• “They call me 'The Pork King,' they don't know how much I enjoy it.”
• “There are white niggers. I've seen a lot of white niggers in my time. I'm going to use that word…”
• “The Klan is needed today as never before and I am anxious to see its rebirth here in West Virginia.”
• “It is necessary that the order be promoted immediately and in every state in the Union…”
• “Will you please inform me as to the possibilities of rebuilding the Klan realm of W. Va.”
• “I will never submit to fight beneath that banner with a Negro by my side…”
• “Rather I should die a thousand times, and see Old Glory trampled in the dirt never to rise again … than to see this beloved land of ours become degraded by race mongrel … a throwback to the blackest specimen from the wilds."

*Byrd quotes courtesy of @DearCitizen

Cross-posted at PatDollard.com

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Robert Byrd Named KKK Grand Dragon of Hell

SHHHHH! I'm on a Secret Mission...

... so close to this ...

Via IOTW

... I can almost smell the stench. It's dangerous. If they catch me, I may never make it back safely to the red states. But I'm carrying the flame of the good guys, and I just might set the bastards on fire if they try to grab me.

If I'm not back by Wednesday, you can consider me captured and have my full permission to invade the District of Criminals to free me. Bring plenty of beer; Zero's already imbibed everything north of the Tennessee border.

This blog post will self destruct long after Zero's pResidency does.

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SHHHHH! I'm on a Secret Mission...

Robert Byrd Dies, Named KKK Grand Dragon of Hell

Senator Robert C. Byrd (D-WV) died early this morning at Inova Hospital in Fairfax, Va. Upon arriving in Hell, he was immediately appointed KKK Grand Dragon.

Byrd was greeted at the gates of Hell by long-time friend Ted Kennedy, who made an unsuccessful bid for president of Hell last year shortly after his own arrival.

“Having … ah … Senata Byrd at my side again can only improve my … ah … chances of … ah … taking this place ova when elections come around again next yeya,” Kennedy said.

Byrd, for his part, cried when he saw Kennedy again. “Ted, Ted, my dear friend, I love you, and I missed you,” he said.

Satan, Kennedy’s rival for control of Hell, welcomed Byrd to his kingdom of filth.

“It is with great honor that I bestow the title of KKK Grand Dragon on Senator Byrd,” Satan said. “Only a true Democrat – and we’re all Democrats down here in Hell – could have uttered the great statements he has made over the years.”

Satan spent the next 40 hours regaling the gathering crowd of demons, radical Islamic suicide bombers, and former elected Democrats, recounting many of Byrd’s earthly statements. Here are the highlights:

• “They call me 'The Pork King,' they don't know how much I enjoy it.”
• “There are white niggers. I've seen a lot of white niggers in my time. I'm going to use that word…”
• “The Klan is needed today as never before and I am anxious to see its rebirth here in West Virginia.”
• “It is necessary that the order be promoted immediately and in every state in the Union…”
• “Will you please inform me as to the possibilities of rebuilding the Klan realm of W. Va.”
• “I will never submit to fight beneath that banner with a Negro by my side…”
• “Rather I should die a thousand times, and see Old Glory trampled in the dirt never to rise again … than to see this beloved land of ours become degraded by race mongrel … a throwback to the blackest specimen from the wilds."

*Byrd quotes courtesy of @DearCitizen

Cross-posted at PatDollard.com

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Robert Byrd Dies, Named KKK Grand Dragon of Hell

Even the Oldest Zombie Thinks b. Hussein Is Nuts

You know it's a bad day in hell when the Zombie who knows best calls b. Hussein out for his power grab.

West Virginia Senator Robert Byrd (and I use the term "senator" loosely), in his own nutty way, railed at the president over his appointment of White House federal policy czars as a power grab by the executive branch. In a letter to b. Hussein, Byrd wrote:

As presidential assistants and advisers, these White House staffers are not accountable for their actions to the Congress, to cabinet officials, and to virtually anyone but the president. They rarely testify before congressional committees, and often shield the information and decision-making process behind the assertion of executive privilege. In too many instances, White House staff have been allowed to inhibit openness and transparency, and reduce accountability.

That's quite rich coming from a former Exalted Cyclops in the Klu Klux Klan. It's actually one of his saner moments. And, as a result, Robert, I want to say to you, from the bottom of my pinky hangnail, "Thank God, for you. THANK GOD, for you," as you did about Senator Edward "I don't drive too well, but I'm a great swimmer" Kennedy some months ago:

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Even the Oldest Zombie Thinks b. Hussein Is Nuts