Mr. Disaster-Enabler, Sir: Meet the Lovely Miranda

We'd like you to meet the lovely Miranda.

While you're together, you don't have to talk about this.

Or this.

Or even when you did things like this.

While you're together, if you want, you CAN talk about things like this.

And how much you disliked this guy.

And how much you really, REALLY don't like this.

Because...it's really all relative what you know and what you don't and how much you want to hurt us. That's all water under the bridge. We're your friends now.

And if you really, really hit it off with Miranda, we'll even give you this, since we're really, really sorry.

And, since we think you'd make a great couple, we'll even throw in some of this.

And...well...if you want...you can just go ahead and turn us all into this.