Shit I Said Somewhere (Most of It Stupid) That You Might Have Missed (And I Bet You Can’t WAIT to Read)

To be honest, I have a high pressure job that demands, I say demands, diversion. After all, Dr. Drama can’t be cool all 1 percent of his time, mind you: He needs to entertain (himself).

I used to write this shit down in one of those little shirt-pocket notebooks -- until I realized I looked like a pencil-necked geek. Now I just look like a geek, without a notebook in his shirt pocket, because I post this stuff on Twitter, Facebook, and the sites of other bloggers.

Why not? It’s not like anyone’s paying me per word, or paying attention.

So here are a few diversions I took part in this past week to keep me from going postal. You know, acting really, really slow, like you don’t give 2 shits about your job, deliberately taking lunch at the most inopportune time, so that the line of 20 people waiting to mail something doubles to 40 by the time you finish eating your quadruple-decker sandwich fit for a fat fucking government employee.

Ah … life must be good when you’re attached to the government teet.
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[Said at Tereseamerica’s place in the direction of a fucking Eric Holder-hired piece of shit troll twit who's been hounding Teresa's place for weeks and tried to hassle her and yours truly on Twitter the other day.] @nyp (Not Your fucking Place) If you don't have a small penis, does that mean you're a lovely term the British use to denigrate people? I've read your comments for weeks. I believe the term is quite fitting.

[Also said at Teresamerica’s place]: @nyp Say hello to Eric Holder for me and tell him I said to go fuck himself (after you fuck him, of course).

“Rejecting socialism is not racism…it’s patriotism. #UCK OBAMA.” -- from the sign outside Mulligans Food and Spirits in Marietta, Ga.

[Said @Dick Bacon’s Facebook page in response to his admission that he was “just saying how my one lib friend never talks to me, and then I get into this great big long conversation with her! It’s really serendipitous!”] Nah, Dick, it’s really like this: I ate all of my liberal friends because Al Gore told me I needed to help clean up the planet.

BREAKING: Michelle Obama was rushed to the hospital this morning to have a hula hoop surgically removed from around her hips.

If Barack Obama hates America so much he wants to remake it into Europe-lite, he should run for president of the EU and leave, as soon as fucking possible.

I don't know about the White House's enemies list; I'm not big enough to be on it. But I do know who's number one on mine: Chairman Zero.

RT @politeracy @mikepfs Yellow Snowe. | Democrats, little ignorants that they are, eat it; conservatives just want spring to come & melt it.

@KingShamus That's me, reversing Faulkner and bringing chaos to order.

BREAKING! Logging into Twitter now takes only 48 hours.

@patdollard RE: Palin. I like her spunk ... but she ain't even close to being the one. In fact, there isn't a "one." That's the problem.

It might not take a village to raise one child, but it certainly takes one president to screw up an entire village.

RT @politeracy @ADHDsnark The only thing a Village has ever raised is a Village Idiot. | Only village idiot I know has a Nobel Peace Prize.

#InObamasworld -- Hope and change mean “Mao is my favorite political philosopher.”

#InObamasworld -- Joe Biden is a brilliant adviser.

#InObamasworld -- Grandma don't need no new hip; she needs the blue pill.

#InObamasworld -- CNN is a great news organization.

#InObamasworld -- Michelle Obama doesn't look like Chewbacca.

#InObamasworld -- Nine months of failure equals accomplishment.

If I were a troll, what kind of troll would I be? The kind that stays the fuck away from me.

Hey Obama ... can I get on your enemies list, too? I promise I'll harass you even more.

Imma find someone at twitter and beat them up if they don't get this thing running faster.

@Amusing_Bunni That's what happens when you tell @algore FUCK YOU 30 times in one night.

RT @cprater Cuz something needs to line your bird cage or start your fireplace. RT @GarCasey: Save The Newspapers? Why? http://bit.ly/2YGWIZ

If Balloon Boy's dad goes to prison, I don't see anyone asking him to help with escape plans.

A new word for the lexicon: Gangabama. Means Obama who worries about medicinal ganga while soldiers die and Americans lose jobs.

Obama dithers, support for Afghanistan withers, and another jihadi snake with an IED slithers toward our troops. http://tinyurl.com/ylbtz26

RT @StickeeNotes RT @shellyroche Who's in Big Brother's Database? http://bit.ly/1DXs4e #tlot #c4l #tech | I hope my file corrupts it all.

Next guy who calls a radio show & says this country is racist is getting my foot up his ass. Obama is TERRIBLE. That's truth, not racism.

P.S. Something I said tonight at the excellently intellectual blog Conservative Hideout 2.0:

Democrats, according to Chairman Zero’s own words, are free thinkers, and, as such, this is the reason they can’t come to a decision on health care fuckery. Republicans, meanwhile, only do what they are told. And this is the reason why regular American citizens have arisen in protest against the federal government for over 6 months now.

I guess we’re just doing what we’re told … by the Constitution.