Let's Ban Doctors, Cars, and Knives before We Ban AK-47s

Suddenly, Barack Obama wants to ban AK-47 “assault” weapons because they belong only on “the battlefield of war,” even though the LEGAL AK-47s in the U.S. are dressed-up 22-caliber semi-automatic rifles NOT used in war. New York's Nanny Mayor Mike Bloomberg wants America’s police to go on strike until the federal government adopts stricter gun laws, although I would expect that if his own security police went on strike...

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Let's Ban Doctors, Cars, and Knives before We Ban AK-47s

Your Nation's Past: Will You Reclaim It?

There once was a land far away, in which principled men established a civilization like no other seen before it, and no other seen since. It was a civilization in which the rule of law allowed for human beings, endowed by their creator, to set forth on their own journeys, to pursue their own interests, to hone their own talents and succeed by the comforting sweat of their own brows and the rewarding agony of their own...

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Your Nation's Past: Will You Reclaim It?

Somebody Else Made that Nobel Peace Prize Happen

Oh, he's gonna get spanked in Hollywood for this one. But Jon Lovitz doesn't care. I didn't build my business, either. twitter.com/realjonlovitz/… — Jon Lovitz (@realjonlovitz) July 18, 2012 Oh, how sweet it is. Obama doesn't get it, but Lovitz does, and so do we. Onward to Novemb...

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Somebody Else Made that Nobel Peace Prize Happen

He Just Doesn't Get It

Image via The Jawa Report "In the beginning, Govt created the heavens and the businesses. The economy was without form, and Govt said 'Let there be Taxes.'" How did we ever survive before Barack Obama came along? We were caveman ... then The Almighty swooped in and bestowed upon us hope and change and built our small businesses for us. Unemployment ended as we knew it. Blue and Red states congealed into purple states....

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He Just Doesn't Get It

Guest Post, Momus ... Ragehammer: Barack Obama

The drums are beating. The pitchforks are ready. The torches are lit. It's war. Death is yours ... if you want it. Or you can bring down the ragehammer and fight. WARNING: If language offends you, read no further. But I venture you gather by now that you must, so ... I give you this guest post by Momus. Screed of Momus is proud to introduce another regular featured column, Ragehammer™.  Ragehammer™ is the NSFW...

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Guest Post, Momus ... Ragehammer: Barack Obama

Gun Sales Skyrocket as D-Day for Gun Control Looms; No Coincidence?

Yeah. And I'm Barack Obama's biggest fan. Take a look at this chart: See that spike in June? Why would Americans buy 150,000 more guns last month than a year ago? All told, gun sales, which skyrocketed in 2008 in advance of the presidential election then fell back somewhat to normal in 2009, are up 27% overall this year compared with 2011 numbers.  Why? Maybe Dick Morris has the answer: Without much...

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Gun Sales Skyrocket as D-Day for Gun Control Looms; No Coincidence?

Bud Abbott and Lou Costello on "Unemployment"

Internet meme.... COSTELLO: I want to talk about the unemployment rate in America. ABBOTT: Good subject. Terrible times. It's about 9%. COSTELLO: That many people are out of work? ABBOTT: No, that's 16%. COSTELLO: You just said 9%.ABBOTT: 9% Unemployed.COSTELLO: Right 9% out of work.ABBOTT: No, that's 16%.COSTELLO: Okay, so it's 16% unemployed.ABBOTT: No, that's 9%...COSTELLO: WAIT A MINUTE!! Is it 9% or 16%?ABBOTT:...

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Bud Abbott and Lou Costello on "Unemployment"

Obama Loses Head; Names KSM Terrorism Czar

Originally published 11/20/2009. WASHINGTON — pResident Barack Obama made a decision in record time today, appointing Khalid Sheikh Mohammed to the position of Terrorism Czar after learning of the idea just this morning from Attorney General Eric Holder following a recent bow-ful trip through Asia. Mohammed, detained as an enemy combatant since 2003, was scheduled to undergo a federal trial in Manhattan...

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Obama Loses Head; Names KSM Terrorism Czar

Robert Byrd Named KKK Grand Dragon of Hell

Originally posted June 2010. Senator Robert C. Byrd (D-WV) died early this morning at Inova Hospital in Fairfax, Va. Upon arriving in Hell, he was immediately appointed KKK Grand Dragon. Byrd was greeted at the gates of Hell by long-time friend Ted Kennedy, who made an unsuccessful bid for president of Hell last year shortly after his own arrival. “Having … ah … Senata Byrd at my side again...

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Robert Byrd Named KKK Grand Dragon of Hell

Ted Kennedy Announces Candidacy for President of Hell

Originally posted September 2009. With gracious thanks to BigFurHat over at iowntheworld.com for creating a fantastic image to go with this piece. Hell, Circle 8.5 -- Just a week after his death, the greatest grafter of all time, former Massachusetts Senator Ted Kennedy, announced today that he was running for president of the netherworld. “This place is a disgrace,” Kennedy said, while bathing in...

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Ted Kennedy Announces Candidacy for President of Hell

ElRushbo Gives Me Townhall Protest Marching Orders

Source: Soylent Green Originally posted August 2009. I was just about finished polishing the last of my 7,001 gold bars, doing what rich white racist community organizers do when shamelessly hording our money from the IRS to fund secretive political missions from K Street, when the phone rang. “Dr. Dave, I presume?” “Yep,” I said into the Bluetooth headset the Republican National Committee bought me last...

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ElRushbo Gives Me Townhall Protest Marching Orders

I Am a Democrat: You Owe Me

In recognition of Dependence Day, I give you .... I’m a democrat. You owe me. I’m a democrat. I have my own pile of money, but I want yours, too, including the four pennies you have rattling around in the bottom of that peanut butter jar you frugal idiots like to use as a change holder. Give it up! You owe me. I’m a democrat. I just say I like the public school system. My kids go to private schools so that your kids can go to public schools and learn how to be good little democrats like me. When my kids grow up and become...

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I Am a Democrat: You Owe Me

President Leads Police on Drunken Vehicle Chase after White House Beer Party

Reposted from July 2009. WASHINGTON -- President Barack Obama was arrested for DUI this afternoon after taking a Harvard professor and a Cambridge police officer on a harrowing barhopping tour and subsequent high-speed police chase through the city. What started as a beer picnic outside the Oval Office to clear the air over the president’s embarrassing comments last week after the arrest of Harvard’s Henry...

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President Leads Police on Drunken Vehicle Chase after White House Beer Party

Flies Revolt, Swarm White House

Reposted from June 2009. WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Billions of flies descended on the nation’s capital this morning, torching entire neighborhoods, looting businesses, and swarming the White House in a revolt against President Barack Hussein Obama’s brutal public execution of a fly last week. The riots began early during rush hour. Hordes of flies could be seen flying low to avoid detection by radar in squadrons...

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Flies Revolt, Swarm White House