Tuesday, February 16, 2010

I Didn't Need Phil Jones to Come Clean

Yeah, I know I'm late on this, but I don't care. Half the conservative blogosphere is at CPAC. I can re-spin their old stories any damned way I please. Especially since one of the kids stole my office chair and I have to kneel to type.

So ... here goes ...

In the simplest way possible, I didn't need Phil Jones to come clean and tell me the planet hasn't warmed since 1995 and that climate change was a lie. I built Global Warming Man on Friday ... in fucking Atlanta.


I built a clone for my daughter. Then my ingenious and industrious daughter built a second clone ... the next day ... a full 24 hours later, which means the meager three inches of global warming we received (as compared to the 30-plus inches that my in-laws in Pittsburgh experienced during two storms, enough to freeze their gutters and cause melt off from their roof to force its way into their walls, enough to take out their kitchen and their bathroom and their dining room and their basement, to the meager expense of 15 gs) stuck around until Sunday.

Sunday. (Incidentally, my father-in-law is so concerned about his house -- the one he was going to put up for sale yesterday so he could move to Florida -- being destroyed by Phil Jones' lie that he just interrupted this post with a phone call to ask if I had noticed Vanna White's "extreme" weight loss over the past six months. Shocking. I'm going to have to turn on that TV I own one of these days.)

For two days snow stuck around in "Hotlanta" like it was a party crasher who wouldn't go home, in Hotlanta where "snow" is about as obscure a word as "Democrat," unless, of course you live in Fulton County, where the city proper lies ... where it lies an awful lot, actually.

Thankfully, I live north, where the wild coyote/dogs roam (seriously, I heard them run along the top of the hill last night while I brought wood in for the fireplace because, I'm such a man, and all I could think was, DO THEY KNOW THAT GLOBAL WARMING IS GOING TO KILL THEM?!?!).

Okay. That's enough for now. It's "Mardi Gras Night" here at the ADHD household. I have King Cake to eat, after some scrumptious gumbo that Wild Thing #1 and #2 hated. Fuckin' A. That's more for me later (since tomorrow, being Ash Wednesday, is a no-meat day) because, you know, this Damn Yankee is quite ashamed to have been reared in a Northern ugly backwards blue state, where parents (not mine) pride themselves on bringing their children up stupid.

Good thing there are still red states to flee to.

18 comments:

Karen Howes said...

Love the Global Warming man, Snarky! Here in FL, it's not that bad, but still a lot colder than it usually is...

Happy almost Lent (yesterday was the first day for me, so no Mardi Gras...)

theLibertyPen said...

Great post Sir, I have two nieces that live in Pennsylvania and they are buried in snow. They are still waiting for Al Gore to come through with his blowhole and plow the streets.

cbullitt said...

I have an update for you, courtesy of the IPCC. Stop by or check your email. ROTFLMAO.

Matt said...

Great post Snarky.  My little corner or of (Soon to be ex-)sphincterland managed to avoid much of the global warming.  Sorry to hear about the in-laws.  That has to suck.  I kinda forgot about CPAC.  Methinks we can cause some mayhem on the Conservative interwebs ! 8-)

sig94 said...

It's getting hard keeping track of all the climate warming scandals. Luckily there is a cheat sheet available here: http://www.ocregister.com/common/printer/view.php?db=ocregister&id=234092.

Bunni said...

I have a cool climate video at my place, SB

http://theohbamafiles.blogspot.com/ said...

that might be the funniest thing i have read all week, ie global warming man in hotlanta.  i'm sorry, i know you southerners don't do so well in the snow. i have a cousin who lives in douglasville and hear about it, through her parents, whenever they get snow.  shocking how 3 or 4 inches of snow can shut shit down.  they get all upset where i currently live if it snows here too.  sad really.  i like it and will be moving back to michigan after i retire.  got in a pretty good argument at work with a sky is falling, seas are rising, polar bears are dying guy, earlier in the week.

labcat said...

poor ignorant coyotes. or as my girl says...cowotees.
nice gw man there in hotlanta.
i didn't need him to come clean either but i'm glad he did, you know, so the crazy enviro twits might actually back up on their preaching. yeah right.

Brooke said...

Global warming was received here in the Cincinnati area as well, about three times as much as is the norm with no warmup in sight. 

If it keeps up the coyotes will be breaking down our front door to get next to a furnace vent. 

Infidel de Manahatta said...

No global warming in Manhattan.  It's in the '40s.  Maybe it's all the bleeding heart liberals up here have warmed the atmosphere.

sig94 said...

Here in upstate NY we normally get  about 110-120" of snow every year. The worst I have seen was the blizzard in March of '93. I walked out the front door and started shoveling the drift in front of my house with the shovel held over my head. My snowblower couldn't clear the driveway over the 6 -7' drifts. When you stood in the street you could only see roofs... I must have pictures somewhere.

Always On Watch said...

We got several feet of global warming here.

I wonder if my global-warming-spouting neighbor still believes.  A few years ago, he was all thrilled with Al Gore's film.  **snerk**

Always On Watch

PS: Still having trouble signing in here with JS Kit.  What the hell is going on?  **sigh**

silverfiddle said...

I love how Jones blamed it all on being disorganized and having a messy office...

Maggie M. Thornton said...

You have a category for Vanna White? Atlanta has really  had it's share of weather this year. I remember last March, driving home from Florida and my Atlanta cousin telling me the city was flooding all over the place.

A pox on Phil Jones.

The Conservative Lady said...

The only thing missing this weekend in Daytona, FLORIDA was the snow.  Global warming MY A$$. >:o
I'm sorry your in-laws have had such awful problems.

Krispy said...

I live in Virginia, and in my area we might get two snows, three inches at the most, each winter.  This year we've had snow in the feet pretty much continuously.  I haven't seen the ground since December.  I have shoveled more f---ing snow over the past two months than I'd shoveled in the previous ten years.  It's just been non-stop.  So can I PLEASE get a double large order of that global warming delivered here, please?  I'm ready to start burning tires and spraying aerosol cans directly into the f---king sky.  I swear, there's nothing I'd rather do than shove my snow shovel directly up Al Gore's inconvenient ass.

MK said...

And can you believe one of the warmist buffoons even claimed you'd never see snow again. We have one out here telling us the beaches would be swept away. What a bunch of twits.

Woodsterman said...

Damn, it's warm in here ... oh my wood stove did that. We still have 2 feet of Global Warming here, snarky.

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