Obama on Mount Rushmore, Part II

From The Nose On Your Face:



Part I:

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Obama on Mount Rushmore, Part II

In His Latest Audio, Osama bin Laden Tenders Resignation

Osama bin Laden released a new audio tape today, which was quickly played on Al Jazerra before anyone had a chance to listen. The following is a transcript of the remarkable turn of events:

I had a bad night thinking about the failure at Gaza and how my underwear no longer fits right.

Seemingly, there is no symbiosis between those two problems, but, in Islam, there is always a dichotomy within which lies true meaning.

There is too much dirt, and it is now ground into the fabric of my clothing as I sit here and sleep in these caves, night, after night, after endless night. I haven’t had a hot bath since 2001. I have pressure sores. My bladder no longer works right. I feel like I’m married to this goat I call Sharif, who is now blind and my favorite companion because he eats the lice from my beard. I long to walk within the light of the world again.

It is a calamity. It mandates that I do some actual thinking. Maybe I’ve been a bit of a jackass all of these years, instigating troubles between the believers and the hypocrites. Plus, it is not true that the state of our affairs following Gaza is the same as before. It’s friggin’ worse.

I used to think it was always time to establish righteousness, and eliminate false hope. Now I’m thinking I should stop trying to impose my beliefs on others, that it’s time I let the Western devil bring running water, electricity, satellite TV, books, barber shops, dentistry, and this marvel they call the Internet to the Islamic nation (you live in a cave for 8 years, you have all the time in the world to reflect upon your mistakes). Besides, how many times can I start a bombing by twittering “Go by the grace of Allah, the package is in the goat’s anus, look to the fork in the sun, and you shall find wisdom in your brother’s intestines” to my mobile Facebook page from a cave? I want more!

At the same, time, I feel remorse, a completely alien emotion in Islam, I know, but… I should redeem myself before all of those whom I’ve burned, maimed, disfigured, dismembered, and incinerated in fine pink mists all over the world for a God who would have me die in this cave. The journey to liberate myself requires true honest men (I like men, more than women, anyway), true independent strong leaders who can live up to one of my new ventures, Osama She-man Productions (to begin filming just as soon as possible in the Mecca of gay porn, Germany).

I am tired of being versed in the rules of Islamic law and trying to establish an advisory and council body with branches all across the Islamic nation, who work to educate the people in the politics and laws of Islam. No one gives a crap anyway. They want to watch Slumdog Millionaire on Blu-Ray and play Nintendo. (We had Wii Fit here in the cave for a while, but Sharif, my goat, wasn’t too happy about having to walk on the treadmill to keep the generator going. He kept sitting down and farting a lot, and my avatar kept losing because the game reset due to the loss of electricity. Allah’s will!)

I used to think it is the duty of true Islamic leaders to spread the rules of Islamic law relevant to the freedom of all Palestinian lands, to reinforce that jihad is a must until the goal is achieved, and to reinforce the many fatwa handed down during all of this jihad nonsense, which purported to mean that those who collude and collaborate with the enemies against our Muslim people had violated the tenants of Islam.

Now I think that’s all a crock of shit.

I see the world in financial crisis, and my investments plundered every time ill-prepared men named Obama and Geithner open their mouths, and I think, “Why the hell have I been wasting all this time in a cave all these years?”

Did I mention I have pressure sores, a bad bladder, and that my best friend is a blind goat?

It is clear to me now that I have always been a hypocrite. We should not be searching throughout the region. We should not be looking for fighters and Muhadeens. We should instead by trying to reach our Muslim people in the vicinity of the holy mosque, McDonald’s. It is a valuable and rare opportunity for those with true desires to salvage what we can and eat from McDonald’s every night, to break off our support of the fighters in Iraq and forget about liberating Mesopotamia and dip chicken mcnuggets on a sesame seed bun in a special sauce with all beef patty mcmuffin and fries.

I have been practicing so I can join the next jihad that is coming with the death of newspapers -- “Did you want to supersize that?” I’m particularly looking forward to placing a dead mouse in the fryolator....I know…I know…I saw this on Beavis and Butthead once, before W. had me shitting in a hole in the ground, but I long for the chance to know the fryolator!

I’m tired. I’m old. I stink like goat cheese. To be honest, I’ve been rubbing it on my body for years to cover up my unwashed stench.

Let somebody else think about this jihad business from now on. If you’ll excuse me, I have a rap video to make with Joaquin Phoenix. We’re calling it: “Yo Bitch, I Got a Million in the Bank; What Have You Got?”

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In His Latest Audio, Osama bin Laden Tenders Resignation

Our "Intelligent" President Signs Law Banning Stem Cell Research Funding

Umm...dude...the WSJ says you ain't so super.

I'm really never going to get over how much fun this charade is to watch.

On Monday, the glorious b. Hussein proclaimed how he hit "select all, delete, save" (for you original Mac folks) on the Bush administration executive order banning federal funding of embryonic stem cell research.

Then on Wednesday, b. signed the $410 billion omnibus bill, so his socialist soul train could roll on through the end of the fiscal year. Not to be outdone, by himself, he took to the pulpit (reading from his Golden Teleprompter, of course) and chastised lawmakers (particularly those supposed "Republicans," who, we admit with grinding teeth, disgustingly built in 40 percent of the 9,000 or so earmarks in that bill)...then rode in on his white horse and proposed "new rules" overhauling the practice of attaching parasitic earmarks to spending bills.

Which Prince Harry Reid, Senate buffoon in charge, promptly disregarded, saying, "Screw him, we're not following those rules."

But it gets better...like the difference between Jennifer Hewitt and Gisele.

Because the "Intelligent One"...the Messiah....the Kwitsatz Haderach...in signing that bloated pork-barrel chow-hound omnibus bill, a tip that would make the most professional stripper gasp with delight, signed a law...

...banning the FEDERAL FUNDING OF EMBRYO RESEARCH:

The amendment says, in part: "None of the funds made available in this Act may be used for—(1) the creation of a human embryo or embryos for research purposes; or (2) research in which a human embryo or embryos are destroyed, discarded, or knowingly subjected to risk of injury or death."

Found in Section 509 of Title V of the omnibus bill (at page 280 of the 465-page document), the federal funding ban not only prohibits the government from providing tax dollars to support research that kills or risks injury to a human embryo, it also mandates that the government use an all-inclusive definition of “human embryo” that encompasses any nascent human life from the moment that life comes into being, even if created in a laboratory through cloning, in vitro fertilization or any other means.

“For the purposes of this section,” says the law, “the term ‘human embryo or embryos’ includes any organism … that is derived by fertilization, parthenogenesis, cloning, or any other means from one or more human gametes or human diploid cells.”

Known as the Dickey-Wicker amendment, it has been included in the annual appropriations bill for the Department of Health and Human Services every fiscal year since 1996.

You really should read what you sign, b.

Thanks for the laughs!

UPDATE: Apparently he DID know, so claims the NYT. Which begs the questions: If Dickey-Wicker was going to be renewed anyway, why put the kibosh on W.'s executive order in the first place? And why now? And how is this being "the most transparent administration in history?"

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Our "Intelligent" President Signs Law Banning Stem Cell Research Funding

"Confidence Builder in Chief," My ASS

When I served in the U.S. Army (which you NEVER did, b. Hussein...hell...we can't even truthfully say you're an American citizen), we had a simple and declarative and vital statement that pretty much governed everything we did, 24/7:

"Lead, follow, or get the fuck out of the way."

I've watched you for, how long now?...51, 52 days ? (I'm no math major, so screw it if I'm wrong)...

But, from my assessment, your qualities of leading and following are less than desirable:

• A stock market that's just grappling onto any "good news," to use today's words of the Liar-in-Chief, to rally for rallying's sake, because it's badly needed. (Two good days out of 52 for the Dow does not a bull market make, even by this dipshit investor's observations. Citi had tens of billions of our money to spend, Mr. President...of course they're turning a profit. You claim "it's not as bad as we thought..." so you can continue your socialist degradation of this fine country that I WAS BORN IN, though you were not...but you're still a friggin' liar.) Or...to put it another way: Even a broken clock is right twice a day.
• A housing market that is still plummeting, as we may now be seeing layoff foreclosures after we had bad debt foreclosures. Do you honestly think we've seen the end of layoffs and foreclosures, which begs a deeper question: If W. was "The Idiot President," does that make you "The Dumber President"...if you can even follow my Dumb and Dumber analogy?)
  
• A president who plans to spend upwards of $4 BILLION next year on government...in the midst of a deep recession (and a growing deficit) that you yourself have repeatedly called the worst in 70 years...a budget your own party is beginning to grumble about?????
• The developing disintegration of relations with the U.K., one of the few nations to realize the perils of the Muslim problem (probably because English law has recently been so P.C. as to lay the path for Muslims to pretty much take over that grand island).
• The potential of turning our backs on Israel, in the interest of making friends with not only those of the Muslim faith...but also TERRORISTS in the name of the Muslim faith.
  
• The refusal to admit that we are fighting a worldwide (including within our own borders) "War on Terror," which, my dumber friend, makes you a complete idiot for misunderstanding 2,000 years of the Muslim desire to see us dead...and not by natural causes.
  
• Fill in the blank______________, because I'm certain I left out about 2 billion stupid b. Hussein moves, thoughts, and consequences from this list....
  

I'm just one isolated nutty freak with a keyboard and high-speed connection posting here, but for you to be called the "confidence builder in chief (emphasis on lower case)," from where I sit...after listening to you drive the market down, down, and down; after listening to you say "a time of crisis can be a time of great opportunity"; after watching you roll out idiotic spending plan after idiotic spending plan, tax "cuts" that really mean tax hikes, "cap and trade" that your average Obamabot wouldn't even come close to understanding, and the smoke and mirrors of "crisis" and change...I think I'm more than educated to make this assessment:

Your first 52 days make the Clinton's first 100 days look professional. And they really were rednecks. What's your excuse?

I happen to know: You are, indeed, a socialist. And you are, indeed, trying to turn "crisis into opportunity."

So...that begs the question...when will you get the fuck out of the way? Keep it up...the 2012 ticker is counting down.

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"Confidence Builder in Chief," My ASS

Joaquin Phoenix Night Club Brawl

Joaquin Phoenix, the actor turned nutjob, is on the edge.

A few weeks ago we had his Andy Kaufman parody on Letterman. Now he had a brawl, last night, with a heckler in Miami.

"I got a million in a bank account. What do you have, bitch?"

Dude...you need to take your meds.

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Joaquin Phoenix Night Club Brawl

The Worldwide Premier: b. Hussein, "Got Yo Money"

From AngryHank, via Facebook, comes this fantastic animated gif of b. Hussein, Mrs. Hussein, The Bitch, and Joe "I Got Both Feet In My Mouth" Biden, set to the backdrop of a catchy rap I'm, unfortunately, too white to know...

...and this text:

WE GOT YOUR MONEY, AND WE'RE GONNA SPEND ALL OF YOUR MONEY AND MORE, AND WE'RE ALSO GONNA PRINT A WHOLE LOT MORE MONEY TOO.

UPDATE: A person with far more brain cells than Dr. Dave just informed me the audio is "Insane in the Membrane," by Cypress Hill. Thanks Carolina_Thor.

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The Worldwide Premier: b. Hussein, "Got Yo Money"

b. Hussein Not on Terrorist Watch List

The government's terrorist watch list just hit 1 million...

...But I don't see b. Hussein's name on it.

Apparently the government doesn't classify redistribution of wealth, brokering our financial future, and general dickheadness as "terrorism."

I do.

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b. Hussein Not on Terrorist Watch List

Nancy Pelosi’s Travel Agency

WOW! Here she goes again. Princess Pelosi, somewhat heir to the throne of b. Hussein, has a bit of a problem on her hands: Do I travel government-coach-class or princess-class, both on the taxpayer’s dime?

The following is a string of “unofficial” emails that may or may not have been sent from House Speaker Nancy Pelosi’s office today regarding her future plans for use of Air Force property.

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FROM: Twoface, Jerry [mailto: Jerry.Twoface@mail.house.gov]
Sent: Tuesday, March 10, 2009 11:01 a.m.
To: Magoo, Stinky; Air Force, Go
Cc: TRASH
Subject: Air Force Plane

Stinky:
You gotta friggin’ help me. The dragon lady is nipping at my behind. I swear she’s going to breathe fire and set me aflame. She wants a hot tub on the plane. Yes. I know what you’re thinking. Her face is a wrinkled mess, what the hell would she look like in a bathing suit? I can’t tell you. I’m sworn to secrecy. Please…if you ever liked me. I love breathing air. Please get the hot tub! I’d rather not be buried in a marsh with mice who have more rights under Porkulus than I do.

......................................................................................................................

FROM: Twoface, Jerry [mailto: Jerry.Twoface@mail.house.gov]
Sent: Tuesday, March 10, 2009 12:31 p.m.
To: Magoo, Stinky; Air Force, Go
Cc: TRASH
Subject: Air Force Plane

Stinky:
Well, I have no ass now. She breathed fire, and, poof, it was gone. If you can’t do the hot tub, can you at least get a trampoline? A small one? Don’t ask. It has something to do with kamasuttra, and I’m being ordered to participate.

......................................................................................................................


FROM: Twoface, Jerry [mailto: Jerry.Twoface@mail.house.gov]
Sent: Tuesday, March 10, 2009 12:45 p.m.
To: Magoo, Stinky; Air Force, Go
Cc: TRASH
Subject: Air Force Plane

Stinky:
You’re really going to make me go through with it, aren’t you? I don’t want to, but you leave me no choice. If you can’t at least provide the trampoline, or the hot tub, can she have a gallon of hot oil? It has to do with waxing her thighs. It’s really disgusting, and, again, I’m being ordered to participate.

I’d rather discuss the rest over a secure line.

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FROM: Twoface, Jerry [mailto: Jerry.Twoface@mail.house.gov]
Sent: Tuesday, March 10, 2009 1:13 p.m.
To: Magoo, Stinky; Air Force, Go
Cc: TRASH
Subject: Air Force Plane

Stinky:
You know, I love you man. I think she’ll be ecstatic with the hot oil! I’m aware of the violations of TSA rules of in-flight incendiary use, USAF rules of public decency (even when it comes to a member of the federal government), and basic human intelligence rules…but I love you nonetheless.

Just one question…when we’re over the Rockies…is there any way you can have a parachute and a duffel bag with a $1 million in unmarked bills stashed near one of the doors? Oh, and a suicide note taped somewhere nearby, so it doesn’t get sucked out the door when I jump?

I want to make it look like an accident when I bail on her.

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FROM: Twoface, Jerry [mailto: Jerry.Twoface@mail.house.gov]
Sent: Tuesday, March 10, 2009 2:14 p.m.
To: Magoo, Stinky; Air Force, Go
Cc: TRASH
Subject: Air Force Plane

No. No. No. Believe me, Stinky. I wouldn’t want you implicated in anything. I just need the goods so I can duck out. I have a brainwashing wand from MIB (it really works!), and I’ll just zap myself as I’m jumping. Once I hit the ground, I’ll hike up into Canada from there. If you could leave a note in the bag of cash that explains what I should do, that’d be great, too. Just so I don’t “forget.”

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FROM: Twoface, Jerry [mailto: Jerry.Twoface@mail.house.gov]
Sent: Tuesday, March 10, 2009 3:14 p.m.
To: Magoo, Stinky; Air Force, Go
Cc: TRASH
Subject: Air Force Plane

Stinky:
Oh SHIT! Change of plans. She doesn’t want the hot tub, the trampoline, or the hot oil…and we’re not flying her back to California, so letting me fake my death over the Rockies is out.

She wants to us to go to Macon, Georgia, for the Cherry Blossom Festival. She’s going to pretend she’s a virgin and ask Saxby Chambliss to grab her like he fondled his granddaughter in that extended campaign commercial last year over Thanksgiving.

BTW…Yes I’m aware there’s nothing on the speaker to grab but that nose.

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FROM: Twoface, Jerry [mailto: Jerry.Twoface@mail.house.gov]
Sent: Tuesday, March 10, 2009 4:12 p.m.
To: Magoo, Stinky; Air Force, Go
Cc: TRASH
Subject: Air Force Plane

Stinky:
Oh fer Pete’s sake. Change of plans again. Now the dragon lady wants to fly Kimbo Slice (yes, I know he’s no longer relevant, but she has the hots for him) and her on a private jaunt to the Caribbean. St. Kits, I think. It’s still classified, so I’ll have to email you again with final demands.

Oh…and she wants a revolving heart-shaped bed in her cabin.

And…yes…I know they don’t have “cabins” in planes. It’s the senator’s demand, however.

......................................................................................................................


FROM: Twoface, Jerry [mailto: Jerry.Twoface@mail.house.gov]
Sent: Tuesday, March 10, 2009 6:19 p.m.
To: Magoo, Stinky; Air Force, Go
Cc: TRASH
Subject: Air Force Plane

Stinky:
Oh, hell. I think I’m really going to just off myself for good, now. She’s changed plans again. She wants the plane to fly out to Cau-li-for-nia, pick up her entire family (yes, including the twins who can do nothing but grin and play “Dueling Banjos”), and ferry them all back to D.C. Yeah. It seems she has some big announcement: She’s discovered a cure for stupidity, and she wants to experiment on the president.

P.S.: You’re going to have to email the dragon lady directly. I’ve had enough. This isn’t what they taught me in civics class in college. I’m going to work for Michael Steele, at the RNC. I hear he’s planning an itinerary to visit the nation’s ghettos and needs an experienced travel agent.

......................................................................................................................

For the real drama, I encourage you to visit Judicial Watch for actual emails and the “real” report on this abuse of YOUR hard-earned money.

UPDATE: More on Nancy's hypocrisy from Goddess Michelle Malkin.

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Nancy Pelosi’s Travel Agency

"Ahh....about that....ummm....Socialist Question"

Um...ahh...anyone...ahh...seen my phone? I need to call a reporter...I'm obsessing about something silly.

Since when does the president of the United States of America even have enough time to call a reporter back to debate the seriousness of a question about whether or not he's a socialist?

On a flight from Ohio to Washington on Friday, Mr. Obama was asked whether his domestic policies suggested that he was a socialist, as some conservatives have implied.

“The answer would be no,” he said, laughing for a moment before defending his administration for “making some very tough choices” on the budget.

As the interview progressed, Mr. Obama never returned to the question. When he called, he said he had been thinking about it as he boarded the helicopter taking him back to the White House.

“It was hard for me to believe that you were entirely serious about that socialist question,” Mr. Obama said from the Oval Office. [With many "ahhs" and "umms" removed from the printed version, of course.]

I would think a president facing a serious economic disaster that has gotten much, much worse in stark coincidence to 7 weeks of his loony policies and fear-mongering rhetoric (don't blame it on "the previous watch," you idiot) would have more important things to do...oh...I dunno...like stuffing a dirty sock in Warren Buffett's mouth.

[Sanity Check: b. Hussein was flying back from Ohio after celebrating 25 jobs Porkulus saved...TWENTY-FIVE. Wow, that's great policy!]



You can umm...ahh...umm....all you want, but the question NY Times reporter Peter Baker (surprisingly, I admit!) asked you last week was reasonable and more than legitimate.

Oh...and...ah..ummm...don't tell me that saving some rat in California with my money is "following free market principles."

You get dumber by the day, b. Hussein. Dumber by the day.

Baker, meanwhile, responds here.

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"Ahh....about that....ummm....Socialist Question"

The Grandest Time in American History…Ever…Foshizzel!

I find all our new commieislamofascist friendships around the world so confusing these days.

I mean, when do I have to start acting like a character in Animal Farm? Are we down with the Bible and up with the Quran? (If so, I think 72 virgins is a little much for me…I’d prefer to have just one…I’m sort of monogamous…plus it’s hard enough keeping one woman happy, no?) Am I no longer allowed to have Jewish friends? (If so, there are some things I’m going to have to tell Allah Akbar! about my support of Israel.) Should I be dressing my wife in a burkha? (GAWD I just LOVE how hot she is when I can see only her eyes!) Should I be preparing for the Sunday night party meeting (with a dog-eared copy of The Communist Manifesto – after I run it through the dryer a couple times – in tow)? Should I be ignoring all the Tea Party messages that are vibrating my crackberry and, I have to admit, kinda turning me on?

I just don’t know what to do. Life was pretty simple when I had F-16s flying over my house because the Twin Towers had shockingly been attacked and fallen, when I had a nice warm gun in a shoulder holster next to my heart (oh, I assure you: it’s still there), when you could easily define all enemies as being either “with us or with the terrorists.”

That hawkish philosophy not only made this crazy, screwed up world a little easier to comprehend (and explain to my kids) but also had style, substance, and stability.

These days, it’s hard to tell where bedrock lies because the number of olive branches we’re passing out among our enemies is mindboggling. The envirowhackos are gonna be REALLY pissed, too, when they find out how many trees we felled to extend those branches. But…then…again…change the shapeshifter is upon us!

And we should embrace change because it is good for us! His eminence b. Hussein tells us so! I don’t mean to be so cynical.…(Oh, hell, yes I do!) The left says that even though I don’t support b. Hussein, I have to respect the Office of the President. I’m not really sure what that means. Do I call b. a dick (I’m not a liar, so I have to be honest…) and then say, “but I love the presidency?” Do I keep printing my “hate speech” here but then send the president little Valentines to let him know I care about how hard his job is, about how he has a “mess” to clean up? (And such a FINE job he’s doing!)

Yes, it’s a wonderful time in American history. Isolation is over. Ignorant acceptance is everywhere.

The orgy is on.

I mean, it’s just AWESOME that we’re now buddies with the Palestinians. On the one hand, we’re giving old Mahmoud Abbas (محمود عباس‎), chairdude of the PLO, $130 million so he can train a Palestinian “security force” in that bastion of freedom, Jordan, which, on the face of things, would seem as though we’re siding with, and legitimizing, the Palestinian state. THEN b. Hussein turns around and sends $900 million – 8 times more – to the United Nations Relief and Work Agency in Gaza, in effect giving the money to Hamas. Sounds a lot to me like b. Hussein is a lobbyist playing both sides in the event of a close finish, so he can be friends with the winner.

THEN, THEN, we’re becoming buddies with Iran. How so? By inviting a bunch of loonies who just tested another missile, think the Holocaust is a myth, and will have the bomb by the end of this year, to hang out with us in Afghanistan while b. Hussein tries to pay off “moderate” members of the Taliban (ala W. and the Sunnis in Iraq, to the miniscule amount of $800,000 a day) not to fight. My question, respectfully put to the dickhead in charge, however, is…if we don’t have enough TAXPAYER money to save our banks, our carmakers, our insurance brokers, our homeowners (who took out bad loans), and our own friggin’ government (the failure of which just might, indeed, be a blessing), how can we afford to pay two sets of radical Islamic groups who’d rather see us dead…and will resume trying to kill us…once our money dries up…and it will…all while engaging a third group of radical Islamofascists who want to see us dead even if we never set foot on their fetid oil-soaked sands again?

More bright stuff from “the umm…ahhh…umm” president. Is this guy drinking cow piss cola from India, or do we need to test him for drug abuse?

But that’s not all! We’re about to give Cuba some good luv and ease restrictions on travel and trade and, eventually, end the embargo. During his campaign, I thought b. Hussein was obviously trying to act like John F. Kennedy. But…low and behold!...apparently he ain’t no Kennedy…foshizzel!...not even FRIGGIN’ CLOSE....

I got news for ya, b. Hussein…contrary to fat-ass Micheal Moore’s claims, Cuba’s health care isn’t at all better than ours, and I can get far better cigars from people who had the common sense to leave that island of horrors and practice capitalism elsewhere. So…tell me again why we need to be friends with yet another government that wants us dead?

But…it…gets…better.

We’re even buddies with Venezuela, now, so much so that b. Hussein is getting pressured by Hugo “Citgo” Chavez to follow the path of socialism, the “only” way out of a global recession. (I can’t wait until Chavez and b. Hussein get gold money teeth together.) “Imagine a socialist revolution in the United States,” the dumb prick we could squash with one H-bomb says. (Happy Happy Joy Joy!)

The good news is we’re still working on getting the word “reset” straight in Russian from the word “overcharge,” so we can’t quite yet slather sloppy kisses all over the birthplace of the Evil Empire.

Wouldn’t it be great if we could “overcharge” the events of Nov. 4 (or…maybe we already did)? I’m betting it won’t be long before quite a few of the 66 million who voted for b. Hussein think so.

At least we all have this fun to look forward to…

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The Grandest Time in American History…Ever…Foshizzel!

Beavis and Butthead Need No b. Hussein Teleprompter

Uhh...Ahhh....Blah...blah...blah...Umm...Ahhh....

More reasons for b. Hussein to use The Golden Presidential Teleprompter.

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Beavis and Butthead Need No b. Hussein Teleprompter

Britney's New Circus Act

Britney Spears started her circus act this week, her first music tour in 5 years.

Which leads me to the following important questions:

• Will the act include generous naked crotch shots?
• Will she shave her head?
• Will she trash a car and pretend it belongs to her former husband?
• Will she attack paparazzi?
• Will she suddenly become British?

I know she's supposedly a "conservative," but I'm not including her on my Twitter #TCOT follow list anytime soon.



Britney's crazier moments are on video over here.

I know: Who gives a shit?

Exactly.

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Britney's New Circus Act

Honk If You're Paying My Mortgage

Every American homeowner should have this bumper sticker on their vehicle, regardless of their politics, because, when you end up paying my mortgage, you can kiss America goodbye.

Get yours here.

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Honk If You're Paying My Mortgage