Saturday, November 7, 2009

I Just Hired a Bail Bondsman

...because my kids want to go to prison.

Guest post by Mrs. ADHD

I made a tiny error today. I was in a hurry and give Wild Thing #2 some buttered bread for lunch. I planned to add other things to her plate but hadn't gotten to it yet.

She complained, of course, so I told her that she should pretend she was in prison. I said haven't you ever heard of how prisoners only get bread and water to eat?

Wild Thing #1 came running into the kitchen, "Really, they only get bread and water?!"

Well, I explained, actually they eat much better than that nowadays. In fact, they probably have better food than we do, and they don't have to fix their meals or clean up.

Wild Thing #1 was very impressed with that.

"But do they have TV?" he asked.

Yes, they have TV.

"Can they watch anything they want? Like, can the kids watch Cartoon Network?"

Kids don't go to prison.

"Not any kids?"


"Oh," he said, much disappointed.


Obviously, we should be nominated for Parents of the Year.


blackandgoldfan on November 7, 2009 at 9:55 AM said...

Hey Mrs. ADHD!!! Nice to hear from the power behind the snark.

Tell your kids that they REALLY don't want to go to prison because they're breeding grounds for radical Islam. If anything will deter Things #1 and #2 from ever wanting to go to prison, that should be it.

Maybe you should've used Sheriff Joe's jail as an example of jail. No Cartoon Network there.

Keep up with the great job you and Dr. Dave do with those cherubs!

Brooke on November 7, 2009 at 10:52 AM said...

Hey, if your kids went to prison they'd also get free medical care that is top notch...

Not to mention a free college education, too.

The Daily Retard on November 7, 2009 at 11:05 AM said...

The Short People Who Live in Your House sound A LOT like The Short People Who Live in My House.... Except most of the time there are three of theme here....

powdergirl on November 7, 2009 at 12:58 PM said...

My kids are older than yours, they have higher aspirations of incarceration.

They're waiting till we duplicate England's fantastic old idea to export convicts to a big Island and leave them to it.

Except they want intergalactic deportation.

Yeah, they want their criminal behaviors to be rewarded with a trip in a rocket, then an extended stay in state of the art space station equipped with really cool gadgets.

I'm sure the dehydrated meals will be delicious as well.

I'm hoping they stick to white collar crimes, maybe something in dirty politics...

Nice post Mrs ADHD !

Ron Russell on November 7, 2009 at 3:13 PM said...

Wild Thing, the health care is also free and yours for the asking 7/24. Are we all about to get locked up!

Matt on November 7, 2009 at 4:09 PM said...

Wait a sec! The government cares for your every need, and you can't leave? What does that sound like?

Amusing Bunni on November 7, 2009 at 5:45 PM said...

If you don't buy the government health insurance, you'll go to prison. So, you might be able to find out what it's like after all.

Woodsterman (Odie) on November 7, 2009 at 6:32 PM said...

Well done Mrs. Dr. Dave. Fix their favorite dinner and you and Dr. Dave eat it while they have bread and water. They'll get over it by the end of that meal.

cbullitt on November 7, 2009 at 6:52 PM said...

Mrs. Doc, delightfully done. I see there is more than enough snark to go around the ADHD household. Yes, prisons these days have many amenities, I doubt the gulag I will be sent to will be as nice. I'll send a post card.

Snarky Basterd on November 7, 2009 at 7:01 PM said...

Well, folks, my kids are going to have a fine example to follow if this shit health care bill gets through both houses of Congress. (Sorry, I've been watching 7 hours of hot air from Congress on C-span and am still amazed some Democrat hasn't started screaming about all the CO2 released in the House Chambers affecting AGW somehow.)

Because if it passes, they'll be coming for dear ole' dad, after he refuses to pay his unconstitutional fine for not accepting gubmint health care.

That is, if they can get past of of my defenses to capture me.

Karen Howes on November 7, 2009 at 7:04 PM said...

Hi, Mrs. Dr. Dave, nice to meet you.

Yeah, tell the kids that they get free medical care and a gym to work out in too. Doesn't sound so bad.

Barking Spider on November 8, 2009 at 12:26 AM said...

Kids, eh - dontcha just love'em?!

Nice post Mrs Dr. Dave.

HeartlandHeretic on November 8, 2009 at 11:25 AM said...

I'm just curious...

What prison were you in where the food was so good, no one had to work at anything, you could watch anything you wanted on TV whenever you wanted, and life was generally so good?

I've been in several in two states. Life was never so good in any of them. If you would tell me where your fantasy prison is at, I'd put in to go there too!

But the reality is that PRISON SUCKS. It's sort of designed to be that way. To tell your children anything else is irresponsible. And to spread that misinformation in a public forum is amoral.

Snarky Basterd on November 8, 2009 at 11:41 AM said...

@HeartlandHeretic...First let me say, thanks for being a Marine. I've served the country too. There are few who would give up their freedom to defend those who don't understand what freedom is. would appear that prison sapped you of your sense of humor. It's the tool we use here to fight off the insanity swirling around us.

No one who comes here thinks this post has anything to do with reality, with truth, with spreading morality or lies.

It's a diversion. Please recognize it for what it is.

MK on November 10, 2009 at 6:47 AM said...

You folks should see jails that are run by leftie/liberal government, it's really like a holiday house in there. Heck i still remember some poor bastard in Britain who gave himself in to get off drugs, had to break out of jail to escape drugs.

If you're a muslim, it's even better, they'll drive 100s of miles to make sure you have the best food, your toilet faces the right way and everything is real soft and comfy for you.

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