Robert Byrd Dies, Named KKK Grand Dragon of Hell

Senator Robert C. Byrd (D-WV) died early this morning at Inova Hospital in Fairfax, Va. Upon arriving in Hell, he was immediately appointed KKK Grand Dragon.

Byrd was greeted at the gates of Hell by long-time friend Ted Kennedy, who made an unsuccessful bid for president of Hell last year shortly after his own arrival.

“Having … ah … Senata Byrd at my side again can only improve my … ah … chances of … ah … taking this place ova when elections come around again next yeya,” Kennedy said.

Byrd, for his part, cried when he saw Kennedy again. “Ted, Ted, my dear friend, I love you, and I missed you,” he said.

Satan, Kennedy’s rival for control of Hell, welcomed Byrd to his kingdom of filth.

“It is with great honor that I bestow the title of KKK Grand Dragon on Senator Byrd,” Satan said. “Only a true Democrat – and we’re all Democrats down here in Hell – could have uttered the great statements he has made over the years.”

Satan spent the next 40 hours regaling the gathering crowd of demons, radical Islamic suicide bombers, and former elected Democrats, recounting many of Byrd’s earthly statements. Here are the highlights:

• “They call me 'The Pork King,' they don't know how much I enjoy it.”
• “There are white niggers. I've seen a lot of white niggers in my time. I'm going to use that word…”
• “The Klan is needed today as never before and I am anxious to see its rebirth here in West Virginia.”
• “It is necessary that the order be promoted immediately and in every state in the Union…”
• “Will you please inform me as to the possibilities of rebuilding the Klan realm of W. Va.”
• “I will never submit to fight beneath that banner with a Negro by my side…”
• “Rather I should die a thousand times, and see Old Glory trampled in the dirt never to rise again … than to see this beloved land of ours become degraded by race mongrel … a throwback to the blackest specimen from the wilds."

*Byrd quotes courtesy of @DearCitizen

Cross-posted at PatDollard.com

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Robert Byrd Dies, Named KKK Grand Dragon of Hell

I Guess The pResident's Brain Transplant Didn't Work Out So Well

It's been a year since Michael Jackson died, allowing other events to unfold. Let's take a look back at something that may explain a lot about why the Failure in Chief has had such a bad year.

Previously posted in July 2009:

King of Pop’s Brain to be Implanted in King of Pork!

LOS ANGELES -- As millions prepared to watch a memorial service for Michael Jackson, at the Staples Center and via live feed on theater and arena screens around the world, details began to emerge about Jackson’s brain having been removed for transplantation into the skull of President Barack Obama.

“This guy was elected under the guise of being the smartest president ever; six months into the job he’s demonstrated more stupidity than all of the previous 43 presidents combined,” said Harry Nosering, MD, chief neurosurgeon for St. Moonbat Hospital in Los Angeles, who will conduct the transplant. “Michael’s brain can’t be any worse for the president than his own; plus, if we do the wiring right, he’ll be able to dance and grab his crotch and say ‘dah!’ during his speeches!”

White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs confirmed the pending operation, scheduled for later this week after the president returns from Russia, where he agreed yesterday to reduce America’s nuclear arsenal in exchange for a pack of Cloves, a case of vodka, a loan of 100 trillion rubles to fund Cap-and-Slave and national health care, a rabbit fur hat, and a promise that Russian President Dmitry Medvedev will get him North Korea leader Kim Jong-Il’s autograph.

“It’s…ahh…going to be…ahh….really cool,” Gibbs said. “Actually, it’s a three-way operation, with…ah…the president getting Michael’s brain, me getting the president’s, and…ahh…Joe Biden getting a lobotomy, so that he stops making outrageous statements to reporters, such as he wouldn’t ride mass transit during a swine flu outbreak and that America’s okay with Israel bombing Iran.”

Jackson died from a cardiac arrest at his Beverly Hills mansion on June 25 after a suspected overdose of painkillers. Sources at the coroner’s office revealed that his brain was removed before his body was released to relatives the next day.

One expert explained that the operation would actually be quite simple given that the three living men involved have very small brains that have barely, if ever, been used, and that Jackson’s brain was very well-preserved from years of apparent drug use. At various times, Jackson is said to have been taking Demerol and Oxycontin for pain from old back and leg injuries, and formaldehyde to keep his skin looking like a child’s.

“It’s really run of the mill surgery, to tell you the truth,” said Snappy Bottomburns, a former neurosurgeon and one of America’s foremost mad scientists. “I would imagine that since the president really can’t do anything without TOTUS at the moment his new brain will be quite an improvement. I would caution, however, that the president will have to be monitored for signs of cosmetic surgery addiction, given his new brain, particularly with the ears. I’d watch his ears in photographs very, very carefully over time.

“Besides, we’ve come a long way since Dr. Frankenstein. Surely Michael Jackson’s brain will perform better than Abbie Normal’s.”

Then again, maybe not.

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I Guess The pResident's Brain Transplant Didn't Work Out So Well

It's Time to Burn My Beatles Records

And, yes, I do have some of the actual records, vintage ones too.

Screw 'em. Opining today that the Gulf oil disaster is the perfect crisis with which to force cleaner, renewable, and un-Godly expensive and cost-ineffective sources of energy down our throats, Paul McCartney could have stopped there.

But he didn't:

"Sadly we need disasters like this to show people," McCartney said in an exclusive interview with The Sun. "Some people don't believe in climate warning -- like those who don't believe there was a Holocaust."

McCartney continued, "But the facts indicate that there's something going on and we've got to be aware of it if we want our kids to inherit a decent world, not a complete nightmare of a planet -- clean, renewable energy is for starters."

No, Paul. I just don't believe in Beatles.

H/T: NoisyRoom.net

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It's Time to Burn My Beatles Records

Democratic Underground Message Board (DUMB) Lays Down the Tolerance

"Tolerance" goes beyond the pale these days over at the Democratic Underground Message Board (DUMB), where moderators have brought down from Mount Insane a tablet of Commandmants governing inter-party dialogue.

As Moonbattery points out, instead of simply saying ixnay on DUmmays attacking DUmmays, the Commandments "broadly" and "generally" list intolerable offenses ad nauseam in bulletpoints, the offense of which will have DUmmays who call out their own demoted to trolling Twitter or Blogger (since we all know Word Press is Teh Awesome in providing tools that repel odious trolls).

You can read a gloss of the lower points of Teh Law for yourself over at Moonbattery, or you can suffer through the full list over here in DUmmayland.

I'd rather dive into the real fun, thankfully brought to my attention by The Battle Bitch at Conservative Punks, some of the more hysterical reactions DUmmays had today to the new law of the land.

muriel_volestrangler takes it the gas chamber: "The idea of a political party is that you agree among yourselves the policies and candidates, and then stick together. The 'democratic' in DU explicitly refers to the Democratic Party, not just the adjective for democracy. Once you start saying "I like the Democratic Party, except for the following, who are worthless", then you're being an individual, not part of the party movement. And you will encourage others to insult your preferred candidates in a similar way, and you will be left with no way to object. DU has always been crystal clear about this. Anyone who has joined the website, and not noticed that is is about the Democratic Party, hasn't been paying attention. If you want all Democrats insulted and held as 'worthless' on DU, then keep advocating your 'right' to insult certain Democrats. It won't work, however."

SkyDaddy7 whines: "I too have been totally blown away by some of the comments I have seen leveled against our President...At times it seems like it becomes a contest of who can talk the worst about Obama. As much as I would like to see a full blown Liberal POTUS in America...That is not going to happen without someone like Obama to begin to shift the country back left SLOWLY in places and faster in others. America has been brainwashed for 30yrs to believe in Conservative Values and Conservative Values has it's own network & army of Talk Radio host many of which are paid 100's of millions of dollars to support corporate America. So, it is going to take time, lots of time! I think many wanted it to happen in Obama's 1st year."

Mstinamotorcity deep throats the moderators: "We as a people sometimes forget how to treat each other with the humanity that shows us to be the unique species of the planet. We have what it is I think one of the best opportunities of our lives,a President who wants to have an all inclusive America.And we as a people (especially Dems) have a chance to be doers instead of dreamers.I for one welcome the chance to prove that I believe in the human spirit and ready to discuss and weigh the points of view in clarity and help set an agenda that is good for all America.I know that in my heart of hearts their will always be someone who will not see things as I do, but I believe in their right to have their particular view. I do believe that sometimes with discussion you can reach different or better outcomes. I also believe that we need to stick more to fact,not fiction when pointing out certain problems.And I don't give a darn (I used a nice word), if something happens three or four years after our President took office, if its George W. Bush and Dick Cheney ( Dubya and Shooter's) fault, then it should be pointed out.Well any republican or democratic member of Congress who voted against the 98 percent of the country. And instead of arguing with infiltrators, hit them with information and links to disprove their points. This will help newcomers know the reason why we sometimes get worked up with fury and go a little off the ground with some of the things we write in response to ops. Since you have updated the rules as a member of the du community I will do my best to abide by them.Thank you very much Mstinamotorcity."

There's much, much more, but reading too much will leave you feeling better ...

Better get a bucket because you'll most definitely be throwing up.

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Democratic Underground Message Board (DUMB) Lays Down the Tolerance

I Am BO's Oil Spill's Blog

It's probably no secret to my regular readers who also blog, and certain others -- I am Barack Obama's Oil Spill's Blog. I kept it a little quiet for a bit from most of my non-blogging readers, but anyone who knows my regular posting frequency here can obviously tell I've dropped off both in amount and quality. And I certainly haven't been a good blog friend in returning everyone's visits or comments.

I apologize.

I've been really busy keeping my boot on the regime's throat over here. Plus Wild Thing #1 is playing summer baseball and the constant practicing and weekend-long tournaments are kicking all of our asses.

Please don't bail on ADHD. I'm nowhere near through skewering politicians and general overall stupidity at this place, but, obviously, the oil spill issue is an "opportunity in crisis."

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I Am BO's Oil Spill's Blog

You Just Know Charlie Crist Got Caught Staring at the Wrong Behind

Maybe it's a little more blatant than when Zero got caught looking (except, in Zero's case, we all knew he really was looking at the paper on the step).


Poor Charlie. He makes it look sooooo convincing. When you just know he was wishing The One was in that thong.

Images via Powerline

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You Just Know Charlie Crist Got Caught Staring at the Wrong Behind

Obama Gives Part of Arizona to Mexicans

And whyyyyyy not? Why not ban from part of their own country those racist Americans trying to keep illegal, non-U.S. citizens from entering and entrenching themselves in their country? Who the hell are those awful white and black and brown and green and yellow and polkadotted Americans to try to defend their property, their rights, their way of life, and that little thing called the Constitution?

Dummies. All of them. Let's just go ahead right now and give all those lands we kicked Mexico's ass over back to those nice people who come here illegally -- you know, the drug lords, the one's carrying those nice guns, the ones killing people, both Mexican and American, on our sovereign soil. Let the douchenozzle dream of Aztlan become reality.

What a great guy we have in the Oval Office, the best ever. Why, he's so awesome we'll probably wave our electoral laws and nominate him King for Life. He's just that damned awesome.

Video below H/T: Logistics Monster

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Obama Gives Part of Arizona to Mexicans

Congresscriminal Etheridge Assualting Student - The Musical Version

And I was going to write a satire having him greet the students with a smile, common courtesy, and offer to buy them a beer. What was I thinking?



H/T: allahpundit

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Congresscriminal Etheridge Assualting Student - The Musical Version

PayPal Can Go To Hell (and Moose-limbs Can Too)

It's incredibly important, in these times of Dear Leader wanting to take over these here innnertubz, that we continue to up the revolution ... right up their wazoos, if need be.

This is one of those times. Apparently, according to innertubz money giant PayPal, Atlas Shrugs is a "hate site" (h/t: Soylent Green):

The little money that Atlas generates (I have no large donors) is about to be cut off. Apparently the jihad is hard at work trying to kill free speech (and the bus ads and the 9111 no mosque movement) from making its way to those in pursuit of truth. Paypal contributions helps pays for bus ads, rallies, live coverage (everything) and I so much as said so when asked repeatedly by the press who paid for the bus ads. Readers do and did.

Paypal is calling Atlas a "hate" site and will close my account if I do not remove the paypal option from my website. Accurate reporting and news is hate..

This will not do. The U.K., with their slippery fingered goalie and all, years ago went way beyond the pale and allowed sharia courts to circumvent their judicial system.

Dhimmi PayPal wants to go down that road in America, like their pResident Zero, and label truth as hate.

Don't stand for it. Tell PayPal to go **** themselves: Close your account. It costs $1.50 to close, but it's worth it, especially when there are alternatives, in particular, gun-friendly GPal, Inc.

UPDATE: Thanks to Piece of Work in Progress!

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PayPal Can Go To Hell (and Moose-limbs Can Too)

Obama's Kick Ass Song

Who knew he could do something right?



H/T: King Shamus

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Obama's Kick Ass Song

Where's All the Hollywood Outrage Over the Gulf Oil Spill?

As Barack Obama's Oil Spill's Blog notes, the liberal entertainment industry doesn't seem too terribly upset about the spill trying to get so far up into the Mississippi it fulfills Ray Nagin's dream of making NOLA a Chocolate City again.

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Where's All the Hollywood Outrage Over the Gulf Oil Spill?

John Bolton: Israel Must Strike Iran Now

And now for something completely different, let's focus on the serious side of having to deal with the Appeaser in Chief, the Iranian situation. For a little change of pace, I'd like to bring in a heavy hitter. Please give the Reaganite Republican a nice ADHD welcome ... and make sure you click the link at the bottom and go over and read all the way to the end ... or we may sick the TerrorTortilla from Gaza on you.

By The Reaganite Republican

Iran Will Have Nukes Before the
United Nations or Obama Do Anything

WND:
"Right now we know about the facilities. ... We know where they are," he said. "We know exactly what their dimensions are, and I think they are susceptible to an Israeli attack."

Bolton said an Israeli military option "isn't there forever. ... If Israel is going to use military force, it needs to use it sooner rather than later."... "Since I don't see any possibility that the Obama administration will use military force, I think what that means – to cut to the chase – is this comes down to a decision by Israel whether or not it will use military force against Iran's program."

Bolton said he believes there is no doubt Israel possesses the military capability to hit Iranian nuclear sites, but he said the Jewish state would need to act soon.

"I think the problem is that the military option is declining day by day," he said. "Every day that goes by is another day where the Iranians can build alternative facilities for uranium conversion, uranium enrichment weaponization, that are in unknown locations that are deeply buried or hardened and that Israel's capabilities just can't reach."

Israel Would Wipe the Floor with Iran... Nukes or Not

The only hope for peace was a strong, timely, and principled stand against Iran's rogue atomic weapons programs... with Obama, obviously that didn't happen. Rather, his weakness, foolish appeasement efforts, and thinly-veiled contempt for the Jewish state are instead inviting attacks from Iranian allies and proxies, as witnessed in last week's "peace boat" stunt. Israel is one of the only true friends America ever had... sadly, this is being cast aside flippantly by the most disgruntled and radical president in US history, one who shamefully spent 20 yrs sitting in an anti-Semitic church. Alas, Obama has all but acquiesced to an Iranian bomb... but Israel has not -and will not- ever.

If Dear Leader chooses to abandon them more comprehensively should Israel bomb Iran, not replenishing planes and weapons spent in any Israeli attack on Iran would be one way to do it... this would make an IDF move against Iran -in defiance of Obama- all the more risky, challenge being Jerusalem would likely face a subsequent all-out war vs Iran, Syria, Hezbollah, and Hamas. If it didn't go as well as '68 and '73, they could run into supply problems if the US withdrew support while the IDF were facing thousands of missiles raining-down from Hezbollah in southern Lebanon.

Regardless, in most any nuclear or conventional scenario, all-out war looks like a real bad bet for Tehran... they have almost no chance of defeating Israel in an expanded conflict, if the Iranians would even fight hard for the widely-reviled regime. And unlike recent tepid IDF campaigns -i.e. Lebanon 2006- Israel would fight this one to win... and win BIG. Tehran would have to be nuts to want this fight... but unfortunately for all of us, they are just that.

Read the rest here.

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John Bolton: Israel Must Strike Iran Now

More Fun With Helen Thomas

Image via iOwnTheWorld's ironic Irony Curtain

Helen Thomas, the moldy, lumpy ... ahem ... "journalist," who covered all 44 presidents, the Civil and Revolutionary Wars, and God's rest on the seventh day, has ... moved the fook on.

Praise Yahweh.

It's a special honor for a low-class, jew-hating moose-limb appeaser from Lebanon, our "national treasure" who earned cupcakes and a kiss on the cheek from the pResident on her 3 millionth birthday last August.

I wonder if he'll ask for the cupcakes back now.

She deserves every ounce of her fall. She also deserves derision for her choice remarks. Here are a few choice remarks of my own, from earlier today on Twitter:

I hear Helen Thomas has the inside track on replacing Gibbsy as Chief Propagandist for the Regime.

@steveegg She'll hold duel propaganda roles for both the Hamas and Obama regimes, which, come to think of it, are probably one in the same.

Now that Helen Thomas is retiring she should go back to Lebanon, and be their national treasure.

@AlinskyDefeater No. Helen Thomas is famous for covering the first fish to walk on land.

@lheal If Helen Thomas is buried treasure, no one should ever dig her up. Some treasures were never meant to see the light of day.

I have the wife's laptop: No TweetDeck, just the web. I feel like it's the days of cave people, when Helen Thomas covered her first story.

Ciao, bitch.

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More Fun With Helen Thomas

Obama's Oil Spill Has Its Own Blog

Apparently Obama's oil spill has evolved from an ecological nightmare and now has the ability to type, as noted here. Rather than steal its thunder, I'll let the oil spill tell you all about it.

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Obama's Oil Spill Has Its Own Blog

Flotilla Choir Presents: We Con the World

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Flotilla Choir Presents: We Con the World

Flotilla to Israeli Navy: 'Go Back to Auschwitz'

Is that Helen Thomas on the line?

h/t: POWIP

Oh. Sorry for the lack of context. In case you haven't heard yet, here's a minute of your life you won't waste:

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Flotilla to Israeli Navy: 'Go Back to Auschwitz'

New Arizona Billboard on I-10 North of Tucson

The photo of this billboard looks Photochopped. It came to me via email, but my virus protection sent off warning signals so I found another copy at Theo Spark's. If anyone in Arizona has seen it, please let me know. I'll make sure to update this post, true or false.

UPDATE: Totally Photochopped. You can always count on the Freepers. I suppose I could have looked on a map to see that I-8 goes to San Diego, not L.A., but the sentiment of the "billboard" was just too good to ignore. No doubt the image was probably created by some regressive trying to dupe the right (hence my initial suspicion). Meh. L.A. can have them anyway.

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New Arizona Billboard on I-10 North of Tucson

Gulf Oil Spill Tells Obama: “Plug Your Own Damn Hole”

GULF OF MEXICO -- Speaking through a BP interpreter at a press conference today, the spill gushing millions of gallons of oil into the Gulf of Mexico defiantly told pResident Barack Obama to plug his own damn hole.

“The federal government hasn't a damned thing to do with shutting me down, and, frankly, if they did, they'd screw it up so badly I'd probably be much worse, no doubt fouling the Gulf, Atlantic, and Pacific simultaneously,” the oil spill said. “For the pResident to go around acting like a big shot, telling people to 'plug that damn hole,' is the ultimate in stoooopid. It's like he's trying to order the sun to shine harder. Frankly, he ought to plug his own damn hole. He'd instantly cool the planet by at least 10 degrees.”

In its 43rd day of crisis, the oil spill told reporters it just wanted to be left alone.

“If my employer hadn't given so much money to Obama over the past 20 years, maybe they would have been able to afford to hire the right people to keep me in the ground,” the spill said angrily. “Really, I'd much rather stay under the seabed where it's nice and comfortable. You think I wanted to be the latest number one priority that kept Obama from focusing on jobs jobs jobs?"

The spill refused to take questions after the press conference, noting he had to get back to ruining a presidency.

Meanwhile, Robert Gibbs, chief White House propagandist, attempted to respond to reporters but couldn't. The oil spill had a boot on his throat.

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Gulf Oil Spill Tells Obama: “Plug Your Own Damn Hole”