The Eunuch and Tina Fey

I want to know how you run a presidential campaign with “factions” and “divisions” between nominee and running mate. Do you feign simpatico relations with the other, only to bitch and moan behind closed doors about one another and spread whatever message you feel, instead of one consistent, powerful voice?

Is the race for the presidency now a friggin’ playground?

The disconnect between John McLame and Sarah Palin running up through Tuesday’s election calls to mind something that might occur in high school. The quarterback is the captain of the football team, but the running back is the star everyone comes to cheer. (I can’t help but distract you: I LOVE this show….) They speak but only to say a sarcastic “hello” as they pass in the training room, or on the practice field, or as one leaves the prettiest cheerleader’s bedroom while the other walks in.

(Speaking of popular women, is it just me, or is a fashion trend at hand? Are women starting to look like Sarah Palin? Same cut of power suit, same wire-rimmed glasses, same bird's nest hair style? I saw one tonight in a bar and turned to a nearby acquaintance and asked, “Does she look like…?” Before I could finish, he said, “Sarah Palin?” I, of course, had to do one better, and, recovering, shook my head. “No, no….I was thinking of Tina Fey.” (Alas, those skits are over.) But…you've noticed this sort of thing, too, right?)

To think that Palin and McCain were “in only infrequent contact” right up to the moment they walked into the night desert air in Phoenix on Tuesday to tell the world what we already knew – “Fuck it, we lost” – is like saying that Bobby Brown and Whitney Houston only pretended to kick each other’s ass on occasion. The reality of it is dumbfounding.

How can a man, supposedly the CEO of his own campaign, be only slightly aware of such infighting, powerless to do anything about it? How could McCain expect to run a country when he couldn’t even control his running mate? Did Palin and her folksy manner and initial popularity cause him angst because he was about as folksy and charming as Dr. Evil? Did he feel that if he put her in her place when her popularity started to wane that he’d be exposed as sexist? Does a presidential candidate who can’t control his employees deserve to win?

I think back on McCain’s concession speech the other night, how he held up his hands when his supporters booed the very mention of the name “Barrack Obama” or the subject of concession, the way he shushed the crowd like some grandmother, the way (admittedly, defeated and probably wanting to finish the speech so he could lock himself in a room somewhere and cry himself to sleep) he was overly impatient with people who, not yet ready to admit defeat, had gathered for him -- the last hope against a triumvirate of Democratic power in Washington -- and think: “This man is a eunuch.”

I’ve been of voting age in this country for 20 years. I’ve seen the Shrimp, the Wimp, Slick Willie, Bob “Bob Dole” Dole (the man has NO nickname), Al Whore, The Idiot President, John “Swiftboat” Kerry, McLame, and now King Showbama. I have to be honest: Not one of them deserved my vote.

If we’ve learned anything during the past 16 years, suffering through two presidents who were first immensely popular then terribly unpopular, these last 2 years leaving us to choose from candidates who few people in this country truly felt “good” about, it should be this:

In 2012, when you’re starting to form your choice for president, ask yourself, “Am I my brother’s keeper? Or am I willing to pursue real hope and change?”